Is it that hard to find a virgin?

[walrusaurus]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it. And it hit me, every person in my class, which ranged from 9th grade to 12th grade, that everyone had drank beer illegally, smoked pot and chewed, or has had sex multiple times... except me. I could not believe it and even my teacher was not shocked in the least to hear that. He was actually agreeing with it. So basically, what I am as is, are there people who didn't illegally drink, smoke or who hadn't had sex during their high school years?

Edit: Since some one asked, I am from the west coast of the U.S. in Washington.

There are a lot more of them than you think. They just aren't loud about it. No one walks down the halls of their high school proclaiming how chaste, and sober they are. Well maybe the religious whack-jobs that are trying to convert people. Its just not how our culture works.

You'll find alot more people like you once you get to college. The thing about high school is that your social group is determined by what activities you do. Where as in college your more or less able to associate with whoever you please regardless of your interests. The people i surrounded myself with in college were by and large more of the straight arrow type. We drank socially, but that was about it. They all poked fun at me for months when they found out i tried pot after work one day.

EDIT: I was speaking more of habitual behaviors. If your looking for someone whose lips have never touched alcohol. That may be more difficult. A lot more rare than virginity.

Frankly i've never understood the hangup on whether or not people are virgins. Its just another form of intimacy, and who are you to judge whether or not someone else had a meaningful relationship. Maybe that makes me a fornicating heathen but there it is.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man

Really? REALLY? In this day and age? The drug thing is fine - smart even - but virgins?

There is nothing magical about not having had sex yet.

Would you only date someone who'd never driven a car?

Would you only date someone who'd never eaten your favorite food?

Would you only date someone who's never seen (picks a movie at random from nearby video shelf) Scott Pilgrim?

If virginity is that important to you, then I feel very sorry for any girl you do end up dating, since with an attitude like that I can't imagine you care much for her as a person.

I'd ask if you were a virgin too (testing for hypocrisy) but honestly there is no good answer. If you are, then you're condemning her to have her first time with someone who has no idea what he's doing, and if you aren't, then you're just a hypocrite.

Again, your policy about drug use is good - you don't want to be dating someone who will get you in legal trouble. However, virginity is NOT the same - not at all. What gives you the right to impose your wishes on someone else's body?

 

[rabidmidget]

I know what you mean, my ritual of nyarlathotep requires the blood of 5 virgins and you wouldn't believe the trouble I have been having finding the right candidates.

 

[Jedoro]

Of course there are. Just look online. Actually, you'll probably find a lot of people on here that never did any of that in high school.

My thoughts exactly

OT: Dude, unless you're friends with the girl before you date her, you're most likely not going to know if she's a virgin or not. Last I checked, it's not something everyone advertises on the first date. So, I'm sure it's hard to find a virgin, but not because absolutely every girl in high school has gotten laid.

 

[Heronblade]

Well, you're not quite alone. Virgin till I was 19, never illegally drank (never been drunk legally or otherwise), and the only drugs to ever go in my system that were not OTC were when I was 10, unconscious, and in the hospital. Never saw a point in risking serious problems with my health and my mind for the sake of a temporary and (in the case of drugs, not sex) illusory pleasure.

But no, you've got a rather high standard there if you want to ever find a girl. I'm not saying it couldn't happen, there are indeed a fair number of women out there keeping to the old fashioned idea of saving themselves for marriage, but the odds are definitely not stacked in your favor. Especially since you're not likely to meet the aforementioned group in any of the places you've probably been looking.

Stick to looking for a girl that isn't a slut, and the playing field should improve drastically. Then all you have to worry about is the million and one other possible problems with finding a decent date.

 

[Hero in a half shell]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it. And it hit me, every person in my class, which ranged from 9th grade to 12th grade, that everyone had drank beer illegally, smoked pot and chewed, or has had sex multiple times... except me. I could not believe it and even my teacher was not shocked in the least to hear that. He was actually agreeing with it. So basically, what I am as is, are there people who didn't illegally drink, smoke or who hadn't had sex during their high school years?

Edit: Since some one asked, I am from the west coast of the U.S. in Washington.

I, and most of my closest friends are all virgins who don't drink, smoke or do drugs (we are really bad at breaking the speed limit though)

I'm 23 and a Christian, but if you are looking for someone who isn't a devout Christian and still adheres to these morals then they are probably pretty rare to come across these days. All the best in your search for that "other half"

 

[Johnny Impact]

I am 34 years old. In my entire life:
All the alcohol I have consumed amounts to less than one drink;
I have had one puff of one cigarette;
I have never smoked, injected, snorted, or in any other way "done" any illegal substance.

I did not have my first date until I was 20 years old. Go ahead and snigger, I'm used to it.

I agree with everything you said except the virginity thing. People have relationships. Relationships involve sex. It's just a fact. The older you get, the harder -- and creepier! -- it will be to find a girl who has never been in a relationship. It's reasonable to hope your female has not been intimate with every other guy in town, but if you demand virginity, you're going to have a *very* lonely existence.

Smoking is a vile, filthy habit and an instant dealbreaker. Alcohol and illegal substances, not so much. I wouldn't mind if she had a couple drinks to socialize, or smoked a little pot here and there. Flat-out drunkenness is unacceptable, my dad was a drunk and I do not tolerate it in others. Hard drugs are trouble I don't need.

 

[tthor]

I have not/have no plans to drink or smoke, however I have had sex with one partner so far, in a long term relationship.
I do think that you are probably going to need to get over some of these standards; if nothing else, sometimes you just gotta forgive people for their past

and now I suddenly feel reminded of This song,
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[walrusaurus]

I think the biggest issue i have with the "must be virgins" crowd, is that they treat sex like its something dirty to be ashamed of. Which is particularly ironic since they believe its a gift from god. I've seen people totally abandoned by their friends just because they "fell into sin." It's hypocritical and cruel, and it disgusts me. One of many reasons i'm not a christian.

 

[IrradiatedFish]

So basically, what I am as is, are there people who didn't illegally drink, smoke or who hadn't had sex during their high school years?

I fall in to this category myself, and I'm 20 year old guy. I'm obviously out of high school, and I still haven't smoked (and don't ever plan on it) nor have I had sex. Also, I never drank until it was legal, and I only do so in moderation (I only really ever have a glass of wine with dinner on occasion). So don't give up; people like us do exist.

I sort of feel similar about a potential partner as well. Though, the things you listed would be more like nice bonus rather than a requirement. However, I'll admit that I think it would make things more comfortable for me too.

 

[chaosyoshimage]

You're on a video game forum there's plenty here! Okay now that I've perpetuated negative stereotypes about a community I'm involved in, I'll be serious. I've never had sex, but I've also never been in a relationship, pretty hard to do so when your a socially reclusive gay guy in the middle of nowhere without any money or car. So, I'm not sure if it's because of pure morals or whatever, but I fit in to most of your other criteria so I guess it could be...

 

[khantron]

What moral system do you have that precludes you from dating anyone that isn't a virgin, if I may be so bold? Since you're from Washington, I'm going to guess Mars Hill or Mormon.

 

[Loop Stricken]

So basically, what I am as is, are there people who didn't illegally drink, smoke or who hadn't had sex during their high school years?

Yo.
I drink now to ease the pain of regret for NOT doing those things back then, of course. Well, that and all the girls at my school were mingers.

 

[Death God]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man

Really? REALLY? In this day and age? The drug thing is fine - smart even - but virgins?

There is nothing magical about not having had sex yet.

Would you only date someone who'd never driven a car?

Would you only date someone who'd never eaten your favorite food?

Would you only date someone who's never seen (picks a movie at random from nearby video shelf) Scott Pilgrim?

If virginity is that important to you, then I feel very sorry for any girl you do end up dating, since with an attitude like that I can't imagine you care much for her as a person.

I'd ask if you were a virgin too (testing for hypocrisy) but honestly there is no good answer. If you are, then you're condemning her to have her first time with someone who has no idea what he's doing, and if you aren't, then you're just a hypocrite.

Again, your policy about drug use is good - you don't want to be dating someone who will get you in legal trouble. However, virginity is NOT the same - not at all. What gives you the right to impose your wishes on someone else's body?

Seeing as you seem to be in a ranting mood, I will contain my lengthy post because, frankly, it isn't worth it. Your statement, "The drug thing is fine - smart even...", is rather ridiculous. Not only are they illegal but they are harmful. I am a virgin and intend to be until I marry. I am not saying a woman can never have sex, I am saying I want me and my wife to share having sex for the first time together. And I am not "imposing my wishes" on someone else and their body; if they want to have sex, let them. It just means I wont be dating them.

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system.

Is it part of your moral system that after you've had sex once, nobody else except that one person should date you?

If not, this rather smacks of hypocracy.

If so, this is likely to cause problems.

I wont be having sex before I am married. It is not because of some religious belief or anything, I just think that the idea of another man being inside of my wife trying to create a baby (or not) is a little bit weird. I think that when you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone who has been inside them before you. If I were to get a divorce, then no; I do not expect to remarry and/or have sex with another woman.

 

[OutcastBOS]

I've never had a drink...
A smoke...
Any drugs...
Sex...
Hell, I've never even had a date.

[sub][sub][sub]I'm laaaaaame... 3':[/sub][/sub][/sub]

 

[Death God]

I think the biggest issue i have with the "must be virgins" crowd, is that they treat sex like its something dirty to be ashamed of. Which is particularly ironic since they believe its a gift from god. I've seen people totally abandoned by their friends just because they "fell into sin." It's hypocritical and cruel, and it disgusts me. One of many reasons i'm not a christian.

I don't think it is dirty and shameful. I think it should have some meaning to it. Almost everyone of my friends have had sex before and I don't mind in the least. My moral doesn't come from any church, it comes from the background of my entire family getting pregnant and having a child before 17. I am the only person in my whole family who is 18 and has not got somebody knocked up which is a major accomplishment for me.

 

[LokiSuaveHP]

I didn't do any of those things in high school, but the fact you won't date someone unless they haven't had sex before is probably eliminating a lot of good people. I'd think you are a bit of a dick for doing so. While it isn't the best idea for relationship strength to have sex at a young age, it's pretty damn draconian to not date someone just because they had sex with someone else.

 

[khantron]

I think the biggest issue i have with the "must be virgins" crowd, is that they treat sex like its something dirty to be ashamed of. Which is particularly ironic since they believe its a gift from god. I've seen people totally abandoned by their friends just because they "fell into sin." It's hypocritical and cruel, and it disgusts me. One of many reasons i'm not a christian.

I don't think it is dirty and shameful. I think it should have some meaning to it. Almost everyone of my friends have had sex before and I don't mind in the least. My moral doesn't come from any church, it comes from the background of my entire family getting pregnant and having a child before 17. I am the only person in my whole family who is 18 and has not got somebody knocked up which is a major accomplishment for me.

So why is it virginity and not that she has a kid, where you draw the line?

 

[Viral_Lola]

It hasn?t been very hard for me. I must have some sort of virgin magnet.

 

[Julianking93]

While I understand, and to a certain extent share, your point of view here, it is indeed a bit old fashioned and I can't imagine something like having sex before being a deal breaker entirely.

I get not wanting to go out with some total slut but any sex entirely is a little much, I'd think. Then again, I probably have standards that go beyond what some people think is "high" but they're still my standards. Really all I have is don't smoke.

Though I will admit, considering I'm a virgin myself, I'd probably rather not sleep with a guy or girl with a ton of sexual prowess. Just would feel... odd, I guess. Not entirely sure how to describe it, to be honest. I know too many guys who like being the "cherry pluckers" *shudders*, which freaks me the fuck out and plenty of teen girls (and teens in general) who seem all to eager to fuck as soon as possible, but that's not really a new development in society. Teenagers have always had sex and they always will and there will always be the select few who don't do anything until after legal age.

Still, liking the idea mutual virginity loss is by no means a ridiculous preference. There are plenty of people out there who share the same opinion and people who wait for that special someone.

Oh and I didn't actually go to high school, so no sex, drugs or booze for me. I'm the nerdy type who stays home and reads all day. Never actually even kissed someone before so.... >_>