My gf's dad hates me.

[EeveeElectro]

I'd say he's being protective, but it sounds like he has a mental problem, I don't think his opinion will change. Maybe if you got married and had kids in the future, he might accept you.
My exes mum hated me, for no other reason than he was 4 years older than me. Apparently she was always calling me a slag, slut, whore, that I was only with him for his money and I wanted to get pregnant to trap him.
The thought of having his children revolted me. :3

 

[Cid Silverwing]

Typically parents disapproving of your lover means only one of two things - either your love is a piece of shit, or s/he is good and your parents are soccerheads who can't tell altruism from mutual beneficials.

 

[AngloDoom]

That's nothing. My girlfriend's parents secretly despise me for 'turning their daughter gay'.-_-

One-upmanship isn't helpful, but I sympathise with you.

On Topic:

As other's have previously mentioned, it's due to a mixture of several things, like the fact that the father was once your age and knows about all the temptations there are at that age - as well as all the consequences that can occur. Also, his first impression of you (causing his 'little girl' to cry) wouldn't be in the slightest endearing.

Some fathers are looking for an excuse - that's just how it goes. I once had a girlfriend's father ban me from seeing her because I didn't shake his hand when he loomed over me in the corridor and scowled when he saw I had my arm around his daughter. Clearly, in this example we see the guy wasn't even trying to be reasonable.

Only thing I can say is grin and bear it. If someone comes along where you can shine through and either help him, or his daughter, then it's best you've been polite up to that point so he doesn't see it as a reason to believe you're brown-nosing.

Best of luck.

 

[dogenzakaminion]

You mentioned that age difference being one year and that's really the only true reason i can see for him hating you so much. Although I don't know your or your gf's age, that really shouldn't matter. I guess the best thing to do is be mature about it. If he says he's gonna "crawl through wires to get you" ask him what he means, why he wants to get you so bad. I'm sure he wouldn't even have a good reason. Communication is always the best thing. Let him know that you're genuinely interested in his daughters well being and that you care for her. Over time he will probably back off anyway. I had the same problem with my parents not liking my gf. Although it's still kindof...wierd, it became better after she talked with them.

 

[HellsingerAngel]

-snip-

Here are a few things to consider...

1. There's probably a reason her parents are seperated. I'll take a guess that if her father is acting like this, that's why. A man with a completely dominant personality will not do well with any woman, if only because you have to treat them with respect. This comes from a guy with a majorly dominant personality that's learned to get the "do as I say when I say it" out of a woman, you need to understand that let go of the reigns when stuff isn't serious.

2. You were not upfront about your relationship. Yes, even if your girlfriend didn't tell her parents it is still your fault. You did not put your foot forward and accept that you need to take initiative in a relationship. The fact that her father stumbled upon the relationship is something of a bad start.

3. The way he found out he found out about the relationship. She was crying her eyes out and complaining that you cheated on her. That was his first impression. Not a good one.

4. You've done nothing to counter-mend points two and three. Yes, good for you for taking care of your girl when she was down and out. Good job for keeping her safe. I regret to inform you that that is what's expected of you. That is your job in a relationship. You need to do something beyond that to prove your worth at this point.

Hope that helps clear things up for you, buddy. Good luck =)

 

[Unknower]

As others have said, he's probably just being overprotective. He'll probably start liking you more hating you less as time passes.

That's nothing. My girlfriend's parents secretly despise me for 'turning their daughter gay'.-_-

You were that bad, eeeeeeeeeh?

 

[Cypher10110]

I'm sure that this isn't exactly rare. Her mom likes me and we get along great, but her dad really has it out for me. I mean he's threatened to call the cops, and hunt me down and all sorts of stuff like that. Luckily he hasn't gotten violent because I'd really hate to have to beat down my gf's dad. XD

Anyway, her parents are separate, and it's not like I have to see them all the time, but it's just annoying that it seems like I have to jump through hoops just to date her because she's amazing and I really like her. The only problem we have is her dad.

Any ideas/suggestions for dealing with a hostile parent? I've heard of parents hating gfs too, so I guess this could apply there as well. Normally I get along well with my friends/gfs parents, he's the only one that seems to have a problem with me.

He needs to see that you're a good guy, that you're not a dangerous stray dog his daughter's picked up.

Something like if you screw up (in his eyes), apologize (sincerely), and if he doesn't buy your sincerity apologize for him "I was just trying to be respectful, sorry you don't see it that way, sir." /leave WITHOUT PROVOKING FURTHER FRICTION. Angry people are angry for a reason, until things get easier they won't change.

I've had this kind of problem before. The key points: make a sincere effort. Don't provoke. Don't try TOO HARD (don't be a suckup). Older folks take longer to change, be patient, stick to your guns, be confident and non-confrontational.

MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE:

1. Stay calm and stay confident in what you do.
"The clever combatant imposes his will on the enemy, but does not allow the enemy's will to be imposed on him."

Stay deadly calm at all times. No matter how crazy he gets, if you can't keep your cool (even if it's because he's completely blown his top and gets violent) withdraw and save the battle for another time. Because as long and you're staying calm you're in control of what you're doing, and he is not, you've got the upper hand both tactically (because all conflict is warfare) and morally.

2. Avoid violence (I don't care if you'd win or not, or who started it.)
"To fight and conquer in all you battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

Besides, your goal is to bridge the gap, not push it further apart. I'd only ever resort to violence in this case if he got violent with his daughter. I'd floor him and take her somewhere safe, the safety of his daughter should be something you'd both agree on. You have to make him realise that he's crossed the line in that case.

3. Stick to your guns
"To secure ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself."

If you excel in stopping his attacks, be they physical or metaphorical, without resorting to retaliation. Then you are in total control and he will be the only one causing a problem, in time I would hope any human being would realize what they're doing. You must get him to respect you before he will accept you.


TLDR; Get him to respect you, but do not disrespect him in order to achieve this, it will not work. (Quotes are from The Art of War, if you're interested)

 

[tomtom94]

Take him out for a pint down the local pub (assuming you're a happy drunk as opposed to an angry one).

And talk to your GF about it.

 

[Dogstile]

Your girlfriends dad hating you can be a good thing. If you stand up for yourself sometimes the girl /really/ likes it.

 

[Wintermoot]

you could spend some quality time with her dad he might like you afterwards but avoid hunting or anything else that involves guns

 

[Olrod]

Ask this girl's father if he's judging you on his own standards.

That should give him pause to think.

 

[tigermilk]

Unhelpful (but mildly humorous) suggestion:

[edit] perhaps not the most helpful of comments. I guess he is either protective an arsehile or both. My guess is when he was your age he was a prick with women issues and he thinks all men your age are like that.

EDIT 2: Ninja'd by the post immediately above

 

[Vhite]

I never had such problem with my guardian force.

 

[cieply]

Well is there a reason he hates you?

Why does he hate you?

Even an overprotective dad needs a reason to hate you...so what is it? If you aren't honest, no one can help you manage the relationship.

The main thing I can think of is that I'm a little older than her. Only a year and some change. I haven't slept with her yet, so he's never walked in on us. She doesn't really get along too well with him. I've spoken to him and he treats me like I'm some creep that preys on little girls. I kindly remind him that the age difference between him and her mom is seven years, but I think that only makes it worse. XD

I mean, I understand where he's coming from. If I had a daughter, I'd be super protective too. One time thought we were just chatting on MSN and her dad told her to tell me that he'd crawl through the wires to get me. XD

All in all, I'm not too worried. It's not a deal breaker or anything, it would just be easier if he did like me.

My friend is 24 and she is with a 39yo guy. Beat that ;p

 

[Jackalb]

What a coincidence my Dad's girlfriend hates me. ***** needs to be kneecap'd, this may help your situation too.

 

[Jonluw]

You should prove yourself to her dad in a suitable anime-esque way.

No, really. Try to show her dad that you're an okay guy. Maybe go out fishing with him or something.

Of course, I have no experience with this, so I might just be talking out my ass. I'm just trying to imagine myself as the dad, and your gf as my little sister.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Essentially what everyone else has said. You didn't give us the slightest reason as to why he would act this way towards you. Other than him just being a complete dick, I feel there is more to this than you're telling us.

He ever walk in on you two?

Well, I am her first real boyfriend. I say that because I'm the only boyfriend she's had that lasted more than a few weeks. She's also sort of introverted and has self confidence issues, so he might be thinking that I'm using that to take advantage of her, which I'm not.

He's just worried that I'll hurt her, which, as I said just a few moments ago, I can understand. He even talked to my parents and brought the age difference up along with some other conversations he had with her about me. What it boils down to I think is that she says that she loves me and he doesn't want her to do something that she might regret because she thinks she's in love with me.

This is part of the reason I haven't slept with her yet, along with some other things like the age gap and the fact that her dad is itching for a reason to see me in jail. XD

Use it against him. Just wait until it gets to a ridiculous point or he says something completely unfair or uncalled-for, then just snap and tell him that you don't care if he's on your case for the next hundred years, because that girl is amazing and if it meant you could stay with her and protect her, you'd swap physical torture for his childish mindgames any day.

Word for word might actually hit home quite well.

 

[Cliff_m85]

I'm sure that this isn't exactly rare. Her mom likes me and we get along great, but her dad really has it out for me. I mean he's threatened to call the cops, and hunt me down and all sorts of stuff like that. Luckily he hasn't gotten violent because I'd really hate to have to beat down my gf's dad. XD

Anyway, her parents are separate, and it's not like I have to see them all the time, but it's just annoying that it seems like I have to jump through hoops just to date her because she's amazing and I really like her. The only problem we have is her dad.

Any ideas/suggestions for dealing with a hostile parent? I've heard of parents hating gfs too, so I guess this could apply there as well. Normally I get along well with my friends/gfs parents, he's the only one that seems to have a problem with me.

Sleep with his wife.