Make a modern cliched game...

[Brazilianpeanutwar]

I was wondering if it's possible to sum up a modern cliched game in a post.

All you have to do is be as unoriginal as possible,use every trick in the book you can think of for example,A modern fps :

The lead character is a monobrowed mute/grunting caveman in a post apocalyptic/jungle/futuristic environment fighting against robots/corporations/aliens/russian/germans/all 5 at once.

His name is Jack/cole/something vaguely pornographic/strongbone manjaw.

He looks like a testicle/block of cheese/chiselled model/sulky emo.

He's looking for a vague artifact/his wife/his wife is the vague artifact.

The box artwork is : a man pulling a sulky face/a man pulling a sulky face/a man sulking with a big gun/a big gun sulking.


Now you go :]

 

[Jezzascmezza]

You're in a post-apocalyptic world.
There are zombies.
The zombies are Russian.
You have some sort of slow-motion ability.
The color scheme consists of mainly browns and grays.
The lead character is a deep-voiced hulk with no emotion, who is looking for his wife.
He has a bunch of squad mates and one of them dies.
There will be a sequel.

 

[Phlakes]

It is a modern FPS.
Everything is brown and gray.
It has a snow level.
The campaign is short and feels tacked on at the last minute.
There is online multiplayer.
Half of all players are kids.
Everybody finds the cheapest ways to play.

 

[Hazardlife]

You are a faceless space marine.
There are aliens.
The aliens are vaguely religious.
Shoot them for great justice!

 

[Meggiepants]

You have fabulous hair.
Some evil dude/chick is going to destroy the world.
For some reason, you and your fabulous hair are the only ones who can stop it.
But first, you collect and eccentric group of friends to help you. Probably 5 friends rounding out your party to six.
One member of you party may or may not be a secret princess. She kinda likes you.
You find out the evil is actually something much bigger than one guy.
You face the evil. It transforms.
It transforms again.
Once more.
Now it's dead. Congratulations, you get the girl.

 

[MrPokeylope]

A modern 'horror' game

You're armed to the teeth, stuff jumps out at you.

 

[s0p0g]

You're in a post-apocalyptic world.
There are zombies.
The zombies are Russian.
You have some sort of slow-motion ability.
The color scheme consists of mainly browns and grays.
The lead character is a deep-voiced hulk with no emotion, who is looking for his wife.
He has a bunch of squad mates and one of them dies.
There will be a sequel.

i don't know, but it sure does remind of some game i recently heard of... *cough*

 

[Brazilianpeanutwar]

You are a female character

You have tits.

The end.

 

[Kuchinawa212]

John, who is searching for his lost daughter, must battle russian in a hi-tech shooter adventure that spans the globe!

Also, John has a special ability to tap into Bland! He bores the shit out of his opponents AND the player

 

[Zaik]

red barrels, bullet time, bad guys who are bad for the sake of not being good guys so you can kill them, box art of some woman that has nothing to do with and doesn't even appear in the game, and a government conspiracy

edit: oh yeah, and nazis and russians. hell, it'll be nazi russians.

 

[imnot]

Storngbone's Mcmuteynoface must use his 13 foot thick aromour and massive gun to kill all the russians.also you have a sidekick that yells at you down a phone.

 

[Brazilianpeanutwar]

There will be someone talking to you and giving you advice over a radio.
At some point they will say "Huh what the-----gyaaaargh" *crackle crackle thud bang*

The government will betray you.

Black guys are never the bad guy.

Women are there to be romanced then left with no explanation.

There will be a vision/prophecy/extremely obvious plot point that only YOU can solve.

Your character will have a dark and mysterious past/amnesia/secret/glaringly obvious twist.

You will be a space marine.

You will be an "everyman/avaerage schmoe" who isn't really an "everyman/avaerage schmoe because he's also a nuclear scientist/warrior/alien/saviour of the galaxy"

 

[Ironic Pirate]

The game isn't story driven, and shares similar plot elements to another game. It also shares a similar color palette, and the focus is on cover taking.

The game runs on a very different engine from other game, and is a different experience.

IGN makes a review of the game, they name some other games that have those similar plot elements and palettes, then they talk about graphics and how awesome the 360 is for several minutes, and give the game a 7.5, so as not to anger anyone.

And there's also multiplayer that sucks.

 

[AKissAndAGunshot]

Faceless armored giant/marine with a forehead & jaw like two aircraft carriers pulling alongside each other

proceeds to slay many, many things

some of which may be aliens, zombies, Russians or just generic "evil corporate baddies"

(up to three of the above may be slayed in the cause of huge foreheads and Space-marine hardons)

whereupon our carrier-loading-dock-face/robotic suit of armor slays mega-corporation owner/"some ancient evil"

and lives happily ever after, watching the curtiss helldivers land safely on his face.

(the cinderblock facial features of many video game protaganists REALLY ANNOYS ME, in case you hadn't guessed.)

 

[TPiddy]

We have nothing better to do than trash modern shooters? I don't care what anyone says, modern FPS games are FUN. Just as fun as the old school ones, if not more so. Can we lay off of this constant criticism of every game type?

Seriously, JRPG's get taken to the cleaners once a week around here. FPS's do as well. It wasn't funny when Yahtzee did it and it's not funny now. Find something better to talk about.

 

[Brazilianpeanutwar]

The baddie will be nice as pie at the beginning then turn his back and mutter something like
"Yeeeeeessssss you're all safe.......for noowwwww" *cue ominous music*

and noone will hear him...EVER!

The plot macguffin/artifact/secret whatever will lift someone in the air and they'll pull their face and make a few strange "huurgh aargh eeegh" noises then the screen will flash/everything goes black and white/the character has a vision/everyone's transported to an evil/opposite world/someone relevant to the plot stand there talking to you and being vague and mysterious and shit.

The base always explodes at the end.Destroying all the evidence and bad guys.