Marriage is no longer sacred.

[Eamar]

I don't think marriage is "necessary" per se, but I don't think we should abolish it either. If people want to get married, they can get married; if they don't, they don't have to. I do definitely believe that gay couples should get to make that decision too, incidentally. It's up to each couple to decide on how "sacred" marriage is to them personally.

As for my own intentions, I'm slightly conflicted about it. On some very basic level all the childhood Disney/fairytale stuff (and the fact that all the adult couples in my life- parents, grandparents, all my aunts and uncles etc were all married and had never been divorced) has programmed me to sort of want to get married one day. Or rather, to want a wedding- if I'm honest, I think that's just an uncharacteristically girly part of me breaking out and wanting the dress and the whole "beautiful bride" thing.

I'm an atheist, so I don't feel I need marriage as a way of having God bless my relationship or anything. I was raised Christian and in a family that was pretty involved with the local church though, and I sang in church choirs at literally hundreds of weddings growing up, so I think that soured my view of the "special day." Seriously, beside a couple of minor superficial changes every single church wedding is the same. Every. Fucking. One.

So once all that's out the way... I don't know. I get the whole "wanting to declare your love to all your friends and family and make it official" thing, but from my point of view it doesn't really change anything. Despite my (purely cultural) desire for a big celebration and everything, I'd be reluctant to spend the money when it could go towards a house or a car.

I also have major problems with the ceremony itself (even if it's non-religious) and with the institution of marriage as a whole, I guess. I'm a feminist, and I can't help but see the hangovers of patriarchy in a lot of it. Even though I know they're harmless and have taken on a different meaning these days, things like the idea of my father "giving me away" make my skin crawl. I definitely wouldn't be comfortable with that.

Add in to the equation the fact that I'm bisexual, so if I end up wanting to spend the rest of my life with another woman (happy as I am with my current boyfriend, you never know...) I may not have the option of marriage anyway.

So overall... meh. Who knows.

 

[applesandoranges]

edit

 

[BehattedWanderer]

You read that right. Marriage is an outdated tradition in modern day society. Divorce is a somewhat common thing today, and that's a shame and all that jazz. Now, I'm just going to come out and say this: When you get married, you vow to each other to be with each other until death do you part. Not until somebody better comes along, not until you get bored of one another; until you die. I understand people change and personality's are like rolling stones, but it's a rolling stone you chained yourself to, forever. At this point you maybe calling me old school and I need to get with the times, but this is where the whole sanctity of marriage thing people keep yammering on about comes into play. Marriage is a tradition, a tradition some people don't seem to grasp the concept of. I'm not calling you a bad person if you're divorced or anything, I'm just saying marriage, at this point in society, is no longer needed. I'm going to stop here and keep explaining as the thread continues

Not all traditions are good and right, not to mention the concept of "sacred" being applied to a mundane affair, and how such an affair was never sacred to begin with, but was called sacred by the only authority that existed for the western world for an extended period of cultural and legal redefinition. See how I'm not mentioning that?

A union of two people who wish to join their mortal lives for a given period of time is fine enough, pretty much every society has created some form of it, and most have attached bonuses on to the union as well. For such reasons, and because people are inclined to have some kind of proof about things like this, getting rid of marriage or civil unions altogether is a nonsense idea.

But this concept of "til death do us part" is ridiculously constraining. There's all kinds of reasons to get divorced--off the top of my head, I'll list abusive spouse, they robbed you blind, they threatened your children, and that your greatest moments now exist when they aren't nearby in any faculty, causing yourself undue psychological duress. Staying with someone when the two of you are either physically or psychologically unhappy in the relationship merely for the purpose of staying together is insipid. Do so because you want to stay with someone, even if they make you miserable at times, not because you are told you have to stay with them or face some asinine punishment. It's an at-choice affair, now. It's no longer about honoring a deal with the father of your child's spouse concerning a quantity of goats or tracks of land.

 

[deathninja]

Personally I support union rather than marriage; a system that offers all the civil and legal rights of marriage, but without being tied to religion.

On the flipside, I think "marriage" should stay within the parameters of whatever religion defines it; it is a religious concept after all.

Though as with anything, people on both sides of the divide will bicker until all is ash and dust.

 

[Kriptonite]

Yay for generalizing! I wasn't aware that everyone must at some point get divorced, thank you for explaining that to me

This is as stupid as the threads complaining about women being heartless bitches and men being sex crazed douchebags.

You win sir!
Seriously, this kind of thing is a case-by-case deal. Generalizing any group of people can often be wrong.

 

[synobal]

Marriage was never sacred. Sorry about that, everyone seems to think it was something perfect and beautiful until modern times but this isn't the case. Plenty of guys had mistresses and if the wife was too annoying? well you could always kill her in some way.

 

[Innegativeion]

Marriage is only sacred as the bride and groom (or brides / grooms... OH! I went there!) make it. The marriages that do work out make the ceremony marking the beginning all that more special, though. I hope to be able to look back on something like that one day. People are flawed. Sometimes people misread the breadth of their desire for another individual's companionship or marry for the wrong reasons, or let an argument drive a spike into their marriage when it shouldn't have.

That said, I believe the notion that "marriage is no longer a sacred tradition" is a far more inappropriately sweeping, generalizing statement than "marriage is a sacred tradition."

 

[AquaAscension]

You read that right. Marriage is an outdated tradition in modern day society. Divorce is a somewhat common thing today, and that's a shame and all that jazz. Now, I'm just going to come out and say this: When you get married, you vow to each other to be with each other until death do you part. Not until somebody better comes along, not until you get bored of one another; until you die. I understand people change and personality's are like rolling stones, but it's a rolling stone you chained yourself to, forever. At this point you maybe calling me old school and I need to get with the times, but this is where the whole sanctity of marriage thing people keep yammering on about comes into play. Marriage is a tradition, a tradition some people don't seem to grasp the concept of. I'm not calling you a bad person if you're divorced or anything, I'm just saying marriage, at this point in society, is no longer needed. I'm going to stop here and keep explaining as the thread continues

One claim does not follow from the other. Marriage being sacred doesn't influence its necessity or non-necessity in society.

What's funny is you seem to be saying that marriage is done for, but never really wanted marriage in the first place. "Personalities are a rolling stone you chained yourself to..." what were your parents like? Sounds like someone doesn't have faith in long term relationships. Or friendships. Oh well.

 

[ashenskye]

Marriage should have a 3 or 5 year review clause. If things aren't cool, make it easier to part ways gracefully.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

I could go into a lot of detail about why your wrong right here, but I don't much feel like it.

So I'll sum it up.

Marriage was never sacred. People are much smarter now, and realize that they don't need to live with someone that makes them unhappy. Women have gained a lot more freedom from the time that "marriage was sacred".

In the end, it's just because more and more people are allowing common sense to dictate their lives. Besides the getting married when you're still a teenager thing.

That I will never understand.

 

[Innegativeion]

And that is my favorite hatepost on the issue of marriage. Why it isn't this way is mostly because of the feminist movement, which really thought that putting a child's natural primary caregiver in school and the workplace for her prime childbearing and raising years was a good idea. It ain't, and the fact is that most well-to-do women are in fact homemakers for their rich husbands, whom they often snagged after working a job in their office. See also Charles Murray's Coming Apart, where the main divide between the prosperous and poor towns is the rate of marriage. It's a basic social institution that harnesses the strengths of both sexes, those who speak against it as an institution (and not warning of gettin-raped-in-divorce-court risk, which is real and deadly) are usually trying to sell you something.

I may be misinterpreting you, you seem to be suggesting that the humanity-specific notion of finding self-actualizing purpose in life should be superseded by the woman's historically traditional place of subservient child-guardian so that the man can do all the resource-gathering.

I find the notion reprehensible. A woman has as genuine a claim to gathering resources for the family as a man has to protection of the child.

As gendered organisms, our hormonal structures lend us to certain activities to be sure, but that is only a tendency, not a shackling law. I can't seem to empathize with believing society would be better if women remained in traditional roles only.

Anyway, this all seems to hinge on you interpreting marriage as only adhering to the above model; 'woman protects and nurtures, man works', correct?

I find that likewise disagreeable. Marriage needn't have anything to do with childbearing, and for the reasons mentioned above, I don't believe it needs to define gender roles either.

 

[TailstheHedgehog]

Eh.. sorry, I don't believe a piece of paper means someone should stay with someone who abuses them forever and ever, amen. *shrug* Personalities do change, and some change it to be expected. But, when it comes to the point that the change either makes you constantly miserable or actually puts you in danger, sanctity can go fuck itself, in my humble opinion.

Exactly - marriage IS a piece of paper. More than that it was meant to be all about MONEY. But it became an institution of control that brought together the values of fortune AND the values of romance with the glue of religion.
Would women really always agree to be domestic slave to a man... for nothing? But if there was the romantic notion of true love and fulfillment instilled in them from a young age, and that if they did not marry they were 'impure', then, yeah, patriarchy ftw.
But now it's not like that anymore. Most importantly religion is not taken seriously by the masses (well, where I live anyway - in the West but I'm not sure about the US), meaning that women do not have to get married to feel pure, and there are more ways for both sexes to increase their fortunes without tying the not.

Not saying marriage is not lovely - it is. I still like the idea of there being somebody to spend your entire life with, but it almost feels like proof that you truly love them if you can stand by their side without being tied their by a legally binding contract.

 

[Kanova]

Hmm, I thought this thread would be about how it isn't sacred because of homos and just anyone getting married. I would have agreed with that as well but what you are saying makes sense too.

 

[Justanewguy]

Yay for generalizing! I wasn't aware that everyone must at some point get divorced, thank you for explaining that to me

This is as stupid as the threads complaining about women being heartless bitches and men being sex crazed douchebags.

This.

 

[chaosbedlam]

Marriage is about as sacred as you want to make it. in other words it takes work and any old married couple will tell you the same thing. in saying that i do believe that people these days jump into marriage with out really thinking about it, sure you may love the person you are with but can you really see yourself with them for the next 50 years. while they grow old and unattractive. and their habit's will never change no matter how much you want them to. no to mention that this will be the last person you ever have sex with. then you have to look at their families, and yours. they may not get along and that will be something you will have to deal with for they rest of the time you are married.
now i realize that i may be sounding really negative on this but i am far from it. i think that if you find that person that's right for you then by all means. i myself am married and i wouldn't change it for the world.

 

[teebeeohh]

marriage means tax breaks in most countries and you can get into each others hospital rooms no matter what so there is that.