Insults

[Evilbunny]

Me: My wit knows no bounds.
Them: Your "wit" only pleases 12 year olds and idiots.
Me: So does your penis.

Hello burn ward? MAJOR BURNAGE!!

 

[TheVoyager]

I was arguing with someone once, and I had grown tired of convincing them of the obvious, so I said, "You know, I'm done with this argument."

He responded with "No, ur nt dne wif me, ur dne wif urself."

To which I replied with a lot of curses that made him finally give up.

So, cursing a lot is my favorite argument.

 

[NeedAUserName]

On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm gonna punch you in the face

 

[SecretTacoNinja]

The best argument-ending insult ever!




SO'S YOUR FACE!
Works every time and there is not an insult in existence that they can retaliate with.

 

[NeedAUserName]

The best argument-ending insult ever!




SO'S YOUR FACE!
Works every time and there is not an insult in existence that they can retaliate with.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID, consider yourself retaliated

 

[Jolly Madness]

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries! uh!"

 

[Crudler]

I used to say, that is until my friends could take it no more
"Well you say that." in essentially any argument or discussion.
now I just tend to go for "Absolutely not"

 

[Lord Krunk]

A friend said this to me earlier today:

"If I could give less shit, my toilet would die of starvation."

 

[Khedive Rex]

I don't insult people anymore, mostly because I am really really good at it. I was never beaten up as a kid. This is not because I didn't make people angry, it's because if anyone actually looked ready to punch I could make them angry enough that they had trouble controling themselves enough to retaliate. In my youth, I was scary good at insults.

People think insulting is easy, there's a fine art to it. Tone of voice counts, expression counts, how you ennunciate, whether or not and exactly how you gesture, distance from target, which rhetorical devices you use. There are a lot of things to keep track of but when it's done correctly, it's infinitely more effective than any punch could dream of being.

 

[Iron Mal]

'Tell me...did your parents have any children that lived?'
'Winston, you're drunk!' 'Yes, but you are ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober'
'Behold! the poster child for birth control!'
'Yeah...I'm not supposed to talk to you, doctor's orders'
Finally, 'That guy is so fat, he's got his own gravitational pull'

Spread them and enjoy

 

[BlueMage]

"You're pathetic enough to screw it up with both hands, a torch, a manual and two assistants helping you."

 

[scarbunny]

Said to man with Girlfriend "Your hemaphrodite sister has more balls than you!"

"I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand."

 

[DevilSaint44]

My favorite is : "You are so ugly, I wouldnt touch you with a 7 foot pole through the internet"

 

[Labyrinth]

I once did an insult generator for a friend, which consisted of my most used insults. Here's a rough approximation.
Select adjective/s from section A. Select noun from section B*. Employ.

Section A
Sodding
Gittish
Unimaginative
Boring
Idiotic
Bland
Weak-minded
Egotistic
Spineless
Noobish
Puss-filled
Shitbrained
Zombiefied

Section B
Pillock
Git
Twit
Twat
Arsewipe
Pustule
Failure
Idiot
Sod
Whore-child

*Most effective when different from the Section A word.

..and many more besides. Other than that, I have a few favourite phrases.
"Be gone from my sight, you failure to Darwin."
"It's a pity that [insert age] years ago, birth control didn't have it's current success rate."
"I'd suggest laying off the stupid pill."
"Tell me, for how many years did your parents leave you to the Glass Teat for childcare?"
"I pity your family."
"Were you in Clone War by any chance?"

It's true what Khedive Rex said. Real insults are a fine art, requiring years of practice. The most cutting occur when you know someone well enough to hit those ever so sensitive spots in their persona which really smart. Or guess it, and get lucky.

 

[syrinx black]

"go climb a wall of dicks"

odd I know, but strangely effective.

 

[kinch]

This isn't my favourite, but if used correctly with the right person, it's quite good.

Stop your foul whining you filthy piece of distended rectum.

Stolen from Rimmer on RD. That guy was vastly superior with his insults.