Star Fox zero sucks. It doesn't just suck, it fucking sucks. Its a damn tech demo that exists at the very end of the Wii U's now defunct life cycle. Here why I absolutely hate this game and hate Nintendo's guts for killing one of my favorite franchises. (Disclaimer; I'm a little drunk right now because that's what I'm doing to force myself through this game.)
Nintendo did the one thing they should have known not to do at this point with the Wii U, and forced the terrible gyro controls. You can't turn them completely off; you can manipulate the settings so that the gyro controls are only on when you shoot, but this is fucking Star Fox: You're going to be mashing the shoot button like its your lifeline. But you're going to periodically be forced to switch it to always on throughout the game in order to defeat certain enemies. Example: In the first mission there are these annoying spider enemies that storm a tower that General Pepper is holed up in; there weak point is directly on top of their heads, so your only choice is to use the gyro controls to point your reticule straight down on them, all the while careening into buildings because you can't see where the fuck your going because you'll be using cockpit mode for this, which also fucking sucks because its forced.
And then there is the classic all range mode dogfights, but Nintendo fucks that up too by taking away your mini-radar and instead giving you little arrows that appear on the side of your screen (again, only in cockpit mode) so be prepared for enemy ships to randomly crash into you from your blindspots since you have zero way to tell how close they are to you.
And then there are the two new vehicles. The first is that AT-DuckT that they showed off in all the trailers. Its basically all range mode but on the ground; for all intents and purposes, a Star Fox 3rd Person Shooter. Except Nintendo, you guessed it, fucked this up by implementing some of the worst TPS controls I've come across, a mind-boggingly feat because Nintendo proved they can make a damn good TPS with Splatoon. Again, you'll be forced to use your lovely gyro controls, since the chicken walker will only aim on a level plain (because whoever heard of using the right stick to point where you shoot??? Only every fucking console shooter EVER) and enemies will dart all around the walls like fucking gnats. However, the gyro controls will constantly jump out of sync, often times causing me to careen right into a fucking wall. And then, when Nintendo decided to brilliantly add in platforming, I discover that when you try and turn your little shit walker in a circle so you can face the next platform, it doesn't pivot; it instead walks in a mini circle. Which means, when the platform is tight on space, you'll either be forced to do a six point turn like the world's most inept driver, or fall off the platform and start all over again. You can't really strafe, either, meaning you'll be spending a lot of time picking off your targets from a stationary position, ie making you a ginormous sitting duck, which is why the animal they designed this off is so fitting.
The hover copter thing is actually a decent addition, but again it forces gyro controls and cock-pit mode on you. The controls getting out of whack at the most random of moments persists from the chicken walker. A lot of what you do in the hover copter is just plain boring; fly from this point to this point, deploy your fuck-about robot to hack some thing, and then do it all again.
This game is bad, guys. Its like Nintendo, despite knowing that gamers at this point have largely turned their noses up at gamepad controls, said "Fuck You" and decided to force us to appreciate them, except instead they basically summed up all the failings of the Gamepad into one game. And it was Star Fox, one of the first games I beat before my older brother, one of the first games I perfected and found every secret to. I consider myself damn good at Star Fox 64, and its one of the few things I take pride in (I have reached the conclusion at this point in my life that I just suck at games).
Nintendo did the one thing they should have known not to do at this point with the Wii U, and forced the terrible gyro controls. You can't turn them completely off; you can manipulate the settings so that the gyro controls are only on when you shoot, but this is fucking Star Fox: You're going to be mashing the shoot button like its your lifeline. But you're going to periodically be forced to switch it to always on throughout the game in order to defeat certain enemies. Example: In the first mission there are these annoying spider enemies that storm a tower that General Pepper is holed up in; there weak point is directly on top of their heads, so your only choice is to use the gyro controls to point your reticule straight down on them, all the while careening into buildings because you can't see where the fuck your going because you'll be using cockpit mode for this, which also fucking sucks because its forced.
And then there is the classic all range mode dogfights, but Nintendo fucks that up too by taking away your mini-radar and instead giving you little arrows that appear on the side of your screen (again, only in cockpit mode) so be prepared for enemy ships to randomly crash into you from your blindspots since you have zero way to tell how close they are to you.
And then there are the two new vehicles. The first is that AT-DuckT that they showed off in all the trailers. Its basically all range mode but on the ground; for all intents and purposes, a Star Fox 3rd Person Shooter. Except Nintendo, you guessed it, fucked this up by implementing some of the worst TPS controls I've come across, a mind-boggingly feat because Nintendo proved they can make a damn good TPS with Splatoon. Again, you'll be forced to use your lovely gyro controls, since the chicken walker will only aim on a level plain (because whoever heard of using the right stick to point where you shoot??? Only every fucking console shooter EVER) and enemies will dart all around the walls like fucking gnats. However, the gyro controls will constantly jump out of sync, often times causing me to careen right into a fucking wall. And then, when Nintendo decided to brilliantly add in platforming, I discover that when you try and turn your little shit walker in a circle so you can face the next platform, it doesn't pivot; it instead walks in a mini circle. Which means, when the platform is tight on space, you'll either be forced to do a six point turn like the world's most inept driver, or fall off the platform and start all over again. You can't really strafe, either, meaning you'll be spending a lot of time picking off your targets from a stationary position, ie making you a ginormous sitting duck, which is why the animal they designed this off is so fitting.
The hover copter thing is actually a decent addition, but again it forces gyro controls and cock-pit mode on you. The controls getting out of whack at the most random of moments persists from the chicken walker. A lot of what you do in the hover copter is just plain boring; fly from this point to this point, deploy your fuck-about robot to hack some thing, and then do it all again.
This game is bad, guys. Its like Nintendo, despite knowing that gamers at this point have largely turned their noses up at gamepad controls, said "Fuck You" and decided to force us to appreciate them, except instead they basically summed up all the failings of the Gamepad into one game. And it was Star Fox, one of the first games I beat before my older brother, one of the first games I perfected and found every secret to. I consider myself damn good at Star Fox 64, and its one of the few things I take pride in (I have reached the conclusion at this point in my life that I just suck at games).
