In all seriousness, what the flying f**k is the basement?!?

[OakTaooper]

Me, one time. Me and a buddy had been up for about 42 hours, trying to beat our previous record of 46. We see a spider. He throws a shoe at it. I roll a d20, (17) and in all seriousness, I ask him: "Dude, are you wielding your longsword or bow?"

It was bad...

 

[lacktheknack]

Please stop talking about candlejack. It's getting really o


Hahahahahahaha. Puny eukaryotic beings. I, candlejack will kill you all!

This raises interesting philosophical questions... Could Candlejack kidnap himse

 

[EviladeBlazingDemon]

My twelve year old brother: ''Dad, do dogs have tails?''

 

[vivalahelvig]

While talking on the recent Spectrum shift in England's politics:

Girl 1: "So, do we, like, have two Presidents now?"
Girl 2: "No... we have a Prime Minister and a Deputy. America has a President."
Girl 1: "Oh... so, do we, like, own America?"

That sound? The collective facepalms of everyone that's just read that.

Girl: Is that a tattoo?
Me: Yes.
Girl: Is it real?
Me: Yes.
Girl: Is it yours?

The collective of those two posts just sent me into hysterics. xD

And the "Candlejack" meme really has gotten out o

Candlejack single handedly derailed the thre

Sentence fragments everywhere! Damn you candlejack damn you to he-----ll....oh hey im alri

 

[Delock]

Please stop talking about candlejack. It's getting really o


Hahahahahahaha. Puny eukaryotic beings. I, candlejack will kill you all!

This raises interesting philosophical questions... Could Candlejack kidnap himse

I believe that he could indeed do such a thing. However since the OP has banned using Candlejack, I'll just get into the OT by saying that as I once heard someone say "I ca

 

[Lilani]

From my days working at Disney World..."What time is the 3 o'clock parade?" Seriously. My mind boggled a bit before I could answer.

 

[Thespian]

How many times have you disappeared already because of Candlejack and that stup

I'll have you know that each time this account posted that name, that person was kidnapped but soon replaced by someone else on the same account.

So, in order to be safe from this Candlejack fellow, I simply have to put a "---" at the end of my sentence-

Nah, the only way to be safe from that guy is to control the world's supply of rope.

I should really stop talking about all this though, as mentioning that name would lead to me getting kidnapped by that guy once again, and that guy's meme is waaay over done, even in this thread alone.

P.S If you are kidnapped by that guy the only known method of escape involves pie.

P.S.S I'm talking about candlejack for those who didn't underst

 

[Zakarath]

Anything Bush ever said.

Also: why the hell did this candlejack nonsense derail the thread?

 

[ICanBreakTheseCuffs]

WHEN WAS THE WAR OF 1812!

 

[KefkaCultist]

I work at an ice cream shop at a campground for city people so I hear some pretty stupid shit which at first I think they may just be jokes, but I fear that they are probably serious questions...

1)
Customer: "Are you guys open?"
Me: "No, we're just sitting here in work shirts, with doors open, lights on, and people playing air hockey & pool"

2)
Customer: "You serve ice cream hear right?"
Me: "Sir, you're standing in front of our ice cream display case which is right in front of our soft serve machine which is right next to our cone display. AND you just saw me scoop and serve an ice cream!"

Best non-work one for me though is my 17 year old friend who is not game-savvy at all got a brand new xbox 360 elite and called me a few hours after he told me he was setting it up saying that it wasn't working at all and wanted me to drive 20 minutes to his house to look at it. I did and when I got there I took one look at it and said, "Dude, you don't have it plugged in..." he responds with, "Oh, it has to be plugged in?"

 

[Thespian]

-snip-

I see the stupidity in all this, but I've made the same mistakes as 1 and 2. I know it looks ridiculous from your end but I get very nervous when dealing with shop clerks because I'm not used to talking to people even though I'm pretty good at it and they always seem so scornful when I get something wrong and I end up asking for a tennis racket, which I wanted without realizing that I walked into a tampon store and so to prevent this I ask the most basic of questions to make sure I'm not making some huge error without realizing D:

I'm kidding, but not really, but kinda. I know those questions are stupid but sometimes its difficult for us =P

But I have a possibly worse console-related one. The day I got my Xbox, my dad walked in, looked around the room, confused, pointed at the console and promptly asked, in a befuddled tone, "That's it? I thought it was shaped like a giant X!"

(all fairness, even he knew it had to be plugged in xD)

 

[KefkaCultist]

SNIP

If I worked in a tampon store and you asked for a tennis racket I wouldn't be annoyed as much as humored, because well... thats damn funny lol. And then I would question why I'm a guy working at a tampon store but thats the beside the point.

and if you came into the ice cream place we work at and asked for a tennis racket you would end up getting one because we rent out sports equipment too

EDIT: I could see why he would think it would be X shaped

 

[liljabba]

OT: a girl in my english class once asked, "what color are poppies? i thought they were originally white and then dyed red by all the blood in world war 2"

in soviet russia, candlejack say your na

 

[TheDragon13]

I used to work at a Marina (harbors for boats) a few summers ago and a girl came in my work place to ask me if I had a pump to inflate her volleyball. I looked around and didn't find one in the little workshop so I said no.

Then she said,while being serious ''really? you don't have something like a pump to inflate the tires of the boats? ''

When she left, I was like ''did she really said tires?''

 

[MBurner 93]

How long did the 9 Years War last?
Real response from a class mate "I dunno, 11 years?"
And honestly, Candle Jack is a wimp. All of my doors are locked, I've got a pistol, and my ghost repellent. There's no way he ca

 

[Necromancer1991]

"What is with this Hypnotoad meme, I mean all it's just a stupid futura-ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!!!!!!

 

[Thespian]

-Snip-

That said, I have never really done something that bad, but probably only because I don't think that there shops purely for tampons and nothing else. Anywho, since I am now on debating the existence of tampon-shops I believe the thread is derailing. I will finish by saying that a shop that sells sports equipment AND ice cream is both brilliant and Machiavellian at the same time. I just wish to buy some tennis rackets so that I might get some exercise, and you must tempt me with your delicious bubblegum Ice Cream?

The obligatory OT to stop this from being pure, weapons-grade spam:
One day I had read about a woman who was born with Gender Identity Disassociation, meaning she literally felt like a woman in a man's body. I was moved by her account of how horrible that must have been, and also impressed by her ability to be strong enough to confront and change it in the latter years of her life. I made the mistake of discussing this with a friend at school.
His response? "Dude, if you were like that, wouldn't you just have sex with yourself?"
...Apparently he was getting that mixed up with being a Hermaphrodite, and that mixed up with a south park episode..

 

[wolf92]

I saw Valkarie in theaters
As I left I heard a girl say
"I can't believe Hitler didn't die!"
My facepalm was so loud it could be heard in the next town

HAHAAHAHAHAHA XD

OMG you made my day

I do try to make everyones day a little better

 

[Madara XIII]

I saw Valkarie in theaters
As I left I heard a girl say
"I can't believe Hitler didn't die!"
My facepalm was so loud it could be heard in the next town

HAHAAHAHAHAHA XD

OMG you made my day

I do try to make everyones day a little better

Thnx I just found that so funny because the week after it came out my friend came out with the GREATEST SPOILER OF ALL TIME.

My teacher was asking who had seen the movie and he comes out with "They didn't kill Hitler, that's it!" XD