Immaturity in a guy/girl
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If you are still reading these posts....it really depends on the person, what you like about them, and whether or not you can stomach the annoyance. I understand what you are saying, how a person display's themseves may speak color's about who that person is, and how great of a connection they have with yourself. Do you want to make this work, only to find that you are two very different people in the long run.Rachel317 said:Hi
I search bar-ed this, and didn't find anything exactly like this so, if there ARE topics of the same, I apologise in advance!
Basically, what constitutes as immaturity to you? Would you date someone who was immature? If so, how long would you put up with them before you got shot of 'em?
I ask because I'm dating a guy who is pretty immature. He might be normal for his age (he's almost 21), but I'm only 19 and live away from home (studying for a degree), which has forced me to grow up a bit so...maybe my expectations of him are too high, because I'M mature for my age? I don't want that to make me sound like a douche bag!!
I know there are some well-rounded people on here, so I'd really appreciate anyone's advice! Or you can share similar stories and how you resolved them.
I guess thats all a question of length of time you have been in the relationship, and if his immaturity is a reflection of your own personality. Some people are just not in the correct place in life and frame of mind for a relationship with each other. That's a cold harsh fact of a relationship that when taken into the long term can only lead into heart break. Typically partners will then desire another person to complete what they feel they are missing out from, and that is something you do not want to do or have done to yourself. So you have to ask yourself, do you wish to be with this person and grow with them, or move down a seperate path away from who they are now? If you are happy with meeting him half way, than my suggestion is to give it a shot and perhaps let loose when you can. Life is short but also long, and a few years can mean the world.
I personally matured in many ways due to oversea's time (military), but have always had a joking-goofy way about me. That is not to say that I am not insightful in area's in which I am interested in...but being immature in some way's is a release for me from the experiance I have had...mainly oversea's (btw, I'm 26 going on 27...takes some time to mature). This does not effect my morality or how I typically display myself, but in comfortable settings I sometimes wish to act on repressed excitment; such as with a loved one, close friend or family member. I had a girlfriend when I was 21 by the name of Tina. We ended up having a long term relationship because she too did her schooling away from home in Nelson B.C, and she and I are from a different province. She was a few months older than me, but to her understanding she felt "she could not have fun because I was too busy joking around". Our relationship ended in heartache when she cheated on me. But you want to know the part that really bothered me (other than the lack of understanding at the time)? The fact that I told myself on many occasions that I should break up with her, but didn't.
If you are having these same thoughts and feelings, it will probably be better for both of you if you communicate, find a hard hitting reason to break up (difference in desires for kid's, marriage, travel, etc), and have a break up with a mature reasoning. It will then be better for both of you, and either party can move on with hopes that one day you will both be on the same level.
That's my advice, I hope it helps.
Couldn't have said it better myself. I'd also add that maturity is "prioritizing and taking care of the shit they need to take care of."reg42 said:
Girls: Forsaking studying for finals so she can read up on the latest updates to the Twilight movies.
Guys: Forsaking studying for finals so they can do that raid in World of Warcraft.
Guys/Girls: Being completely unprepared for life because their parents spoiled them rotten while growing up.
Guys: Forsaking studying for finals so they can do that raid in World of Warcraft.
Guys/Girls: Being completely unprepared for life because their parents spoiled them rotten while growing up.
The asshole/nice guy is a debate I've had many, many times.AccursedTheory said:
What it boils down to is, I've found, that while being an out-and-out bastard is far from ideal - right next to being a nice guy that just begs to be screwed over - a guy needs a bit of an edge. To keep someone interested.
What do I mean by edge? Its complicated, but its basically a combination of not being a walkover, not being a kickable 'puppy', being your own guy/gal and basically making him/her work hard for your attention instead of giving it away freely.
People will always want something they can't have - call it human nature. The moment something is readily and easily available, many people won't want it any more.
Bottom line? Make her (or indeed him) work for it
Hey...fantastic advice. I'm so sorry your relationship with Tina ended up the way it did. But I don't really get what she meant when she told you she couldn't have fun because...you were having fun? Was she looking for a reason to split up anyways? It doesn't sound like she was on the same level as you, for a start.Samcanuck said:
That's what I mean though, it's not just about immaturity with someone, it's being on the same or similar wavelength, emotionally.
She, obviously, didn't appreciate what she had. How long were you with her? When did you realise that you wanted to break away from her?
Have you had any luck since then?
I think immaturity is (for example) winning a serious argument is somehow the same as constantly interrupting and insulting the opposition, without actually proving them wrong. Also, guys who go 'Yeah! Alcohol and nicotine!/I'm going to have large amounts of sex because I'm a manly 17 year old!' and girls who go 'Oh look at me, I'm shit-faced, I think I'm better than everyone else and anything that doesn't go perfectly is a personal attack aimed at me in an attempt to destroy my life.'
... so yeah, mainly the lack of ability to correctly judge situations and a lack of impulse control.
... so yeah, mainly the lack of ability to correctly judge situations and a lack of impulse control.
Well, I am not exactly sure. Her dad was remotely strict, but a very well off person. She had father issues, but not so much so that she didn't admire him and desire a more laid back personality. I just wasn't that person. I mind you was only with her for about 7 months...but its long enough for infatuation to begin to move to stronger feelings...or distancing. I sadly attempted to move closer as she pulled away.Rachel317 said:
I however realised our differences...oooh...probably about 3 months in. Although on reflection, they were always semi-apparent. We went to a concert called Stage 13 on our first real time together, where-as she prefered to follow each band....where as I was contented in spending time with her and friends and catching a few choice set's. It doesn't explain the entirety of our relationship, but these small things add up.
Me...yeah, worked out fine. My next g.f and me have been together about 7 years I think, and are currently engaged. We both have differences, but in general are very simalar...and enjoy each others differences (gives us some heated conversations on topics of politics, religion, philosophy...you name it).
Tends to work out in the wash if you keep trying.
How 'bout yourself...and what are you studying?
It's difficult, see stuff like this doesn't even phase me or my partner. Our sense of humour won't allow us to see the serious side of that. My partner has said worse and I just laugh it off, any other reaction might just confirm what's been said. But if you're concerned about his behaviour then you should be talking to him about it and if that fails then you shouldn't be with him. Find someone who suits you better and who's behaviour isn't going to be cause for concern.Rachel317 said:
It's great that you and your partner are laid back like that, but the girl he was with at the time was NOT, he knew this, and he still said it. I probably should have given more context, but he just did NOT consider her feelings in the slightest. And then he blamed HER for them breaking up, even though she had absolutely every right to be upset. I told him to never, EVER, say something like that in front of my friends and he was fine with it, but...it just shows he has no concern for the feelings of others.MelziGurl said:
How long have you and your partner been together, might I ask?
I don't know what immaturity is... what I do know though is what it's not.
1) It's not childish. I consider myself childish at times. I enjoy bright, colorful games like Sonic and Pokemon. I enjoy the strange and the silly, I draw cartoons more then I practice realism, and I have a knack of joking around even in emotionally difficult conversations. I've even carved a smiley face in to an Apple once.
See, not immature.
2) It's not stupidity, that's a different beast all together. It's a lack of knowing better.
3) It's not rude or being a jerk. That's just what happens when they are ether angry at themselves or others, annoyed and high-strung, or just need to make themselves feel superior.
4) It's not being pompous ether, that comes from ether their lifestyle or them being a jerk all the time. It's a superiority complex.
5) It's not even ignorance, because someone can be ignorant to a subject and still be mature about it.
I think immaturity is an inability to adapt to something that contradicts you and over-reacting to it. Like a kid throwing a fit over their parents taking something away from them or someone disbelieving in something, covering their ears and saying "La La La," despite overwhelming evidence stating otherwise.
I'm not going to deny that immaturity can and usually spawn from ignorance and stupidity and may lead to acting like a jerk or in the same sense that a child might react; But they aren't exclusive to immaturity.
1) It's not childish. I consider myself childish at times. I enjoy bright, colorful games like Sonic and Pokemon. I enjoy the strange and the silly, I draw cartoons more then I practice realism, and I have a knack of joking around even in emotionally difficult conversations. I've even carved a smiley face in to an Apple once.
See, not immature.
2) It's not stupidity, that's a different beast all together. It's a lack of knowing better.
3) It's not rude or being a jerk. That's just what happens when they are ether angry at themselves or others, annoyed and high-strung, or just need to make themselves feel superior.
4) It's not being pompous ether, that comes from ether their lifestyle or them being a jerk all the time. It's a superiority complex.
5) It's not even ignorance, because someone can be ignorant to a subject and still be mature about it.
I think immaturity is an inability to adapt to something that contradicts you and over-reacting to it. Like a kid throwing a fit over their parents taking something away from them or someone disbelieving in something, covering their ears and saying "La La La," despite overwhelming evidence stating otherwise.
I'm not going to deny that immaturity can and usually spawn from ignorance and stupidity and may lead to acting like a jerk or in the same sense that a child might react; But they aren't exclusive to immaturity.
Absolutely. It's a very fine line that's sometimes hard to identify, but they so often go hand in hand that it's just easier sometimes to bunch them all together!AdamRBi said:
Cute apple, by the way.
Joking around or trying to lighten the mood or anything else that you listed are definitely not immature things to do when the person doing them is mature. But when childish behaviour comes out because the person IS immature, then that it just their natural way or behaving, rightly or wrongly.
Plus, Pokemon just rules
I don't like maturity, because where I come from, maturity constitutes:
-Only finding humor in extremely so called 'intellectual' humor.
-Not talking about or doing sex, drugs, alcohol, cursing etc. Those are all thing that I engage (or try to engage) in.
-Not doing anything spontaneous, life needs spontaneity, people.
-Being completely perfect students. I consider myself intelligent (stop snickering!) yet, apparently, because I don't get straight A's, I'm as stupid as the dude who head-butted his pet rock. At least in the eyes of my so called 'mature' peers.
One thing I can agree with, though, is that a poorly aimed penis (zing!) joke will never be mature. Which means I'm pretty damn immature
Remember, kids, don't be a Buzz Killington!
-Only finding humor in extremely so called 'intellectual' humor.
-Not talking about or doing sex, drugs, alcohol, cursing etc. Those are all thing that I engage (or try to engage) in.
-Not doing anything spontaneous, life needs spontaneity, people.
-Being completely perfect students. I consider myself intelligent (stop snickering!) yet, apparently, because I don't get straight A's, I'm as stupid as the dude who head-butted his pet rock. At least in the eyes of my so called 'mature' peers.
One thing I can agree with, though, is that a poorly aimed penis (zing!) joke will never be mature. Which means I'm pretty damn immature
Remember, kids, don't be a Buzz Killington!
I'm a guy. I can't remember really dating anyone that was this way although I dislike people who are irresponsible. I think that's a key trait of immaturity and that enjoy lowbrow jokes all time. I mean I think they're funny too, but not all the time. Another thing too are people I've been with that can't see two sides to things and are very narrow minded, to me that comes across as slightly immature as well.
Pokemon does rule!Rachel317 said:Absolutely. It's a very fine line that's sometimes hard to identify, but they so often go hand in hand that it's just easier sometimes to bunch them all together!AdamRBi said:
Cute apple, by the way.
Joking around or trying to lighten the mood or anything else that you listed are definitely not immature things to do when the person doing them is mature. But when childish behaviour comes out because the person IS immature, then that it just their natural way or behaving, rightly or wrongly.
Plus, Pokemon just rules
Though, and this could become a whole separate conversation in itself, I usually don't use the term childish to describe someone who acts out, is rude, or generally acts spoiled. My definition of childlike is kinda like that thing where you see a kid flying a toy jet in their hand making the swooshing noises as it swings by their face. (I still catch myself doing that with my Hotwheels sometimes.)
Immature to a point. I'm a geek so I can be pretty geeky and childish at times, so I tend to tolerate that in others while at the same time I'll put up with a lot of shit from my frat friends (their jokes are straight from movies like Waiting, they even goated me on occasion >_>).
However there comes a point where it's just too wrong for the situation, or it becomes disruptive to the current activity. Or just shotgun-to-the-head-please-let-it-end annoying.
That's where I draw the line. Wow, I thought I was harsh but I guess I'm pretty tolerant @_@
However there comes a point where it's just too wrong for the situation, or it becomes disruptive to the current activity. Or just shotgun-to-the-head-please-let-it-end annoying.
That's where I draw the line. Wow, I thought I was harsh but I guess I'm pretty tolerant @_@
Guys are generally quite immature, you just have to change the type you don't like, I for example can be very immature, particularly around my siblings, on the other hand I act mature when a situation calls for it, that doesn't mean I'm well balanced but my point is, change what you want changed, just make sure you're clear and polite with your demands.Rachel317 said:Hi
I search bar-ed this, and didn't find anything exactly like this so, if there ARE topics of the same, I apologise in advance!
Basically, what constitutes as immaturity to you? Would you date someone who was immature? If so, how long would you put up with them before you got shot of 'em?
I ask because I'm dating a guy who is pretty immature. He might be normal for his age (he's almost 21), but I'm only 19 and live away from home (studying for a degree), which has forced me to grow up a bit so...maybe my expectations of him are too high, because I'M mature for my age? I don't want that to make me sound like a douche bag!!
I know there are some well-rounded people on here, so I'd really appreciate anyone's advice! Or you can share similar stories and how you resolved them.