My Girlfriend Cheated on Me

[Flare Phoenix]

Methinks you are overreacting. And I will prove it with a story.

So I'm friends with a girl whom I love. She told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend then she would totally be with me all the way. One time we all spent a night at a hotel. I'm not sure how it got to this but I asked and her boyfriend said it was ok for me to cuddle with her while he was in the shower. We weren't naked or anything, although we were in our underwear. Regardless she said there was no way that she would ever cheat on him no matter how much she liked me. Not only that, but the fact that her boyfriend trusted her with me made her love him all the more. They really seem happy together, and that makes me happy.
Point is, she was honest with you about the kiss, getting pissed off about it will give her even more reason to cheat on you.

.. *Blinks* .. What? .. I really have no idea how that's okay. To cuddle with that girl in just underwear while her boyfriend was in the shower, and he was okay with it? What was the point in all of that..? Such a complicating relationship I guess.. ..*shrug*.

I may trust my girlfriend, but to have some dude cuddle with her in just underwear while I took a shower would Not be OKAY. I mean.. why? That's just.. I can't even describe how wrong yet off that is. No offense to you.. just, I don't know any guy willing to do that or why. Sounds so messed up yet it's not 'a bad act' of any sort.

I agree. If you start letting your partner do things like that with another person, what is the point of the relationship in the first place? I'm having a hard time believing that story anyway; even if it is true, it is definitely a rare exception. Still, in my opinion, anyone who says "if I wasn't already in a relationship, I'd be with you" is scum who doesn't deserve anyone.

 

[brinvixen]

I did nothing wrong. I've blown about $2000 on her the last 3 months, I drive her every where. She spent the last week at my place, went home for work and let the guy that gave her a lift home after work a kiss because she wanted it.

While I'm not a fan of phrases of "I did nothing wrong" (because if you were doing everything "right" she wouldn't have been led astray by this random guy, but I digress....) you do seem like a very nice guy. Certainly the kind of guy that is willing to put in the necessary effort into a relationship. So in that sense, I understand your feelings of being slighted.

Also, if it wasn't for me she would date him but she wants me...

Here's the part that really upsets me. As a girl myself, I know what its like to think another guy is cute, and even be very physically attracted to him while dating someone else. But if I was truly committed to someone, this other person -- as hot as they may be, or as much as they make my body tingle -- they would mean nothing next to the guy that I'm with. So for her to say that she's considering this other guy, she can't be friends with him because of her feelings, and you just "happen" to be the guy she's with right now is a real stab. She's not worth it. Not even because she cheated on you. It's because she's not as committed to you as you are to her. If you're willing to spend all that time and effort (and money) on her, it must mean you care about her. If she's willing to kiss a guy because she WANTED it to happen, despite the feelings you've shown that you have for her, it must me she doesn't care as much as you do. You don't need to be in a one-sided relationship. You'll just end up feeling used and betrayed in the long run. Leave her, and find someone whose ready to care for you the way you care for them.

EDIT: Kpt. Rob's comments make a lot of sense. I would quote him, but he must feel that he's been quoted enough. But seriously. He doesn't just have a point: he makes a lot of sense as well.

 

[boyvirgo666]

play mormon holdem, seriously singular relationships are unnatural

 

[Flare Phoenix]

She told me specifically that she can't be his friend because she would date him if I wasn't her boyfriend and that she wanted the kiss.

Methinks you are overreacting. And I will prove it with a story.

So I'm friends with a girl whom I love. She told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend then she would totally be with me all the way. One time we all spent a night at a hotel. I'm not sure how it got to this but I asked and her boyfriend said it was ok for me to cuddle with her while he was in the shower. We weren't naked or anything, although we were in our underwear. Regardless she said there was no way that she would ever cheat on him no matter how much she liked me. Not only that, but the fact that her boyfriend trusted her with me made her love him all the more. They really seem happy together, and that makes me happy.
Point is, she was honest with you about the kiss, getting pissed off about it will give her even more reason to cheat on you.

Alright, I'm not going to get into whether or not I actually believe this story because quite honestly it's a little hard to buy without some sort of alcohol involved. However, I will say that situation is different to the one the OP mentioned. In your story, the boyfriend gave specific permission for you to cuddle his girlfriend; he obviously knows and trusts you just as much as he trusts her. The original poster has never met the "other guy" and the kiss occured without his knowledge.

*Blinks* Allowing your girlfriend to cuddle with another guy in her underwear who she's openly admitted to liking.... either he's a saint or there is something you're not telling us.

 

[Haakmed]

I'm going through something similar to this right now. Though from what your saying she has a bit more respect for you by telling you what happened. Mine lied her ass off to me and now I think terribly of her. (she never did come clean with me either) While I do still love her deeply and would like to forgive her I know she won't come back seeking forgiveness, and I do not think she would be willing to go through the hurtles to fix our relationship.

My advice is (If you still need it) is if she is willing to jump through the hurtles to fix what happened let her. But do what you need to do to protect yourself, I wouldn't buy her anything or take her anywhere fancy till you guys sort things. If she doesn't try her hardest to fix things or does it again she doesn't value you at all and your better off without her. She will get hers in the end, you just wont be there to see it but you may still find out what happened and you will know that you tried and she screwed up a good thing, and that is her fault for not having loyalty to you.

 

[Hellz_Barz]

If this other fella initiated the kiss he's probably gonna try it again. If he knows your girlfriend isn't gonna resist a move he's gonna do it again. I mean I probably would if I liked a girl and she didn't care if I tried to kiss her even though she had a boyfriend. personally I think you should dump her and then go find this guy and stand over him.

 

[SillyBear]

If it were me, I'd end the relationship. Cheating is never acceptable.

She told me specifically that she can't be his friend because she would date him if I wasn't her boyfriend and that she wanted the kiss.

Methinks you are overreacting. And I will prove it with a story.

So I'm friends with a girl whom I love. She told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend then she would totally be with me all the way. One time we all spent a night at a hotel. I'm not sure how it got to this but I asked and her boyfriend said it was ok for me to cuddle with her while he was in the shower. We weren't naked or anything, although we were in our underwear. Regardless she said there was no way that she would ever cheat on him no matter how much she liked me. Not only that, but the fact that her boyfriend trusted her with me made her love him all the more. They really seem happy together, and that makes me happy.
Point is, she was honest with you about the kiss, getting pissed off about it will give her even more reason to cheat on you.

Dude, that is so fucking weird and bizarre you don't get to give advice. What the fuck did I just read?

 

[Grabbin Keelz]

She told me specifically that she can't be his friend because she would date him if I wasn't her boyfriend and that she wanted the kiss.

Methinks you are overreacting. And I will prove it with a story.

So I'm friends with a girl whom I love. She told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend then she would totally be with me all the way. One time we all spent a night at a hotel. I'm not sure how it got to this but I asked and her boyfriend said it was ok for me to cuddle with her while he was in the shower. We weren't naked or anything, although we were in our underwear. Regardless she said there was no way that she would ever cheat on him no matter how much she liked me. Not only that, but the fact that her boyfriend trusted her with me made her love him all the more. They really seem happy together, and that makes me happy.
Point is, she was honest with you about the kiss, getting pissed off about it will give her even more reason to cheat on you.

No offense, but that sounds like a messed up situation.

I know I would never give some guy (especially some guy who openly professes love for her) permission to cuddle with my girlfriend in just her underwear, and I trust her very much. I know what you might be getting at here, even if I do disagree, but your story doesn't really seem to apply to the OP's situation.

Well see, we're also friends, he's a really cool guy.
Hey, you know what? That's really good advice right there, you should be friends with the guy she kissed! Keep him close...veeeeeeeery close.

 

[ZiggyE]

There's only one answer.

Dump her. Move on. Simple.

 

[Grand_Arcana]

Don't ask the internet for advice. You know her better than we do.

Spoiler: My opinion - take it with a massive grain of salt because I am basing it only on what you wrote in the post and not what you know.

Dump her. Someone who cheats is going to be dishonest in other ways. There are plenty of other people out there who won't cheat on you.

Don't listen to this person. People make mistakes, and she's obviously sorry for what she did.

 

[Grabbin Keelz]

*Blinks* Allowing your girlfriend to cuddle with another guy in her underwear who she's openly admitted to liking.... either he's a saint or there is something you're not telling us.

Oh yea, I did forget to mention something. I didn't get a boner from it, also neither of us were drunk. I guess the world I live in is a bit more wholesome than everyone else's.
Also thanks for your earlier comment. "Still, in my opinion, anyone who says 'if I wasn't already in a relationship, I'd be with you' is scum who doesn't deserve anyone."
Totally wasn't offensive towards me or my best friend or anything.

 

[Ham_authority95]

I found out this morning, from my girlfriend, that last night she let another guy kiss her.

Yeah I know...Only a kiss but she wanted it from another guy and I can't trust her anymore...She was so damn perfect too. We've only been together for 3 months and if this could happen while we are happy what will happen in a year...

What the fuck do I do?


Edit: I called her this morning and she told me. She feels guilty and wishes she could take it back but I have honestly been a great boyfriend. I pay for everything, drive her every where (she lives 40 minutes away from me by car), all her friends like me. I don't get angry, I don't hit her.

I SPOON HER EVERY NIGHT EVEN THOUGH I WAKE UP WITH A NUMB ARM! Like Jesus...

He's a friend of hers from work. He kissed her, she told me she could of stopped it but didn't.

I know it could be worse, I'm not an idiot but the fact that she did do it kind of destroys trust.


Every time she goes to talk to another guy what do I do? Believe in her like I did the first time? Is it possible to be in a happy relationship when every guy you meet is just another guy for her to hurt me with?

Also, I've never been jealous over her ex or male friends.

It was a "I like you kiss". Not old friends, not on the cheek.

She told me specifically that she can't be his friend because she would date him if I wasn't her boyfriend and that she wanted the kiss.



EDIT!:!:!:!:!: Thanks for the replies everyone. I really wish there was some miracle answer for this but as I guessed there isn't.

Its nice to see some people telling me I should get back with her.

I'm going to talk with her tonight. Try and sort it out...Who knows maybe I can get her to agree to a permanent leash?

That was a joke...I need one of those.

I realise there are people with much worse in their lives I just wanted some advice. I know it isn't the end of the world.

My advice: Leave her, there are way better in the world. If you want a committed relationship, the other person should not be saying shit like "If I wasn't with you, I'd totally date them."

Move on with life. Get with some friends and do fun social activities to drown your negative feelings in awesome. If you need more friends, show your awesomeness and make new ones doing things you enjoy that let you meet people. Don't drown your sadness in alcohol and drugs, which you probably won't, but people make this mistake more than you think.

Moving on takes time, but when you get over her your life will be fresh, new, and there will be tons of new girls to meet. Good luck.

 

[William Ossiss]

one a cheater, always a cheater. she screwed up once in the FIRST THREE MONTHS. in a year, she will have probably slept with someone.

 

[Guffe]

Good luck with your sort it out talk.
She sounds like a pretty good deal so try keeping it together!
If it won't work out.... I don't know, hopefully it will!