Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

[Knife-28]

"GAHWHEREDIDYOUCOMEFROM!?" I yell at Salt, jumping backwards and falling ass-first onto the floor, half out of fright, but mostly because I was in the middle of putting on a pair of pants.

 

[Saltarius]

"OH SWEET JEGUS!"

Whats g0ing 0n

"Nothing! Don't come any closer!"

 

[Knife-28]

I finish pulling up and buttoning the pair of white jeans, and turn to Salt. "Ugh, what do you want?" I ask, rubbing my eyelids.

 

[Saltarius]

"Would you err...know where a desperate gentleman and his wife could procure a matriorb?"

Its kind 0f imp0rtant

"Like adoption and shizz."

 

[RaNDM G]

Rage broils within the depths of the Mall.

[small]aaaaaaaa[/small]AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!

Xot bursts through the floor.

"I have HAD IT with your SILLY MACHINATIONS of the illegal institution of MARRIAGE!"

 

[Knife-28]

"Wait, your alive?!" I say, pointing at Aradia, "How can you be alie, I saw you get killed!"
The Xot bursts through the floor, yelling something about marrage. "Agh, why is everyone being so loud!"

 

[Saltarius]

"HEY XOT!"

I whap Xot upside his stupid face with a rod of Nth metal.

"You probably should've said something during the weddings. Particularly the 'any objections' bit."

Ive been dead m0re 0r less s0 its just b0dyh0pping f0r me

 

[Knife-28]

'Wait, your a ghost...in a machine..." I say, slumping on the couch trying to wrap my head around the concept. It is also at this point that Efink decides to tumble out of the closet, wearing a stange greenish outfit with an odd symbol on the chest. "Are my 'Xot being a raging douchbag' senses tingling?" He asks, standing.

 

[RaNDM G]

"It's not my fault. I was unconscious."

Xot sniffs.

"You forced me to do this."

Xot pushes the button. Time takes a mobius double reacharound. Suspension of disbelief can go fuck itself.

[HEADING=1]ACT 4: Problem Salt[/HEADING]

You sit in front of a wide desk. A stack of papers is in front of you. Several space cops stand by your side.

The lawyer clears his throat.

"We need your signature, Saltarius."

Your name is Saltarius. And you are master of the known universe.

Granted, the known universe is a Mall hurdling through unknown space. But still. Not too shabby a position.

As mentioned before, you are sitting at your desk. The lawyer anticipates your signature on a stack of papers.

What will you do?

 

[Saltarius]

"I swear to god, I'll find a way to fucking kill you again. Why couldn't you have stayed dead, huh? Why couldn't you just let us be happy?"

I walk off, one hand flipping the space cops off.

 

[RaNDM G]

"Book him."

An officer grabs you by the wrist and twists your arm behind your back. He slams you on the desk and cuffs you.

Your name is Saltarius. And you are now the FORMER master of the universe.

You sit alone in your jail cell.

What will you do?

 

[Saltarius]

Salt: Demand my one phone call.

 

[RaNDM G]

The dignitary obliges, handing you a rotary phone.

It does not seem to fit through the iron bars.

 

[Saltarius]

I use the phone. Somehow.

I decide there is only one person I can trust working the Mall.

"Sis, Xot did some bullshit button thing and now I'm in prison."

I cup my hand over the receiving end and shout to the dignitary.

"WHAT AM I IN FOR?"

 

[Knife-28]

I find myself sprawled on the sidewalk of some city, with only the pants on my legs and the cold evening air for company, and I'm still hungover. "Ugh, god damn it Xot." I mutter, raising to my feet and, lacking any alternitive, I start looking around.

 

[RaNDM G]

SS: "Hello? Who's this?"

The dignitary covers his ears. There is no need to shout, he replies. He is standing right in front of you.

 

[Saltarius]

"A friend. Listen, if you know anybody named Xot, kick them in the dick for me."

"Now then, I apologize for shouting. What am I in for?"

 

[RaNDM G]

SS: "Uh... Okay?"

The girl hangs up.

The dignitary explains that you already know what you are in for. Insulting a space officer is not tolerated in the Mall, even for their leader.

He's not surprised you caved though. If there is one thing he hates, it is respect for authority.

 

[Saltarius]

"Indeed. Authority is bull. Tell me, good sir, what's your name?"

Meanwhile I rifle through my Puzzle fetch modus, seeing if they swiped anything.

Indeed they have. All I have is a crayon and some skim milk.

"When the hell did I buy skim milk?"

Spoiler: Captcha

Cop an attitude.
Fuck tha police.

 

[RaNDM G]

He says his full title is the Draconian Dignitary. Droog will suffice.

Spoiler: Accurate captcha is...

Accurate.