Mall Fight - Back To Basics (Open)

[Realitycrash]

Ouch. Having been revived, killed, and now respawned again, I notice that I still somehow hold my Jim Beam flask. Noticing Knife-28 nearby, I proceed to smash it over his face.
"Mm, burbon and blood" I murmur to myself as I lick my now bleeding fingers.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

I hit the wall near the door and throw a used condom at Knife.

 

[Knife-28]

"Why is everyone hittying me overr the heed with alcohal todoy?" I say, before collapsing through the trapdoor and landing in the sewers.

 

[Knife-28]

I respawn, and blow up the Hot Topic with garden fertiliser.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

I blow up Knife by throwing Martin in it.
I'm drunk, alright?

 

[Knife-28]

I wonder how I managed to blow up the garden fertiliser by being thrown at it. Shrugging, I pick up a nearby newspaper, which bursts into flames. "Oh my god, I must have powers!" I say, before using said powers to kill everyone in The Room. Or at least, I would, if it wasn't a dieing dream of mine I had as Diablo threw me at Tox.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

I rip off Eric's mouth with a rusty craving knife to shut him up.

 

[Knife-28]

However, Diablo's rusty craving knife is actually an incredibly blunt plastic knife.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

I stare at it then give Knife a Rectal Exam with it.

 

[Knife-28]

I respawn, and head to the nearest electronics store. After gathering several armfuls of electronics gear, I barricade myself inside the 'Cuewt And Flwuffy Stuffed Animals' store, conveniently located to the electronics store.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

I throw a fire bottle at Knife's fort, burning him to death.

 

[Knife-28]

Fort, what Fort? I most certainly never had a fort.
Anyway, I finish working on a robotic teddy bear, which I send out into the mall.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

I steal it and slam it on Knife's Head.
"TAG!"
I run.

 

[Knife-28]

The force of the slam gives me a brain hemorrhage, and I respawn in the control centre of the mall. I set the language filter to Italian for no particular reason, then watch some good quality TV. And by that I mean ponies.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

I stab Knife it a spoon and shut everything down.
NO PLOT!

 

[Knife-28]

"Plot, what plot?" I say to Diablo, before picking up the office chair I was sitting in and swinging it in his general direction.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

I run into the food court and get a bucket of roasting fat and throw it at Knife.