Marriage Proposals in Public - Dick Move or Romantic?

[Deviluk]

I was on a plane and a guy did it...the woman looked horrified even if she did say yes afterwards. Also it was just as the plane got up in the air, so if she said no that would've been an awkward 5 hour flight!

I don't no if I would do it in public...maybe somewhere were I don't make everyone have to look at her so like a restaurant or I know someone who proposed on top of the Eiffel Tower in France, thats actually quite a small area.

 

[Ryan Minns]

Honestly like most things I'd say it's down to the person you asked, some people would love a public proposal and some would hate it. My current partner (Who in all honesty I do indeed plan on asking one day) Would HATE a public one and be so embarrassed she's probably break up with me immediately but I've been with girls before who wouldn't have it any other way than in front of many. If I was to ask I'd ask in a fashion THEY would like since I would want to display how much I feel and care about what they want.

In my opinion, it's a dick move.
I do know of people who were proposed to in public, said yes and then later said no because they felt they couldn't have said no at the time.

I think it's not a spectator sport.

Then again I might be a minority because I think `proposing` is in generally pretty unromantic.
"Decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with me in the next 10 seconds!!"

I'm know marriage professional etc and I've yet to ask someone to marry me but when asked isn't the answer yes supposed to come because the person has already decided they want to spend the rest of their lives? My brother wasn't even able to finish his speech before his fiance had the ring on her finger so the 10 seconds thing can't really apply.

I'll also point out my anti bot question I need to answer is saying "good job" so clearly this post is brilliant!

 

[Altorin]

depends on the person you're proposing to. If they're the sort that would rather kill themselves then introduce themselves into the lives of strangers, then it's probably not best. But if the girl likes romantic gestures, it still is one, even if it's probably not going to go the way you expect

 

[fix-the-spade]

Dick move.

Big
Dick
Move.

It puts a massive amount of pressure on the proposee to respond immediately when it might not be something they can do. It also puts a pressure on them to say yes and make it a 'romantic' moment, or if they panic and say no (when what they really mean is ohGodI'mpanickingImeanyesIthinkpanicing!) it can damage a perfectly wonderful relationship.
People often panic when you put them on the spot.

Of course if you already proposed in private but want to make a grand gesture, by all means do it again in public, everyone likes a scene.

 

[MetalMagpie]

I think it's fine as long as:
a) you're certain they're going to say 'yes' (i.e. you'e actually talked about marriage).
b) you're certain they'll like the attention.

If you're not sure they'll say 'yes', you're putting them on the spot. (I've heard of people who said 'yes' to a public proposal, then 'no' in private later.) If you're not sure they'll like the attention, you could be humiliating the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

For some people, it's really wonderful having that one little moment where the man/woman of your dreams declares their love for you in front of loads of people. It can be great to pretend - just for a moment - that you are in a Hollywood film.

Personally, I am not one of those people. If my boyfriend wants to propose to me (which I highly doubt he does, because we've talked about marriage and he's not in favour) then he should do it in private where we can discuss it without any pressure.

 

[Dandark]

I feel the same way, I would never propose to anyone in public, it just seems like such a bad position for someone to be put in. If someone ever proposed to me in public then I would probably also just feel pressured into saying yes to get out of it.

 

[DementedSheep]

Well in a lot cases you get people who have been meaning to get married for a while and it?s been discussed they just haven?t made if official yet for whatever reason. In that case it?s kinda ok. I can see how some would find it romantic though I personally would hate it.

Otherwise yes it is a dick move.

 

[MetalMagpie]

However, proposals generally don't happen unless you're sure the other person will say yes or at lest seriously consider it. And no one is going to say yes to something as big as marriage just because of implied pressure from spectators.

I have heard of people saying 'yes' to a public proposal, then retracting it later in private. You're right that no one is going to actually marry someone just because of spectators, but you can still end up unintentionally pressuring them into lying, which only drags out the awkwardness of the rejection.

But as you said, most people only propose when they're pretty certain what the answer is going to be. My parents had already agreed that they where going to get married before my father made it "official" by formally proposing (over a nice restaurant meal).

 

[Mr F.]

I've always known 'the proposal' to just the official declaration, and you knew she was going to say yes because before it there would be a lot of discussion about marriage between the two, so the guy would know the girl was ready, wanted to marry him, maybe they'd even go to choose the ring together, and the girl would kinda know it's coming, but not when exactly.

Instead of the guy taking it solely upon himself to arrange a huge proposal event without one clue whether his girlfriend was ready or willing.

This.

As far as I know, people usually get married (In the west at least) after an extended relationship and a lot of conversation about the topic. Or if they accidentally made a baby. But, short of accidentally making a baby, most couples (In the west at least) will have discussed things, will have already said things, stuff like that.

So as for it being a dick move?

Not really, No. Unless, of course, your partner has Aspergers or something and struggles with social occasions. In which case that is one HELL of a dick move. But, if you are getting married to someone, you aint going to be that much of a dick.

That said, this is appropriate.

 

[Reaper195]

I saw a video on Youtube ages ago where a guy proposes to his girlfriend in the middle of a basketball court during halftime (Or whatever they have) and she walked off, the entire crowd booing her. Yes, that would be humiliating to the guy, but it would also be so to the woman.

Personally, I think proposing marriage out of the blue is kind of a dick move. At the time it is proposed, the proposee might not even want to get married, or never considered the relationship to be at 'that level'.

From where I stand, if you are going to do it in public and make a massive event of it, make sure the other person wants to get married in the first place. Have an unofficial "Should we get married?" conversation earlier, and then do the official romantic stuff later on in all its flashiness.

 

[Fiad]

Personally I would never propose to someone unless I knew for absolute certain that the other person would say yes. So the putting them on the spot thing wouldn't be as much of a concern there. I have always had the idea of posting a banner on the side of the road on their drive to work or home. "[Name] will you marry me? ~Billy" I never much liked the down on one knee thing. But public or private has never been a concern of mine.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

I think it can work if you are and, your partner is, the kind of person who genuinely likes that kind of thing. Of course even in the case that you and your partner are into big, showy Kodak moment types of things, it would be kind of a dick-move if you've been together seriously for an amount of time that can justifiably be tallied in 'months' or 'weeks' (ie: We've been dating exclusively for 17 months or, We've been dating exclusively for nearly 20 weeks).

If the two of you have had the serious though, unofficial marriage talk and it went well enough then you could try your luck in public. Personally, I'm going to do my proposal in privet (though I may make a thread asking about how I should go about it in a nerdy way or, how other people have done it in past)

 

[Grouchy Imp_v1legacy]

Depends very much on the proposee. Are they into public displays of affection? If they are, then chances are they'll find a public proposal hopelessly romantic. If they hate PDAs then a public proposal would be viewed as a total dick move.

 

[daydreamerdeluxe]

It's only romantic if it's HUGE. I'm talking orchestra in the background, fireworks, while at her favorite restaurant on the MOON.

This. Definitely this.

OT, people have pretty much covered my view, but I'll see if I can put it more succinctly: if the proposee would have to consider it, then it's a dick move. If they wouldn't even hesitate to say yes (and also liking crowds/attention/etc), then it's fine, because, well, you're not putting them on the spot, but otherwise? No.

 

[Vault101]

I would never date a romantic guy.

it is a pain in the ass

that and some stuff defently comes across as delf indulgent wankery...like why the fuck DO you feel the pressing need to make out with me in the movie theatre?...we paid $18 just to do somthing we could be doing at home..but in a public space?....I thourght the Idea of going to see a movie was to enjoy a movie....

he loved to get me gifts and stuff, which was sweet but it really made me uncomfortable, becuase I didnt have any money and because I just didnt feel right accepting (somtimes kind of expensive) stuff from others even if he was my boyfreind

that and the fact that he said he loved me....and I felt preasured into saying it back and when the break up happned he was like [i/]"so...you DONT love me!?..then why did you say it!?[/i]

gaaaaahhh men..I tell ya

 

[King of Asgaard]

I think it's a dick move.
As it is, you're asking someone to be the one person to spend the rest of your life with.
That's already a huge decision, so adding social anxiety, and potential backlash if the answer is 'no', makes it a question whose answer will most likely be 'yes', regardless of the true feelings of the person being proposed to. Essentially, you're pushing that person into giving the answer you want to hear, and in that moment, because anything other than a straight up 'yes' could be disconcerting.

 

[Lieju]

Depends on whether the person you're proposing to would like that.
If someone did that to me, it's pretty clear they wouldn't really know me at all (because I'd hate that, I have issues with just being in public places), so why would I get married to someone who doesn't know me at all?

If you're uncertain whether they'd be okay with that, don't do it.

All the people I know who are married didn't really go for any grand proposal, it was basically just them talking it over and agreeing to get married.
I'm not a big fan of proposals anyway, definitely not the 'traditional' kind, where it must be the guy initiating it and the woman has to decide on the spot.

 

[lunavixen]

I think it can be both, it's dependent on whether the guy (or girl) is sure their partner will marry them, the location of the proposal and how public it is, personally i'd rather a private proposal more than a public one, i don't like being in public that much.

 

[Sonic Doctor]

I think if I ever get to the point in my life where I make a move like that, I think I would do it in private, because there is no pressure from on looking people. Besides, if she said no, I would rather it happen in private and people just hearing about it and not watching it happen.

Then again I might be a minority because I think `proposing` is in generally pretty unromantic.
"Decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with me in the next 10 seconds!!"

Well it would be if the guy proposing had just met the girl.

In actual practice, such a thing doesn't happen until the couple have been seeing each other for some time.

I would say I would decide with in a year or two, at least, of going out, before I decided on marriage. I would find it kind of odd if the girl I would be going out with then hadn't thought about being proposed to by me at least a few times during that couple years.

Frankly, I would never date a girl that:

1.) Doesn't want to get married some day.
2.) Doesn't want to have kids.