Letters to Skyrim

[Black-6]

Dear Skyrim,

Please give the Dark Brotherhood their balls back. Seriously I exterminated the lot of them in less time than it takes to kill a bandit leader.

With regards,

Ivar Wargun.

 

[Roamin11]

Dear Whoever has Kidnaped my Dog

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my dog go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Vengefully,
Risa

Anyone who quotes Liam Neeson is a champ in my book.

Dear Skyrim

Why is there no recipes to smith a blade out of Dragon bones? Dragon bones, scales, and other body parts are in an abundant supply. Or even use the Dragon bone as a large blunt two handed object, I'm sure a rib would be suffice to turn any bandit's face to a smear on a dungeon wall. But yet I can only smith armor with these mythical creatures remains.

Signed- Warwick: Alchemist, Two Handed Enthusiast, And Dragon Bone Artist.

 

[soes757]

Dear Skyrim
Please allow your merchants more gold, give me a power to revive my companion, and please make your fine country just a bit larger.

sincerely, a lonely dragonborn missing Lydia

 

[Redryhno]

Dear Skyrim,

I love that you have such beautiful landscapes and wandering roads... but it seems that all the "patrols" that both the Empire and Stormcloaks keep sending out are never on them, and hence, travel is difficult with all the Sabre Cats, trolls, bandits, and even slaughterfish blocking all modes of travel. I understand that times are hard, with the war going on, and prices have been hiked in lieu of this, but I truly wish that you could possibly help with these and other problems. I may only be but a humble Dunmer trying to make my way in the world, but I am the one everyone keeps talking about needing protection to battle the dragons coming back to life.

Sincerly, Jaem Telvanni, one of the multiverse's Dovahkiin's

 

[CowboyfromHell666]

Dear Skyrim,

Why does my Chain Lightning like to attack not only my enemies, but my allies? I have had to break the fabric of time on many an occasion to remedy the fact my lightning decided to jump to a wounded companion and kill them. Please, get smarter lightning.

With love,
A Nord that smells like a wet dog

P.S. I really enjoy sending dragon bones sailing through the sky with an Ice Spike, and using my mace to send bandits off a mountain. Never change...aside from the lightning issue.

 

[marfin_]

Dear Skyrim,


You really need to do something about all of the giant spiders running around. I only went into a basement of a farm house to find a complex cavern of rats and giant spiders! Seriously, it's disgusting

love, ... you know

P.S. horses are nice, but you need more ponies!

 

[zajohnson]

Dear Skyrim,
You made my father in real life enjoy video games.
But now I can't play you!!!!
FUUUUUUU-

Sincerely,
An annoyed son who bought the game but the father says "That's too bad" grrr fuuuuu

 

[LoneWanderer19]

Dear Skyrim,

While leaving Cyrodiil to visit my sister in Skyrim and attend the Mage's College, I was thrown into a prisoner transport and scheduled to be beheaded. I have since been stuck in Skyrim since my passport was burned on site at Helgen.


Also, on my way to the nearest Hold, I fell and was stuck between a rock and a tree. I had to forget what happened and start back at Helgen's gate.

Your country is fun and lively, but very, very cold, and I only have 5 more days before my ship leaves for Summerset Isle from the Waterfront.

Love,
Me

 

[King of the Sandbox]

Dear Skyrim,

I enjoy your country very much, and feel that I should tell you that that's not all snow covering your mountains. I just get very excited when I see dragons.

Signed,
A Very Grateful Dunmer

 

[Kopikatsu]

You'll be delighted to know that my first official act as ruler of Skyrim will be a systematic murder of every Elf in Skyrim, not unlike your world's Holocaust. I hope I can count on your vote, before I take away voting privileges(and all other privileges) of all non-Nords.

-Ulfric, the true High King

Long live High King Ulfric the Wise!

 

[neverarine]

Dear Skyrim,

All I ever wanted was some pants.

Sincerely,
A depressed pantless Dunmer

 

[Krantos]

Dear Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak,

You may remember that we met in Helgen. I was the Dunmer that was about to have his head cut off when the Dragon attacked. I also helped your mate Ralof escape to his sister's house in Riverwood.

As per Ralof's suggestion, I headed to Windhelm to assist in the war on your behalf. However, when I arrived, the first thing I noticed was a couple of your Nord citizens harassing and threatening a fellow Dunmer. Now, I'm sure racial tensions are high and all that, but I think it can safely be said that threatening a woman with implied rape should be a matter for the guards, regardless of skin color or shape of one's ears.

Upon further investigation, I discovered that this sort of behavior is not only tolerated, it's quite common. Furthermore, I discovered that, rather than being integrated into the city, the Dunmer in your hold are forced to live in a slum, a dirty back alley with serious hygiene concerns. The "Grey Quarter."

You understand then, why my decision to aid in your little rebellion was suddenly called into question. If this is the sort of behavior you allow to occur in your own city, what sort of treatment can my fellow mer expect should you become High King?

Do you deny that your treatment of Nords has always been preferential? Can you account for the rumors your follower spread that you intend to exile all non-humans from Skyrim as soon as you take the throne? Can you give one reason why anyone but a Bigoted Nord would take up arms under your banner?

Perhaps you take offense at my tone. I certainly hope so, as I take offense at your actions and inaction regarding my people living on your very doorstep.

If you want me, or any Mer, Argonian, or Khajiit, to considered doing anything other than taking up arms for the Imperial cause, I suggest you turn your treatment of non-humans around.

Oh, I forgot to mention. I am Dragonborn. I have been proclaimed Ysgramor, Dragon of the North, by the Greybeards. I also have the allegiance and service of all remaining Blades.

Consider that in your calculations.

-Monte Cristo, Dragonborn.


Not so serious one:

Dear Madanach,

Remember when I helped you escape from prison? Yeah, do you think maybe you could get your Forsworn to stop attacking me?

All it's doing is killing them and hindering me. You'll save me some time and a lot of your followers get to live. Also, if this goes on, I may have to come to... other arrangements.

I trust I make myself clear.

-K'Reegar, Listener of the Black Hand.

 

[XIGBARx13]

Dear Skyrim,

For the love of the Eight Divines, please stop sending dragons to attack me every time I set foot in Winterhold. All I ask is to have them attack me in some different locale... you know, for a change in scenery.

Love,
Anole

(P.S. If you happen to run into him, please ask The Butcher to kill that woman in Windhelm at his earliest convenience so I can finally buy Hjerim.)

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

Dear Skyrim,

The imperial protectors need to build more and better roads. Some are just terrible. Also some aqueducts would be nice.
Also there need to be more jokes in game along the lines of, "what has the empire ever done for us?"

Sincerely,
The sore-footed bandit.

 

[Soluncreed]

Dear Guards of Skyrim,
Dear Whoever has Kidnaped my Dog

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my dog go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Vengefully,
Risa

Good Luck.