Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

[Captain Anon]

"is he high? or is he like a little kid when they have their first soda or something?"

 

[Saltarius]

"And I thought I was the blind one..."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"You got a lot to learn kiddo!" I yell as ram a crack pipe into my mouth and generate a flame around it.

 

[Saltarius]

"Course, as a Knight I'm supposed to abstain from drugs and be respectful to women and blah blah. Still, print me a braille version of your final draft, k?"

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Final? I never finish anything Salt! Apart from drugs, because you gotta be serious about something." I tear a copy of Between Parentheses to shreds and cut some cocaine with it, before snorting it all.

 

[Saltarius]

"God, can you at least read it to me then? Preferabbly dubbed by Morgan Freeman or Steven Blum."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Better yet! I can do both!" I tear up a floor panel, revealing a strange device. I feed the completed pages into it and it reads them out in Morgan Freeman's and Steve Blum's voices simultaneously.

 

[Saltarius]

"I...think I need a towel."

 

[Paddy the Second]

A secondary slot prints out some towels for Salt.

 

[Saltarius]

"Dude, what can't that typewriter do?"

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Give meaning to my life!"

 

[Saltarius]

"That's where I come in, babe."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"HA! I appreciate the sentiment Salt but you really think something as insignificant as another human being can do that? I gotta have adventure and excitement and really wild things! In that order mind you." I stand up, the typewriter still working away.

 

[Saltarius]

"That would move me to tears if the acid hadn't destroyed my tear ducts."

 

[Paddy the Second]

I pace around the mall muttering the words the typewriter spells out.

 

[Saltarius]

"...And there you go Salt. You just fucked up another relationship."

 

[Paddy the Second]

A spectral head forms on my shoulders and turns to Salt. "Wasn't you this time buddy, it was all me, it'd end like this whoever my significant other was." I bark and the ghostly visage snaps out of reality.

 

[Saltarius]

I proceed to simply bang my head against the nearest wall.

 

[Paddy the Second]

I stalk further off into the mall, beyond the sight of the other fighters.

 

[Saltarius]

"Gee, maybe if I could channel the calamity that is my life, I'd be the best fuckign Knight there ever was."