I'm not successful when it comes to the ladies.

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

...why the fuck do you care? Why do you care so much about sticking at bit into one of the countless sacks of meat walking around? Why don't you direct your efforts into something worthwhile, like studying. You know, the thing you are meant to be doing at the place you are at.

To put it another way, sex is not a Holy Grail that will solve any problems, amount to anything or even make you feel better in the long run, so I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest.

Because he's part of a species with a strong desire to fornicate? It's reason enough.

You don't want to make judgement calls from a place of ignorance, and you also don't want to base your thoughts and feelings on everybody elses bullshit. Just get to know yourself. If you haven't had sex, maybe have some sex and then make a judgement call on how important it's going to be to you.

 

[Chris Tian]

I've got this too pretty much.

I work out, am average smart and maybe not bad looking but most tell me my body looks at least good.
SO where's the problem?

I'm a good looking guy, I'm smart, I'm athletic, I work out, I explore art, I'm cultured, and I am also a nerd.

Im a student in college, and I still haven't gotten laid.

You probably heard this before but confidence is key. As long as you look at least average thats far more important.
If you meet a girl be confident, cocky and funny. Thats the equivalent to her standing in front of you in lingerie (at least in my expirence).
Also don't leave to much doubt about your intentions, boldness ties in well with the above-mentioned.

And for all that being to much hassle; of course it might be the case for you, but i often met guys who say this because they are frustrated. As soon as you start getting successful, its actually a lot of fun to met lots of different women, most of them are quite fascinating. Again thats only my expirience.

 

[hooblabla6262]

Let me first start off by saying that there is no real difference between having sex and making love. Sex is not better if you are in a loving relationship or not. That's just bull people feed themselves because they want to think that what they have is better than what others got.

Don't get caught up in the bullshit, and definitely not the hype. Sex can be anything from exhilarating to an absolute chore. Depends on you. Depends on who you're with. Just take your time, don't stress, and let things progress naturally.

When I was in highschool/university, sex was basically all I thought about. Had lots of fun and learned a lot about what I like. Nowadays, I mainly have sex to make my girlfriend happy. I'd rather be playing video games.
Things change. We change.

 

[TheSteeleStrap]

Eventually you'll find someone who appreciates how you are, don't worry. Waiting sucks, but it's the best way.

 

[Lilani]

I don't hang around people who bore me, let alone date them.

I thought I knew what you were after, until this sentence. Now I'm confused. Are you looking for just casual sex, or do you want an actual relationship? Because the method of pursuing these two things tend to be very different. A relationship can lead to sex (as long as that's on the table for the other person), but if ALL you want is the sex then that's a whole different set of rules.

Also, if you don't care, then why are you trying so hard to satisfy your friend? If he's got a problem with the fact that you've never been laid, then he can just fuck right off. That's none of his business. If I had a friend who was so concerned about my sexual exploits, I'd tell them to get lost.

 

[Guffe]

I've got this too pretty much.

I work out, am average smart and maybe not bad looking but most tell me my body looks at least good.
SO where's the problem?

And for all that being to much hassle; of course it might be the case for you, but i often met guys who say this because they are frustrated. As soon as you start getting successful, its actually a lot of fun to met lots of different women, most of them are quite fascinating. Again thats only my expirience.

The thing is, I don't have a problem with meeting women.
I like meeting new people and chatting and having fun, it's just that I don't understand why people are so fixated on the whole "getting laid" part of socialising.
Can't a dude in the bar chat with new people, either women, without wanting to get laid with them, or a dude, because you want to get laid with the girl standing next to the guy?
Not frustrated so to say.

And as I said in the part you snipped from my first post, I don't need a GF and I'm not really for one night stands (no idea why...) and happy with my life as it is.

 

[Reeve]

Basically, if you're not going out and getting drunk with lots of people, you are going to fail.

Edit: By the way this:

My serious advice is just to persue your own interests and eventually someone will come along. The deed is only worth doing with someone you care about anyway.

Is nonsense. If you don't act things won't just happen. If you're interested in maximising your chances then you'll have to put effort in.

 

[FoolKiller]

...why the fuck do you care? Why do you care so much about sticking at bit into one of the countless sacks of meat walking around? Why don't you direct your efforts into something worthwhile, like studying. You know, the thing you are meant to be doing at the place you are at.

To put it another way, sex is not a Holy Grail that will solve any problems, amount to anything or even make you feel better in the long run, so I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest.

Who the fuck are you? Seriously. Why do you get to decide what is worthwhile in another person's life? Obviously this is a worthwhile endeavor in the OP's life for him to ask for advice or else he wouldn't have brought it up. Why don't you direct your efforts into something worthwhile like being helpful rather than critical?

Dear OP,

Women like confident men. Women don't like seemingly arrogant, whiny ass bitches. I don't think you are one but your introduction comes off that way. It basically reads "I'm wonderful at everything and my ass emits sunshine. Why don't you love me?"

As for the rest of your post, its rather confusing. I'm not sure what your goal is exactly. You seem to want more than just sex but then talk about doing stuff to get laid. If you want to do more than just get laid and are interested in these girls you should speak up. The girl is not a mind reader, and while I believe in gender equality, the guy usually has to ask the girl out.

And don't worry if she doesn't like you. If she doesn't then go on to the next one. It may sound cold but it's better knowing now than getting close to her over a long period of time and building it up in your head only to get heartbroken later.

Whatever your goal, good luck.

EDIT:

Also, and I can't emphasize this enough. Have good hygiene. A girl's sense of smell is much better than a guy's.

 

[Sansha]

Next time you talk to a girl, just whip it out.

Things will either go very well or very poorly. Either way you'll get a pretty clear indication where her head is at.

Too much tact to try that, but I'm glad we're tossing ideas around and not salads.

My serious advice is just to persue your own interests and eventually someone will come along. The deed is only worth doing with someone you care about anyway.

Absolutely this.

I also think you're over-thinking it. What you seem to be wanting to look for is a girlfriend. A relationship. But what you say you're looking for is to get your dick wet.

Honestly, just do your own thing and it'll come to you. Go out, be social, just be your own sweet self. You don't sound like the kind of guy who would enjoy 'getting laid', so stop trying to get it - that's where you're going wrong.

Honestly, you lack the right kind of confidence - you talk about how you're intelligent, cultured, attractive and are wondering why you have trouble. You lack charisma. Tact.

I'm 25, attractive, intelligent, and frankly stinkin' rich, and I had trouble until I learned how to be charming.

 

[Reeve]

To put it another way, sex is not a Holy Grail that will solve any problems, amount to anything or even make you feel better in the long run, so I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest.

What's wrong with wanting to have sex? It's fun.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

I've always found that going out and specifically looking for people with my interests is a waste of time. Whenever I've found myself really getting on with a girl it has usually been a complete accident. They were always just friends-of-friends that I got chatty with. Hell, the only properly long term thing I've had was with someone that a mate of mine was actually trying (and failing) to chat up, when I met her... so I guess that counts as a cockblock? I'd never thought of that before. But yeah. Complete accident.

Basically, be enthusiastic about whatever it is you like/do and try to make people laugh. Treat everyone as an equal, even if your instinct is to feel inferior or even look down on them. Be confident. You can even be a wee bit arrogant and make obvious hints at your intentions almost straight away, as long as you don't come across as threatening or creepy.

Specifically trying to learn more about art and culture and crap won't help you much unless you're genuinely interested in it, because bringing that stuff up without enthusiasm (or with false enthusiasm) will just make it seem like an obvious ploy to impress people. Nobody likes a snob.

If your real interests lie in gaming and watching South Park, sure it might not make you sound like an intellectual and you probably don't want to put it on a resume, but it's going to be more relatable than an interest in the works of M.C.Escher and Franz Kafka.

To put it another way, sex is not a Holy Grail that will solve any problems, amount to anything or even make you feel better in the long run, so I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest.

What's wrong with wanting to have sex? It's fun.

Where'd he say you can't want it? He just pointed out it's not the huge thing that people sometimes think of it as, which is true...

 

[AVATAR_RAGE]

I'm a good looking guy, I'm smart, I'm athletic, I work out, I explore art, I'm cultured, and I am also a nerd.

Im a student in college, and I still haven't gotten laid. But the thing is, I don't care. Sure, I would love to get laid, but how about I meet a girl who actually can get me up there? I mean, my bud tells me I have to "expand my interest". I have already expanded my interest to reading, art (Even more than the first time). And, then transportation comes up.

Some girls I talk to don't believe me when I tell them I'm not successful with women, because of my appearance. My friend who is barely successful with women tells me all of this crud I gotta do, or I'm not gonna get what I want. But how can I take the mans advice seriously? He tells me he wants to "make love" not "have sex" and he is still just "having sex" but that's just it, if I just wanted to "have sex", I could just masturbate, and it doesn't cost a damn thing, and it isn't a chore to be around myself. I can say this, only girls whom I have shared mutual interest with, but nothing came of it were fun to be around.

I mean to get laid, do I have to start doing all of this crap I hate doing and spend all this cash for the possibility of sex? Sex by the way might not even be that good? I say fuck it, whatever, I'll actually TRY to turn these situations girls of whom I have mutual interest with into something more than just interest. I don't hang around people who bore me, let alone date them.

So lemme get this straight, you want sex. But you don't want to put any effort into it what so ever? Or have I just completely misunderstood.

 

[O maestre]

whats the discussion value of this topic? you don't care and yet you posted this? what is it you want to talk about exactly? whether you should care or not?

and later you state that you wont spend time with someone you dont care about, so you seem pretty certain, are you writing this just to let the internet know?

 

[n00beffect]

Wait, so do you wanna just get laid, or do you want to actually find someone worth getting laid with? If it's the former, then all you have to do is go out with some buds to a club. Period. Go out, have fun, meet some girls and chances are that you'll probably get laid, as long as you don't seem too desperate. The opposite of desperation is confidence, which by your post, I can at least assume that you seem to have it (or you think you have it, which is the same thing, pretty much). Be confident, funny, smart, etc. Things like interests and stuff like that really don't matter if it's just to get laid, because if you do happen to meet a girl willing to sleep with someone NSA, then all that matters is the here and now.

As for finding someone more special for a relationship, etc. I can't help you there, because these things don't have a set formula. Meeting new people, attending things like societies (sports societies, drama societies, art, etc.) is a good starting point if you're in college/uni. Basically, places where interests are what bring people together.


Just one thing - don't have one night stands with girls who are your friends and you know they like you, but you're not too sure if you like them (as in, having a relationship with them). Bad idea. The girl will expect more than just sex, and all this 'friends with benefits' bullshit is absolute nonsense - it doesn't work that way, one party always ends up wanting more, and hence might end up getting hurt. So yeah, be mindful of that. Unless you're a dick and you don't give a damn.

 

[tautologico]

Let me first start off by saying that there is no real difference between having sex and making love. Sex is not better if you are in a loving relationship or not. That's just bull people feed themselves because they want to think that what they have is better than what others got.

I don't think you can know how things work for everyone. For a lot of people, including me, yes there is a difference. Not that one is intrinsically better than the other, but sex is not just about the physical side of things, but also about the emotional connection between two people. If there's no emotional connection, it feels different. And many combinations are possible, you can have great "physical" sex without the emotional connection, you can have so-so sex but with great connection, etc. I personally prefer when it's great on the physical and emotional sides at the same time, it feels glorious. But to each his own, I guess.

 

[Chris Tian]

I've got this too pretty much.

I work out, am average smart and maybe not bad looking but most tell me my body looks at least good.
SO where's the problem?

And for all that being to much hassle; of course it might be the case for you, but i often met guys who say this because they are frustrated. As soon as you start getting successful, its actually a lot of fun to met lots of different women, most of them are quite fascinating. Again thats only my expirience.

The thing is, I don't have a problem with meeting women.
I like meeting new people and chatting and having fun, it's just that I don't understand why people are so fixated on the whole "getting laid" part of socialising.
Can't a dude in the bar chat with new people, either women, without wanting to get laid with them, or a dude, because you want to get laid with the girl standing next to the guy?
Not frustrated so to say.

And as I said in the part you snipped from my first post, I don't need a GF and I'm not really for one night stands (no idea why...) and happy with my life as it is.

I probably misunderstood you, in my experience attitudes like yours often stem from frustration and a sort of subconscious resignation, and you quotet the part "Sure, I would love to get laid" and wrote "SO where's the problem"
that kinda sounded like you would like to change that situation. If thats not the case, sorry my mistake.

As for the "need" to get laid and why so much gets centered around that. Its just that we all (at least most of us) have the basic, primal and instinctive longing for affection, love and sex. Thats just how humans tick.

If you say meeting lots (or whatever number you'd like) of beautiful women, having fun, sex and/or loving relationships with them would not at all improve your life, okay only you can know that. I just fear you might miss out on some of the greatest things in life.
But if the thought of what i'm mentioning does make you think "well couldnt hurt, might be nice", just know that, thats nothing thats reserved for some sort of social savants or flirt geniuses or movie stars.


A lot of people say stuff like: "Be who you are and do what you do and you will find the right one".
Thats all goood and well, to each his own. Let me just say, if you met 5 women each year or if you met 100 women each year, in what situation is the chance of one of them being "the right one" higher?

 

[ShipofFools]

...why the fuck do you care? Why do you care so much about sticking at bit into one of the countless sacks of meat walking around? Why don't you direct your efforts into something worthwhile, like studying. You know, the thing you are meant to be doing at the place you are at.

To put it another way, sex is not a Holy Grail that will solve any problems, amount to anything or even make you feel better in the long run, so I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest.

I'm sorry but to me that just seems like terrible advice. Sexuality is a huge part of our nature, perhaps in a more profound way then studying or work ever will be.
If you only focus on such a narrow aspect of the human experience now, in a time when your brain is really starting to settle down and form the personality you'll have for the rest of your life, then you are missing out a whole lot of what life has to offer.

Yes, you should study, you should work. But not to the detriment of everything else, do not forget to experience all those things, big and small, that makes life worth living.

 

[hooblabla6262]

Let me first start off by saying that there is no real difference between having sex and making love. Sex is not better if you are in a loving relationship or not. That's just bull people feed themselves because they want to think that what they have is better than what others got.

I don't think you can know how things work for everyone. For a lot of people, including me, yes there is a difference. Not that one is intrinsically better than the other, but sex is not just about the physical side of things, but also about the emotional connection between two people. If there's no emotional connection, it feels different. And many combinations are possible, you can have great "physical" sex without the emotional connection, you can have so-so sex but with great connection, etc. I personally prefer when it's great on the physical and emotional sides at the same time, it feels glorious. But to each his own, I guess.

I say one is not better than the other. You disagree, and say that one is not better than the other.
If you want to disagree with me, fine, but at the very least you could have a differing opinion.

Does having sex with someone you love feel different than if you don't? Arguably.
Does everyone have sex differently making it virtually impossible to compare the two. I'd say so.