"Minecraft is a Christian game"

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moose_man

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ddq5 said:
Minecraft is actually a Freudian allegory for deflowering a woman. The virgin world is huge and mysterious, waiting for the Man to explore her caverns and reap the rewards. Of course, the Man brings with him his own guilty past. The Creepers represent the destruction of STDs, the Skeletons are jealous ex-lovers, and the Spiders are his self-doubt of his own sexual prowess. Thus, the Man must dominate the woman's world and bring in his own masculinity through the torches of male enlightenment and giant penis-shaped towers.
See, I can make shit up too!
Much more plausible.
 

Jzolr0708

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Plants Versus Zombies is obviously an enviromental support game. The plants represent the earth's fight to stay alive, lest the hazardous polluters (zombies) that attack our world destroy the earth (eat its brain)

Bejeweled was about the Chilean Miners.
 

Dfskelleton

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dickseverywhere said:
Dfskelleton said:
*Facepalms at people of my same religion*
Wow. I'm a firm Christian, but I really dislike the people of my religion who give us a bad name. Namely, people like this. It gets annoying. I know there are christians like me who want some of the more "Out There" believers, and I know that they want to do something. What, I have yet to figure out.
God wants us to believe in him, but live normal lives. He doesn't want us to devote every single second of the day to him, but to recognize his existence, go to church, and pray. A bit further than that is fine, but there's a bit extra and there's overkill. Overkill is bad. Overkill is Fred Phelps. Overkill is people who try to develop symbolism in simple, fun games like this.
C'mon people, really?
you know whats annoying? people who say 'god wants...', pretty sure there's a bit in your book about not doing that. but yeah phelps et al are dicks.

Gilhelmi said:
that I just call "War on everyone not an Atheist, and Christians are just the easiest target in the US"
that i call "Giving You Some of Your Own Fucking Medicine".
While you're right, I was assuming what God wanted, but it wasn't that he "Hates Homosexuals." No, I was portraying some generally simple knowledge that it pretty simple. It says nowhere in "My Book" That every living moment must be devoted solely to God. With that, I pretty much assumed that it meant "Praise God in 2 ways: Praise him with prayer and praise him by living the life he gave unto you."
And the Bible does say that. God does want to be praised, but I highly doubt our sole purpose is to praise him.
 

Twad

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ddq5 said:
Minecraft is actually a Freudian allegory for deflowering a woman. The virgin world is huge and mysterious, waiting for the Man to explore her caverns and reap the rewards. Of course, the Man brings with him his own guilty past. The Creepers represent the destruction of STDs, the Skeletons are jealous ex-lovers, and the Spiders are his self-doubt of his own sexual prowess. Thus, the Man must dominate the woman's world and bring in his own masculinity through the torches of male enlightenment and giant penis-shaped towers.
See, I can make shit up too!
Oh my god this is hillarious! Good one!
 

dickseverywhere

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Oct 6, 2010
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Gilhelmi said:
dickseverywhere said:
snip

Gilhelmi said:
that I just call "War on everyone not an Atheist, and Christians are just the easiest target in the US"
that i call "Giving You Some of Your Own Medicine".
I never recall giving any of that 'medicine'. So therefore, they are not giving me 'my own medicine' but have confused me with the misguided ones that do. So I ask kindly, do not paint us with the same brush.
the religious institution that you by your own admission are a part of has, like all such institutions, historically and largely continued to engage in widespread suppression of atheism because it needs to protect its profit and power base. there is no war, its all in your heads, its just a natural consequence of more people thinking rationally and realising they don't need to live by a bunch of bronze age myths. more atheistists means less mindshares for religion.
 

Mcupobob

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What I think Minecraft is a metaphor for crack. Because I'm addicted and can't stop.
 

dickseverywhere

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Dfskelleton said:
dickseverywhere said:
Dfskelleton said:
*Facepalms at people of my same religion*
Wow. I'm a firm Christian, but I really dislike the people of my religion who give us a bad name. Namely, people like this. It gets annoying. I know there are christians like me who want some of the more "Out There" believers, and I know that they want to do something. What, I have yet to figure out.
God wants us to believe in him, but live normal lives. He doesn't want us to devote every single second of the day to him, but to recognize his existence, go to church, and pray. A bit further than that is fine, but there's a bit extra and there's overkill. Overkill is bad. Overkill is Fred Phelps. Overkill is people who try to develop symbolism in simple, fun games like this.
C'mon people, really?
you know whats annoying? people who say 'god wants...', pretty sure there's a bit in your book about not doing that. but yeah phelps et al are dicks.

Gilhelmi said:
that I just call "War on everyone not an Atheist, and Christians are just the easiest target in the US"
that i call "Giving You Some of Your Own Fucking Medicine".
While you're right, I was assuming what God wanted, but it wasn't that he "Hates Homosexuals." No, I was portraying some generally simple knowledge that it pretty simple. It says nowhere in "My Book" That every living moment must be devoted solely to God. With that, I pretty much assumed that it meant "Praise God in 2 ways: Praise him with prayer and praise him by living the life he gave unto you."
And the Bible does say that. God does want to be praised, but I highly doubt our sole purpose is to praise him.
there are the bits about giving away all your possesions and living solely to serve others, praise your god and spread the word.
 

thethingthatlurks

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I love objectiveministires! That website is pure hilarity, it really is the apex of humour. Oh wait, somebody is bound to take them seriously. Well, fuck...
Well, why don't we let their own plans talk for themselves:
http://objectiveministries.org/gametheory/orbitalcrossalpha.html
I propose launching into polar orbit a cross of significant dimensions, with a sun-reflecting surface that will be easily visible in the night sky to the naked eyes of unbelievers. This space-age testimonial will fly over Communist China, Mussulmanned Saudi Arabia, Hindooed India, Godless France, and all other nations in need of the simple yet profound message of Christ's sacrifice and His offer of Salvation. All the people of the world will see it shine, like a beacon of hope on the runway of the aircraft carrier of the night sky, an omnipresent reminder of the Lordship of Jesus over our world.

Unlike Mr. Blessitt's plan, mine will require a more elaborate cross design and access to more costly launch services, as it would necessarily require multiple single-payload launches. Fortunately I feel that my connections within the Department of Defense will help bring this plan to fruition.
Orbital Cross Alpha Design:
Orbital Cross Alpha
Potential design of Orbital Cross Alpha, with approaching Space Shuttle.

In order to be viewable and identifiable as a cross to the naked eye, my calculations show that OCA will need to be at least 1000 feet along its main axis and 500 feet along the perpendicular, and placed into Medium Earth Orbit (between 1,243 and 22,236 miles; dimensions will need to be increased for visibility at higher orbits). By being at MEO, it will be high enough to catch and reflect the Sun's light throughout the entire night.

To achieve this great size while minimizing costs and enabling the parts to fit inside a minimum number of launch vehicles, its surface will be constructed of collapsible panels applying the same technology used to deploy solar arrays on satellites or space stations. A skeletal framework will be first assembled in a lower orbit from expandable sections delivered by rocket. This will require EVAs by astronaut technicians, who will arive at the construction site via shuttle, using the ISS as a base of operation. After the skeleton is finished, a series of collapsible panels will be attached to it, as will booster rockets that will deliver it to its final position in MEO. Once there, the panels will be unfurled to produce the final, brilliant surface.

The panels will serve a dual purpose of both reflecting sunlight to the Earth and acting as solar power generators for the onboard systems. Due to the large surface area and minimum energy needs, only a handful of the panels will need to be photovoltaic, the rest can be purely reflective (or alternately, photovoltaic elements can be sparsely placed over all the panels, whichever the engineers decide to be most efficient).

The electrical systems will include computer and control systems necessary for repositioning the cross should it need to avoid orbital debris, and also to realign it so as to aim its reflected glory at target nations during times of spiritual warfare. (Imagine, if you will, a pitched battle between our brave forces and the Islamofascists, when, seemingly out of nowhere, a giant reflection of a cross sweeps across the battlefield. At that moment of revelation the Islamofascists will see the error of their ways, drop their arms, and surrender ? not to Islam, but to Christ! Bloodshed averted and new souls won. Such will be the power of Orbital Cross Alpha.)

Excess power could be used to run a communications package that would broadcast patriotic hymns and inspirational sermons 24/7 in multiple languages, receivable with a simple radio, providing additional information to the unsaved who see the cross in their sky and want to learn more about our Lord.
Putting OCA into Orbit:
Delta rocket
An Air Force Delta rocket launches into space. A Similar vehicle could deliver a payload of Good News to the world.

As stated, getting the parts into orbit for assembly will require multiple, dedicated launches. There are a number of options available, but most can be ruled out: we will not use NASA, as they are infested with Darwinists vehemently opposed to any program that would acknowledge God's creation; foreign launch services are out of the question, as they might employ anti-Christian subcontractors who would seek to sabotage the mission (perhaps by slyly substituting American measurements with their queer metricisms so that the parts of the cross do not fit together properly ? or worse, end up forming the Mussulman's crescent); private payload launch companies, such as SpaceX, are not as far along in their technology and have a poor success rate; and Blackwater's Aerospace Force, although promising, is unfortunately still in its infancy.

I believe that the best option ? the only option that makes sense, really ? is to use the launch vehicles maintained by the US Air Force. Unlike NASA, the USAF is solidly committed to the mandate of Christianity. With both Air Force Space Command (AFSPC) and the Air Force Academy located within the sphere of influence of numerous Christian outreach organizations in Colorado Springs, we can be sure that the OCA program will be made Priority One. We have been bringing up Air Force cadets with strong training in Evangelism for precisely this sort of mission; now is the time for them to show what a fully Christianized Air Force can accomplish.

While most in the civilian sector are unaware of this (in no small part due to national security concerns,) the Air Force has a space program that is larger than that of NASA. AFSPC has at its disposal spacelift vehicles more than capable for a mission such as OCA, including Atlas and Delta platforms. They also have the experience to assure mission success, having launched hundreds of satellites and other more sensitive payloads over the decades (the Air Force's Delta rockets have an impressive 95% success rate).

Furthermore, for the EVA missions needed to complete OCA assembly, what better occasion than the construction of an orbital cross to finally officially reveal the existence of the military-grade space shuttles ? smaller and more agile than their cumbersome civilian counterparts ? that AFSPC has been flying since the early '90s. Air Force Shuttle Providence could not have been more providentially named.
Funding:

Some may argue that this is not something the Defense Department should be involved with, that with our current war stance and multi-theater global operations to fight Terror and spread freedom we should not be spending taxpayer money on such a thing. To these people I say: You could not be more wrong.

Orbital Cross Alpha will be an integral part of our campaign to win the hearts and souls of the unsaved people who are at risk, through their ignorance of the Gospel, of becoming terrorists, and is therefore necessary for our national defense and to win the War on Terror. The more would-be terrorists we can convert into peaceful Christians, the less there will be to threaten our nation and our families, and the more allies we will have in our crusade. As the old boot-camp chant goes: "No Jesus, no peace; Know Jesus, know peace." And what better way to let everyone know Jesus than to put His sacrifice on display in the Heavens for all to see ? and where Islamofascist and Secularist regimes can't hide it from their cowed citizenry. We will secure peace by securing a place for Jesus in the night sky. Therefore, it is imperative that funding for OCA should be added to the DoD's counterterrorism and psyops budget.

Besides using Defense funds, Orbital Cross Alpha should also be funded out of NASA's budget. President Bush has already started the process of moving our nation away from NASA's Darwinistic space program ? which seeks to prove the Godless "Big Bang" and laughable "microbes to Marsmen" theories ? towards a program based on righteous Interplanetary Manifest Destiny. The planned bases on the Moon and Mars are important for the future conquest of our solar system, but we have no real need for space telescopes and the like. After all, anything we need to know about the extrasolar Heavens can be discovered via Biblical exegetics. If not being diverted to our Moon and Mars base missions, funds used for these pointlessly unbiblical, and socially unhealthy, programs would be better spent on a giant orbital cross. And if we must, we can always slap a zooming camera on the back of it and call it a "space telescope platform" to appease the foolish interests of the star-obsessed unbelievers at NASA.
 

Enigmers

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Simulation theory: we are all randomly generated A.I. creatures in minecraft, which was created in another minecraft, which was created in another minecraft. We are playing minecraft: soon from now, someone will find a way to make minecraft in minecraft.
 

hem dazon 90

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I think mincraft is a Muslim game.

It has sand and god so thus it must have been a Muslim game right?
 

PhunkyPhazon

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Dec 23, 2009
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Objective Ministries is a parody site, but don't worry, absolutely everyone takes it seriously at first.
 

Catalyst6

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Apr 21, 2010
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ddq5 said:
Minecraft is actually a Freudian allegory for deflowering a woman. The virgin world is huge and mysterious, waiting for the Man to explore her caverns and reap the rewards. Of course, the Man brings with him his own guilty past. The Creepers represent the destruction of STDs, the Skeletons are jealous ex-lovers, and the Spiders are his self-doubt of his own sexual prowess. Thus, the Man must dominate the woman's world and bring in his own masculinity through the torches of male enlightenment and giant penis-shaped towers.
See, I can make shit up too!
Well done, my friend. Well done.

OT: It seems to me that, if you're going to use that justification, then Notch is actually replacing the local god figure. So... all hail Notch?
 

BenzSmoke

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Nov 1, 2009
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Well, if games are art. They can be interpreted in any way. Sounds like a parody to me though.