Is it that hard to find a virgin?

[Don Savik]

snip

I don't think I'm better than anyone else. I never said that. I did get a bit irritated, thats my fault because I've been on edge lately and I am sick to death of being made the town idiot of. But I guess I don't have anything else to say because my lack of experience automatically deems me unfit for further discussion in this thread.

 

[Sion_Barzahd]

I'm pretty much immune to the party scene anyways... alcohol tastes like particularly abysmal paint thinner, I can't smoke due to asthma, I'm freaked out by needles, and I terrify women...

and don't forget you drink paint thinner.

OP: Nah you'd have no luck back in Hull. Only girls that haven't done anything as sinful as you described have been locked in their basements since birth.

And me... well i'm a devil's advocate.

 

[newwiseman]

It's only hard to find virgins when you refuse to go to church... aim for the wall flowers.

 

[The Lesbian Flower]

I understand not wanting someone who drinks or does drugs illegally. Drinking and doing drugs just aren't part of a healthy lifestyle and no one wants to have a sick mate/partner. Substance abuse including drinking poses all sorts of health risks later on in life.

Good luck finding a virgin, though. It's not like it'll be difficult to do but to limit oneself to just a certain group of people, in this case virgins, reduces their chance of finding a suitable partner.

 

[axlryder]

Hmmm...this sounds a little flawed to me.

Please don't take offence to this, but you not wanting somebody simply for having sex before as part of a 'moral system' comes across as almost a little selfish. What I basically hear is that they're somehow worth less (note: not saying worthless) if they've chosen to sleep with somebody despite the fact this could be before they even knew you as a person. It sounds less about morals and more about, well...almost immaturity, which I don't mean in the personal insult sense.

Again, I don't mean that harshly, I used to be similar. You kind of learn to accept these things though.
I think the problem is that promiscuity, smoking and drinking are three of the most common, if not the three most common vices you'll find in people. Therefore finding someone who resists all three is, well, quite improbable. Not impossible, mind.

I'd say you could be wrong to view it that way (I don't know because I don't know this guys rational for following said moral system). Finding someone who has intentionally maintained their abstinence, to me anyway, is more about looking for someone who shares similar sexual views with me. That is, (in my case) as something sacred to be shared between two people who are in a very serious relationship. Sex, especially the first time, has profound psychological implications and isn't something to be casually trifled about with (imo). To have sex means you probably view sex as something you can do with anyone you're in a relationship with or you didn't have the forethought/patience to realize your relationship might not have lasted. Of course if you've had sex recreationally, than clearly we're not on the same page in terms of values. Maintaining abstinence also says loads about someone's self control (that is, if they believe it is something that SHOULD be maintained). That's not to say that one looking for abstinence in a partner should automatically reject someone just because they HAVE had sex once or so (I mean, if she was in a long term and thought she was going the distance, what do you expect? I certainly made that mistake myself. Or maybe she was emotionally coerced/manipulated. Maybe she got drunk. Maybe she was raped. Point is, there's always exceptions to everything), though I'd also think they're justified in looking for a virgin. I'm sure there are other good reasons as well.

In short, to me sex is powerful, beautiful, dangerous and sacred. It's not something that should be taken lightly and virginity in a partner indicates they most likely share similar views to my own. Of course, TALKING to the person is really the best way to figure out where you stand in relation to one another.

There's also the alternative interpretation. That is, you're concerned about the size of your member and want your girl to have nothing to compare it to.

I've always felt the same way, and having done it recreationally I can say that I much prefer it when it is something you share with your partner. What I'm saying, however, is that it's unreasonable to say that someone lacks self-control for sleeping with somebody else because they didn't have the patience to see if their relationship would last or whatever. Plenty of relationships can quickly sour out of nowhere, and how many people honestly spend the rest of their lives in the first serious relationship they ever have?

What I'm saying is it isn't unreasonable to desire these things (around a certain age anyway). What is unreasonable is to want them to have never had sex with anyone else, particularly considering the chances are they didn't even know you when they were in their previous relationship. It isn't about a lack of control, it's about thinking you've found the one. We all do it.

Well, I don't think it's at all unreasonable if you're still in high school like OP seems to be. I'm guessing you, like me, are a bit older than him so we're in a position where we can actually say we thought we've found the one. If she's still in high school and I were still in high school, I think she was being a bit naive to think that she'd found the one(if we did hold the same core values) and probably not someone I'd want to start dating. Though again, case by case basis. Talking with a person is very helpful, I've found.

 

[SilentCom]

I'm going to state this here because I feel that people need to know. Sex does not equal something bad. Sex is actually something very much good and not just because of the pleasure behind it, but more importantly because it can strengthen relationships. However, even the best of things can become bad when irrespondsibility is present. Sex is kind of like that final step that cements the relationship. Attachments are made and if people break away from it, it can hurt one or both emotionally. Why do you think people become so upset or hurt if their lover cheats on them?

What many people fear, virgin and not, is entering a relationship where the other person only has their own interests in mind. People who enter relationships for the sole reason of sex are not after a strong and lasting relationship. This is why some people are hesistant in entering a relationship with someone who has had sex many times with many people. It doesn't exactly speak well of strong and lasting relationship. Even if that sexually active person is a nice person, the fact they are willing to have sex with many people before seriously committing to the other person shows that sex takes priority over lasting commitment. Some may argue they want to "sample" the other person first, this only further illustrates that the prospects of sex take priority over love and commitment. People who truly care for each other don't care for each other because the sex was good. Even if it wasn't spectacular at first, the truth is it can get better as both people get good together. People who care for each other will find a way.

 

[VaderMan92]

having slept with a virgin before I can say that it is highly overrated. But yeah not hard to find.

 

[DracoSuave]

Some may argue they want to "sample" the other person first, this only further illustrates that the prospects of sex take priority over love and commitment. People who truly care for each other don't care for each other because the sex was good. Even if it wasn't spectacular at first, the truth is it can get better as both people get good together. People who care for each other will find a way.

A common perception is that if you have a couple, where one wants has a high libido, and the other has a low libido, that the one with the high libido should simply 'go dry'. The fact is... there's no real good comprimise here. Either the low libido partner is going to suffer the emotional impact of having sex when they aren't feeling it... or the high libido partner is going to suffer the emotional impact of not having the sex their body desires.

There is going to be a sacrifice here, and it might not always lead to a happy relationship. Have you ever seen a highly sexed couple when one of them suddenly loses their libido? This stuff simply can't be brushed aside with 'love will find a way.' There's feelings of rejection involved... the highsexed partner feels undesired, and the lowsexed partner feels inadequate.

Sexual compatibility NEEDS to be considered before marriage... like a lot of other aspects of a relationship. It's not unimportant.

having slept with a virgin before I can say that it is highly overrated. But yeah not hard to find.

It's definately NOT something I'd want to save for a wedding night! Particularily if you have any illusions about it being special or magical... it's not a risk for the guy so much... but for the girl?

Some women hurt for days after. ENJOY THE MAGIC

 

[TheAceTheOne]

You're not after a virgin you're after someone responsible and faithful. You could meet a virgin and full well have glorious sex, only for her to turn around and cheat or not be a virgin at all. Surely virginity would fall behind the two afforementioned traits?

This, so very much.

Virginity shouldn't matter as long as they're responsible and faithful... Azure basically robbed my entire thoughts on this in one comment...

*dramatically flips cape* I take my leave! *bounds away*

 

[Sight Unseen]

I was a virgin until I was 21, never drink, smoke or do drugs, and I met my girlfriend at age 20, who was also a virgin and doesn't smoke or do drugs, but will occasionally have wine or other alcohol, within reason.


Then again, my girlfriend lives nearly 1000 miles and 1 country border away, so it's not exactly ideal.

 

[aei_haruko]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it. And it hit me, every person in my class, which ranged from 9th grade to 12th grade, that everyone had drank beer illegally, smoked pot and chewed, or has had sex multiple times... except me. I could not believe it and even my teacher was not shocked in the least to hear that. He was actually agreeing with it. So basically, what I am as is, are there people who didn't illegally drink, smoke or who hadn't had sex during their high school years?

Edit: Since some one asked, I am from the west coast of the U.S. in Washington.

Edit II: As Azure-Supernova stated:

You're not after a virgin you're after someone responsible and faithful. You could meet a virgin and full well have glorious sex, only for her to turn around and cheat or not be a virgin at all. Surely virginity would fall behind the two afforementioned traits?

I suppose he's definition is a little more what I am looking for. I guess I could drop the virginity issue down a little if I could find faithful and responsible girl. I am still standing strong on not doing illegal drugs and drinking but I could give more leeway on virginity.

I find it funny, how your icon is heath ledgers Joker, and you're talking about how you want morality. Thats pretty irionic. Although to that point, i agree, My girlfriend is a responsible girl, almost to a fault wherin she spends all her time studying, and very little time having fun. But i agree, sadly in todays society, sex and drugs are commonplace, and i find it disturbing

 

[SilentCom]

Some may argue they want to "sample" the other person first, this only further illustrates that the prospects of sex take priority over love and commitment. People who truly care for each other don't care for each other because the sex was good. Even if it wasn't spectacular at first, the truth is it can get better as both people get good together. People who care for each other will find a way.

A common perception is that if you have a couple, where one wants has a high libido, and the other has a low libido, that the one with the high libido should simply 'go dry'. The fact is... there's no real good comprimise here. Either the low libido partner is going to suffer the emotional impact of having sex when they aren't feeling it... or the high libido partner is going to suffer the emotional impact of not having the sex their body desires.

There is going to be a sacrifice here, and it might not always lead to a happy relationship. Have you ever seen a highly sexed couple when one of them suddenly loses their libido? This stuff simply can't be brushed aside with 'love will find a way.' There's feelings of rejection involved... the highsexed partner feels undesired, and the lowsexed partner feels inadequate.

Sexual compatibility NEEDS to be considered before marriage... like a lot of other aspects of a relationship. It's not unimportant.

There are different things people can take to alter their libido levels and frankly this isn't my point anyways. I'm going to use marriage life as an example, it is full of compromises. Ask any married couple that has been together for any significant period of time. They will likely say compromising is one of the most important things. This isn't wrong. Compromising merely shows they you are willing to put your partner's wants and needs before your own. This speaks of loyalty and care more than anything. My point is, if a couple is truly committed and loves each other, they would be willing to find a way to over-come difficulties, even in their sex life.

Also, a happy relationship isn't based on sex. While sex is a factor in the relationship, people need to consider compatibility and commitment first if they are searching for a lasting relationship. It doesn't matter if you are sexually compatible with the other person if they don't have the intention of being true to you. Fixing a libido problem is much easier than fixing a commitment problem.

 

[Jesse Billingsley]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it. And it hit me, every person in my class, which ranged from 9th grade to 12th grade, that everyone had drank beer illegally, smoked pot and chewed, or has had sex multiple times... except me. I could not believe it and even my teacher was not shocked in the least to hear that. He was actually agreeing with it. So basically, what I am as is, are there people who didn't illegally drink, smoke or who hadn't had sex during their high school years?
I suppose he's definition is a little more what I am looking for. I guess I could drop the virginity issue down a little if I could find faithful and responsible girl. I am still standing strong on not doing illegal drugs and drinking but I could give more leeway on virginity.

Number one, it sounds like you have a bunch of jerks for classmates, so don't waste your time with them.

Two, Once you get into college, that "Because everyone is doing it" mentality changes (For some). You will still have those idiots that abuse it, but most people get a little more responsible in regards with substances and sexuality.

And I had the same "dream girl" in mind when I was in high school, doesn't drink, doesn't have sex, but those kinds of girls are hard to find, their there but they are hard to find.

 

[SilentCom]

Some may argue they want to "sample" the other person first, this only further illustrates that the prospects of sex take priority over love and commitment. People who truly care for each other don't care for each other because the sex was good. Even if it wasn't spectacular at first, the truth is it can get better as both people get good together. People who care for each other will find a way.

A common perception is that if you have a couple, where one wants has a high libido, and the other has a low libido, that the one with the high libido should simply 'go dry'. The fact is... there's no real good comprimise here. Either the low libido partner is going to suffer the emotional impact of having sex when they aren't feeling it... or the high libido partner is going to suffer the emotional impact of not having the sex their body desires.

There is going to be a sacrifice here, and it might not always lead to a happy relationship. Have you ever seen a highly sexed couple when one of them suddenly loses their libido? This stuff simply can't be brushed aside with 'love will find a way.' There's feelings of rejection involved... the highsexed partner feels undesired, and the lowsexed partner feels inadequate.

Sexual compatibility NEEDS to be considered before marriage... like a lot of other aspects of a relationship. It's not unimportant.

There are different things people can take to alter their libido levels and frankly this isn't my point anyways. I'm going to use marriage life as an example, it is full of compromises. Ask any married couple that has been together for any significant period of time. They will likely say compromising is one of the most important things. This isn't wrong. Compromising merely shows they you are willing to put your partner's wants and needs before your own. This speaks of loyalty and care more than anything. My point is, if a couple is truly committed and loves each other, they would be willing to find a way to over-come difficulties, even in their sex life.

Also, a happy relationship isn't based on sex. While sex is a factor in the relationship, people need to consider compatibility and commitment first if they are searching for a lasting relationship. It doesn't matter if you are sexually compatible with the other person if they don't have the intention of being true to you. Fixing a libido problem is much easier than fixing a commitment problem.

People have killed others and themselves over sex. People lie, cheat, steal, bully, beat, abuse and enslave for sex. I am not saying sex HAS to be important, but mearly pointing out IT CAN BE important, and it can be THAT important to someone. There is some subjectivity there, and that can be a problem.

Say the husband doesnt think sex is all that important (a reversal of the common sexual stereotype) and the wife does. To the husband having his wife compromise her sexual desires should be no big deal. The wife would disaggree. For the husband to be fair he would need to understand just what such a compromise means to the wife. This will be hard for him if he insists that sex isnt and shouldnt be important to anyone...

People have killed others and themselves over pretty much anything. Also, if they are that sex crazed, then they very likely value sex more than commitment and likely have already had sex with many people. I mean, if they are willing to kill so they may have sex, then we all know what they value more in a relationship. My point is still the same. If someone (or a couple) values commitment more than sex, then that couple will find a way to fix any problems that occur in bed.

 

[Bebus]

I feel there is a lengthy point here to be made about the subjective and (mostly) hypocritical nature of morality, but it can be summed up with the following statement:

OP, grow up.

 

[Ravenbom]

If you're in high school, most of the people will be virgins, they're just afraid to admit it in front of other people.



I think you've got naive priorities though. If you're expecting someone to be faithful you should work on being a good BF/GF first and foremost.

Nobody wants to hear this but there's two people in a relationship and if one of them cheats it's almost as much the fault of the person who didn't cheat as the person who cheated. Cheaters aren't born cheaters, they're driven to it.

It's one of life's balancing acts, you can drive a girl away by smothering her with affection as much as you can drive her away by treating her like shit.

Guys really need to nut up and take some responsibility when their girl cheats.

 

[DracoSuave]

Some may argue they want to "sample" the other person first, this only further illustrates that the prospects of sex take priority over love and commitment. People who truly care for each other don't care for each other because the sex was good. Even if it wasn't spectacular at first, the truth is it can get better as both people get good together. People who care for each other will find a way.

A common perception is that if you have a couple, where one wants has a high libido, and the other has a low libido, that the one with the high libido should simply 'go dry'. The fact is... there's no real good comprimise here. Either the low libido partner is going to suffer the emotional impact of having sex when they aren't feeling it... or the high libido partner is going to suffer the emotional impact of not having the sex their body desires.

There is going to be a sacrifice here, and it might not always lead to a happy relationship. Have you ever seen a highly sexed couple when one of them suddenly loses their libido? This stuff simply can't be brushed aside with 'love will find a way.' There's feelings of rejection involved... the highsexed partner feels undesired, and the lowsexed partner feels inadequate.

Sexual compatibility NEEDS to be considered before marriage... like a lot of other aspects of a relationship. It's not unimportant.

There are different things people can take to alter their libido levels and frankly this isn't my point anyways. I'm going to use marriage life as an example, it is full of compromises. Ask any married couple that has been together for any significant period of time. They will likely say compromising is one of the most important things. This isn't wrong. Compromising merely shows they you are willing to put your partner's wants and needs before your own. This speaks of loyalty and care more than anything. My point is, if a couple is truly committed and loves each other, they would be willing to find a way to over-come difficulties, even in their sex life.

Also, a happy relationship isn't based on sex. While sex is a factor in the relationship, people need to consider compatibility and commitment first if they are searching for a lasting relationship. It doesn't matter if you are sexually compatible with the other person if they don't have the intention of being true to you. Fixing a libido problem is much easier than fixing a commitment problem.

People have killed others and themselves over sex. People lie, cheat, steal, bully, beat, abuse and enslave for sex. I am not saying sex HAS to be important, but mearly pointing out IT CAN BE important, and it can be THAT important to someone. There is some subjectivity there, and that can be a problem.

Say the husband doesnt think sex is all that important (a reversal of the common sexual stereotype) and the wife does. To the husband having his wife compromise her sexual desires should be no big deal. The wife would disaggree. For the husband to be fair he would need to understand just what such a compromise means to the wife. This will be hard for him if he insists that sex isnt and shouldnt be important to anyone...

People have killed others and themselves over pretty much anything. Also, if they are that sex crazed, then they very likely value sex more than commitment and likely have already had sex with many people. I mean, if they are willing to kill so they may have sex, then we all know what they value more in a relationship. My point is still the same. If someone (or a couple) values commitment more than sex, then that couple will find a way to fix any problems that occur in bed.

He's using an extreme to prove a point.

Here's another way of looking at it:

If sex is less important than commitment, then why would the husband feel betrayed if she went and had sex with someone else? You can't have it that sex is less important than commitment for this woman, but that sex is a part of commitment for the man. Either it is, or it is not.

The truth is, commitment includes sex in a monogamous relationship. Sex comes with feelings of intense intimacy, and yes, someone who feels sexual desire like that IS going to feel a strong loss if they cannot express it without hurting their partner.

It is a comprimise, but to say such drivel that 'sex is less important than commitment' is not comprimise. In fact, it's a refusal to understand the highly-sexed person's side of things. It's a refusal to even acknowledge the other side has a point.

If one partner is oversexed, and the other is undersexed, it is NOT a comprimise to say 'sex is less important than commitment.' That's just stating undersexed viewpoint. It is not the seeking of a workable middle ground.

If you're in high school, most of the people will be virgins, they're just afraid to admit it in front of other people.

DING!

I think you've got naive priorities though. If you're expecting someone to be faithful you should work on being a good BF/GF first and foremost.

DING!

Nobody wants to hear this but there's two people in a relationship and if one of them cheats it's almost as much the fault of the person who didn't cheat as the person who cheated. Cheaters aren't born cheaters, they're driven to it.

DING!

It's one of life's balancing acts, you can drive a girl away by smothering her with affection as much as you can drive her away by treating her like shit.

DING!

Guys really need to nut up and take some responsibility when their girl cheats.

DING!

Five points for you! That's enough to make it to the lightning round... TELL THEM WHAT THEY WON BOB!

 

[chadachada123]

I fail to see how wanting to experience a wide range of things is "disturbing."

Because you're trying to include "Sex with minors" on that wide range of things. The lowest US age of consent is 16.

I want to try everything in life out just to see what it's like, or just to say I have. Sky-diving? Hell yeah. Drugs? Why not? So long as they're safe. Dating girls from many backgrounds to try to get a better understanding of human nature? Yeah, I don't see a problem with this.

Wait, what? "From many backgrounds"? You're not talking about girls who come from different parts of the country, or have a different religion or ethnicity. You're talking about girls who are barely teens an your quest to seek out and deflower them.

On my list of things I want to accomplish in life, the sex category has a bunch of subsections. For example, I'd like to one day have sex with a fat chick just for the hell of it, but I wouldn't do it under false pretenses because I'm no longer a dick.

...wait, what? What "false pretenses" would there be when your goal is "I'd like to...have sex with a fat chick just for the hell of it"? Are you going to say outright "I want to fuck you because you're fat"?

Ditto for a particularly tall chick, just for the hell of it. It's not that I particularly "want" to, but more that, if given the chance, I would go for it to add to the number of different experiences I've had.

...there is so much wrong with that sentence when it's being used to talk about sex.

And pardon me, I should have clarified. I see no problem with freshmen dating seniors as long as their is mutual understanding, no coercion or abuse of power.

And that's the problem. My point was that the difference in age becomes less and less of an issue as you get older for you and people close to your age. If you thought an 18 year old being with a 14 year old was creepy when you were in that age range, it doesn't suddenly seem okay once you're 20 because she's still 14, and he's still 18.

I truly question your reading comprehension. I'm not talking about MYSELF having sex with freshmen here. Besides, the law has nothing to do with this, since some states have exemptions in the law making sex among minors legal if they're within several years of each other.

Regarding fat chicks, again, maybe you should learn to read before posting an attack on it. I contend that, as long as I make it clear that I'm not in it for a relationship, there is nothing wrong with casual sex, and I would like to experience said casual sex with a wide variety of people. This includes fat chicks, skinny chicks, tall chicks, black chicks, what-have-you. There is nothing wrong about wanting casual sex, nor is there anything wrong with wanting to explore and experiment with people of a diverse background.

Now, apparently I have to reiterate this since you didn't read it the first several times, but I IN NO WAY SAID THAT I WAS LOOKING TO HAVE SEX WITH A 14 YEAR OLD. I would like to, if possible, have sex with a virgin, like with the fat chick, etc.

Additionally, I AM NOT SEEKING OUT THESE PARTNERS. There is a massive difference, and if you understood the English language or at least read my other posts you would see this, between "I prefer virgins" or "I seek out virgins" and "I'd like to have sex with, among other groups, a virgin someday."

Are you ready to stop throwing ad hominems and other fallacies around?