Just reading a story about celebrities who nearly died from choking on food got me to think of my own "near-death" experience. Not that I'm a celebrity (or am I?) but that I severely choked on a piece of food.
About a year ago, I was in New York City enjoying a nice meal just prior to enjoying the stage production of Monty Python's Spamalot. (A superb musical by the way!) I sat down with my boss and one of my co-workers, oblivious to the terror that was to come.
This being a relatively nice restaurant, and me being a relatively poor college student, I chose to order the Filet Mignon... sandwich. We had a drink, shot the shit, got ready for our food. Out it came. This sandwich boasted a full Filet Mignon steak between two buns. The deal of the year! It cost about half as much as any other steak on the menu, but apparently in New York something loses half its value by being placed between a bun.
The first bite was delicious. "How is it?" Was the question from my boss. "Delicious." I said around the already half-chewed second bite, wiping rapturous juices from my chin.
I began to tell a story about my summer. I had spent the summer giving tours of my university, and had met several interesting folks in the course of said tours. "And then this kid's dad asked about the parties on campus, whispered later that he wanted to get his son laid." I picked up the sandwich, unable to resist her mighty pull a moment longer. (Yes, I have anthropomorphically characterized the sandwich. And yes, it is female. O Siren! I shall not heed thy call!) "I just wish that my dad had done the same-" A pause. I had tried to swallow the bit of steak to finish up my sentence, but it had failed to do so. I was in panic.
Stuck! The steak was stuck in the back of my throat. I couldn't breathe. The color started to drain from the world. I stared at my table-mates. Their looks of incomprehension startled me. Don't you get it? I'm dying here! I tried to swallow once. Twice. Four, five times! I started to point out objects around the room. Glasses, vodka bottles, limes, and tea leaves. "What's wrong?" They asked. I couldn't reply.
I started to rub my throat. Come on! Swallowed again. It moved! Still can't breathe. Swallow again. Moved a little more! Boy, would my parents be disappointed if I died right here. I haven't even finished college yet! Almost down. At least the last thing I'll ever see is... a crappy side street in New York. Get the fuck down there, food! This will be a really embarrassing story to tell all the other dead people. Ooooowwww! Yes! Swallowed!
I panted. My table-mates looked very concerned. "Are you okay?" "Yeah. Just almost choked to death." "Shit." "I know."
"But seriously, what kind of badass father wants to make sure his son gets laid in college? Father of the year!" (Well, I DID have to finish the story.)
SOOO, what are your near-death experiences? (if any) Mine (this was actually the first of two this past year) was just kind of weird, not much of a life-changer. I'm sure many of you have had just as weird experiences, and some of you have had meaningful and poignant experiences that changed you forever.
About a year ago, I was in New York City enjoying a nice meal just prior to enjoying the stage production of Monty Python's Spamalot. (A superb musical by the way!) I sat down with my boss and one of my co-workers, oblivious to the terror that was to come.
This being a relatively nice restaurant, and me being a relatively poor college student, I chose to order the Filet Mignon... sandwich. We had a drink, shot the shit, got ready for our food. Out it came. This sandwich boasted a full Filet Mignon steak between two buns. The deal of the year! It cost about half as much as any other steak on the menu, but apparently in New York something loses half its value by being placed between a bun.
The first bite was delicious. "How is it?" Was the question from my boss. "Delicious." I said around the already half-chewed second bite, wiping rapturous juices from my chin.
I began to tell a story about my summer. I had spent the summer giving tours of my university, and had met several interesting folks in the course of said tours. "And then this kid's dad asked about the parties on campus, whispered later that he wanted to get his son laid." I picked up the sandwich, unable to resist her mighty pull a moment longer. (Yes, I have anthropomorphically characterized the sandwich. And yes, it is female. O Siren! I shall not heed thy call!) "I just wish that my dad had done the same-" A pause. I had tried to swallow the bit of steak to finish up my sentence, but it had failed to do so. I was in panic.
Stuck! The steak was stuck in the back of my throat. I couldn't breathe. The color started to drain from the world. I stared at my table-mates. Their looks of incomprehension startled me. Don't you get it? I'm dying here! I tried to swallow once. Twice. Four, five times! I started to point out objects around the room. Glasses, vodka bottles, limes, and tea leaves. "What's wrong?" They asked. I couldn't reply.
I started to rub my throat. Come on! Swallowed again. It moved! Still can't breathe. Swallow again. Moved a little more! Boy, would my parents be disappointed if I died right here. I haven't even finished college yet! Almost down. At least the last thing I'll ever see is... a crappy side street in New York. Get the fuck down there, food! This will be a really embarrassing story to tell all the other dead people. Ooooowwww! Yes! Swallowed!
I panted. My table-mates looked very concerned. "Are you okay?" "Yeah. Just almost choked to death." "Shit." "I know."
"But seriously, what kind of badass father wants to make sure his son gets laid in college? Father of the year!" (Well, I DID have to finish the story.)
SOOO, what are your near-death experiences? (if any) Mine (this was actually the first of two this past year) was just kind of weird, not much of a life-changer. I'm sure many of you have had just as weird experiences, and some of you have had meaningful and poignant experiences that changed you forever.
