I'm jealous.

[Astoria]

I get super jealous too and yeah like you it's not my boyfriend I don't trust, it's other people. You may have taken it too far with the fake facebook thing though. Try to ignore it as best you can, you don't want to scare your girlfriend away.

 

[SonicWaffle]

It's just like that for example I really don't want my girlfriend to talk to other guys (Of course I didn't say anything to anyone) or go out without me.

That's pretty dominating. Would you like to keep her locked in your closet too? Make sure nobody else ever gets to look at her, ensuring she's all yours forever and ever and ever?

How I know it? For instance, one time I created a fake facebook profile (I'm sure it seemed legit to her since she isn't quite a IT pro you know...) and tried "talking" (if you know what I mean) to her, not really offensive just a lil more than usual talking, and she instantly told me to GTFO and that she has a boyfriend.

Dude. No. That's just...no, OK? How would you feel if she'd done the same to you? You're kinda betraying the trust of someone you said was extremely "trusty and loyal" by snooping on her, and it's obvious that you don't really trust her, or you'd not be doing this.

I am very concerned that I'm going too far since I really love her and stay together with her...

Yes, you are going too far. Smothering her is only going to drive her away.

So, are you jealous sometimes? How do others deal with that?

I get extremely paranoid and suspicious, but that's because my last girlfriend cheated on me around 15 times in the space of a year. I don't really do anything about it though, because it isn't fair to punish my current girlfriend for what the last one did to me.

 

[Karhukonna]

I'm never worried when my missus goes out to town or when I'm at work. I just don't feel that threatened about other guys. She has openly told me about a few occasions when other dudes have attempted to hit on her. I also know most of her male friends, not to keep tabs on them, but 'cos they're all nice guys. There's this one friend of hers, a bit of a big guy. I know it's a nasty stereotype, but the dude looks like a really hc geek, you know what I'm saying? Still, he's nice enough to be a friend of mine. I learned once from my woman that he had attempted to hit on her once. Not too openly, but kinda really craving for attention, doing the whole "I'm a lonely guy and you're my best friend" routine. After telling me this, she asked me if I was jealous. I shrugged my shoulders and asked her if I should. She wouldn't reply, so I just told her it's water under the bridge, no harm no foul. And my woman just hates that about me. She just wants me to be overly protective and a little jealous sometimes. I guess she'd think it to be cute or something.

And the reason I can do this? Act all secure and shit? 'Cos deep down I know two very important things. First, I can always count on the missus to not do anything wrong or stupid (relationship-wise), and second, I could break all of her male friends like twigs if it ever came down to that. Okay, so the big guy might put up a fight, but her friends aren't exactly strong or anything.

So, uhh, I dunno, try weight-lifting or something? The better and healthier your ego, the easier it is to trust others. Also, stop taking things so seriously. It she cheats on you, then that's that. But acting like that can actually be the catalyst for this sorta behaviour. Just chill out and enjoy the love of yer companion while it lasts. I know it sounds really cold but it really isn't.

 

[Hanzo Hattori]

Okay, people don't get me wrong pls.
She's really jealous too when it comes to other girls.. I've had quite alot of them earlier times...
and I have never had a relationship in which I was trustworthy, until that one...
It figures that this may be the reason I am so concerned. Because I have been a super asshole for almost my whole life (in case of girls, I never lie to my friends and stuff).

And yes, the facebook thingy was fucking wrong, I know. I'm really sorry for that one, I promised myself I never gonna do that kind of shit again, since she IS fucking trustworthy.

Even if I now look like a stalker, believe me I'm not. I just hate it when someone lies to me.

But all of you are damn right, the single fact that I have been together with her for so "long" should have been the proof that she isn't joking on me.

She's a lil like me if it comes to jealousy... calls me several times when I'm not able to be at her side and all that stuff.



But I guess to be a bit jealous is normal, I really need to calm.
If she would really want to cheat on me, she probably did it already. But I think she wouldn't be so clinging, not in a maniac way, just normal, if she did it. She's not the kind of person not to tell me the truth.

I didn't quote anyone of you because I kind of answered to all of you at the same time.







Thanks for your responses to this thread, since it was a very personal thing and hadn't any of you related, but your thoughts really helped me. It was not meant to be a whine thread or something like that, I really enjoyed seeing your sight on the facts.
I will finally get over myself and be a good boyfriend.





Thanks!

 

[ethaninja]

Please explain to me why I should care?

Chill dude, why so hostile?

 

[El Poncho]

When I am in a relationship I am paranoid most of the time but I don't do anything about it, I try convince myself she wouldn't do anything etc.

 

[ethaninja]

Innocent until proven guilty mate. If you catch her banging another dude, you'll know Don't be all creepy though and lowjack her or start setting up cameras

 

[GrinningManiac]

You are obsessive

Stop it, or what you think will happen now WILL happen in the future.

Stop being creepily obsessive

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

The problem is you love her -- at an unhealthy point for others.

If it ever goes past that, bad crap can happen, guarenteed.

You need to find a solution, which I do not have.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

One thing I've learned with relationships. Let the other do as they wish, it is on them whatever actions they may choose and also consequences. If they choose to betray you, you can move on having done no wrong while they have to live with themselves.

 

[TaboriHK]

Jealousy is insecurity, period. You say you trust her but making a FB profile and trying to get her to fake cheat on you says otherwise. The important thing to realize is that this is in YOUR head, and very likely has little or nothing to do with her behavior. Try not to be such clingfilm because you'll end up pushing her away. A good relationship is not about trapping someone in your life just because you're scared that if they have their own, they'll split. If she's with you, it's because she wants to be, and if you sequestering her in this passive aggressive way, you're hurting her life experience even if she doesn't realize it or hold it against you.

 

[Baby Tea]

I do trust her, really.

No you don't.
You made a fake facebook page to try and seduce her, and you don't want her to talk to other guys or go out without you.
You don't trust her at all. If you did, you wouldn't act like a possessive lunatic.

I get that you don't like being lied to.
I would even get that you like her so very much that you're just worried that you dn't know what you'd do without her.

But I don't like being lied to either, and if my wife died or left me my life would be utterly destroyed, but she can go out with her friends as she sees fit, and talk to all her guy friends that she wants. That is because I actually trust her.

You evidently have serious trust issues that need to me worked out.
I know you posted a 'Thanks, you guys are right' post not too far up this page, but this really needed to be said again.
You're extremely possessive. Get help for that.
If you don't, this could damage this relationship and all others that follow it.

 

[Jernau]

man up and deal with it. If you don't trust her talk to her and think about why this is, because blatantly you don't trust you just don't want us to judge you for not trusting.

 

[Sebenko]

How I know it? For instance, one time I created a fake facebook profile (I'm sure it seemed legit to her since she isn't quite a IT pro you know...) and tried "talking" (if you know

You just lost all sympathy.

Either you're trolling, or insecure.

 

[esperandote]

1. person get jealous
2. tries to control the other person
3. the other person feels sofocated
4. tries to escape from the first person
5. cheats on the first person

By trying to prevent someone to cheat on you, you push that someone into cheating on you.

 

[Delock]

First off, congradulations on using jealous correctly, rather than just as a substitute for envious. It's nice to see a word being used properly.

Second, trust is key for relationships. No matter what you do, you are two individuals, so you can't always be there. What makes a relationship work is that you trust your partner to do the right thing. If you don't have that, I'm sorry to say you really don't have a strong relationship. That testing shit was crossing the line into somewhat controlling. The whole being bothered when she's not by your side as well as when guys talk to her is also a bit of a problem too. While I can tell you care for her, you're obsessing and paranoid at this point. Remember that if this continues, you'll most likely either drive her away or form a very unhealthy relationship where you are hurting her.

It's ok to be jealous when there's a clear reason (ie, someone gunning for her even after being rejected), but you can't keep this sort of thing up.

I will say that I've gotten jealous, even though I've not been in an offical relationship (yet my friends keep coming to me for advice that seems to work. Guess the impartialness helps), but I've both kept it to myself and dismissed it as being just immaturity (which most it was).

 

[PurpleSkull]

Stop being jealous if you want to keep her. No matter what you say, you can not justify stalking her activities.

I'm about to hand you two advises, you really don't want to hear. But these are two truths you need to understand:

1: 9 Months is nothing. You may stay with her for another 9 Months, or even a few years, but for your sake, don't become too attached to her. The probability of you splitting apart gets higher each year (or depending on how young you are, even weeks). Then you will meet another girl who is your "best thing that happened in your life".

2: If she discovers you are stalking her, it's most likely over for you, and YOU alone are to blame then. I doubt this is what you want. At the very least, don't give her an excuse to cheat on you. Also, if she DOES cheat on you, you will find out eventually. If you suspect her cheating, tell her. Talk to her about your fear to lose her. Most people will reward honesty, and I'm sure she will tell you then about how she feels, or even if she's seeing another guy (or thinks about it). This will also tell you about where you two are standing at the moment.

Just keep in mind you can't prevent her cheating on you, if she really wants to. Especially not with "testing" and following her. Accept that nearly every relationship ends with pain, and also accept that you will find another one afterwards. Just enjoy the time now.

 

[Tiamat666]

Jealousy is usually a symptom of low self-esteem. The only thing that helps in the long run is to work on yourself, gain experience, know your virtues and accept your shortcomings and become a real man of integrity and character. By the way, you do not have to be a Playboy to be integral, attractive to women and have a good self-esteem (even though it helps). The only thing that is needed is to be a honest, upstanding person that takes action and deals with the world around him instead of being passive, defeatist, dishonest and fearful of the world.

How I know it? For instance, one time I created a fake facebook profile (I'm sure it seemed legit to her since she isn't quite a IT pro you know...) and tried "talking" (if you know what I mean) to her, not really offensive just a lil more than usual talking, and she instantly told me to GTFO and that she has a boyfriend.

Spying on your girlfriend is one of the worst things you can do. By doing this you are being fearful and dishonest, thereby weakening your self-esteem.

The only thing you can do is to be the best man to your girfriend that you can be. If she cheats on you, she was not the right person for you to begin with and eventually you will find out. In the meantime, stop straning the relationship by worrying and being suspicious. Because maybe she is the right person for you, and being dishonest and fearful is distracting you from experiencing a truly enjoyable relationship.

I know this sounds really pathetic but I'm just kind of paranoid for some reason.

It's not unusual for young people to feel jealous and be overly possessive. It's a normal reaction but that doesn't make it any good. Learn to build trust and confidence. Stop spying and being fearful.

I do trust her, really. I just don't trust other guys since they have already tried to get "onto" her before we we're together.

Guys do that. It will be a reality throughout your entire life that other guys will hit on your girfriend/partner. Learn to accept that fact. If she is the right person for you, if your relationship is governed by trust and confidence, you don't need to care about this because your girlfriend will not give in to these attempts.

I am very concerned that I'm going too far since I really love her and stay together with her...

You should be concerned. By being fearful and possessive you are signaling your girlfriend that you are "weak" and have low self-esteem. Girls like guys that are self-confident and honest.

So, are you jealous sometimes? How do others deal with that?

I was very jealous during my very first serious relationship. I did the same things you do... spy on her, ask questions, generally being very immature. I ended up destroying the relationship because of my behavior. It took me a while to realize that my jealousy had nothing to do with my girlfriend or her contacts with other men, but was instead a result of my low self-esteem, inexperience and fear of losing what I had. Over the years I have become a very different person. I'm hardly jealous anymore, and whenever a thought of jealousy arises, I resist the temptation to succumb to it and instead dismiss it with my sense of self-worth ("if she cheats on me it is her loss, not mine"). Today I feel very good about myself and I dare say that I am popular with women and respected by men. Also, I'm almost entirely certain that not one of my girlfriends ever cheated on me. My last relationships that ended, ended because I chose to end them.

Good luck and be strong.