Internetz speak into sophisticated english

[Timotei]

I had a funny idea today. What if you were to take phrases commonly used on the web and translate them into English you find in a Jane Austen novel?

Example(s):

OMFG!
~I dare say.

Epic Fail
~You were not successful in your attempts.

Tits or GTFO
~Madam, show us your breasts or kindly vacate the premises.

EDIT: EDIT
~There is something I wish to have added to my previous comment

 

[Washboard]

Tits or GTFO
~Madam, show us your breasts or kindly vacate the premises.

Find that in a Jane Austin Novel and i'll buy you a beer, lol

 

[Skeleon]

lol - Why, what an amusing anecdote!

 

[The Random One]

I remember something from Penny Arcade that went out kind of like this

- LOL
- Young lady, that is not how we talk around here.
- I apologize. I shouted out with joy and merriment.

 

[teisjm]

n00b
- person with inaddequate electronic entertainment skills

 

[hamster mk 4]

ROFLAMO
~I dare say that last anecdote was so amusing, I had to spend a considerable amount of time on the floor in hysterics.

GG
~I salute you most worth opponent, the day is yours.

 

[Overlord Nicy]

HAX! = Sir, I am accusing you of using devices which increase your performance unfairly!

 

[Timotei]

Tits or GTFO
~Madam, show us your breasts or kindly vacate the premises.

Find that in a Jane Austin Novel and i'll buy you a beer, lol

I have my own. Thanks.

 

[Bored Tomatoe]

U suk fag!!!1! - You have done poorly at the task at hand and seem to be a homosexual as well.

 

[sgtshock]

STFU nub
- Hold your tongue, good sir!

tl,dr
-Why, you can't possibly expect me to endure through such a baffling assembly of words, can you?

 

[Loading Indefinitely]

WTF - One questions the present situation at hand as one has not encountered such a predicament in the past.

 

[Skreeee]

FTW--That is of such commendable esteem I dare say it should be awarded some form of honor!

 

[quiet_samurai]

GG - Ah yes, well played my good chap.

 

[The Maddest March Hare]

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU- Your previous statement has caused much offence, and as such I must gladly tell you to leave with the utmost urgency and fornicate yourself in no uncertain manner.

 

[Zombie_Fish]

WTF?

I must say, I am confused by what you have just said. Could you please explain in further detail, please?

 

[Skreeee]

PWNed--You have been so soundly trounced that I cannot help but wish such an embarrassment should never befall me or any of my fellow countrymen!

 

[Nukey]

OMGWTF?!?!?!
- oh my, what in gods name happened?