Lol, Skyrim.

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MrBenSampson

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Oct 8, 2011
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The game is a little odd at times. The couriers are faster than e-mail. I killed a chicken, and had a few people in town attack me. Immediately after the my last opponent fell, a courier walked up to me with a letter. The letter was from someone in town, thanking me for slaying one of those men who attacked me.

Not long after, I had bought a dwarven bow, which had a nice fire enchantment. I had walked no more than 30 metres before I got a letter from a man living in a distant town, asking me to sell my bow to him.
 

RedEyesBlackGamer

The Killjoy Detective returns!
Jan 23, 2011
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Dizeazedkiller said:
Zig zagging up a vertical cliff, horse's ass sinking into the mountain, dismount at the top.... fall straight through the mountain and die to fall damage.

Now i haven't tried this one yet but im training up my pickpocketing atm and trying to get it to 100 so i can steal a whole towns armour so it can be the naked town. Trollololol

Xooiid said:
Also, for stealthy players: let your companion wear heavy armor and use a two-handed sword [Like Lydia]. Shoot an arrow, then back off far enough so they chase after Lydia, and ignore you. While she's chopping them, sneak attack. It has made my life so much easier in some quests, and her Superior Dwarf Armor makes her a beast.
Being a part of the dark brotherhood i have Shadowmere as my mount. I ran into two dragons in the middle of nowhere, and they immediately landed right next to me. I sneaked behind a tree hoping that maybe they'd stop attacking me. They agroed to Shadowmere. Shadowmere is invincible. I killed both dragons without losing any health because my horse will not die.

Shadowmere is better ;P
I was defending Whitrun from the Stormcloaks. You actually begin battle by the stable where your horse spawns after a fast travel. I found out that Shadowmere doesn't like the rebels at all. She aggro'd three soldiers at a time and began destroying them. She killed more Stormcloaks than me or the Imperial soldiers combined. Shadowmere, the hero of the battle for Whiterun. I want Balgruuf to make her a Thane.
 

Jandau

Smug Platypus
Dec 19, 2008
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Not so much funny, but I find it awesome and slightly hillarious that Skyrim takes some of the standard tropes regarding Elves and throws them out the window.

Namely, the whole usual talk about the Age of Man coming and Elves (and other "elder" races) slowly fading away before the expansion of the ever-so-adaptable and clever Humans. 99% of the time there are Elves, this shit is happening in one form or another. In Forgotten Realms (the D&D setting) Elves are basically living in a limited number of enclaves and small kingdoms. In Dragon Age, the elven empire is long gone and what's left is pathetic.

But no, not the Elder Scrolls Elves. Those dudes GOT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER! Between Oblivion and Skyrim, the High Elves and the Wood Elves teamed up, made an Elf kingdom, then allied with the Khajiit and proceeded to kick the Empire in the nuts. To be specific, they asked for a ton of stuff and when the Empire refused, they marched right in there, ripped them a new arsehole and sacked the Imperial City. Imperials barely pushed them back and ended up agreeing to all the demands the elves made, including the one where they outlaw the worship of Talos (which pissed off a lot of people in Skyrim).

Seriously, every time I see one of the Thalmor I let out a small evil giggle. Those guys are awesome!
 

FooFire

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May 15, 2009
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I gave up on companions after the time I was riding my 1000g horse saw something shiny, gets off to pick up, turns round to find my horse floating off in the distance... Sprinting after my pride and Joy shouting no horsey come back! only to see it reach its vertical limit pause then plummet to the ground dead... 1000g gone!

half an hour later im heading up the steps to see the grey beards with my servant woman in tow. Came across a steep step she just couldn't handle so she went round and fell off the mountain!
...
...

Conclusion, don't bother with companions :)
 

similar.squirrel

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Mar 28, 2009
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I was talking to Delphine after killing my second dragon. Now, in both real life and the Realms Fantastical, I'm averse to making eye-contact. So, this lady was nattering on and I was looking around like a hallucinating meerkat. Suddenly, I observed a mammoth behind the treeline shoot vertically about 80 meters into the air.
 

Legendairy314

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Aug 26, 2010
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Got a random event that turned even more random and thus more hilarious.

I was walking towards a random sunken shoot for untold loot when a man only known as "Thief" came across me and told me to hold onto this Axe of Lightning and that he'd come back for it later. As he runs away he runs past another fellow that immediately comes up to me and asks if he has seen said thief or the item he stole. As I rolled my eyes I noticed in the background (while the conversation was still going) that thief was heading towards a Sabre Cat. He saw this and ran away. For about 20 seconds I talked to the owner of the axe as I watched behind him the thief getting chased down and killed by the cat. I gave back the axe and the owner exclaimed how he's going to find and murder that scoundrel. Then he got attacked as I continued on without looking back.
 

Sordak

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Oct 5, 2010
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Jandau said:
Not so much funny, but I find it awesome and slightly hillarious that Skyrim takes some of the standard tropes regarding Elves and throws them out the window.

Namely, the whole usual talk about the Age of Man coming and Elves (and other "elder" races) slowly fading away before the expansion of the ever-so-adaptable and clever Humans. 99% of the time there are Elves, this shit is happening in one form or another. In Forgotten Realms (the D&D setting) Elves are basically living in a limited number of enclaves and small kingdoms. In Dragon Age, the elven empire is long gone and what's left is pathetic.

But no, not the Elder Scrolls Elves. Those dudes GOT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER! Between Oblivion and Skyrim, the High Elves and the Wood Elves teamed up, made an Elf kingdom, then allied with the Khajiit and proceeded to kick the Empire in the nuts. To be specific, they asked for a ton of stuff and when the Empire refused, they marched right in there, ripped them a new arsehole and sacked the Imperial City. Imperials barely pushed them back and ended up agreeing to all the demands the elves made, including the one where they outlaw the worship of Talos (which pissed off a lot of people in Skyrim).

Seriously, every time I see one of the Thalmor I let out a small evil giggle. Those guys are awesome!
everytime i see a thalmore i kill them without asking questions, i hate those snobs. HERP DERP WE ARE ELVES WE ARE SO GREAT well eat my Axe!
 

godevit

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Nov 21, 2008
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I became the arch-mage of winterhold even thought I do so little magic damage its just weird, I basically had been doing long kitting the whole dungeon.
the guys at the collage can one shot me with their spells and I do like 5% to them ....talk about Arch mage.
 

LesStewart

Regular Member
Jul 4, 2009
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When I returned to human form after causing mayhem as a werewolf, I jumped off a cliff, rotated the camera...and emitted a girlish shriek as I realised my character had nothing between his legs. I personally think it's punishment for doing all those Deadric quests.
 

Adellebella

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Sep 9, 2011
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I was doing a contract for the Dark Brotherhood, and I killed the man right outside the town.

In the top of the screen I read "1,000 Gold Bounty!"

What!? I look around, and see no witnesses. Humph. Annoyed, I shoot the two mudcrabs who are staring at me from across the river.

"Bounty removed. Last witness killed."

...MUDCRAAAABBBS!...

Another time, I came up to a random ruin. I get off my horse, and proceed to go inside. Apparently there was an enemy in there. My horse has tasted blood once, and wanted more, so it charged through the opening of the ruins. Problem: my horse has a fat ass, and wedged itself in the opening. I had to amble up the side of the ruin, jump down, kill the damn thing, and then butter my horses fat ass until I could push him out.

It looked kind of like this:
 
Jan 27, 2011
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kouriichi said:
Not many funny things happen to Raj. Mostly tragic.

Raj get home, and go into living room, try to heal wounds after combat with dragon. Accidentally flame atronach. Certainly, this freak me out, so i proceed to stab it.

Flame Atronach fall over dead. Wife Mjoll come into living room, and scold Khajiit for miscasting. I apologize then "BOOOOOOM!", room bathed in fire!

Did you know Flame Atronach explode after death? Raj did not. Ruin house, sending everything in house off shelves. Make big mess!

Wife Mjoll cant help but laugh. Fire Burn off all of Raj's fur. Look pinker then pomegranate! Raj dislike next week in cold skyrim.

Now Raj see why nords always angry.
That was awesome.

Congratulations. You have just motivated me to try to play Morrowind again, with an absent minded, thieving, but very kind Khajiit. (I'm waiting for the inevitable GOTY console version of skyrim, with all the DLC and bug patches)
 

Sion_Barzahd

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Jul 2, 2008
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Sneak attacked a dragon, and in all his undying fury he ... he stole my horse and flew off with it. -.-
 

Mau95

Senior Member
Nov 11, 2011
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I stole a bucket. By accident. Imagine me in court: Look, I didnt mean to, I just pressed the wrong button!
 

sage42

Elite Member
Mar 20, 2009
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kouriichi said:
Not many funny things happen to Raj. Mostly tragic.

Raj get home, and go into living room, try to heal wounds after combat with dragon. Accidentally flame atronach. Certainly, this freak me out, so i proceed to stab it.

Flame Atronach fall over dead. Wife Mjoll come into living room, and scold Khajiit for miscasting. I apologize then "BOOOOOOM!", room bathed in fire!

Did you know Flame Atronach explode after death? Raj did not. Ruin house, sending everything in house off shelves. Make big mess!

Wife Mjoll cant help but laugh. Fire Burn off all of Raj's fur. Look pinker then pomegranate! Raj dislike next week in cold skyrim.

Now Raj see why nords always angry.
Seriously this was hilarious. I can't help but feel he would do well with a surly Argonian as a buddy though. He would be pissed off too, cold-blooded lizard man does not enjoy the snow.

OT: Don't have aany hilarious moments yet aside from Giant Air Travels. Considering my brothers friend just brought it over for a day then left with it, I believe I'm going through an awesomeness withdrawal.
 

aristos_achaion

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Dec 30, 2008
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I'd just married Ysolde (from Whiterun), and decided that we should live in my house in Solitude, since it's the nicest of my houses. Went to bed in Solitude that night, woke up with no wife in sight nor the "lover's comfort" bonus you get from sleeping with your spouse. Seeing as I was power-leveling then, I rather wanted that bonus, so I ended up staking out the bedroom, sleeping at one-hour intervals to see if she ever came to bed. She didn't. Turns out, she prefers to crash in the bedroll in the basement.

Also, after the wedding assassination, I noticed there was still fighting outside the temple. One of the guards must've gotten a stray hit on a guest in the pandemonium, since by the time I got there, the guards had summarily massacred the groom's entire family. Somehow, I don't think slaughtering an eminent Nord family will be the Empire's best PR move in this war.
 

Ascarus

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Feb 5, 2010
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i killed a chicken in the first town i walked into. a citizen witnessed my "crime" and was so incensed he started to attack me -- i also had a 30 gold bounty on my head.

i basically murdered this civilian (in self defense of course) and the bounty was cleared.

so in the world of skyrim, killing chickens gets you a bounty. killing witnesses does not.
 

Liquid Paradox

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Jul 19, 2009
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By Talos, so many funny things have happened that this is about to become a monstrous post. Where do I begin?

1) I was walking down a path in the middle of the day when suddenly I see a random dude crouched in a bush a mile away. Being a stealth character, I decide the safest way to handle this is to sneak up behind him and check him out before I decide weather to talk to him or kill him. The pick pocket tooltip comes up, telling me that this NPC is called "Brotherhood Assassin." Picking his pocket, I discover a note, which I steal, and then read. Turns out that the Brotherhood has accepted (and already been paid for) a contract to kill me. Naturally, I sneak attack the crappy assassin, killing him instantly. Really, the Brotherhood should consider outsourcing.

2) On that same character, I accepted a quest to recover a sword for a guy. "Sure, why not?" I said, and made my way towards the camp that he had tracked the sword to. I find the camp nestled into a natural cleft in the mountain, surrounded by a wooden palisade and heavily fortified. As a stealth character, a direct assault would end in my death, so I attempt to wait until nightfall. However, right before I hit the "t" button to wait, I notice a group of giants not far from the camp. There is no way I can take them on, and I wasn't able to "Wait" while they were around, so I watch. Suddenly, one of the bandit sentries spots the giants from his spot on the wall, and alerts the camp. He then proceeds to fire an arrow at the giant. Last mistake he ever made. The giants go berserk, and proceed to DECIMATE the camp, sending bandit after bandit into orbit. There were no survivors. After it's safe I make my way into the camp... and learn that it's a camp of mammoth poachers. Talk about comeuppance.

3) Sometimes, before I quit, I decide to go on a massacre. This particular character was a level 24 sword-and-board Nord, and a member of the companions. Well, I decided to see how strong this new enchanted bow was by shooting a guard; I missed, unfortunately, and hit a little girl instead (which, as you may know, didn't hurt her, but DID piss off the guards). Well, me and Lydia made short work of the guards and the few townspeople who attacked us, and soon, the entire town was dead (or, at least, those who I could kill were dead). That's when I noticed something peculiar. Turns out that if you join the companions, they will fight anything that becomes hostile toward you, no matter what that happens to be. So, I watched as Every single member of the companions proceeded to chase around the little girl I had accidentally shot, hacking her with swords and axes, and taunting her meager fighting ability (Re: Running and Crying) as they did so. Talk about honorable warriors.

4) God damn, horses are brazen. I had a horse for five minuets, before coming upon a forsworn camp. I made sure to keep my horse a safe distance away as I approached the camp... not that it mattered. As soon as combat started, there was my horse, rushing into combat and taking out three forsworn by itself, before getting killed by arrows. Cost me a thousand gold, but it was certainly worth a laugh. Never rode a horse again.

5) On the note of bad-ass horsies, I was wandering around in the wilderness one day, looking for a tower that was near by, when suddenly I gained a Dragon Soul. Confused, I looked around until I found a Dragon corpse, along with several dead bandits, and a single, slightly injured horse, standing proudly among it's spoils.
 
Jan 27, 2011
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You know...the more I hear about skyrim and the hilarious things that happen in it, the more I'm convinced to pick this up....someday....not now, though....too much on my plate already.

Liquid Paradox said:
1) I was walking down a path in the middle of the day when suddenly I see a random dude crouched in a bush a mile away. Being a stealth character, I decide the safest way to handle this is to sneak up behind him and check him out before I decide weather to talk to him or kill him. The pick pocket tooltip comes up, telling me that this NPC is called "Brotherhood Assassin." Picking his pocket, I discover a note, which I steal, and then read. Turns out that the Brotherhood has accepted (and already been paid for) a contract to kill me. Naturally, I sneak attack the crappy assassin, killing him instantly. Really, the Brotherhood should consider outsourcing.
Ok, I have this AWESOME mental image of a guy walking down a path, stopping, then walking into the brush on the side of the road. Then he walks casually up to an assassin, watching the road with a fixed and steady glare. Hero Guy cocks his head curiously, pulls a parchment out or the assassin's pouch, goes wide eyed, then scowls, and pull out an axe. Assassin says "SSSHHH!!! I'm trying to sneak up on-" moments before the loud and painful *THUNK!*. XD

Liquid Paradox said:
2) On that same character, I accepted a quest to recover a sword for a guy. "Sure, why not?" I said, and made my way towards the camp that he had tracked the sword to. I find the camp nestled into a natural cleft in the mountain, surrounded by a wooden palisade and heavily fortified. As a stealth character, a direct assault would end in my death, so I attempt to wait until nightfall. However, right before I hit the "t" button to wait, I notice a group of giants not far from the camp. There is no way I can take them on, and I wasn't able to "Wait" while they were around, so I watch. Suddenly, one of the bandit sentries spots the giants from his spot on the wall, and alerts the camp. He then proceeds to fire an arrow at the giant. Last mistake he ever made. The giants go berserk, and proceed to DECIMATE the camp, sending bandit after bandit into orbit. There were no survivors. After it's safe I make my way into the camp... and learn that it's a camp of mammoth poachers. Talk about comeuppance.
LMAO! Giants. Your friendly neighborhood karma delivery guys.


Liquid Paradox said:
By Talos, so many-
HALT KNAVE! YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF THE LAW!

.....Am I doing it right? :p