My friend says the "Good guys come last" theory is BS

[FinalHeart95]

I agree with the second paragraph entirely.

First not so, at least with the way it's phrased. A guy could be the best guy in the world, but if his confidence isn't high enough, he'll never get any. So it's not a case of "if they were really that good, they would be taken already", it's more that they have to go out and actually ASK someone.

 

[MrConor]

I have probably met 200-ish women since I hit the age of 16 and I have asked out 9 girls all to be rejected, friend zoned and manipulated all the time. I am the nicest guy in my group and I treat women like the goddesses they are...

Women aren't goddesses. They're normal people, just as you are. Try approaching them as an equal: if you don't consider yourself 'worthy' of them, why the hell should they?

 

[Outright Villainy]

Seriously, it has nothing to do with how nice you are or are not. Guys who act like clingy, obsessive, underconfident stalkers who will hate you (and all your sex) forever if you don't return their obsessive "love" are not attractive. At least, not to sane people.

I had to date three of them before I realized that, because I used to buy into the "nice guy" thing. Then I wised up. A lack of confidence combined with whines of "But I'm a nice guy!" does not an actual nice guy make.

Yeah, you've pretty much nailed it, and a lot more eloquently than I did.

 

[Uncle_Brainhorn]

Now, first of all, she's in a relationship, has been for years now. She says that that the ideals that some guys have about good guys getting the cold shoulder by girls is bs because if they were really that good, they would be taken already, that plenty of females are looking for a stable relationship with a reliable guy.

Her opinion on the fact that "girls often prefer guys that are bad boys" is this, they are far more confident, in themselves and in thier abilities so they stand out more and if one considers themself a good guy, they should prove it by demonstrating that they are within thier ability to be a dependable boyfriend / husband.

So what do you guys and girls think? Does she have a point, or is she missing something?

You said "thier" twice. Stop that. It's "their."

That said, I think she's about half right. Some girls will go for the "bad boy" and some will go for the others.

 

[Berethond]

Your friend is indeed correct. Most of the "good guys" I know either have girlfriends or don't want any.

 

[Bre2nan]

Ah, another one of these threads.

One of the main problems here is that neither the "nice guys" nor the women that supposedly all date jerks want to take any blame. I've heard complaining from both ends: the typical "nice guy" jaded at women for preferring total assholes to them, and women complaining that all men are assholes because those are the only men they will date.

The "nice guys" could stand to be a little more confident in themselves, while it wouldn't hurt for women to consider the notion that elevated levels of confidence does not necessarily make one man "better" than the other.

As for me, I'm solidly one of those "nice guys," but I don't try to blame anyone. I blame my family's gene-pool for infecting me with a hereditary anxiety disorder, because if you have no one to blame but yourself, blame your DNA !

 

[Irridium]

It's all about how you carry yourself.

I'm definitely a good guy, but that doesn't mean I'm not confident about who I am or what I do.
I'm very confident in myself and what I'm capable of.

So, I think it's all an insecurity that those 'good guys' have and need to overcome, just like any mental hurdle. So, she right in the fact that these ideal 'good guys' would be taken in a second if they were exuding more qualities than just being nice. People hate this anwser because it means effort that guy's part to better himself instead of a 'They just don't see how great you are' pat on the back.

Out of all the comments, this is the closes to what I wanted to say, so yeah.

As for me, well I could probably be with someone. But I'm lazy, haven't met anyone decent enough yet, and... well,

I'm on break.

*turns page*

Mmhmm

 

[Valknott]

It's not BS, and it's not completely true either.

Girls and guys don't really know what they want from relationships until they've had a few. And women say "Oh, I want a guy who's dependable guy and a stable relationship" Okay great, you and everybody else. Who's looking for a relationship where their partner is cheating, hardly around, or a general arseface?

The guys that go on about nice guys finishing last are the same guys that worship girls, in a bad way. They put them on a pedestal and start thinking they're even less likely to succeed in getting a ladyfriend. So their confidence goes out the window, and people notice. Most people notice fairly easily.

The people who get the girl, or guy, are the ones that confidently can be themselves. And it helps if you're already a happy well adjusted person, and aren't looking for a relationship to do that for you.

 

[pulse2]

Now, first of all, she's in a relationship, has been for years now. She says that that the ideals that some guys have about good guys getting the cold shoulder by girls is bs because if they were really that good, they would be taken already, that plenty of females are looking for a stable relationship with a reliable guy.

Her opinion on the fact that "girls often prefer guys that are bad boys" is this, they are far more confident, in themselves and in thier abilities so they stand out more and if one considers themself a good guy, they should prove it by demonstrating that they are within thier ability to be a dependable boyfriend / husband.

So what do you guys and girls think? Does she have a point, or is she missing something?

You said "thier" twice. Stop that. It's "their."

That said, I think she's about half right. Some girls will go for the "bad boy" and some will go for the others.

Cheers, bad habit, lol

Back on topic, her opinions extend to the fact that few females want a cowardice bf or husband thus the requirement of confidence.

 

[Evan Martella]

Girls don't dislike "nice guys". The problem is that most guys who say they're "nice" are actually manipulative and trying to play an angle just like the bad boys, except they don't have enough balls to come out and say it. The reason why girls get with bad guys (and don't stay with them) is because they are sure of themselves enough to do their own thing, and the girl likes the feeling that she's not taking care of the guy.

Myself, I always put myself in the selfless category - I was always there with a kind word, doing anything for the person I was with, always a shoulder to cry on, etc. - and the problem is not that this isn't a good thing (and to be honest, I'd say most girls want this in the person they're with). The issue is that guys take it too far overboard and stop seeing that a relationship is a two-way street. Now that I've had good relationships, I've realized that girls and guys really want equality - they want to be there to help us just as much as they want us to be there for them. Having the confidence to set boundaries and voice your needs? That's what's really attractive to a woman.

What women really want? They want a confident man with his own goals and ambitions that he is working towards, self-respect and self-discipline to push every day to attain these goals, a supportive nature that helps foster growth for both people, consideration, romance and affection. A big penis wouldn't hurt either.

Am I close to the mark, ladies?

 

[Marble Dragon]

I know girls who prefer 'bad boys.' And you know what they are? They're high schoolers! They're teenage girls who just want a fun time! They don't want a boy to marry, to have kids with, to spend all their life with. They want a cute boy hanging on their arm, kissing them and making them look hotter because the bad boys are into them. They aren't respectable women.

I also know girls, teenage and otherwise, who would love to date a guy that didn't treat them like shit, that truly loved them.

Girls don't like the idea of them preferring a bad boy over a good guy because it makes them look bad, so they deny it even though it is 100% true.

Nice job. You just made a huge and offensive generalization on about half the human race, give or take. And in the vast majority of women, it's not true. Like I said, just because a couple of slutty fifteen year old girls prefer 'bad boys' doesn't mean all women do. And what would women have to lie about? You think I ever hear "Oh, it makes us look bad!" from my girlfriends? No! I'm perfectly open about the kind of guy I'm into, because I have no reason not to be and I don't particularly care what guys think.

Girls don't like the idea of them preferring a bad boy over a good guy because it makes them look bad, so they deny it even though it is 100% true.

You're confusing 'pussy/pansy' with good guy, and 'stands up for himself' with bad boy.

Thank you so much. I prefer my male companions to have more balls than me, thanks. If you aren't self confident and strong in who you are, you don't come off as a poor little nice guy. You come off as a pansy without the social skills for a devoted relationship.

And hey, if a girl really does prefer 'bad boys' who are really total dicks, why the hell would you want her? She's either a high schooler or an idiot, possibly both.

 

[CouchCommando]

Nice guys a matter of perception, I'm pretty sure nearly every guy out there thinks they are a "nice guy" but actions speak louder than words, an important thing is actually seeing how other people may perceive your behavior.
Latching onto the idea of a single person who may or may not be "your type" like a limpet whilst the world passes you by is definitely not what I would call healthy social behavior.
Back when I went through my "nice guy" phase (I expect that most guys go through something similar varied by factors as to how open their parents are with them and weather they have elder brothers, upbringing and social life etc, and how long they keep fooling themselves).
It slowly dawned on me that my own behavior and putting my life on hold for a girl I liked who obviously didn't reciprocate my feelings at the time was creeping ME out.
So after making a few quick changes and getting a social hobby or 3 I soon found my life on the up and up. Simple pleasures were back on the agenda I was doing what I enjoyed, and meeting new people, and I surprisingly managed the friendship with the girl I had the crush on by setting up some healthy boundaries as to how much time I could really give to any one friend whilst still living my own life the way it needed to be led.
Long story short she actually developed a bit of a crush on me later on in the friendship ,but I had to accept some personal responsibility for the unreality of the expectations she had of me due to my own exaggerated allowance of time and energy been lavished upon her when she wasn't reciprocating my crush at the time.
We are still friends to this day and I recently attended her wedding to a real nice guy, as in he is an open warm hearted and well adapted guy WHO SHARES HER INTERESTS. Some thing that I had to actually confront when I realized that I didn't want to actually be in a relationship with her only after she started to reciprocate my crush after a ridiculous outlay on my part creating an exaggerated image of who I really was.
Oh and OT kinda yes and no.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Her opinion on the fact that "girls often prefer guys that are bad boys" is this, they are far more confident, in themselves and in thier abilities so they stand out more and if one considers themself a good guy, they should prove it by demonstrating that they are within thier ability to be a dependable boyfriend / husband.

That's probably it.

Honestly, I just got lucky with my girl. Met her through another friend, and after we hung out for a while, we both simultaneously developed feelings for each other.

It's going pretty well so far. I'm a nice guy (at least I try to be), but for the longest while, my confidence was really low. Since hooking up with my girlfriend, though, it's gotten WAY better.

But yes, Girls are probably more attuned to guys who have good self-confidence.

 

[darthmason0719]

I have probably met 200-ish women since I hit the age of 16 and I have asked out 9 girls all to be rejected, friend zoned and manipulated all the time. I am the nicest guy in my group and I treat women like the goddesses they are, and you know what I am finishing so far last I haven't even left the starting gate (and the furthest I have ever gotten was kissing a girl who was so drunk she could only just about walk). I could show them so much and give them all the love in the world, but no, I have no confidence and refuse to make a move because of so many rejections I fear they will end the same way and hurt me. They destroy me at every attempt and make me feel like death every time I see them, but hey! I will keep trying until it kills me.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_VSrnkiWaqSQ/TMdBQsCZScI/AAAAAAAAAZI/r7M0LAXkxW0/s1600/forever+alone+face.png

Story of my fuckin life

 

[lord canti]

There's a lot of factors into something like this. From my expierience a lot of woman seem to be very hesitant to date some one who is a virgin. No matter how much confidence he has. While I am guilty of having the whole nice guys finish last mentality I know that it's a load of crap.

 

[UnusualStranger]

Hello people, let me see if I can throw something extra on to this fire.

Of course good guys finish last. Know why? Society doesn't support an actual "Nice guy". For example, a nice guy will be honest to his or her mate. Now, lets look at the age old question

"Does XXXXXX make me look fat?"

Some people would react like real bastards if they were told they were fat. Some would take it well, and others wouldn't care. However, its a question that can often lead to many losing sides. What if they are already actually fat? What if they won't believe you and think "You are just saying that"

Next, we need to look at just simply meeting up with someone. Know what most relationships are built out of? Interests, and not in similar things. People are much more interested in things that make people extraordinary. In other words, lying. Telling someone outlandish claims that are not complete and terrible lies, but are simple and small enough to be believed and dismissed at the same time. What does a nice guy do? Again, they are honest about themselves. They don't usually do something like "I watch all sorts of movies, play all sports, have some experience in acting, have a high paying job and nice car, as well as defense training". If you do, props to you.

But yeah, ultimately good guys are last, because they just can't compete with someone who doesn't feel bad about not being themselves at all.

 

[BonsaiK]

Now, first of all, she's in a relationship, has been for years now. She says that that the ideals that some guys have about good guys getting the cold shoulder by girls is bs because if they were really that good, they would be taken already, that plenty of females are looking for a stable relationship with a reliable guy.

Her opinion on the fact that "girls often prefer guys that are bad boys" is this, they are far more confident, in themselves and in thier abilities so they stand out more and if one considers themself a good guy, they should prove it by demonstrating that they are within thier ability to be a dependable boyfriend / husband.

So what do you guys and girls think? Does she have a point, or is she missing something?

She's 100% right, of course.

I'm a "nice guy" and I do just fine. Other "nice guys" who don't usually scare women off by carrying around that huge chip on their shoulder.