UPDATE TWO-2: INSERT OBLIGATORY HIVE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY JOKE
That's right, pulling a Square Enix here! Not much happened in the last update, so we're gonna split it.
Whew, that was a long update. Hopefully that was worth the delay. Come back tomorrow, for more KOTOR nonsense. Any comments and criticisms are greatly appreciated.
Oh, and a question to tide you over: for those of you that have played both games, do you prefer Taris on KOTOR, or Taris in The Old Republic? Personally, I like the Old Republic version a bit better, especially the questline where you see what happened to the undercity tribe.
That's right, pulling a Square Enix here! Not much happened in the last update, so we're gonna split it.
Last time, we visited Exposition Theater with Carth, and now we're ready to explore the planet of Taris!
But, first, we're given a base of operations. Most Bioware games these days have one, and they serve as a drop point for companions and your crafting area. In Dragon Age and Jade Empire, you had a camp. In Mass Effect you had the Incredibly Awesome Normandy, and in The Old Republic you had a unique spaceship for whatever class you played as.
Right now we have a shitty little meter long room with one bed.
Wait a minute....one bed?
WHERE THE HELL DID CARTH SLEEP 0_0
After the disturbing image of Carth snuggling up to a comatose woman he's known for less than a minute, we take a look at the workbench so handily left in our room.
Crafting is incredibly simple in this game. But, hey, at least its here. It basically boils down to cellotaping (or ductaping for those of you across the pond) scopes triggers to your existing weaponry, or exchanging crystals in the case of lightsabers.
Carth also joins us as a permanent party member. Yay.
As soon as we walk out the door, we come across a Sith soldier and two Cylons threatening some stereotypical 50s style aliens. I think they're called Duros.
There is a fine line between brave and foolhardy. This man has strode confidently past the line, jumped on a train, and speeding away from the line at the rate of a country mile per second.
My pathetic screenshotting skills once again show themselves here. The Sith is meant to be shooting the foolhardy Duros here. Just imagine the yelling "AAA" for like a minute as he riddles the guy full of bullets that cause him to twitch from side to side before there is more flesh wound than man.
"Clean up on Aisle 4. *****."
Crap.
You can tell that just by looking at us? Goddammit Carth, maybe you shouldn't have put on your "Vote Palpatine!" badge today.
We mop up these guys easily.
Ixgil? Seriously? No wonder he had a chip on his shoulder.
"Won't someone come searching for the patrol?"
And now, to continue the time-honored RPG tradition of robbing the poor to line our skintight pockets with gold! With no consequences! Even in a game with a moral choice system!
Heh heh heh
She's right, we don't get much good stuff. But that doesn't mean we can't hock it to a merchant!
Speaking of which....
THE TUTORIALS! THEY. NEVER. STOP.
Thankfully we can skip it. Energy shields aren't really the super-special thing the game makes them out to be. They're essentially one-use items that give you defense bonuses that offer anything from increased defence to invincibility from lazers.
"You mentioned some Illegal aliens living here?"
Subtle, Bioware.
It's heavily implied that this is for T&A appeal.
It seems like this is going to be Taris' running theme. Most Bioware locations have a "theme" to them, like Noveria was all about how fucked up things would get if Corporations were no longer held back by law, and the Brecilian forest was all about Revenge, the first impressions one would get from Taris' dialogue would indicate that it's going the Apartheid route, like a proto-District 9. But, this gets tossed out THE MOMENT YOU LEAVE THIS APARTMENT COMPLEX to be replaced with "Rich people are dicks." That's the big problem with Taris. You have this really interesting situation of a planet that embraces very Sith-like ideaologies, but is still part of the republic until the Sith come and take it over. It just squanders a good idea. There is another problem with Taris, but we'll get to it later.
This is Taris. Nowadays, it looks like a copy/paste of Coruscant, but, back when this game was released, we never really saw Coruscant. A glimpse in Return of the Jedi, some scenes of people talking while stock footage of Blade Runner is played behind them in the Phantom Menace. When I first played this game, I thought Taris WAS Coruscant, but its name changed through the millenia.
How wrong I was.
Ech, there really is something wrong with Carth, if that face is anything to go by.
"I'd like to know some more about you, Carth."
The sequel would disagree with you there, Carth old boy.
"You're talking like it's your fault. Like you failed somehow."
"Hey, why are you getting so mad at me? It's not like this was my fault!"
Poor choice of words there, Varen.
Oh yay another brooding RPG character with a mysterious past it's not like we don't have plenty of those
We're looking for some outfits that don't show off our massive ass. It distracts enemies, but it also distracts me.
"Let me see what you have for sale."
Ha! You're the second shop we've encountered! RPG law dictates that your gear is in fact, very shitty.
Ah, this looks better, I hope it covers our a-
Goddammit.
And here we have the Upper Class of Taris' two cantinas. Insert obligatory hive of scum and villainy here.
OH GOD NO PAZAAK KEEP IT AWAY KEEP IT AWAY
Pazaak is the Mandatory Card Game required by RPG law, ever since the enjoyable Triple Triad from Final Fantasy VIII. Now, I really like Collectible Card Games, and I've enjoyed a lot of card games in games as well. I mentioned that I liked Tripe Triad, and there was even one in RAGE that I found fun as well. But, Pazaak, holy shit, Bioware really dropped the ball here. There are so many things wrong with Pazaak, that it needs its own
mini-update to encsaptulate its awfulness.
Foreshadowing.
Why are there so many weird holographic floating symbols in sci-fi things?
No, the shop right outside the store.
"Who are you, and why are you bossing me around?"
"Shut up Carth."
I have a feeling that's going to become Varen's catchphrase.
nice to see bioware created this character entirely without stereotypes
As much as I hate to admit it, Carth could be right. Let's play her little game for now.
Then we shall hunt her down when she is sleeping, and one by one, remove her fingers from her hands. Then, we cut her open, put a bomb in her stomach, key in a code, and put the bomb back in her stomach, sewing it back up again, before finally putting one digit from the keycode on each of her ten severed fingers before hiding them around the apartment. Then, the fun begins.
That, my friends, is true evil. Not this pansy-ass "Shut up you spoiled brat" nonsense.
Incidentally, if you want a game that lets you play evil in a maginficent way:
You're welcome.
And here, we are introduced to the primary side-questchain of Taris, the dueling arena. Sadly, we're not gonna tackle this just yet. Scoundrels are easily the weakest of the three classes combat-wise, at least initially, (but that could just be me sucking) so we're gonna be doing this little quest-chain later.
Elsewhere in the bar, a man awkwardly starts coming onto us.
/authoravatarlol
"You from the military base? You don't look like one of the sith."
"You're stumbing amuses me, fool. Continue speaking, if you must."
"You're serving an utterly Evil administration with nary a moral qualm. I like that in an underling."
Yeah, I'm spicing up Varen's dialogue a bit. At least until we get to the REALLY evil dialogue choices.
"You've got a pathetically upbeat attitude."
"It's so difficult spending every day in a cantina. Lazy Fool."
Sith Uniforms you say? They could be helpful in sneaking into the Lower City.......
We leave the cantina and head towards the party.
Bioware's artists really do great work at times. Pity you can't see it most of the time thanks to this game's shitty camera.
Let's check out the medical bay. It is, after all, one of 4 establishments in Taris' upper city.
What is it about our appearance that just screams "Off-worlder"?
"Is this some kind of hospital?"
"Tell me about the Rakghoul disease."
"Is there no cure?"
This is foreshadowing for The Old Republic. Yes, really.
"I might be able to help you out... for a price."
"I'll be going now. I'm going to see if there's anything in this shop I can rob."
Heh heh heh
That... is not what I was expecting to find behind that door.
CARTH DID IT!
"Hey... I recognize these men. They're republic soldiers!"
"Either tell me whats going on, or you can explain it to the Sith!"
Everybody, get your best trollfaces on.
"It's going to cost you if you want to keep this information secret."
"I don't take orders from you. Either Zelka pays up, or I tell the Sith."
Shut up, Carth.
As we leave, we are accosted by this gentleman.
"An offer? What are you talking about?"
"Davik Kang? Who's that?"
"You mean he's a crime lord?"
Subtle, Bioware.
"Why does Davik want the cure so badly?"
"Where can I find Davik if I want to give him the cure?"
Unlike Jackie Estacado, who prefers to have it at tentacles length OK I'LL SHUT UP ABOUT THE DARKNESS 2 DEMO
"I'll keep your offer in mind."
All together now: SHUT UP CARTH!
As we leave the Medical Facility, we come across a queer looking fellow being roughed up by two men.
One of whom is apparently the clone of the guy we just talked to.
Shut up Carth. But you do have a point. NO ONE EXTORTS OLD MEN BUT ME!
"I don't like your attitude, you sniveling wastrel. I better teach you a lesson. IN PAIN."
We deal with the bounty hunters instantly. The fight ended so quickly, I didn't get the chance to take any screenshots. Grenade spam FTW!
"Hand over all your credits if you want to live!"
GODDAMMIT CARTH WOULD YOU LEARN TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH?
Well, that's all for today. Join us again tomorrow as we see what a Sith party is like, get sexually harassed by Carth, and rob from the poor to line our own pockets. Thanks again for reading!
But, first, we're given a base of operations. Most Bioware games these days have one, and they serve as a drop point for companions and your crafting area. In Dragon Age and Jade Empire, you had a camp. In Mass Effect you had the Incredibly Awesome Normandy, and in The Old Republic you had a unique spaceship for whatever class you played as.
Right now we have a shitty little meter long room with one bed.
Wait a minute....one bed?
WHERE THE HELL DID CARTH SLEEP 0_0
After the disturbing image of Carth snuggling up to a comatose woman he's known for less than a minute, we take a look at the workbench so handily left in our room.
Crafting is incredibly simple in this game. But, hey, at least its here. It basically boils down to cellotaping (or ductaping for those of you across the pond) scopes triggers to your existing weaponry, or exchanging crystals in the case of lightsabers.
Carth also joins us as a permanent party member. Yay.
As soon as we walk out the door, we come across a Sith soldier and two Cylons threatening some stereotypical 50s style aliens. I think they're called Duros.
There is a fine line between brave and foolhardy. This man has strode confidently past the line, jumped on a train, and speeding away from the line at the rate of a country mile per second.
My pathetic screenshotting skills once again show themselves here. The Sith is meant to be shooting the foolhardy Duros here. Just imagine the yelling "AAA" for like a minute as he riddles the guy full of bullets that cause him to twitch from side to side before there is more flesh wound than man.
"Clean up on Aisle 4. *****."
Crap.
You can tell that just by looking at us? Goddammit Carth, maybe you shouldn't have put on your "Vote Palpatine!" badge today.
We mop up these guys easily.
Ixgil? Seriously? No wonder he had a chip on his shoulder.
"Won't someone come searching for the patrol?"
And now, to continue the time-honored RPG tradition of robbing the poor to line our skintight pockets with gold! With no consequences! Even in a game with a moral choice system!
Heh heh heh
She's right, we don't get much good stuff. But that doesn't mean we can't hock it to a merchant!
Speaking of which....
THE TUTORIALS! THEY. NEVER. STOP.
Thankfully we can skip it. Energy shields aren't really the super-special thing the game makes them out to be. They're essentially one-use items that give you defense bonuses that offer anything from increased defence to invincibility from lazers.
"You mentioned some Illegal aliens living here?"
Subtle, Bioware.
It's heavily implied that this is for T&A appeal.
It seems like this is going to be Taris' running theme. Most Bioware locations have a "theme" to them, like Noveria was all about how fucked up things would get if Corporations were no longer held back by law, and the Brecilian forest was all about Revenge, the first impressions one would get from Taris' dialogue would indicate that it's going the Apartheid route, like a proto-District 9. But, this gets tossed out THE MOMENT YOU LEAVE THIS APARTMENT COMPLEX to be replaced with "Rich people are dicks." That's the big problem with Taris. You have this really interesting situation of a planet that embraces very Sith-like ideaologies, but is still part of the republic until the Sith come and take it over. It just squanders a good idea. There is another problem with Taris, but we'll get to it later.
This is Taris. Nowadays, it looks like a copy/paste of Coruscant, but, back when this game was released, we never really saw Coruscant. A glimpse in Return of the Jedi, some scenes of people talking while stock footage of Blade Runner is played behind them in the Phantom Menace. When I first played this game, I thought Taris WAS Coruscant, but its name changed through the millenia.
How wrong I was.
Ech, there really is something wrong with Carth, if that face is anything to go by.
"I'd like to know some more about you, Carth."
The sequel would disagree with you there, Carth old boy.
"You're talking like it's your fault. Like you failed somehow."
"Hey, why are you getting so mad at me? It's not like this was my fault!"
Poor choice of words there, Varen.
Oh yay another brooding RPG character with a mysterious past it's not like we don't have plenty of those
We're looking for some outfits that don't show off our massive ass. It distracts enemies, but it also distracts me.
"Let me see what you have for sale."
Ha! You're the second shop we've encountered! RPG law dictates that your gear is in fact, very shitty.
Ah, this looks better, I hope it covers our a-
Goddammit.
And here we have the Upper Class of Taris' two cantinas. Insert obligatory hive of scum and villainy here.
OH GOD NO PAZAAK KEEP IT AWAY KEEP IT AWAY
Pazaak is the Mandatory Card Game required by RPG law, ever since the enjoyable Triple Triad from Final Fantasy VIII. Now, I really like Collectible Card Games, and I've enjoyed a lot of card games in games as well. I mentioned that I liked Tripe Triad, and there was even one in RAGE that I found fun as well. But, Pazaak, holy shit, Bioware really dropped the ball here. There are so many things wrong with Pazaak, that it needs its own
mini-update to encsaptulate its awfulness.
Foreshadowing.
Why are there so many weird holographic floating symbols in sci-fi things?
No, the shop right outside the store.
"Who are you, and why are you bossing me around?"
"Shut up Carth."
I have a feeling that's going to become Varen's catchphrase.
nice to see bioware created this character entirely without stereotypes
As much as I hate to admit it, Carth could be right. Let's play her little game for now.
Then we shall hunt her down when she is sleeping, and one by one, remove her fingers from her hands. Then, we cut her open, put a bomb in her stomach, key in a code, and put the bomb back in her stomach, sewing it back up again, before finally putting one digit from the keycode on each of her ten severed fingers before hiding them around the apartment. Then, the fun begins.
That, my friends, is true evil. Not this pansy-ass "Shut up you spoiled brat" nonsense.
Incidentally, if you want a game that lets you play evil in a maginficent way:
You're welcome.
And here, we are introduced to the primary side-questchain of Taris, the dueling arena. Sadly, we're not gonna tackle this just yet. Scoundrels are easily the weakest of the three classes combat-wise, at least initially, (but that could just be me sucking) so we're gonna be doing this little quest-chain later.
Elsewhere in the bar, a man awkwardly starts coming onto us.
/authoravatarlol
"You from the military base? You don't look like one of the sith."
"You're stumbing amuses me, fool. Continue speaking, if you must."
"You're serving an utterly Evil administration with nary a moral qualm. I like that in an underling."
Yeah, I'm spicing up Varen's dialogue a bit. At least until we get to the REALLY evil dialogue choices.
"You've got a pathetically upbeat attitude."
"It's so difficult spending every day in a cantina. Lazy Fool."
Sith Uniforms you say? They could be helpful in sneaking into the Lower City.......
We leave the cantina and head towards the party.
Bioware's artists really do great work at times. Pity you can't see it most of the time thanks to this game's shitty camera.
Let's check out the medical bay. It is, after all, one of 4 establishments in Taris' upper city.
What is it about our appearance that just screams "Off-worlder"?
"Is this some kind of hospital?"
"Tell me about the Rakghoul disease."
"Is there no cure?"
This is foreshadowing for The Old Republic. Yes, really.
"I might be able to help you out... for a price."
"I'll be going now. I'm going to see if there's anything in this shop I can rob."
Heh heh heh
That... is not what I was expecting to find behind that door.
CARTH DID IT!
"Hey... I recognize these men. They're republic soldiers!"
"Either tell me whats going on, or you can explain it to the Sith!"
Everybody, get your best trollfaces on.
"It's going to cost you if you want to keep this information secret."
"I don't take orders from you. Either Zelka pays up, or I tell the Sith."
Shut up, Carth.
As we leave, we are accosted by this gentleman.
"An offer? What are you talking about?"
"Davik Kang? Who's that?"
"You mean he's a crime lord?"
Subtle, Bioware.
"Why does Davik want the cure so badly?"
"Where can I find Davik if I want to give him the cure?"
Unlike Jackie Estacado, who prefers to have it at tentacles length OK I'LL SHUT UP ABOUT THE DARKNESS 2 DEMO
"I'll keep your offer in mind."
All together now: SHUT UP CARTH!
As we leave the Medical Facility, we come across a queer looking fellow being roughed up by two men.
One of whom is apparently the clone of the guy we just talked to.
Shut up Carth. But you do have a point. NO ONE EXTORTS OLD MEN BUT ME!
"I don't like your attitude, you sniveling wastrel. I better teach you a lesson. IN PAIN."
We deal with the bounty hunters instantly. The fight ended so quickly, I didn't get the chance to take any screenshots. Grenade spam FTW!
"Hand over all your credits if you want to live!"
GODDAMMIT CARTH WOULD YOU LEARN TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH?
Well, that's all for today. Join us again tomorrow as we see what a Sith party is like, get sexually harassed by Carth, and rob from the poor to line our own pockets. Thanks again for reading!
Whew, that was a long update. Hopefully that was worth the delay. Come back tomorrow, for more KOTOR nonsense. Any comments and criticisms are greatly appreciated.
Oh, and a question to tide you over: for those of you that have played both games, do you prefer Taris on KOTOR, or Taris in The Old Republic? Personally, I like the Old Republic version a bit better, especially the questline where you see what happened to the undercity tribe.
