My gf's dad hates me.

[MasterOfWorlds]

He probably sees you as he was himself at your age. Out to hump the sweet little daughter he has cherished for so many years.

Hell id be pissed if you where going to put your schlong in my daughter. You dont go out with her just because you like movies/dinner/coffee

I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry because that's so true. XD

Honestly, we haven't slept together. That's not the reason I'm going out with her. It's something we probably will do in the future when she's ready, but I think that's a little down the line. Until then, it's only movies/dinner/coffee. XD

You sir seem like a great human being. If you truly haven't done anything wrong then sometimes you just have to keep fighting. Not aggressively, but I mean hold on to her. How old are you and how old is she? I know you said a year older but you never know what might set a person off.

Well, I guess technically, she's two years younger. Her birthday is only a few weeks after mine, so that was making me think she was only a year younger. She's 17, I'm 19. I'd also like to point out, simply for those who are looking for a reason to troll and whatnot, the age of consent where I live is 17 as long as the age gap does not exceed two years. I can explain that legalese if you'd like, but I'm sure that most of you get it.

 

[Daverson]

Challenge him to a duel! It's a win-win situation, it shows him you're a man of honour, if he does accept, it shows him you're a man of courage, and if you loose, it shows him you're a man of humility! All important qualities for a potential suitor!

 

[thedeathscythe]

How old are the two of you? And do you think there is anything for him to be worried about you? I'm not in university and I'm 20, I'm just working and living it up, so when I date a girl, and if I meet her parents and they know this, sometimes they'll be sketchy about me, but they won't really do anything too bad. That's just what I find for myself. Look at yourself as a person and say "would I want my daughter dating him?" and think up any reasons why not, and that's probably why.

I would honestly be horrified if I had a daughter and she dated at all. I'd probably be more protective of any daughter. I'm basically a good guy. I get good grades, I'm working on my BA, I do volunteer work, paint, practice martial arts, I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, all in all, I'd say I'm alright. I'm a bit of a jerk sometimes and I'm super sarcastic, but I'm not spiteful or out and out mean. I'd be thrilled if I had a daughter and she dated a guy like me because I know he'd treat her right. Assuming I could get over the fact that she'd be dating. XD

Then, I don't want to sound cheesy, but the only thing left is maybe he thinks you're too good to be true. Maybe he thinks you're putting up a front and just acting like this kind of guy. In time I'm sure he'll probably see that if you've been with her for whatever amount of time, that you wouldn't be leading her on like that. I used to date this brown chick for 2 years, she was Pakistani, and to say her parents didn't like me was an understatement. I'm this white punk guy dating their daughter, and for about a year they hated me, really. After that though, they loved me.

 

[Magnesium360]

Its kinda like an unwritten law they hate/be cautious of you.

Just show that you arent just in it for sex. and that you genuinely care.

This comment is probably your best bet yet. Sometimes a parent will get protective and hate you if they think your intentions are not out of love. Listen to this guy, he knows what he is talking about.

 

[Shock and Awe]

I am not sure what to say. My last ex's parents loved me to death, probably because I carried myself old school. In that I always said "Yes/No Ma'am/Sir" when one of them asked me a question. I did all the "polite" things one would expect when I was around them. It might have also have been because I was/am a pretty clean cut looking guy. I would suggest to be polite as much as possible when you are around him and hopefully things will not escalate.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

He's threatened you. Call the cops on him. He wants to fuck with you? Ruin his life.

I'd really, REALLY rather not do that. I know that he has no legal problems with me, and I know I've broken no laws, so the worst that can happen as far as the cops go is me explaining the situation. I'll also hope that the cops I might have to talk to are either men or have sons and not daughters so that they'll understand where I'm coming from. XD

Also, other than the fact that he doesn't like me, he's basically alright. I mean, I think he could treat her a little more like family (he never married her mother and now he's married to some lady and has a stepson and biological daughter with her, so he sees my gf as...I wouldn't quite say a burden, but I'm sure you get the idea.). It's an interesting situation that they have, but I think she's worth it.

As he has threatened you he has committed a crime. Nothing to explain.

Here's the thing. He's threatened to call the cops on me once because of something his daughter did and he thought I was responsible for it. I'm not going to go into detail about it, but I didn't have anything to do with it and would gladly answer a few questions from the cops for her.

He just doesn't like me. He's concerned that I'm going to hurt his daughter. I can understand that. I can understand that having a male influence other than him for her is bothering him since he is the dad after all. He's basically an alright guy, and I don't want to cause issues for him. I don't think he deserves it. Most of his threats are along the lines of, "If you hurt my daughter..." so while yes, he has technically threatened me, he's not exactly super aggressive or stalking me or anything like that. If he does decide to be more of a jerk, I'll try to talk to him and explain things. If he persists, I'll call the cops. I'm not going to get the authorities involved when I can deal with it myself and not have to drag the rest of the family into it. The cops get involved, and the whole family is going to catch hell for it. I like my gf a lot. In fact, I love her. I don't want to hurt her in any way, that includes putting her dad through whatever the judicial system would do to him on the off chance I called the cops. I'm going to use that as a last resort. Her brother and sister are much younger than me, and I don't want to put them through that either.

 

[Drug Crazed]

My 2 cents.

I'm in my first relationship, and when we... yeah you get the gist, she told her mum about 2 weeks afterwards because she felt scared. I was less than impressed that she hadn't told me that was scared, and even less than less than impressed when she did it without telling me beforehand. Was a horrible day when I next went to her because I was convinced her mum was going to beat me with a stick. Thank fuck her dad doesn't know.

Anyway, they both like me because it's obvious I'm not in it for sex. We didn't even try it for about 8 months and I didn't force it. It just happened. Ish. I just continued to be me, and I spent time with her brothers. Her dad isn't the talkative type (They all call him the caveman), but when he initiated a conversation with me I was petrified and also shouting for joy inside. I think he just doesn't like you, so don't sweat it.

Just continue being a good boy. Eventually he'll like you, or he might not. Either way, only thing you can do is be a good boy.

 

[RobCoxxy]

I'm sure that this isn't exactly rare. Her mom likes me and we get along great, but her dad really has it out for me. I mean he's threatened to call the cops, and hunt me down and all sorts of stuff like that. Luckily he hasn't gotten violent because I'd really hate to have to beat down my gf's dad. XD

Anyway, her parents are separate, and it's not like I have to see them all the time, but it's just annoying that it seems like I have to jump through hoops just to date her because she's amazing and I really like her. The only problem we have is her dad.

Any ideas/suggestions for dealing with a hostile parent? I've heard of parents hating gfs too, so I guess this could apply there as well. Normally I get along well with my friends/gfs parents, he's the only one that seems to have a problem with me.

I had that a few years back. Exact same situation.
Apart from he actually threatened to kill me with a shotgun should I ever go round their house again.

Awesome.

 

[xainoforgv]

friend i suggest just keep treating your girlfriend well and make sure you keep ur relationship with the mother on good terms if u do that sooner or later he'll have to realize ur a part of is life whether he likes u or not and better get used to the idea of at least trying to get along. Also it couldn't hurt to make sure next time he goes off on u the gf and or mother are in the room so that they can tell him what a douche he's being.

 

[Neuromaster]

How long have you two been dating? Trust takes time to earn, especially considering how he learned about your relationship. Sometimes, it can take a very long time. My girlfriend's dad wasn't as hostile as the situation you're describing, but I'm pretty sure he was giving me the evil eye for the first full year we were together. Seven years later, he probably treats me better than his own family.

If you think he's just flat out crazy/paranoid/control freak I'd say cut your losses and just do your best to avoid him. That's a battle you can't win and honestly, finding excuses to get your GF out of the house is probably doing her a favor anyway.

If you think he's just garden-variety overprotective I'd say you need to talk to him. BUT I dislike both the "Why do you hate me?" and the "Brews at the pub" options. You need to show him that you're trustworthy, not tell him. The process of winning over my GF's dad mostly happened in their kitchen while the GF was off doing her hair or something. Talking about how interesting the computer networking course I'm taking is. My plans for job-hunting after graduation. How delicious the caesar salad was at the restaurant I took her out to last night. An interesting new development in sci-tech I saw in the newspaper this morning. (My GF's dad is a professional and a bit of a geek)

Especially if you can do your homework & hone in on topics he's interested in, treating him with respect and as an intellectual equal may improve your chances. Try engaging in casual conversation, but about topics with substance. Weather, sports, and music probably don't qualify. And be patient - you don't want either of you blowing up at the other if it can be avoided. For her sake as well as yours.

Oh, and the obvious: During this project, try not to get caught in any potentially-compromising positions. Back to square one baby.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

How long have you two been dating? Trust takes time to earn, especially considering how he learned about your relationship. Sometimes, it can take a very long time. My girlfriend's dad wasn't as hostile as the situation you're describing, but I'm pretty sure he was giving me the evil eye for the first full year we were together. Seven years later, he probably treats me better than his own family.

If you think he's just flat out crazy/paranoid/control freak I'd say cut your losses and just do your best to avoid him. That's a battle you can't win and honestly, finding excuses to get your GF out of the house is probably doing her a favor anyway.

If you think he's just garden-variety overprotective I'd say you need to talk to him. BUT I dislike both the "Why do you hate me?" and the "Brews at the pub" options. You need to show him that you're trustworthy, not tell him. The process of winning over my GF's dad mostly happened in their kitchen while the GF was off doing her hair or something. Talking about how interesting the computer networking course I'm taking is. My plans for job-hunting after graduation. How delicious the caesar salad was at the restaurant I took her out to last night. An interesting new development in sci-tech I saw in the newspaper this morning. (My GF's dad is a professional and a bit of a geek)

Especially if you can do your homework & hone in on topics he's interested in, treating him with respect and as an intellectual equal may improve your chances. Try engaging in casual conversation, but about topics with substance. Weather, sports, and music probably don't qualify. And be patient - you don't want either of you blowing up at the other if it can be avoided. For her sake as well as yours.

Oh, and the obvious: During this project, try not to get caught in any potentially-compromising positions. Back to square one baby.

In two days, it'll be seven months. The thing is, her dad and I don't really have a lot in common. I was thinking about finding a neutral ground (restaurant, bar, etc etc) away from the others so that we could just have a man to man talk about whatever. I was planning on mostly talking to him about my future plans up until and even a little after my Ph. D. I also was to talk to him about how I used to be a psychology major (my gf is currently thinking about being a psych major) and how I switched to sociology. Her mom really likes me and was explaining how some companies in the area could possibly hire me to do research for them. Her mom really likes me and insists, and by this I mean gets mad at me when I adress her as Ms. and her last name, she insists that I call her by her first name only, which I think is cool because that encourages familiarity, but makes me a little incomfortable because I've grown up calling people Mr. Mrs. Ms. my whole life.

I think her dad is just overprotective. I have nothing against him other than the fact that he makes things a little difficult every now and again.

 

[Neuromaster]

-snip-

In two days, it'll be seven months. The thing is, her dad and I don't really have a lot in common. I was thinking about finding a neutral ground (restaurant, bar, etc etc) away from the others so that we could just have a man to man talk about whatever. I was planning on mostly talking to him about my future plans up until and even a little after my Ph. D. I also was to talk to him about how I used to be a psychology major (my gf is currently thinking about being a psych major) and how I switched to sociology. Her mom really likes me and was explaining how some companies in the area could possibly hire me to do research for them. Her mom really likes me and insists, and by this I mean gets mad at me when I adress her as Ms. and her last name, she insists that I call her by her first name only, which I think is cool because that encourages familiarity, but makes me a little incomfortable because I've grown up calling people Mr. Mrs. Ms. my whole life.

I think her dad is just overprotective. I have nothing against him other than the fact that he makes things a little difficult every now and again.

Seven months was a long time for us back in 9th grade, but from a parent's point of view I suspect it might seem like you've still just met her. Try to be patient; polite persistence is a virtue.

Warning: speculation about what what you have in mind for the neutral ground man-date thing follows.

Spoiler: Unfounded speculation

It's not an idea that I'm comfortable with, especially if you don't have much in common. I'm convinced that you cannot win this man's trust by telling him that you're a good guy, that you have plans for a successful and professional future, and that you want nothing more than to love and protect his daughter. You'd be directly contradicting the (albeit unfounded) beliefs about you that he's already created. You don't want to be saying "I'm a good guy" because that translates as "I have no evidence, but your opinions about me are wrong".

This is a case where I believe a more subtle approach is appropriate, a case of "show don't tell". If you make a date & get him alone somewhere "neutral", it will be obvious to him that you're trying to manipulate him into liking you, even if your intentions are pure. Nobody takes the GF's dad out to the pub for giggles.

Since he doesn't like you, his guard will be up. People inherently try to protect the beliefs they already have, so your arguments and/or demonstrations of goodwill may bounce off his skepticism without doing a lick of good.

I believe a better approach is to think about what you planned to talk about at the bar or whatever, and figure out a way to drop that in casual conversation while the GF isn't around. You only need two or three minutes to chat about a bullet point before she gets back, and you can tackle the next point next week. The trick is to demonstrate your qualities without looking like you're just trying to get what you want (his goodwill so you can f^(# his little girl).

Anyway, that's what worked for me. Best of luck to you, whatever approach you take.

 

[emeraldrafael]

He's threatened you. Call the cops on him. He wants to fuck with you? Ruin his life.

I'd really, REALLY rather not do that. I know that he has no legal problems with me, and I know I've broken no laws, so the worst that can happen as far as the cops go is me explaining the situation. I'll also hope that the cops I might have to talk to are either men or have sons and not daughters so that they'll understand where I'm coming from. XD

Also, other than the fact that he doesn't like me, he's basically alright. I mean, I think he could treat her a little more like family (he never married her mother and now he's married to some lady and has a stepson and biological daughter with her, so he sees my gf as...I wouldn't quite say a burden, but I'm sure you get the idea.). It's an interesting situation that they have, but I think she's worth it.

As he has threatened you he has committed a crime. Nothing to explain.

Dont sue him. That shows two things. One you're a spineless pussy. Two, you're letting him get to you. Besides, say you do sue him. Is the girl going to like that you just got her dad into legal trouble? No, I'd say not. Just let it go.

 

[Tiny116]

Even an overprotective dad needs a reason to hate you...so what is it? If you aren't honest, no one can help you manage the relationship.

Unless he's a possessive father then he needs no reason. A boyfriend is stealing his little girl away.

OT: Just be polite man. Give him no reason to do anything, then you can't be placed in the wrong for any reason.

 

[coolman9899]

my ex's dad didn't like any boys so I dumped her :\ saw no possibility for a relationship

 

[EightGaugeHippo]

Of course he hates you. You're dating his daughter, he doesn't trust you because you are a youthful male, in his eyes you only want one thing: SEXY TIME
Ergo, he hates your guts

This

Her Dad has mostlikely been like this at somepoint in time himself, Where all he thinks about is poon.
Just try and make it seem like your dating her for more honest things than just getting your rocks off, theres nothing wrong with lying. =P