Letters to Skyrim
- Thread starter DPSSOC
- Start date
Recommended Videos
Dear assorted assassins and murderers of Tamrielisometry said:
Have you ever considered using throwing knives? We offer very competitive prices on the finest iron daggers for this purpose, many of them enchanted to make your task yet easier, but still rewarding. Hurry, whilst stocks last! (And please ignore rumours that we have a practically infinite amount of the damn things)
Yours
Ulfberth War-Bear
Warmaidens, Whiterun.
Dear Skyrim,
This is specifically to Shadowmere. You're a gangster and all. Seriously, you basically can't die. You kill a ton of shit. And now I don't really need to put any effort in fighting anything. Because my horse does it all for me.
Yours truly,
A bored spellsword
This is specifically to Shadowmere. You're a gangster and all. Seriously, you basically can't die. You kill a ton of shit. And now I don't really need to put any effort in fighting anything. Because my horse does it all for me.
Yours truly,
A bored spellsword
Dear Skyrim,
WHY AM I SO FUCKING GODDAMN WORTHLESS!
Sincerely,
A Goat.
And also
Wabbajack Wabbajack,
WABBJACK WABBAJACK WABBAJACK. Wabbajack wabbajack WABBAJACK.
Wabbajack,
Wabbajack.
Because some maniac has a bow and grudge against adventurers knees. And he gets around.
Sincerely,
Skyrim.
WHY AM I SO FUCKING GODDAMN WORTHLESS!
Sincerely,
A Goat.
And also
Wabbajack Wabbajack,
WABBJACK WABBAJACK WABBAJACK. Wabbajack wabbajack WABBAJACK.
Wabbajack,
Wabbajack.
Dear A concerned Adventurer,feeback06 said:
Because some maniac has a bow and grudge against adventurers knees. And he gets around.
Sincerely,
Skyrim.
Dear Skyrim,
Thank you for giving me a horse that's more of a threat to dragons than /I/ am.
Sincerely yours,
A confused Kahjit
P.S. I would say the Dragonborn but obviously the horse has stolen that role.
-
Dear Skyrim,
I've been in your lands for a few weeks now. I've fought frost trolls, the undead, vampires and even your resurrected dragons. I've even made friends with a dragon at the top of a mountain who frequently engages in philosophical conversations with me. Please explain to me why he, or no one else, will let me ride one of your dragons! I'm sure one ride would not be too much to ask.
Sincerely yours,
A schizophrenic Argonian
Thank you for giving me a horse that's more of a threat to dragons than /I/ am.
Sincerely yours,
A confused Kahjit
P.S. I would say the Dragonborn but obviously the horse has stolen that role.
-
Dear Skyrim,
I've been in your lands for a few weeks now. I've fought frost trolls, the undead, vampires and even your resurrected dragons. I've even made friends with a dragon at the top of a mountain who frequently engages in philosophical conversations with me. Please explain to me why he, or no one else, will let me ride one of your dragons! I'm sure one ride would not be too much to ask.
Sincerely yours,
A schizophrenic Argonian
Citizens of Skyrim
I'm terribly sorry if an errant portion of my thu'um, guts of magic, or overly enthusiastic sword slash should catch you in passing. However, the large fire-breathing lizard over there is worrying me slightly, and I would appreciate your assistance in removing it. It was, in fact, my primary target, but you insisted on walking in front of me, trying to get me to eat human flesh. A horrendously stereotypical view of werewolves, I have to add.
Since evidently we are now engaged in a blood feud from which only one of us can emerge alive, may I suggest we at least put our differences aside until the dragon has lost the privilege of breathing?
Yours irritably
Sinestro.
I'm terribly sorry if an errant portion of my thu'um, guts of magic, or overly enthusiastic sword slash should catch you in passing. However, the large fire-breathing lizard over there is worrying me slightly, and I would appreciate your assistance in removing it. It was, in fact, my primary target, but you insisted on walking in front of me, trying to get me to eat human flesh. A horrendously stereotypical view of werewolves, I have to add.
Since evidently we are now engaged in a blood feud from which only one of us can emerge alive, may I suggest we at least put our differences aside until the dragon has lost the privilege of breathing?
Yours irritably
Sinestro.
Dear Skyrim,
Send guards to every small town and village, then reinforce the cities with a guard in every home and business. It has come to my attention that after trying for three hours to inform a family of Leifnarrs death, the mighty Dragonborn dragon slayer, "Dovahkiin", decided to behead the mother in front of child and upon being unable to harm the child, left their home as a werewolf and proceeded to slaughter everything else.
Regards,
Azrael
(p.s, I'm the dragonborn Azrael, I'm only warning you so that I have more heads to cut off when I get to each place. See you soon Cicero...)
Send guards to every small town and village, then reinforce the cities with a guard in every home and business. It has come to my attention that after trying for three hours to inform a family of Leifnarrs death, the mighty Dragonborn dragon slayer, "Dovahkiin", decided to behead the mother in front of child and upon being unable to harm the child, left their home as a werewolf and proceeded to slaughter everything else.
Regards,
Azrael
(p.s, I'm the dragonborn Azrael, I'm only warning you so that I have more heads to cut off when I get to each place. See you soon Cicero...)
Dear Skyrim,
I would like to take the time to apologize for not letting the souls of the departed go to Sovngarde. However this is not my fault as my lord Molag Bal demands souls, and the souls I feed his mace using the Black Star just so happen to belong to your people......that I kindly bludgeon to death on a regular basis. I mean no harm to you, I just mean severe harm to them.
Sincerely and with love,
Vaelis: The only High Elf wearing heavy armor in the province
I would like to take the time to apologize for not letting the souls of the departed go to Sovngarde. However this is not my fault as my lord Molag Bal demands souls, and the souls I feed his mace using the Black Star just so happen to belong to your people......that I kindly bludgeon to death on a regular basis. I mean no harm to you, I just mean severe harm to them.
Sincerely and with love,
Vaelis: The only High Elf wearing heavy armor in the province
Dear Skyrim,
Please don't have every freaking Nord in a pack of 4 or more all use 2 handers. it's a pain duel wielding daggers.
And why can't I back up faster than a half mile an hour with a strung bow. What is pushing on me as I try to run back from enemies.
And invest in better locks.
Sincerely,
An anonymous rogue.
Please don't have every freaking Nord in a pack of 4 or more all use 2 handers. it's a pain duel wielding daggers.
And why can't I back up faster than a half mile an hour with a strung bow. What is pushing on me as I try to run back from enemies.
And invest in better locks.
Sincerely,
An anonymous rogue.
Dear Skyrim,
After becoming a Thane for glorious Whiterun, I was estatic. I was an official noble, and I had a cutie to carry all my heavy stuff and all that. Seeing as the equipment she brought with her was far from optimal I gave her various heavily enchanted items and weapons in addition to my massive loot bag. The biggest item I loaned to my housecarl was Wuulthraad, the two-handed battleaxe of Ysgrimor.
It's been two weeks now and I'm not really sure where my housecarl went. Maybe she got upset when I overthrew the thane of Whiterun and installed a new one more loyal to the Stormcloak rebellion and had to reestablish my position as Thane. But a faint suspicion has me guessing she's crossed the border with what must have been all the gold in the entire planet. So that sucks.
Thanks for listening,
Tygra (I look like the dude from Thundercats)
P.S. I suspect she sold all of my items before departing, because every single damn shopkeeper only has roughly 500 gold max to make exchanges with.
After becoming a Thane for glorious Whiterun, I was estatic. I was an official noble, and I had a cutie to carry all my heavy stuff and all that. Seeing as the equipment she brought with her was far from optimal I gave her various heavily enchanted items and weapons in addition to my massive loot bag. The biggest item I loaned to my housecarl was Wuulthraad, the two-handed battleaxe of Ysgrimor.
It's been two weeks now and I'm not really sure where my housecarl went. Maybe she got upset when I overthrew the thane of Whiterun and installed a new one more loyal to the Stormcloak rebellion and had to reestablish my position as Thane. But a faint suspicion has me guessing she's crossed the border with what must have been all the gold in the entire planet. So that sucks.
Thanks for listening,
Tygra (I look like the dude from Thundercats)
P.S. I suspect she sold all of my items before departing, because every single damn shopkeeper only has roughly 500 gold max to make exchanges with.
Dear Skyrim,
Is it possible not to choose sides in your civil war? I know I'm an Imperial and all, but I know what's right for the people. And quite frankly, from what I've seen, neither is right to rule over you. Seriously, the empire is an ass as much as Ulfric Stormcloak times a hundred.
Also, why aren't my companions any interesting to talk to? I want to go my own adventure and if they want to join me, I want to know why! Sure, maybe I've earned their respect, but at least give me a little backstory from them, or at least a little personality!
Other than that, I am enjoying my stay in my nice little Whiterun house. Granted, Lydia doesn't seem to understand the concept of "get out," but she ain't to much of a bother.
Sincerely, nice guy Phil.
Is it possible not to choose sides in your civil war? I know I'm an Imperial and all, but I know what's right for the people. And quite frankly, from what I've seen, neither is right to rule over you. Seriously, the empire is an ass as much as Ulfric Stormcloak times a hundred.
Also, why aren't my companions any interesting to talk to? I want to go my own adventure and if they want to join me, I want to know why! Sure, maybe I've earned their respect, but at least give me a little backstory from them, or at least a little personality!
Other than that, I am enjoying my stay in my nice little Whiterun house. Granted, Lydia doesn't seem to understand the concept of "get out," but she ain't to much of a bother.
Sincerely, nice guy Phil.
Dear Skyrim,
...What the hell are you feeding all your bears? Seriously, they're like small tanks.
Sincerely,
A mildly concerned lizard
...What the hell are you feeding all your bears? Seriously, they're like small tanks.
Sincerely,
A mildly concerned lizard
Dear Jarl of Winterhold,
There is a Dark Elf woman in your town who is apparently constantly verbally abused by your townspeople for her race. Shockingly enough, upon entering the town her life was threatened. Being the good Argonian that I am, I stopped to cheer her up, at which point we had a discussion about how racism is bad. It was then that I got the idea to write this letter in an effort to stop racism in your fine city, but then she turned right around and called me a "damn lizard" so now I ask that you enforce a stricter anti Dark Elf policy and throw this woman in jail for hypocrisy.
P.S. Have your best mages come up with a way to remove the ice spikes and arrows from a living body, seriously, I have had these ice spikes (which will not melt) and arrows in my chest for days now, I think I may get an infection soon.
Signed,
Talon
There is a Dark Elf woman in your town who is apparently constantly verbally abused by your townspeople for her race. Shockingly enough, upon entering the town her life was threatened. Being the good Argonian that I am, I stopped to cheer her up, at which point we had a discussion about how racism is bad. It was then that I got the idea to write this letter in an effort to stop racism in your fine city, but then she turned right around and called me a "damn lizard" so now I ask that you enforce a stricter anti Dark Elf policy and throw this woman in jail for hypocrisy.
P.S. Have your best mages come up with a way to remove the ice spikes and arrows from a living body, seriously, I have had these ice spikes (which will not melt) and arrows in my chest for days now, I think I may get an infection soon.
Signed,
Talon
