http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.191800-RPG-I-came-up-with#6022888
what the fuck was I thinking...
what the fuck was I thinking...
Invent a Terrible Game
- Thread starter JWW
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You wake up in a dark room, with amnesia. You find a steady trail of weapons, and ammo-carrying squishies to kill.
Suddenly, the obligatory girl is thrust upon you. She follows you around for the rest of the game, and enemies are drawn to her, like how every monster in Oblivion HATED your horse, until you got the unofficial Oblivion Patch. Her health bar is invisible, but it is present. She stops running whenever hit, for a whole five seconds.
You continue on, just barely managing to keep the enemies at bay. She whines a little, because every single fucking female character finds herself doing that, for God's sake, gaming industry.
Every time she screams, an ear-splitting noise, you find yourself responding just a little bit slower... You find yourself taking a litle longer to aim the giant, throbbing weapon elsewhere after you have removed the multitudinous villainies that do surround her.
Finally, you snap. You gun that ***** down. You gun her down, like she's Natalya Simonova. And you love it. Bullets flash, bounce, ring out in bloody execution.
The screen fades to black. White text is printed slowly, deliberately-
"Ha ha! We induced a psychotic breakdown!"
Then a skeleton pops out of the screen and kills you.
The end.
Suddenly, the obligatory girl is thrust upon you. She follows you around for the rest of the game, and enemies are drawn to her, like how every monster in Oblivion HATED your horse, until you got the unofficial Oblivion Patch. Her health bar is invisible, but it is present. She stops running whenever hit, for a whole five seconds.
You continue on, just barely managing to keep the enemies at bay. She whines a little, because every single fucking female character finds herself doing that, for God's sake, gaming industry.
Every time she screams, an ear-splitting noise, you find yourself responding just a little bit slower... You find yourself taking a litle longer to aim the giant, throbbing weapon elsewhere after you have removed the multitudinous villainies that do surround her.
Finally, you snap. You gun that ***** down. You gun her down, like she's Natalya Simonova. And you love it. Bullets flash, bounce, ring out in bloody execution.
The screen fades to black. White text is printed slowly, deliberately-
"Ha ha! We induced a psychotic breakdown!"
Then a skeleton pops out of the screen and kills you.
The end.
You are in the SS, you are in charge of awshwitz. Oh and it has N64 graphics, and a weird co-op with slugish controls and an ending where the Nazi'z win the war. Oh and a sex scene where you suck off Hitler(your a girl, and this scene is the only one that is a cinematic(which has Crysis status)). How's that for horrible?
Hmm...
I have a few ideas.
God of War from the point of view of that boat captain in the first game.
An RPG where you play as an NPC(who is a PC now but that's beside the point)who can't move so he has to ask the main hero to do quests for them so you can remove your feet from the invisible cement your feet are trapped in.
Call of Duty where there is only one map and that map is inside a volcano.
That's all I got.
I have a few ideas.
God of War from the point of view of that boat captain in the first game.
An RPG where you play as an NPC(who is a PC now but that's beside the point)who can't move so he has to ask the main hero to do quests for them so you can remove your feet from the invisible cement your feet are trapped in.
Call of Duty where there is only one map and that map is inside a volcano.
That's all I got.
The Sim's Reality TV. I seriously hope that don't do this. (and if this game exists without my knowledge, i have officially lost faith in humainity.)
A game that keeps on telling you what to do. Like for example you enter a dungeon maze and cant find your way out without logical thinking when you notice that you cant go forward back or left. ONLY RIGHT. And from there on you see that the only way you can possibly go is the way to the exit. And after that you find a monster which looks scary as hell but you cant EVER loose to it. When you try to fall down a pit your character turns around and walks the other way. When you pick up a quest it is automatically solved!
a game which features non-stop twilight-themed cutscenes in which you can select from emo, really emo and gay text options. the game will freeze every 30 seconds during which time you cannot turn off the console or the tv and at the end you still dont know what happened because some of the storyboards got mixed up. and the worst part of all, you played 200 for the game and 500 dollars for the peripheral that comes with it
A game called Cubicle. You play a Beaurocrat. You have to sort the papers correctly, tell certain people thet they've been laid off, and stamp the right papers. The objective is to slowly lose your soal until you turn into the human manifestation of the colour beige.
When you're highly levelled you only have to hold down 1 button designated the muscle memory button which makes you repeat everything exactly as it was the day before.
The lower the humanity meter is by the end of the fiscal game determines the ending, totally empty is ending A, you are the best Beaurocrat ever, the final cutscene is you on your deathbed with a dead, straight, grey face with nobody around. Ending B ends with you crying very slightly as you die alone. Ending C is you dying with the one relative you didn't inadvertantly alienate by your side as you die.
Ending F,shittest beaurocrat ever, is you hang gliding in Brazil with everyone you love, having been fired early on in the game so the CEO's can raise their share rating by 0.1 point, and someday achieve ending A for themselfs.
Fucking cubicles.
When you're highly levelled you only have to hold down 1 button designated the muscle memory button which makes you repeat everything exactly as it was the day before.
The lower the humanity meter is by the end of the fiscal game determines the ending, totally empty is ending A, you are the best Beaurocrat ever, the final cutscene is you on your deathbed with a dead, straight, grey face with nobody around. Ending B ends with you crying very slightly as you die alone. Ending C is you dying with the one relative you didn't inadvertantly alienate by your side as you die.
Ending F,shittest beaurocrat ever, is you hang gliding in Brazil with everyone you love, having been fired early on in the game so the CEO's can raise their share rating by 0.1 point, and someday achieve ending A for themselfs.
Fucking cubicles.
I'd buy that game if Alan Rickman was the narrator.Dark Knifer said:
OT:
FPS with all kinds of freakish alien weapons you never get explained how to use them and of which most are useless (picture a flower-shooting gun), whilst the enemies are awesome aliens who use exactly the same weapons, but then they shoot like lasers and stuff. You have to fight your way out of some alien mothership in space, and it is never explained why you are there or what you were thinking when you blew it up before you actually *left* the ship.
How clever! Actually quite an original idea. Its like exestentialism from the inside looking out and in at the same time, from in between the very fourth wall itself.Mr. Elemenopee said:
Ending might need work, though.
True that the ending might need work, but I was trying to make it bad. Guess that didn't go so well?THEJORRRG said:
A game where you gather 3 other heros to fight with you in the last boss battle vs an old man. You also have a retarded dog that picks up used condoms and tries to bring them to you during exploration. I call it Tall Tale 2JWW said:
