Marriage is no longer sacred.

[Strain42]

What if you get married without someone uttering the phrase "til death do you part." it's entirely possible.

I admit it, I'm a hopeless romantic. Right now, I'm in love with a girl, known her for two years, we get along great. Once we both graduate from college and get jobs, I just might ask her to marry me. I would love to spend the rest of my life with this woman. I would love to raise a family with her. I would love to grow old with her and have my last words to her be a joke about how I expired before those McDonald's coupons on the fridge did (followed by I love you or yadda yadda, something like that )

But if I ever do marry her, and sometime down the line something happens and neither of us are happy anymore...why should we both be forced to endure the rest of our entire lives in a loveless marriage just because it's "tradition"?

It's nice to have something to believe in, and love is hardly the worst thing to bet on, but sometimes things change, and you have to let go.

 

[Vault101]

the sanctity of "marrage" isnt somthing thats been around since the dawn of time

its entirly cultrual...its not some magical thing

 

[manic_depressive13]

Of course marriage isn't sacred. That would be stupid. However, it is fallacious to say we can just get rid of marriage since it is no longer religiously significant. Marriage is a necessary institution that has many important legal ramifications.

 

[Korolev]

It's sad that there's a lot of divorce, but there's a sliver lining to it. You realize that in the past, the reason why divorce was rare wasn't because more couples loved each other - oh no, no, no - the couples of previous generations were just as dysfunctional as they are today! It's just that divorce was socially unacceptable and it usually spelled doom and ruin for women. In the past, getting a divorce was a good way for the woman to end up mired in poverty and for the man to be excluded from any chance of corporate promotion or social status (it was worse for the wife in all regards, though. Don't forget that).

The Couples of the 30's and the 40's didn't love each other more or have less affairs - they had affairs by the truckload. It's just that divorce was a whole lot scarier back then. If you were a woman, getting divorced was a good way to ensure that you'd be out on the street, starving, and you ran the risk of never seeing your children ever again. You'd lose all face as well - divorce was a big social no-no.

Divorce was rarer back then because fear kept people in deeply unhappy marriages. Abusive marriages. Marriages they didn't want to be in. Yes, the modern greater freedom to get divorced has caused some problems (1/2 children grow up in divorced homes), but would you prefer that people remain stuck in marriages that don't make either party happy?

The real problem is not divorce or marriage - it's the "rush-rush", "if-it-feels-good-do-it", "to-hell-with-the-consequences" thinking of many Americans when it comes to relationships. So many are founded on nothing but lust and shallow qualities that don't last with time. Yeah, he or she might look hot NOW, but time wears away all good looks eventually. If you base your relationships on "Oh gawd, he looks so, like, Hot!" or "Damn man, she's got a big ol' ass! Ah's like the boobs!" then you are setting yourself up for failure. And too few Americans understand that. So many young ones get married in their twenties, unaware of the fact that they cannot escape age anymore than anyone else and that one day their good looks with fade away.

Divorce is not the problem. Marriage is not the problem. The problem is rushing into relationships without considering long-term (decades long) compatibility and personality. Before you marry, think to yourself: "Will I want to spend time with this person even when age and time ravages our faces to the extent that both us look like sun-dried burlap sacks?" If the answer is no, don't get married. If the answer is yes, consider getting married.

Because we will all look like Sun-Dried Burlap sacks eventually. You cannot escape old age. It will come for you as surely as the tide moves in and out. Age is inevitable. Your looks WILL fade and there is NOTHING. YOU. CAN. DO. ABOUT. IT. Nothing. You cannot run from time or old age. It will come for thee.

 

[Goofguy]

Sounds like you've got a pretty big chip on your shoulder for a 15 year old. Mayhaps you have some family members going through a divorce and you needed a place to vent?

Sure, it's pretty crappy. My parents got divorced shortly after I started going to university. I was pretty angry for quite a while. However, now that they're both seeing other people, they're wayyyyy happier than during the last few years together. I am thrilled for the both of them, no one should have to feel stuck in a floundering relationship.

I understand what you mean about commitment to one an other but as some people grow closer to each other, others grow further apart. In my opinion, they're not doing themselves or their loved ones any favours if they're only staying together because it's convenient or they've become used to it.

 

[aba1]

Eh.. sorry, I don't believe a piece of paper means someone should stay with someone who abuses them forever and ever, amen. *shrug* Personalities do change, and some change it to be expected. But, when it comes to the point that the change either makes you constantly miserable or actually puts you in danger, sanctity can go fuck itself, in my humble opinion.

Well it is a commitment not a piece of paper and that is why you shouldn't get married unless you are a 100% committed not 99% nothing less than 100%. If you are in any way unsure in the slightest you should not get married.

OT:
Marriage does work just people don't take there time to prepare. My parents are not divorced and very happy and same with my grandparents and I am sure so will I (I have been with my gf for 6 years).

 

[Risingblade]

Umm...duh? We've known this for years now.

 

[smithy_2045]

That's why all marriage vows should be "Til hot blonde secretary with great tits do we part"

red head or even brunette... not a fan of blondes.

All 'Hot Blonde Secretaries' are non-refundable after being opened. Please contact your local Woman Warehouse for more information, deals and to issue complaints.

THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT 'WOMAN WAREHOUSE'!

Woman Warehouse? I think you mean Woman Whorehouse.

 

[TimeLord]

You read that right. Marriage is an outdated tradition in modern day society. Divorce is a somewhat common thing today, and that's a shame and all that jazz. Now, I'm just going to come out and say this: When you get married, you vow to each other to be with each other until death do you part. Not until somebody better comes along, not until you get bored of one another; until you die.

So you'd rather two people who don't love each other anymore stay together forever for the good of what? Making marriage an attractive option to others? Not using the satanic devorce option?

Also you are assuming that people get divorced primarily because of affairs or boredom, and while I don't deny that that is a percentage of the list of reasons, it's not the only reasons.

I broke up with my girlfriend that I'd loved for two years not because of someone better or from boredom, just because I didn't love her anymore. That happens too.

 

[Erana]

It's sad that there's a lot of divorce, but there's a sliver lining to it. You realize that in the past, the reason why divorce was rare wasn't because more couples loved each other - oh no, no, no - the couples of previous generations were just as dysfunctional as they are today! It's just that divorce was socially unacceptable and it usually spelled doom and ruin for women. In the past, getting a divorce was a good way for the woman to end up mired in poverty and for the man to be excluded from any chance of corporate promotion or social status (it was worse for the wife in all regards, though. Don't forget that).

The Couples of the 30's and the 40's didn't love each other more or have less affairs - they had affairs by the truckload. It's just that divorce was a whole lot scarier back then. If you were a woman, getting divorced was a good way to ensure that you'd be out on the street, starving, and you ran the risk of never seeing your children ever again. You'd lose all face as well - divorce was a big social no-no.

Divorce was rarer back then because fear kept people in deeply unhappy marriages. Abusive marriages. Marriages they didn't want to be in. Yes, the modern greater freedom to get divorced has caused some problems (1/2 children grow up in divorced homes), but would you prefer that people remain stuck in marriages that don't make either party happy?

The real problem is not divorce or marriage - it's the "rush-rush", "if-it-feels-good-do-it", "to-hell-with-the-consequences" thinking of many Americans when it comes to relationships. So many are founded on nothing but lust and shallow qualities that don't last with time. Yeah, he or she might look hot NOW, but time wears away all good looks eventually. If you base your relationships on "Oh gawd, he looks so, like, Hot!" or "Damn man, she's got a big ol' ass! Ah's like the boobs!" then you are setting yourself up for failure. And too few Americans understand that. So many young ones get married in their twenties, unaware of the fact that they cannot escape age anymore than anyone else and that one day their good looks with fade away.

Divorce is not the problem. Marriage is not the problem. The problem is rushing into relationships without considering long-term (decades long) compatibility and personality. Before you marry, think to yourself: "Will I want to spend time with this person even when age and time ravages our faces to the extent that both us look like sun-dried burlap sacks?" If the answer is no, don't get married. If the answer is yes, consider getting married.

Because we will all look like Sun-Dried Burlap sacks eventually. You cannot escape old age. It will come for you as surely as the tide moves in and out. Age is inevitable. Your looks WILL fade and there is NOTHING. YOU. CAN. DO. ABOUT. IT. Nothing. You cannot run from time or old age. It will come for thee.

Thank you. It always makes me uncomfortable when people don't take the whole "Until recently, divorce meant that you were screwed over, especially for women" aspect of the matter. Divorce isn't an inherently evil terrible thing.

I think marriage should remain an option, if nothing else than for making things a lot more smoother legally and such for someone you're going to spend at least seven or eight years. That, and it does make a difference for the kids.

 

[Unsilenced]

Traditional marriage is being used as an economic bargaining chip by your parents. Unless someone is living in an arranged marriage with a rich, neckbearded landwhale who leaves the toilet seat up, I don't want to hear a word about how much they love tradition.

 

[FamoFunk]

Marriage is something I'm not bothered about. I'd happily never get married to who I'm with.

But I do think there is some truth in the OP, divorcing does seem to be easier, but I also think a lot of people no longer put effort into saving a marriage like they used to.

But then, no one should stay in a marriage or with someone they don't want to, it depends how important marriage is to you.

 

[JaceArveduin]

From what I can tell, getting married is actually a huge financial burden for an old and archaic system. For who really needs a piece of paper to make it official that you love someone?

 

[Torrasque]

Part of me agrees with you, that the concept of "till death do us part" and staying with 1 partner for your whole life, died a while ago. People casually marry each other for shits and giggles these days.

The part that disagrees, says that the "sanctity of marriage" is a societal creation and never really mattered in the first place. Society changes all the time, and while it seems bad to consider marriage like a "fad", it technically could be. With more people questioning religion, more marriages are being done as a government practice. Religion made marriage a "you are going to live with this person for the rest of your life and god says its a cool thing", but without religion, it is a "you should live with this person for the rest of your life, but you might change your mind later". I mean, without religion, you could argue that marriage is just a piece of paper saying "I am with this person and everyone knows it".

I imagine I will probably get married with "that special someone" someday, but if she doesn't want to get married, I won't really care. Marriage is that official "HEY EVERYONE. WE LOVE EACH OTHER AND LIVE TOGETHER". If people don't care for that, then that is their prerogative.

 

[Torrasque]

Marriage is something I'm not bothered about. I'd happily never get married to who I'm with.

But I do think there is some truth in the OP, divorcing does seem to be easier, but I also think a lot of people no longer put effort into saving a marriage like they used to.

But then, no one should stay in a marriage or with someone they don't want to, it depends how important marriage is to you.

That is what is so interesting about marriage and divorce. 50 years ago, a divorce was a really big deal, you just didn't do it. 100 years ago, divorces practically did not exist. You hate the person you are married to? Tough. Deal with it.

Why is it that these days, people will actually get a divorce when they are unhappy with the person they are married to? I'd like to think that the societal "sting" of divorce has gone down while the "glam" of marriage has gone down as well.

 

[Screamarie]

I'm a little confused, are you arguing for or against marriage?

You do realize that the marriage has NEVER been an inherently good thing right? Back in the day, for a woman to get married her parents had to offer a dowry, it was "hey here's our worthless daughter. She'll cook, clean, lie down and think of england and birth as many of your brats as she possibly can and you don't even be nice to her, and we know that's a terrible burden so here's some money to sweeten the pot too!"

Women were offered up as property and you know why it's traditional for women to wear viels? Because often times the woman and man had never even met before.

It wasn't too long ago that once a woman got married, any property she owned, it became her husband's and if she got a divorce it was unlikely if not impossible that she'd get it back. Her child were essentially property as well and property she was likely to lose as well if her husband ever became disastisfied with her and over stupid shit too. For a long time women couldn't file for divorce and when they finally could they didn't for reasons ranging from being shunned in the community, losing their children, being disowned by their families, having no way to support themselves without their husband...a woman who lived on her own and supported herself was very unheard of and when it DID happen that woman was usually HATED.

For men and women both you didn't have the choice of being single. It had nothing to do with whether you wanted to get married it was that you HAVE to get married. Not even supposed to, HAVE to. If you didn't you were a sinner. For men it was a little easier, but it still wasn't considered very good to be a bachelor.

And it wasn't just okay for a man to beat his wife and children, it was encouraged and EXPECTED and I'm not talking 1800s. Up until at least the 1960's many people believed and taught their sons that beating their wife and kid was their right and taught their daughters they had no choice but to endure. Women actually felt better that "at least my husband only uses his hands to hit me! Mrs. Robertson gets beaten with a poker!"

Further, if you got married in the 1800s, you'd probably only be married between 15 and 30, MAYBE 40 years. You didn't reach your 60th wedding anniversary. Hell most of the time you didn't see 60. Either the husband, the wife, or both would die by the time their children were in their mid-20s, maybe their early 30s. Once we started getting better medicine and people started living longer lives, they didn't realize that they were now signing up for 60 years of marriage, almost twice what their parents and grandparents had signed up for.

It's not that marriage is an outdated tradition, it's that the beliefs of marriage need to be changed. While some people misunderstand and abuse the marriage system, most of the problem lies in the views we have of marriage. The general belief is that you want to get married in your 20s so you can have kids, but our life expectancy and the ability to have children is SO much easier today than it was only a 100 years ago.

Instead we need to teach our children to wait to get married, to grow up, that they have so much more time than our parents and grandparents did, not to abandon marriage completely. Marriage is an old tradition, we shouldn't cling to it like we used to, believing that was your point in life, but instead adapt it to our changing times.

 

[Phasmal]

Eh.. sorry, I don't believe a piece of paper means someone should stay with someone who abuses them forever and ever, amen. *shrug* Personalities do change, and some change it to be expected. But, when it comes to the point that the change either makes you constantly miserable or actually puts you in danger, sanctity can go fuck itself, in my humble opinion.

Well it is a commitment not a piece of paper and that is why you shouldn't get married unless you are a 100% committed not 99% nothing less than 100%. If you are in any way unsure in the slightest you should not get married.

OT:
Marriage does work just people don't take there time to prepare. My parents are not divorced and very happy and same with my grandparents and I am sure so will I (I have been with my gf for 6 years).

Yeah, but it doesn't always work that way.
You can think the world of your husband-to-be and their attitude can completely change after the marriage. Or you can be pushed into marriage by your parents, it isn't an issue of simply being unsure. I'm extremely happy my parents divorced, they are both better people for it.

OT: Marriage is as sacred as you want your own marriage to be, why would you care what other people do with theirs? If other people want to get divorced, why would it bother you? I would rather people in unhappy marriages got divorced than say `Nuh-uh, you PROMISED, so what if you are miserable??`.

 

[Dr Jones]

I'm just saying marriage, at this point in society, is no longer needed. I'm going to stop here and keep explaining as the thread continues

Marriage really was never necessary.

 

[Wintermoot]

some people still see it as something necessary from a religious point of view.
Personally I would never get married since it,s extremely expensive.