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commiedic

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Sep 2, 2010
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After a long car ride, a young man was disgusted when his car suddenly broke down. Getting out, he noticed that the road was purple. The grass to each side was purple as well, and there was a purple sky. There was also a purple path that led to a purple house. Deciding he'd follow the purple path, he came to the purple house and knocked on the purple door. A few minutes later the purple door was opened to reveal a man wearing a purple robe and purple slippers. He asked what the matter was, to which the young man replied, "Hi, my name is George. My car broke down on the road. Could I use your phone?" The man in the purple robe replied that he didn't have a purple phone, but he would be happy to let George stay in his purple house for the night, for there had just started a purple thunderstorm outside, and he would help George out in the morning. George gave his thanks. "Don't mention it," said the man in the purple robe, who closed the purple door, led him across the purple hallway that had a purple rug, through his purple livingroom, and to his purple stairs. At the top of the purple stairs, George noticed another purple hallway with another purple rug, and there was a row of several purple doors on either side of the purple hall. The purple-robed man led George to the first purple door, opened the purple door, gave the young man a second purple robe, and bade him goodnight.

About an hour later, there was another knock on the purple door. The purple-robed man came to the purple door and opened it, to reveal a rain-drenched man, who had also broken down, and revealed himself as Billy. The purple-robed man led Billy into his downstairs purple hallway with the purple rug, closed the purple door, and led him through the purple livingroom and up the purple stairs to the upstairs purple hallway with the purple rug, and led him to the second purple door. Opening the second purple door, the purple-robed man gave Billy a third purple robe and bade him good night as well.

About an hour later, once again, there was a third knock on the purple door. The purple-robed man opened it to reveal another rain-drenched man, who had also broken down outside, and his name was Dan. The purple-robed man led Dan into his downstairs purple hallway with the purple rug, closed the purple door, and led Dan through his purple livingroom, up the purple stairs, and into the upstairs purple hallway with the purple rug. The purple-robed man took Dan to the third purple door, gave him a fourth purple robe, and told him to have a good purple night.

The next morning, the three men opened their purple doors and came out into the upstairs purple hallway with the purple rug, all wearing their purple robes, and started down the purple stairs. Heading through the purple livingroom, they entered the purple kitchen where the purple-robed man was, preparing some breakfast. He asked the men what they would like, and they just decided on some cereal. The three men sat down at the purple table and the purple-robed man brought out Frosted Flakes and Cheerios. George picked Frosted Flakes, Billy Cheerios, and Dan Frosted Flakes. Now, what's the moral of this story?
 

StrangerMouse

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May 16, 2010
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A pirate walks into a bar with a massive steering wheel shoved in his pants. The bartender says "Isn't that uncomfortable?" The pirate replies "Yar, it's driving me nuts!"
 

zz_

New member
Jul 15, 2010
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derbt said:
A baby seal walks into a club...
I don't know why, but I found that joke absolutely hilarious. Been laughing for two minutes now.
 

Ldude893

Elite Member
Apr 2, 2010
4,114
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A: Knock knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Doctor
B: Doctor who?
A: No, just the Doctor.

A: Knock knock
B: Who's there?
A: Little Old Lady
B: Little Old Lady Who?
A: Did you just yodel at me?
 

No_Remainders

New member
Sep 11, 2009
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lithium.jelly said:
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Germans are efficient and not very funny.
I love that one.

OT: A man walks into a bar looking sad after having come from the doctor's office across the road. The barman asks why he's so sad, and he said "I just realised that my life is a joke"

Edit: Just thought of some more.

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A brown stick.

Q: What's white and fluffy?
A: White fluff.

Q: What's pink and fluffy?
A: White fluff dyed pink.
 
Jan 11, 2009
1,237
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Just got this off of Sickipedia

Our little hamster is such a laugh!

He just stays in there on that circle thing going round and round and round for ages until:

*DING*

Then I take him out of the microwave.

EDIT:
commiedic said:
Is that the whole joke or are you waiting for someone to ask?
 

HumpinHop

New member
May 5, 2011
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My old private school teachers beat this joke to death.

Hey Mr.Marsh did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!

DOHOHOHOHOHOHO.
 

The_ModeRazor

New member
Jul 29, 2009
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Very, very horrible joke coming up, do not read if you have a shred of human goodness within you.

Hitler goes to concentration camp, picks 3 random ethnicity people, takes them to a pool.
Says:"If you can swim all the way through, you're free".

First guy jumps in, swims about 1/3 of the way, then sinks.
Second guy gets through 2/3 of the pool, sinks.
Last guy jumps in, swims past 1/3, swims past 2/3, almost reaches the end of the pool... but
then sinks.

Hitler says: "Holy shit, I thought he was acidproof."

I'm so going to get my soul eaten by an angry god.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
19,316
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What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

A piiig.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
19,316
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thaluikhain said:
lithium.jelly said:
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Germans are efficient and not very funny.
German comedy is no laughing matter.

...

They laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian.
Well who's laughing now?!
Just you, sadly.
 

Redingold

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Mar 28, 2009
1,641
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commiedic said:
-rather large snip-
The three men sat down at the purple table and the purple-robed man brought out Frosted Flakes and Cheerios. George picked Frosted Flakes, Billy Cheerios, and Dan Frosted Flakes. Now, what's the moral of this story?
2 out of 3 people prefer Frosted Flakes for breakfast.
 

Fishyash

Elite Member
Dec 27, 2010
1,154
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41
What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

Yeah I the only bad jokes I know are anti-jokes.
Get a penguin bar and look at the joke within a wrapper to find some terrible penguine-themed jokes.
 

Exmigrant

New member
May 19, 2010
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StrangerMouse said:
A pirate walks into a bar with a massive steering wheel shoved in his pants. The bartender says "Isn't that uncomfortable?" The pirate replies "Yar, it's driving me nuts!"
Thats a great one,

Thanks to all of you for your jokes, And as much as I'd rather not see the racist jokes, to those of you kind enough to put them into a Spoiler with a Disclaimer at the top I thank you.

Kargathia said:
I also know quite the assortment of dead baby jokes, but I believe the request was to leave them out of this.
Thank you for abiding to my rules.
 

Dawn Patrol

New member
Jul 29, 2011
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Labyrinth said:
These kind of jokes may seem funny...
Then they are. Simple.

Jokes can offend. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be told. If boundaries aren't getting pushed then we're left with the same old crap.

Anyone could find any joke offensive. "Why did the chicken cross the road." "Not cool man, my chicken got hit by a bus yesterday." If we don't tell a joke because it might offend someone, we'll eventually have no jokes left. And who the hell would want to live in that world?
 

Dawn Patrol

New member
Jul 29, 2011
41
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lacktheknack said:
thaluikhain said:
lithium.jelly said:
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Germans are efficient and not very funny.
German comedy is no laughing matter.

...

They laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian.
Well who's laughing now?!
Just you, sadly.
Well done there. You took any subtlety that joke had and threw it away. Good job.
 

PixelKing

Moderately confused.
Sep 4, 2009
1,733
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I might not be the best looker here, but im the only one talking to you.
Not really a joke, but yeah.