Dear DragonsAteMyMarbles, aged 13
I know you're upset. I know you feel lost and unsure of how the rest of your childhood is going to pan out - but trust me, it's all for the best.
You're going to meet some great people, some wonderful people - don't push them away. Hiding behind that wall of sarcasm does you no credit - open your eyes to the world and smile, for feck's sake.
You're not worthless. You are much better than you think you are.
All the best,
DragonsAteMyMarbles, aged 22
P.S. You know how Mum went grey early? Yeah. Have fun with that.
P.P.S. Any questions? Write them down. Then, and only then, turn the page over.
...
1. Yes, by about an inch.
2. Unfortunately, yes.
3. No.
4. No, that's biologically impossible.
5. A few times. It won't be pretty.
6. Yes, you will. And it'll be one of the best years of your life.
7. You have no idea.
8. Emulsifying ointment at least twice daily, even when it's not there. Trust me, you'll stay perfectly clear - if a little shiny.
9. It's only been nine years, you know. Science doesn't move that fast.
10. You can, but it won't help.
11. Nine. A tenth is on the way, apparently.
12. Yes, although I fit the literal description rather than the trope.