My gf's dad hates me.

[Timmehexas]

Well my boyfriends parents hate me just because they're homophobic, so really anything I ever do will never change that. Count yourself lucky at least one of them likes you, and you have the chance to change the dads opinion of you.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

He's threatened you. Call the cops on him. He wants to fuck with you? Ruin his life.

I'd really, REALLY rather not do that. I know that he has no legal problems with me, and I know I've broken no laws, so the worst that can happen as far as the cops go is me explaining the situation. I'll also hope that the cops I might have to talk to are either men or have sons and not daughters so that they'll understand where I'm coming from. XD

Also, other than the fact that he doesn't like me, he's basically alright. I mean, I think he could treat her a little more like family (he never married her mother and now he's married to some lady and has a stepson and biological daughter with her, so he sees my gf as...I wouldn't quite say a burden, but I'm sure you get the idea.). It's an interesting situation that they have, but I think she's worth it.

 

[open trap]

My girlfriends dad does not even know we are going out, i usually have to avoid being seen when he comes around.

 

[tmujir955]

Wait...you mean there are girls whose dads LIKE their boyfriends/husbands?

(actually, that happened to me once---12, 13 years ago now. Her dad practically adopted me as a son. And me, biggest idiot in the friggin' universe, broke up with his daughter because I got too spooked by falling too hard in love with her and with the whole situation. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I'd had my heart broken badly in my last relationship, but still, to this day I think of that girl as the one that got away.)

When are you publishing your biography again?

 

[fix-the-spade]

Any ideas/suggestions for dealing with a hostile parent?

Be polite, be nice, nothing more can be done.

If only one parent hates you you're already doing better than most boyfriends.

 

[SimuLord]

Wait...you mean there are girls whose dads LIKE their boyfriends/husbands?

(actually, that happened to me once---12, 13 years ago now. Her dad practically adopted me as a son. And me, biggest idiot in the friggin' universe, broke up with his daughter because I got too spooked by falling too hard in love with her and with the whole situation. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I'd had my heart broken badly in my last relationship, but still, to this day I think of that girl as the one that got away.)

When are you publishing your biography again?

Haha...my project for NaNo this year is going to be an autobiographical essay collection Chuck Klosterman-style (in organization if not in tone and content.) Thirty stories that I'll try and shop to a publisher as a light-humor work (and very friendly to the talk show circuit, so the marketing assholes have something to chew on.)

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

A year? Ok give me the exact age here, is this a 13/14 year old thing, 14/15, maybe?

i mean then it'd be a little understandable, after all she'd be closer to 10 then 20. Otherwise he's just being really wierd, and I kinda get why his wife left him.

I'm 19 and she's 17. I say a year difference because her birthday is only like two or three weeks after mine. I guess technically it's two years, but really, I'm only two years older than her for all of a few days.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

I'm sure that this isn't exactly rare. Her mom likes me and we get along great, but her dad really has it out for me. I mean he's threatened to call the cops, and hunt me down and all sorts of stuff like that. Luckily he hasn't gotten violent because I'd really hate to have to beat down my gf's dad. XD

Anyway, her parents are separate, and it's not like I have to see them all the time, but it's just annoying that it seems like I have to jump through hoops just to date her because she's amazing and I really like her. The only problem we have is her dad.

Any ideas/suggestions for dealing with a hostile parent? I've heard of parents hating gfs too, so I guess this could apply there as well. Normally I get along well with my friends/gfs parents, he's the only one that seems to have a problem with me.

out of curiosity, is her father asian? im not trying to racist but when ive dated asian girls, with traditional asian parents, they have ALWAYS hated me. girls with parents of american or european descent, always love me (like seriously, if i break up with a girl, her parents are usually about as upset as she is) but if her parents are asian, then they always straight up hate me. the mothers are usually more accepting but they both seem to hate me

other than that, sounds like her dad is just a prick

No, she's 100% German. I'm part German too, but not even close to that 100%. XD

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

A year? Ok give me the exact age here, is this a 13/14 year old thing, 14/15, maybe?

i mean then it'd be a little understandable, after all she'd be closer to 10 then 20. Otherwise he's just being really wierd, and I kinda get why his wife left him.

You stole my question with that post. I've found that age difference tends to have more weight relative to the age of those involved. In an earlier post MasterOfWorlds stated that he is in college so I would have to assume that the one year difference is relatively inconsequential.

I was confused, so I kept asking what was wrong and why she was crying. Apparently, the other girl we both knew, told her that I had manipulated her into...certain things on the webcam.

I found myself in a similar situation a few years ago and had plans to spend the next day with both my girl friend and the other girl. It was not fun at all.

Note: I didn't cheat but had a rather frank discussion about sex that admittedly crossed some lines.

As it turns out, the other girl from online liked me and would say stuff like, "If you were single." or "If you're ever in the area..." and I told her that I wasn't going to break up with my gf to be with her and that I didn't have those feelings for her. She had some ah...psychological issues, yeah we'll go with that. XD

Anyway, she tried to destroy my relationship because I wouldn't break up with my gf to be with her. Luckily it's all behind us now.

 

[IckleMissMayhem]

Actually hates you, or disapproves of you, or just is uncomfortable around the guy who's (possibly) ahem... deflowering his precious daughter?

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

How old are the two of you? And do you think there is anything for him to be worried about you? I'm not in university and I'm 20, I'm just working and living it up, so when I date a girl, and if I meet her parents and they know this, sometimes they'll be sketchy about me, but they won't really do anything too bad. That's just what I find for myself. Look at yourself as a person and say "would I want my daughter dating him?" and think up any reasons why not, and that's probably why.

I would honestly be horrified if I had a daughter and she dated at all. I'd probably be more protective of any daughter. I'm basically a good guy. I get good grades, I'm working on my BA, I do volunteer work, paint, practice martial arts, I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, all in all, I'd say I'm alright. I'm a bit of a jerk sometimes and I'm super sarcastic, but I'm not spiteful or out and out mean. I'd be thrilled if I had a daughter and she dated a guy like me because I know he'd treat her right. Assuming I could get over the fact that she'd be dating. XD

 

[Shiny Rabbit]

my last girlfriend's parents hated me, supprised they even let us get back together, more so when they found out we were talking about getting married (we're 20 and 16, I turned 20 a couple of weeks ago and she's 17 next week) I put my case forward to her mum (I stated that I'm fully aware that neither of us aren't in a position to get married I'd said this to her) and she respected me for being straight up with my case. These parents also beat her regularly, she talked about it likr it happens all the time which I find a bit shocking as well...

ironically, she dumped me for someone else she's never even met..

 

[lizards]

o man you got it good

picture if you will a kid who had long hair smoked weed 3 or 4 times a week was into classic rock music and was a complete smartass

you have problems with a girls parents when that is the case although the first looks they give you are fairly funny

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

Well is there a reason he hates you?

He's dating daddy's little girl. That's more than enough.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

-snip-

Here are a few things to consider...

1. There's probably a reason her parents are seperated. I'll take a guess that if her father is acting like this, that's why. A man with a completely dominant personality will not do well with any woman, if only because you have to treat them with respect. This comes from a guy with a majorly dominant personality that's learned to get the "do as I say when I say it" out of a woman, you need to understand that let go of the reigns when stuff isn't serious.

2. You were not upfront about your relationship. Yes, even if your girlfriend didn't tell her parents it is still your fault. You did not put your foot forward and accept that you need to take initiative in a relationship. The fact that her father stumbled upon the relationship is something of a bad start.

3. The way he found out he found out about the relationship. She was crying her eyes out and complaining that you cheated on her. That was his first impression. Not a good one.

4. You've done nothing to counter-mend points two and three. Yes, good for you for taking care of your girl when she was down and out. Good job for keeping her safe. I regret to inform you that that is what's expected of you. That is your job in a relationship. You need to do something beyond that to prove your worth at this point.

Hope that helps clear things up for you, buddy. Good luck =)

About points two and three...I thought she had told her parents. It was early on in our relationship when they found out about it because of the incident that happened. I was looking forward to meeting them and actually got together with them only an hour or so after I got back from my trip. I mean, I guess it is sort of my fault for not asking about whether or not she'd told them or insisting that I meet them, but I didn't want to seem too pushy since it seems like her dad is the dominating type and while I like things to go my way (who doesn't?), I'm not going to force anything on anyone. I just wanted to go it slow and at a pace she was comfortable with. Obviously, this backfired a bit. XD

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

I'm sure that this isn't exactly rare. Her mom likes me and we get along great, but her dad really has it out for me. I mean he's threatened to call the cops, and hunt me down and all sorts of stuff like that. Luckily he hasn't gotten violent because I'd really hate to have to beat down my gf's dad. XD

Anyway, her parents are separate, and it's not like I have to see them all the time, but it's just annoying that it seems like I have to jump through hoops just to date her because she's amazing and I really like her. The only problem we have is her dad.

Any ideas/suggestions for dealing with a hostile parent? I've heard of parents hating gfs too, so I guess this could apply there as well. Normally I get along well with my friends/gfs parents, he's the only one that seems to have a problem with me.

He needs to see that you're a good guy, that you're not a dangerous stray dog his daughter's picked up.

Something like if you screw up (in his eyes), apologize (sincerely), and if he doesn't buy your sincerity apologize for him "I was just trying to be respectful, sorry you don't see it that way, sir." /leave WITHOUT PROVOKING FURTHER FRICTION. Angry people are angry for a reason, until things get easier they won't change.

I've had this kind of problem before. The key points: make a sincere effort. Don't provoke. Don't try TOO HARD (don't be a suckup). Older folks take longer to change, be patient, stick to your guns, be confident and non-confrontational.

MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE:

1. Stay calm and stay confident in what you do.
"The clever combatant imposes his will on the enemy, but does not allow the enemy's will to be imposed on him."

Stay deadly calm at all times. No matter how crazy he gets, if you can't keep your cool (even if it's because he's completely blown his top and gets violent) withdraw and save the battle for another time. Because as long and you're staying calm you're in control of what you're doing, and he is not, you've got the upper hand both tactically (because all conflict is warfare) and morally.

2. Avoid violence (I don't care if you'd win or not, or who started it.)
"To fight and conquer in all you battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

Besides, your goal is to bridge the gap, not push it further apart. I'd only ever resort to violence in this case if he got violent with his daughter. I'd floor him and take her somewhere safe, the safety of his daughter should be something you'd both agree on. You have to make him realise that he's crossed the line in that case.

3. Stick to your guns
"To secure ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself."

If you excel in stopping his attacks, be they physical or metaphorical, without resorting to retaliation. Then you are in total control and he will be the only one causing a problem, in time I would hope any human being would realize what they're doing. You must get him to respect you before he will accept you.


TLDR; Get him to respect you, but do not disrespect him in order to achieve this, it will not work. (Quotes are from The Art of War, if you're interested)

I agree with your points and was actually going to ask if those were quotes from the Art of War. XD I've read it, and found it very interesting.

I'm trying to be polite without becoming a doormat, but I'm also standing my ground and trying to show him that I really care about her. I'm sure that he'll at least have some sort of respect for me eventually, even if he doesn't like me.

I've talked to him a few times, and he asked about what I planned to do in the future as far as a job and education and he seemed impressed that I was so young (19) and had thought about it until I get my Ph.D. hopefully by the age of 24-25-ish.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

Take him out for a pint down the local pub (assuming you're a happy drunk as opposed to an angry one).

And talk to your GF about it.

Actually, I was planning on doing something very similar to that. XD I was going to take him out for drinks or dinner or something just the two of us, so that we can talk things out. I was thinking about it anyway, I talked to her about it and she said that she thought it was a good idea.

 

[PrototypeC]

Are you sure it isn't just an act? That he's laughing behind his hands every time you walk up the driveway? That's what I would do if I had a daughter. I've got this nice, rusty machete I'd just carry at all times. Never threaten, just... hold, while looking at you. Always.

Anyway, if he's not, and he really wishes to cause you harm, you don't want to make even more of an enemy of him by having to call the cops if he loses it at you. Did you say 7 months? If that's the case, I'm surprised your computer doesn't automatically omit the word "marry". If it's only been 7 months, and it all started with a jealous mutual friend saying you cheated via webcam, then that's probably reason enough. Best thing you can do is wait it out, stay with her, and that would have been my advice anyway. He'll get used to the idea when it's a year down the line and you have shown no sign of ever wanting to bail.