I'm the creepy ex-boyfriend

[Blunderboy]

Dude, just... go wank or something.
Seriously, you're sounding kind of creepy right about now.

This OP.
Leave the poor girl alone. Clearly you freaked her out.
Hell you're freaking me out OP.

 

[A Weary Exile]

She sounds unappreciative, shallow, insensitive, and, frankly, not someone that you should spend an ounce of thought on. You seem like a pretty nice, sensitive guy. Plenty of other better girls out there. I've been with my current girlfriend for nearly six months now and she surpasses my ex in every fashion imaginable; you're probably just a little brain-washed (As I know I was) as to how great she was. I know it seems like it was your one shot, but there are a lot more opportunities out there.

..But in this process my personality has changed drastically; I get aggressive, I don't trust anyone anymore, and I just take things that most people say as bullshit. What I think you need to do, is tear out everything involving the girl (start hating her if you have to) and just start yourself over again if she affects you that much.

Oh man do I know that feeling. Although you definitely have more cause for feeling that way; mine was only a month-or-so faux internet relationship. Luckily, I'm very upfront about why I'm like that with the current girlfriend and she seems to understand and tolerate it, and she's definitely someone I can trust...but there's always that niggling reserve of paranoia giving its two cents. Repressing it works most of the time, otherwise acknowledging that I'm just a smidge on the crazy side when voicing my thoughts helps.

I don't know that I can weather something like your situation. I would probably turn into a black hole of bitterness, mistrust, and hate.

 

[RustlessPotato]

Le Snip.

I think she just can't manage a long distance internet relationship and probably wants something more, which I can understand. It's my opinion an internet relationship isn't really that fulfilling,(if that's a word)nor a real relationship (no need to try and convince me otherwise, it's just the way I think and that doesn't make you wrong). You never really know a person, let alone someone you met online.

The dickish part of her is that she could've just said so. She couldve said :" I don't want an internet relationship", but she didn't, because you probably weren't even in a relationship in her eyes. That doesn't really make her a bad person either, because she didn't "owe" you anything.

Also, that "googling her name" and stuff like that does sounds a bit creepy, don't do that.

 

[Flames66]

Doesn't seem that clear to me. If I was in his position I would want to know what happened as well, probably do some detective work and try to make contact again.

However, from her perspective I can see that she probably wanted to end it but didn't know how he would react, so she did it without telling him. Not a clever or honorable thing to do as it leaves him in the dark dying of feelings, but I can understand why.

From her perspective I would say, leave it find someone else.

From his I would say, Track it down until you know what happened.

Cutting off contact, blocking on facebook seems pretty clear to me that she doesn't want any contact.
For whatever reason, she's made that decision.
She's already said why (feeling used), so really there's nothing more to be gained from attempting to contact her again, imo.

I would be quite angry if someone did that to me, suddenly cut out of their life with a rusty saw. I would want answers and I can understand him wanting the same.

Captcha: the end is near

Probably true, but I would want to actually know why.

 

[Phasmal]

Doesn't seem that clear to me. If I was in his position I would want to know what happened as well, probably do some detective work and try to make contact again.

However, from her perspective I can see that she probably wanted to end it but didn't know how he would react, so she did it without telling him. Not a clever or honorable thing to do as it leaves him in the dark dying of feelings, but I can understand why.

From her perspective I would say, leave it find someone else.

From his I would say, Track it down until you know what happened.

Cutting off contact, blocking on facebook seems pretty clear to me that she doesn't want any contact.
For whatever reason, she's made that decision.
She's already said why (feeling used), so really there's nothing more to be gained from attempting to contact her again, imo.

I would be quite angry if someone did that to me, suddenly cut out of their life with a rusty saw. I would want answers and I can understand him wanting the same.

Captcha: the end is near

Probably true, but I would want to actually know why.

Bolded above.
The end of it is, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him.
I'm not saying he can't be annoyed about it, but attempting further contact is not a good idea. Nobody is saying that he has to like it, but he should respect her decision.
No woman is going to be like `Oh, this dude can't respect my boundries, surely he is the one for me`.

 

[Flames66]

Doesn't seem that clear to me. If I was in his position I would want to know what happened as well, probably do some detective work and try to make contact again.

However, from her perspective I can see that she probably wanted to end it but didn't know how he would react, so she did it without telling him. Not a clever or honorable thing to do as it leaves him in the dark dying of feelings, but I can understand why.

From her perspective I would say, leave it find someone else.

From his I would say, Track it down until you know what happened.

Cutting off contact, blocking on facebook seems pretty clear to me that she doesn't want any contact.
For whatever reason, she's made that decision.
She's already said why (feeling used), so really there's nothing more to be gained from attempting to contact her again, imo.

I would be quite angry if someone did that to me, suddenly cut out of their life with a rusty saw. I would want answers and I can understand him wanting the same.

Captcha: the end is near

Probably true, but I would want to actually know why.

Bolded above.
The end of it is, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him.
I'm not saying he can't be annoyed about it, but attempting further contact is not a good idea. Nobody is saying that he has to like it, but he should respect her decision.
No woman is going to be like `Oh, this dude can't respect my boundries, surely he is the one for me`.

You make a good point, just found the post where he said about her feeling used.

Not sure what else to suggest then.

 

[MasochisticAvenger]

Yeah, I don't know why I make these dumb threads. I think it's low self esteem with a touch of masochism. I want to get yelled at and told I'm a creep and a loser. I don't like being like this. And like others have said, it undermines any other potential relationships. What if somehow a girl knew I used this handle online? She'd find all of my whiny crap and never speak to me again.

I guess I want to see what healthy people are like. What a reasonable response to this scenario would be if I were normal, etc. I'd love to go fuck the pain away or have friends/hobbies/job to get me away from my computer. Instead, all I want to do is worship this one interaction from now until the end of time. It's a wonder I haven't built a creepy shrine yet. This is how people get to that point, I imagine.

Alright, here is what you do. The next time you're going to post something like this (or hell, the next time you go to post anything if you feel it necessary), stop what you are doing and go do something else. Surf the web, watch some television, just something that will keep you occupied for a good half an hour or so. Then come back and just maybe you'll realize you don't need to submit the post.

As other people have said, remove any forms of contact you still have with this woman. Remove her Facebook profile from your bookmarks, remove her E-mail from her contacts, and especially remove her number from her phone. If she wanted to have contact with you, she wouldn't have cut all ties with you.

Look, at the end of the day, the only person who can help you is you. If you do not want to get over her, nothing is going help you. All it is going to do is prevent you from finding a real relationship, and most likely wind up repeating this exact process with another woman. Hell, I'm willing to bet a lot of people here know you only from this story. Is that the image you want to send to people? I'm sure you're a great guy, but all I keep seeing is constant whinging.

Let me ask you, and answer me honestly here, why don't you want to get over her? I'm wondering if it's because you wanted your first time to be with the girl of your dreams rather than just some girl you knew, so you've done everything you can to desperately convince yourself she was really special to you. Remember, it is very easy to confuse love and lust. Look back and ask yourself "did you really love this woman?" I think if you're truly honest with yourself, you'll find out you weren't really.

Most importantly, don't worry so much about what other people think of you. There is no such thing as a normal person. I used to be one of those guys who bitched endlessly how they would never find a girlfriend and be alone for ever, because everyone had told me you were supposed to get a girlfriend. I basically bullied one of my online friends into agreeing to date me online (even after she told me repeatedly she wasn't interested in me that way). One day, I just woke up and went "wait, why exactly do I want a girlfriend?" and honestly I still cannot come up with a valid answer. I had let other people tell me what I should think, and had become a disgusting human because of it.

So don't let anyone tell you the right way to live your life. I am someone who does not like going out. I much prefer to stay in my house with a good book or television show, and I get people constantly telling me I need to get out more and "get a life". I just laugh at those people, because you need to do what makes you happy.

However, I will give one more suggestion, don't even think about dating for a while. Do what you need to do to help yourself first. Get your own shit in order. If you want to make some changes, make some changes. Find something you're interested in, and just do it. If you like anime, join an anime club. If you like video games, find some people to game with. I'm sure there would be people here who would be willing to play online with you. I know you can do it.

And remember, and I cannot stress this enough, the next time you go to post a thread or even a comment on this same topic, stop what you're doing and really think about it.

 

[itsthesheppy]

You need to respect her choices. If she's made it clear she doesn't want to have anything to do with you, that's it. Anything more you press on her is you being a bad person.

Go find someone who does want to have something to do with you, and put her out of your mind. simple as that.

 

[Dragonclaw]

Welcome to Dumpsville, population: you!

Yeah, it's harsh, but it happens, it's part of life. It's a tiny franction of a percent that has never been through a breakup and no doubt this wont be your last. Move along man....there's an entire Pepperidge Farm full of Goldfish out there...but this one girl, yeah, she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. Did you screw up? Sounds like it if she felt like you used her. Maybe if you wanted more from this you should have at the very least protested her having sex with someone else. When she says "I wannna screw someone else" and you say OK it drives the point home that you aren't THAT into her.

Some break ups are going to hurt more than others. We've all got our stories of "the one that still hurts". Heck I recently realized that the one I thought was "the one that got away" and pined over for years, both of us even trying to make it work a few times (and failing each time)was never as deep as I thought and the REAL "one" was a girl from high school who I gave up on prematurely (she was grounded for the entire summer...and I was young, impatient and stupid) and hardly thought about until a mutual friend brought up how long it took her to get over me and how she really would have ended up being perfect for me if she wasn't now happily married.

 

[Beldaros]

So there's this girl...

We had an internet relationship for a few months and eventually met in person, but now it's over. She's unfriended me on facebook, doesn't go on skype, and doesn't seem to be anywhere on the internet anymore. I loved (and still love) her. I miss her like crazy. I wonder how she's doing, if she has a new boyfriend, or if she's happy. I want to know she's okay. I sometimes google her name a lot to make sure she didn't randomly die or anything because that sort of thing would pop up on the internet. Her facebook page is bookmarked in my browser and I can still see some of her profile and pictures because of her lax privacy settings and because I'm still friends with one of her friends. The little box in the corner says "friend request sent" from back when she unfriended me and I thought it was a glitch or something.

Is there anything I can do? I want to message her and I want to message her friend to ask about her. I'm worried I'll get fully blocked and I'll lose the last little thread of contact entirely.

I dreamed about her last night. I still have her number in my phone, but I'm not nuts enough yet to call it. It's probably a good thing I don't drink alcohol.

Honestly, Apart for the harsh few, I don't think anyone has given you helpful advice.

You are in danger of facing a criminal record or at the very least runnning head first into a depression so deep it will consume your entire existence unless you act right now.

First of all, delete EVERYTHING you have of hers. Just get rid of it, stop reading and do it now. This isn't the best place to say this, but I had to do this for video games. I took a pair of scissors and destroyed everything and I felt friggin fantastic after it.

Secondly, Run yourself a full bath, put your head in it and scream as loud as you can, have a damn good cry, walk in the rain, whatever helps you stop thinking, for some reason it helps, and no one has to suffer becuase of noise pollution etc.

Next go out with some friends, the first few times it's going to be awkward, but try and have a good time. If you're serious about not having other friends go and make some.

DO NOT do something on your own. Go and see people who you do not have any sexual tension with, have a good time as best you can. (I am an introvert not an extrovert and I still say this to you.)

Don't go and fuck the first thing that smiles at you, this will lead to a cycle, don't fuck anything. If you really need to, go home and wank, don't pick up a girl. It doesn't help and it can lead to worse situations, get over this one first.

When you're at the point that your first instinct when picking up the phone is catching up with bob about his work and family, then, and only then, you can think about going for another girl. Who knows, maybe your real love is actually waiting for you. Get over this girl first though, or you can not function as a boyfriend should.

I wish, I'd followed this advice. I'm happy in my relationship, but I have psychological defects from the break up with my ex... completely different situation but the emotions need to get out before you can really move on. I had to do a number of things to pull myself out of a depression I didn't even know I was in, I still have lapses. Act right now. You'll be fine. Keep going down this path, and you might end up behind bars.

Good luck.

 

[CentralScrtnzr]

I tend to be the one to suggest this; you might consider going to see a therapist regarding your weak personal ethos.

The relationship is totally over, and you need to correct in yourself the personal faults that will doom any relationships upcoming.

For example, the proper response to being pitied ought to be personal revulsion. Such revulsion will naturally tend to a change of behaviors.

 

[Aurora Firestorm]

So there's this girl...

We had an internet relationship for a few months and eventually met in person, but now it's over. She's unfriended me on facebook, doesn't go on skype, and doesn't seem to be anywhere on the internet anymore. I loved (and still love) her. I miss her like crazy. I wonder how she's doing, if she has a new boyfriend, or if she's happy. I want to know she's okay. I sometimes google her name a lot to make sure she didn't randomly die or anything because that sort of thing would pop up on the internet. Her facebook page is bookmarked in my browser and I can still see some of her profile and pictures because of her lax privacy settings and because I'm still friends with one of her friends. The little box in the corner says "friend request sent" from back when she unfriended me and I thought it was a glitch or something.

Is there anything I can do? I want to message her and I want to message her friend to ask about her. I'm worried I'll get fully blocked and I'll lose the last little thread of contact entirely.

I dreamed about her last night. I still have her number in my phone, but I'm not nuts enough yet to call it. It's probably a good thing I don't drink alcohol.

I'm going to do the Not Harsh Advice thing.

This sucks. No matter if you should/shouldn't have fallen in love with her is moot. Your moral standing is moot. Your emotions exist, and whether people think they're valid or not is ridiculous and irrelevant.

What matters here is, you feel like crap. Your brain has been wired from experience and positive feedback to think of this person a lot and want to be around her. You got used to her, and she was a nice person to have around, and you care. Unfortunately, that comes back to bite you when your routine has to change, and now there's a huge hole in the universe because you had all this time set aside for her. Now there's nothing to fill that time. And it's lame and sucky and makes you feel bored and depressed.

First off, what I recommend to people who come to the conclusion that they have become someone they don't want to be, is try therapy. Seriously. Go find a good psychologist/psychatrist/what have you. These people have years of high-caliber training in how the human mind works. At the very least, they can offer suggestions. It's much better than telling the internet to beat up on you so you can fuel the depressive sinkhole that will never actually be happy with how crappy you feel -- it will always want you to be crappier. (And believe me, that leads to *very* bad places.)

Second, get some friends together and tell them what's up. Tell them you need some help getting away from this, and ask them to help distract you. Go get pizza with them and talk about silly things. Watch movies. Shoot some pool. Play a video game. Whatever floats your boat.

What I *wouldn't* recommend is the "Go screw other women" strategy. Seriously, what you don't need right now is more sex that reminds you that you could be having sex with That Girl. You don't need your libido getting confused and riled up. Give your body time to cool off and get used to not having it, so you're not thinking about it all the time, or dream up something nice for yourself and deal with that every so often. (This may not work for you. There are people who it does work for.) Go do things that are completely unrelated to romance. Right now, you're in the middle of REBOUND ZONE, and no woman wants to end up being squashed into a gap shaped like a person that isn't her. Don't make her be a cheap substitute for the Wonderful Dream Girl you don't have.

Pursue hobbies that you'd have been doing were you not with her before. Maybe you used to play tennis. Go try that again. Find the most time-consuming activity you can, and go do it. Have it suck up your evenings and weekends. Bury yourself in something, and let the days fly by. The more days go by, the more you'll get used to that hole in time not being there anymore, or having the sense that you should be elsewhere get smaller.

Half the people here are very well-intentioned but wrong. Everyone pines. I don't care if you admit it or not, everyone does. Sometimes you just have to sit and whine about things, or wish she was there. It's okay. Just try to detach it from the core of your life. Sometimes you *will* miss her. Sometimes life will really suck. You are not less of a human being because you got sad. Your brain spits out chemicals that are *tailored* to make you feel like ass when your love interest leaves. That's just biology, and anyone who says otherwise is, frankly, flat-out wrong. If you feel a need to talk about it a lot, I suggest cycling your friends -- call one one day, and another the next day. That way, none of them hear about it ALL THE TIME, while you get to complain a fair amount. Also, they're your friends, they should be constructive while trying to help you get out of this, not 'oh, shut up, I'm sick of hearing of you.' Some people have a hard time dealing with some things. It's life. They will understand.

Don't punch yourself over your thinking about her, just let it roll by, and start doing something. Even if it's mechanical; say you took up pottery and you spin pots on a wheel while trying not to think about her. Sure, you might think about her anyway, but look, you made a pot! Find something for your body to do to occupy itself, so that your mind is forced to think about what it's doing at least a little bit. If you feel the driving need to write something down, instead of posting it online, write journals, or write a blog no one's ever going to read, or write letters you're never going to send. Sometimes it's the act of writing, not the posting, that is the real helpful thing.

Sooner or later, it won't seem as dire. It will be important in your life possibly forever -- I know all my breakups are -- but they won't be RIGHT THERE at the front of your mind anymore. You'll remember them, and you might feel some nostalgia and lingering sadness, but it's not so prominent anymore. It'll settle into a scar, and you'll possibly wear it for a long time, but once the wound proper is closed, it's much easier.

Hang in there.

 

[Johnny Impact]

You got it right with the thread title. She unfriended you, she avoids all contact, and you keep looking for a way back in. That pretty much makes you the creepy stalker.

The door has been slammed in your face, sir. Don't disgrace yourself by trying to pick the lock.

 

[Teshi]

I just couldn't see it because in my mind, girls are always right, especially this particular one because I loved her so much.

Girls are people.

 

[Sonic Doctor]

Why not get out there and look for somebody who isn't going to shag you within a few hours of meeting and then pass you off? They can't be that hard to find!

You'd be surprised. Closest person to a girlfriend I've had in my 25 years of life. And I've never gotten the opportunity to sleep with anyone else.

From your story, what I get is that you, met in person, sex, dinner, sex, hang out for little bit, sex, and boom she was on the next car, train, flight, or whatever out of there.

That series of events does not constitute a relationship, definitely not a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. It sounds like a couple day fling.

I willing to bet that over those few months you got to know each other over the internet, informed her that you weren't her type for relationship material, but she came out to meet you anyway, because she saw something that told her that you could giver her a quick fling and release before she cut ties with you all together and forget about you.

I don't mean to be harsh, but that is most likely what happened, no matter what vibes you might have gotten from her before hand.

Those lines in bold tell me you have a problem. That problem is that you don't know what a true relationship is. You relate "girlfriend" with "opportunity to sleep with".

Sex does not, a true relationship make. Sex is a bonus, not a core. Relationships are about doing many many things together (not sex), going to movies, dinners, lunch, hang out times at home and other places. They are about learning each others likes and dislikes, and sharing the deep and/or dark secrets that you would tell no one else.

From what I see, you've got some learning to do.

This is a simple evaluation of how I see what your time with her was:

The few months of knowing each other on the internet: She is your friend that is a girl, not a girlfriend.

The fling you had for a couple days when you met in person: She is still your friend that is a girl, not a girlfriend, you are just very familiar with her.

Then when she cut ties, that means, that she got what she needed out of you, and you aren't worth anymore of her time. It's harsh, but the truth.

 

[Nemesis729]

Teenagers usually feel this way after a break-up, it kinda borders on cliche.

From the time I was a freshman in high school until my junior year I was "In love" with a girl who had no interest in me, I really don't even think she even liked me. I didn't think I would ever move on from her, but one day, I did. Don't really know how, but it happened for me, and I'm sure you'll have a similar epiphany as well.

 

[Iron Criterion]

Doesn't seem that clear to me. If I was in his position I would want to know what happened as well, probably do some detective work and try to make contact again.

However, from her perspective I can see that she probably wanted to end it but didn't know how he would react, so she did it without telling him. Not a clever or honorable thing to do as it leaves him in the dark dying of feelings, but I can understand why.

From her perspective I would say, leave it find someone else.

From his I would say, Track it down until you know what happened.

Cutting off contact, blocking on facebook seems pretty clear to me that she doesn't want any contact.
For whatever reason, she's made that decision.
She's already said why (feeling used), so really there's nothing more to be gained from attempting to contact her again, imo.

I would be quite angry if someone did that to me, suddenly cut out of their life with a rusty saw. I would want answers and I can understand him wanting the same.

Maybe so, but she doesn't owe him any answers or anything for that matter. If she was an honourable person then she would have spoken to him first, but she didn't - and that shouldn't mean the OP is allowed to harass the poor girl.

 

[Mark Hardigan]

She clearly doesn't want to talk to you. Let it be, and get over it. You'll be happier in the long run than if you keep trying to keep her in your mind. At best, you'll be miserable until you finally realize that you're doing it all to yourself, and at worse everybody around you is going to view you as, "That creepy desperate guy who can't get over that one girl."

Just let her be and get over it. move on.

 

[Eamar]

Been said before, but leave her alone. End of story. Yes, it sucks for you. Yes, it's hard to accept. No, you don't have to like it. But she clearly wants nothing more to do with you, for whatever reason.

Honestly, I think if you keep pushing and do find a way to contact her after all this, you're going to hear some stuff that'll upset you even more.

It's been a while. Time to move on.