Now I feel bad...

[ellers07]

It never hurts to ask if someone is all right. If she doesn't want to talk, she'll let you know. In which case, you've lost nothing and at the very least proven there are sympathetic people in the world. And you never know, you could make someone's day just a little better which I think is worth a shot. If a similar situation ever arises, I say go for it.

 

[Rip Van Rabbit]

When in doubt: help out

Okay, that sounded way better in my head, but my point still stands.

Dealing with people on an emotional level is something I've had to grow very accustomed to, so after awhile you tend to get a "feel" for the kind of support someone may be looking for. Whether that be a full conversation, distraction, acknowledgement or a kind word...either way...the smallest of gestures can go a long way.

So, if I were in your shoes, I would have initiated conversation with something simple and polite, just to let that person know that support is available, it's their choice to continue communication with me if that person wishes.

It's not about proving a point or clearing my conscience, it's just about basic compassion for another person.

 

[BlackJimmy]

The only thing I can say for sure based on what you said is that you thought about it way to much.
If you generally felt the need to see if she was ok, just ask if she's ok from your table. Assuming you were relatively close and you wouldn't be shouting across the room.
Or just go about your business. You've no obligation.
Assuming she wasn't specifically there to get your attention,unless she personally knows you, your opinion and actions will likely be forgotten. That's not anything against you but for the most part, people are to focused on there own issues and those of there friends/family to even think about strangers. Unless there hot ,and even then, only briefly.

EDIT: My point is, forget about it. You did nothing wrong. Stop beating yourself up.

 

[Saltyk]

Wow. So many of the people who have responded have zero compassion for their fellow human beings.

I generally keep to myself, but in the same situation, I would have asked. Not gonna say I would have walked over immediately, but probably have waited a few minutes and if she was still noticeably sad and there, asked her if she was okay. Nothing invasive or aggressive. If she said she was okay or ignored me, I would just go about my business maybe stating that I'd be willing to listen if she wanted before doing so. If she did feel like talking, then I would have listened and maybe offered some sort of words of comfort or advice if either seemed applicable.

Also, having compassion is not "White Knighting". I swear that phrase has now lost all meaning. Next, holding a door open for someone will be "White Knighting".

Anyway, you're not wrong to have not approached her. As others have said, you didn't owe her anything. But it would have been a random act of kindness that could have helped her out. (Or she could have gotten mad at you, but that's no reason to not do something.) Don't beat yourself up over not talking to her. But, if you're really bothered by it, the next time something similar happens, you could act.

 

[ForumSafari]

Wow. So many of the people who have responded have zero compassion for their fellow human beings.

Compassion is wanting to make life easier for someone having a hard time, not doing what you want to do to make yourself feel like Gandhi or to get your dick wet. Most people feel awkward breaking down in public as it is, the last thing they need is for someone to draw attention to it, particularly if they don't know that person and don't feel like making a friend. It should go double that people don't often want help off of socially awkward people giving them fuck-me eyes.

 

[ninjaRiv]

I've been in this situation and I've gone over to talk to them... And they WOULD NOT SHUT UP. Seriously, they kept going on and on. All I wanted to do was have a smoke and leave. MAN! I'm joking about being miserable about it, obviously. It's a nice thing to do and I think the majority of people appreciate the concern. But I also understand why you wouldn't; I've been in enough situations like this where I haven't done anything and felt terrible about it for days to know how you're feeling.

At the end of the day, there's nothing you can do now unless you see her again. then ask her about it. Maybe... Give her your phone number and tell her to call you if she needs anything eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Yeah.

 

[WenisPagon]

While it would've been morally good to try and reach out to her, you didn't do anything wrong in keeping to yourself.

You can dwell on the possibilities, such as the chance she was out of options and would commit suicide without the intervention of a stranger, but ultimately you just didn't know what was up and have no responsibility to intervene.

 

[Creator002]

There's nothing obligating you to talk to her or even pay her the slightest bit of attention. Usually people want others they don't know to stay out of their business. It may feel morally right to go over and ask if she wants to talk or whatever, but since there's no obligation, you did nothing wrong and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.
As for me, I hate seeing people cry. Can't stand it as it makes me want to cry too. So, I'd most likely go up and ask her if she's alright, wants to talk, yadda yadda yadda, even though I'd feel awkward doing so. If she tells to me to fuck off, I fuck off. If she opens up, I listen. She hopefully stops crying, my empathy makes me stop feeling like crap, everyone's day gets a bit better.

 

[Psychobabble]

It might be my steel-belted cynicism talking but that whole set up screams of confidence scam to me. Attractive woman finds out of the way schmo, turns on the water works, waits to be chatted up, scams him with some sob story about her mother's lumbago. Or ends up leading you somewhere a third party can bash your skull and take your laptop. Personally I think you dodged a potential bullet by just ignoring her.

 

[Mersadeon]

I would of asked her to be quiet, or move. I don't care how sad you are you shouldn't go around bugging other people with it. You did nothing wrong so stop beating yourself up about it.

Those are weird assumptions. Maybe that person did something wrong and that's why she feels bad. And you shouldn't bug other people? She was quietly sniffling, that isn't any worse than sniffling because of a virus. And what if she got dumped a few minutes ago? She just needed a place to sit down and cry a little. That's human.

 

[Hero of Lime]

I've had that situation happen a few times, and I've gotten three results. Similar set ups, all with girls on a school campus. The first one in high school was like yours, I ignored her, but I was walking by so it's not like she came to where I was.

The other two were in college. One I asked what was wrong, since she looked really sad, she told me what was going on, and I tried to help her the best I could, then she had to go to a class. She really appreciated me talking to her, so that felt nice.

The third incident, another girl, I figured since last time was such a success I asked her what was wrong. She flat out said none of your business, so I said sorry and walked away. To be fair, she didn't look very sad, just angry and irritated, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised about how she responded.

I can't blame you for not doing anything, as dealing with the emotions of people you don't know is pretty weird. Even if I didn't like being told "it's none of your business" it's the truth, it is none of my business. If you feel bad, next time try to talk to the person in question, even if they aren't receptive of your aid, at least you can say you tried.

 

[Seydaman]

Inaction is of no moral consequence, you didn't do anything bad.

But, I know that feeling, I've had similar experiences. If someone is breaking down in such a public place, and you want to help, just try and say something to them. Personally, I'm not sure if I would be able to, but social anxiety and whatever.

If they truly wanted to be alone, they would be alone, speaking as someone who has emotional issues seemingly every week.

 

[Vegosiux]

I adhere to two rules in such situations. One, if they look like that, politely ask if everything's okay. (Yes, I know everything is likely not okay, but they might not see what's wrong as any of your business, so being too direct can be counterproductive.) Two, do not get too personal.

 

[Battenberg]

I would of asked her to be quiet, or move. I don't care how sad you are you shouldn't go around bugging other people with it.

A fantastic demonstration of what is wrong with modern society, you must be a joy to spend time with...

You weren't under any obligations to benefit her and she asked nothing of you. Furthermore, going to a total stranger in a time of grief is pretty ridiculous - even homeless people have a social life and usually have friends to turn to. Almost every university student (your assumption, not mine) in the world has a social structure which has allowed them to get into the university in the first place - it's not like a total stranger is needed for consolation.

Lots of people dream of being White Knights these days, and lots of people beat themselves up for not being White Knighty enough to soothe their expanded egos. They fear that if they're not a White Knight they're a Black Knight.

Therefore more young women become Damsels in Distress, to appeal to all the White Knightery going around. So quite possibly she was looking to meet someone, or even "hook up with" someone, as universities are not exactly the most sexually moral places in the world, and was strategically using her sadness to further that goal instead of turning to mom and dad.

When you "failed" to be the White Knight she was "looking for", she moved on, possibly to collect more sadness she's generating through her own duplicity in order to fuel her DiD status, until she successfully captures a White Knight, whose ego can then be super-boosted by his "saving" of the attractive Damsel.

People should just be people, dealing with each other honestly and straightforwardly. Fuck Damsels, fuck White Knights, fuck superheroes, fuck everything within humanity that isn't human.

Good luck to you in the future. You'll be needing it.

"White knights" and "damsels"? Do you hear what you're saying. Generalising the whole of humanity to some internet stereotype is crap. Being a good/ compassionate person is not the same as being a white knight. Seeing someone who may be in need and asking if they want someone to talk to sounds like a good act to me (I understand why it might be better not to but there's only one way to know for sure and it takes minimal effort) and being upset in public does not make someone an attention seeker. Having a social network doesn't mean you always have to go straight to them when you're upset, sometimes people just want some space, sometimes they may not be able to talk to their friends, hell the people they care about may even be the reason they're upset. Bottom line you don't know enough about either of these people to assume that this girl was basically just fishing for guys to fuss over her or that it was some sense of liberal guilt that made the OP consider offering a helping hand.

"f*** everything within humanity that isn't human" In my opinion both being sad and caring about others fall under the umbrella of being human. If anything not showing/ having emotions or ignoring them in other people sounds less human to me, the sort of act that would in fact typically be associated with an individual with psychopathy (it's virtually a definition).

Oh also "f***" superheroes"? As in comic book superheroes (because that's a ballsy statement to make on the Escapist) or people who are extraordinary or heroic in some way because again that would fall under the whole humanity thing.

I'm actually shocked that there are people on here who seem to think it's ok to not care about the rest of humanity and further that showing any vulnerability or emotion is some kind of cardinal sin.

 

[Abomination]

Aw man, you missed out on what was probably some Grade A Rebound Ass. I'd feel terrible too. That's like just leaving money on the table.

I'd have asked if they were alright, maybe offered some counsel should they wish to reveal anything but other than that not much more. It sounds like you're shy and that's not a crime... it can be socially crippling at times but it's not exactly something to feel bad about.

I would of asked her to be quiet, or move. I don't care how sad you are you shouldn't go around bugging other people with it.

A fantastic demonstration of what is wrong with modern society, you must be a joy to spend time with...

But not above being insulted for sharing a different opinion on how to deal with strangers than you?

 

[Battenberg]

I would of asked her to be quiet, or move. I don't care how sad you are you shouldn't go around bugging other people with it.

A fantastic demonstration of what is wrong with modern society, you must be a joy to spend time with...

But not above being insulted for sharing a different opinion on how to deal with strangers than you?

True I posted somewhat out of spite/anger however White Lightning's point was that being upset in public makes you a bad person somehow which I personally think is ridiculous. I think suggesting sad people should be exiled by everyone else because they're apparently being selfish is cause enough to raise questions about a person's character although I could have worded that better in my previous post. If WL takes offense at that then apologies but I still hold to that point of view.

 

[Abomination]

I would of asked her to be quiet, or move. I don't care how sad you are you shouldn't go around bugging other people with it.

A fantastic demonstration of what is wrong with modern society, you must be a joy to spend time with...

But not above being insulted for sharing a different opinion on how to deal with strangers than you?

True I posted somewhat out of spite/anger however White Lightning's point was that being upset in public makes you a bad person somehow which I personally think is ridiculous. I think suggesting sad people should be exiled by everyone else because they're apparently being selfish is cause enough to raise questions about a person's character although I could have worded that better in my previous post. If WL takes offense at that then apologies but I still hold to that point of view.

I don't think he said that people who are sad should be exiled, just that being sad doesn't give you permission to bother others. With that being the case it means the OP had no obligation to help and thus shouldn't feel bad about not doing anything... especially if the OP was shy.

 

[kurokotetsu]

Thanks for the answers. From what I gather, the consensus leans toweards heloing if a similar situation, although my concerns are understood and may be founded. I doubt there was a trap for a scam, I'm weel acquainted with the area, know the secludded places and having been mugged before I'm on my toes about that. No matter the conditions, I doubt I would go after someone that I just met, especially when I could find her a cup of tea or coffee near without going to a place that i found dangerous.

Under a social situation like that, I would tend to leave her alone. Its not that I would be too shy to do so, but,If someone is looking to be under emotional pain, I just don't see myself cheering up that person because I would have no idea what to say to them based on their particular issue. Shame to hear about what happen in your story man, I bet you would cheered her up.

THanks for the confidence in my ability to make someone happy. I doubt I would have it, I'm not that good at reading emotions so my ability to say the right things is diminished.

I've had that situation happen a few times, and I've gotten three results. Similar set ups, all with girls on a school campus. The first one in high school was like yours, I ignored her, but I was walking by so it's not like she came to where I was.

Hmmm, I think I stated I'm in a University, I finished High school a while back.

Also, thanks for cheering me up. I know I shouldn't regret what is passed, but doing so at least helped me in looking for a more addecuate response next time, so I may be learning. I had no obligation, I agree, but I still may feel bad about not helping, because I'm not that sure about inaction not having moral consequences and outcomes, I've been though most of my life thought that not doing the right thing may be soemthing wrong (although not as bad aas doing a morally reprobable action, in general).

Also, for a bit of context, in my culture public expresions of emotion aren't that frowned upon, especially in females, so it is not that rare to see women crying in public.

Agian, thanks Escapist for making me feel better and thinking aout what I should do in these situations.