Masturbation is evil, sex is wrong, and you are gay: A facebook story.

[Evonisia]

If trolling: Excuse me while I spit my drink out in laughter.
If serious: Excuse me while I spit my drink out in disgust and laughter.

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

Bloody good laugh this is.

There is no point in dissecting the argument rationally, as this seems like the kind of argument where the "defendant" would just yell over you to prevent acknowledging your points.

It's so fun to watch strawmen spouting aphorisms sometimes.

 

[Evil Smurf]

I've just noticed something about his name, "Nikita Shavalin". He's Russian. So that likely means that he's not trolling, but telling the truth. I don't know how much you people know about Russia. But Russians tend to hate: people of color, people of different sexual orientations and people from different nationalities.

I kid you not, yesterday and a few days ago I saw something rather shocking on the television. First one was an intellectual political debate regarding the situation in Crimea. And there was this person saying, that "Westerners are trying to undermine Russian values because they are buttfucking heathens(the crowd reacted with a round of applause, mind you), and they want Russia to sink on that level". The other one was on a documentary, about a Russian Muslim who actively sought out LGBT activists and ridiculed them over the internet, sometimes even calling their workplace so they would get fired for their views.One of his victim was a school teacher who lost her job, and is now constantly ridiculed. And mind you, the documentary portrayed that guy as a hero.

So you shouldn't really be surprised about people acting up like that.

This is why, even if it is a troll, I'm disgusted.

 

[Denamic]

TIL that I have to be ultra gay. Also, using dildos is raping the planet? Well, I guess technically, it's not wrong...

 

[generals3]

TIL that I have to be ultra gay. Also, using dildos is raping the planet? Well, I guess technically, it's not wrong...

Don't forget wearing underpants is rape too, forcing those poor fibers to touch your penis/vagina. Oh the horror. And taking a shower? All that poor water We're truly a disgusting species.

 

[JoJo]

The group has a whiff of troll about it but I have heard crazier beliefs from ultra-religious types about the supposed dangers of masturbation: namely that it'll cause you to go blind, or grow hair on your palms.

I'm not even sure where that second myth even comes from.

If anything, it would rub any hair OFF your palms, wouldn't it? (Maybe I'm overthinking this)

No idea either, God works in mysterious ways I guess. According to an elderly Catholic on another site, priests at his school used to check student's hands to see if any hair was growing, no idea if they actually believed it or just did so to scare the kids away from experimenting 0.o

 

[Charli]

I lol'd.

This may be a troll but don't underestimate the human races ability to be completely batshit stupid on purpose.


Oh and make sure you send lots of hot and spicy pornography to them. Maybe their brain will explode at the very notion of sexual intercourse and we can champion the best new darwin award.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

It's a joke page, like Christians Against Slipknot. If it seems too dumb to be true, it probably is.

 

[theboombody]

Pleasuring yourself is definitely a better idea than sleeping with a hooker. I still think pornography is wrong though, and that's pretty commonly used in self-pleasuring, at least for men. Still, that's one thing I agree with Muslims on, that pornography is wrong.

 

[Nomad]

This is a joke if there ever was one. I know it's hard to detect tone of voice over text, but come on - "it's wrong to look at dirty magazines because the person might be ugly now". "Karate for perverts". "It's only a matter of time before you catch prostate cancer in a dirty bathroom stall". Some people in this thread argue it might be serious because there are ignorant people in the world. Yeah, that's true, but they're mostly consistent with their argumentation - it's wrong because god says so, because it goes against traditions, because it's harmful or whatever. Not because "the person might be ugly now" combined with half a dozen other disconnected reasons, when the starting point of the argument is leveled at rape.

This is a good time for Occam's razor. Are they all misguided, mentally unsound, ignorant moral crusaders without a clear view of why they're actually crusading; or are they having a laugh? This is The Onion [http://www.theonion.com/].

I've just noticed something about his name, "Nikita Shavalin". He's Russian. So that likely means that he's not trolling, but telling the truth. I don't know how much you people know about Russia. But Russians tend to hate: people of color, people of different sexual orientations and people from different nationalities.

Now this, on the other hand, I'm not sure about. Are you joking or serious?

 

[lacktheknack]

"Masterbation is a same-sex sex act"

NOT IF YOU'RE GENDER-FLUID, SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!

 

[Queen Michael]

These people aren't serious. They aren't. They can't be.

Right?

 

[Eamar]

You kind of had me until

4.) The internets. The internets are full of filth. Computers should be for taxes, online bible studies, and maybe checking the occasional email.

Sorry OP, but it's a joke page. "The internets"? "Taxes and online Bible studies?"

There are people who believe some pretty weird stuff about masturbation, rape, porn etc, but I'm prepared to bet the people running this page aren't among them.

 

[BeerTent]

is this real life?

so uh what if a female masturbates? is that ok or will she get pregnant/herpes/become a whore?

She'll become a lesbian, kill all men and turn into a witch.

I supose there are worse things...

[spoiler/][img/]http://i.imgur.com/wyCsYbH.gif[/img][/spoiler]

Wanks! Women win again!

Why do you become a witch with cool-ass magic and stuff, while us men go and become Serial killers, Rapists, American, kidnappers, or necrophiliacs? Sure, dead people are fun to pose and hang from the ceiling in games, but, eew... SEX with them? Well, on the bright side, this transformation seems to be taking some time. I've been going at it pretty vigorously for 15 years, after all.

Balls! Women just get ALL the fun! I have to find a way to stop this terrible habit! Thank you, OP, for opening my eyes to the dangers of tuggan.

 

[Gamer87]

Gave me a good laugh
It must be trolling, but not surprised if not. There are all kinds of crazy people out there after all.

Check this out for exemple: ChildCare Action Project, making movie reviews from a christian perspective to see if films are too immoral to let your children watch. There are several Disney movies on there with pretty low scores. LOL

http://www.capalert.com/

Don't know how to insert links propely, sorry.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

"It's like karate for perverts"
...
someone has spilled their tumblr onto someone else's facebook and now the stain has spread over to The Escapist and I'm having trouble breathing.

This can't possibly be real or sincere but damn, a part of me WANTS it to be real/sincere...like how a week or two ago the onion or whoever said Sarah Palin spoke up about Flight 370 flying into heaven and being unable to come back to Earth: It's just an example of something so insanely stupid that I WANT people to believe in it for my own horrible sense of humor and gratification.

 

[JimB]

Kinda makes me want to whip it out and have a good, quick jacking. Alas, not really in the mood, so I'll have to settle for a smug chuckle.

 

[Victim of Progress]

Now this, on the other hand, I'm not sure about. Are you joking or serious?

I wish I was joking. Granted, the way I worded it might sound like all Russians are bad(which they aren't). But you have to remember that this is the country where "gays don't exist", where people of other colour or nationality have been openly assaulted in the streets and a country where people want to ban McDonals http://www.france24.com/en/20140405-mcdonalds-closes-crimea-russia-ukraine , because anyone who eats there might be a "traitor to the nation". I have to remind you of the examples I listed. They were shown on a Russian TV channel. Which means a majority of the Russian populous was fine with showing it. You are severely underestimating the amounts of a bigotry a person can commit.

Ugh.

If that is a Russian...yeah, that would explain a bit. The Russian Orthodox Church in some respects makes the Westboro Baptist Church seem reasonable. And it is far more powerful and influential.

The phrasing being suspect could be a symptom of English as a second language rather than trolling.

What this man said. The hilarious wording might just be his lack of English skills, and not an attempt to make it deliberately funny.

 

[Weaver]

I feel certain groups calling everything "rape" is being really dismissive and callous towards actual rape and sexual assault victims.