Of Zombies And The Law.

[Khedive Rex]

Mind if I use this next time I'm at a presidential debate?

I'd be thrilled if you did. We could start a national conversation on the appropriate zombie containment plans.

Zombies have no rights, they're dead, dead people's only legal rights are not to be raped/dug up/pillaged and plundered. There is no law against killing walking dead and the notion of such is insanity, you're talking about a plague, plagues get quarantined and killed as fast as possible.

I'd imagine you getting rewards for killing zombies if the event ever came up.

I'd like to play along but I have a bad history with Zombies, they ate my neighbors, they invaded my mansion, they tried to sandwich my Jill and they MAUL ME in Left 4 Dead.

But how do we KNOW that they are dead? They're still moving around, aren't they? How do we know that there is no shred of conscience left within the living dead? Maybe it's there, locked in the back of the mind somewhere. Maybe we are all Zombies already and we should be preparing to survive the coming Human Infection!

Precisely. While I don't think that we are all zombies, if we examine the situation from a realistic perspective killing them indescriminatly is the option least likely to be endorsed by any of our politicians. We can't prove that they don't have a concious mind underneath the brain-eating exterior and, if they are only 4 percent of the population and therefore do not present an open threat to the world, genociding them would seem barbaric and alarmist.

Also, undead isn't a condition recognized by any legal entity. From the perspective of a court you are either alive or dead, and if you are still ambulatory it's very difficult to call you dead. For what it's worth, I imagine the zombie invasion in question to be the infection kind. No parasites or magic just a desease that knocks back your higher-level thought and makes you hunger for brains. If this is the case, its not unreasonable to attempt to cure the zombies (they aren't rotted yet so restoring them to their former intellect isn't inhumane) and attempting to cure them would likely go over much better politically than massacring them.

 

[Khedive Rex]

I suppose the time has come to share my Zombie co-existence plan. Oddly enough, after about an hour of discussing it I reversed my orginal claim. I think the best method of treating zombies under the law would be as one treats minors with a few special provisions.

[HEADING=2]Discovery and Capture of Zombies:[/HEADING]

Twice a year until such time as a cure has been discovered the population will undergo mandatory zombification tests. These tests will also be available at charge to the government at all local hospitals so that citizens who feel they may be in danger can find out quickly and efficently. If any citizen fails the test and is shown to be a zombie they will be taken into custody by local police and held in isolation until it is decerned whether they will be cared for publically or privately.

Zombies who are reported as being outside and without a muzzle will be considered an open threat to the population and will be captured by animal rescue agents (the same people who capture bears when they escape from zoo's) and held in isolation by local police until such time as it is decerned whether they will be cared for puclically or privately.

[HEADING=2]The Private Option:[/HEADING]

A zombie will be considered incapable of managing his own affairs and transfered to the custody of a gaurdian. If the zombie is married the spouse will be considered first but he or she may sign a waver saying they feel they are incapable of properly taking care of a zombie and decline to accept gaurdianship. If the Zombie is under eighteen his or her parents will be considered first but they may sign a similar waver. If there is no obvious gaurdian the zombie will be held in isolation while social workers look for a foster family. The same criteria for human foster homes will be held for zombie foster homes, namely that they display the ability to appropriately care for the zombie and that the home in is geographic proximity to the zombie. Relatives will have precedents over other applicants.

Once a guardian is found the zombie's estate is transfered into the ownership of said gaurdian. Zombies will not pay taxes on their estate for as long as it takes to find a cure and families which have taken custody of a zombie will be provided with a tax benefit proportional to the number of zombies in their care.

A zombie in private care must wear a muzzle at all times to prevent it biting and spreading zombification. A zombie in private care seen without a muzzle may be taken from it's current gaurdian on the grounds of neglect. A zombie which has committed property damage may be sued, if the event that the prosecution wins the gaurdian(s) of the zombie are held responsible for paying the debt. A zombie may also be sued for commiting assault and battery, murder, or other violent crimes. If the zombie is found guilty he is taken from the custody of his current gaurdian(s) with his former estate and the debt is payed equally by the gaurdians and the federal government. Zombies are not applicable to serve sentences in jail or community service as it is unclear whether they would even consider this a punishment. Zombie repeat offenders will be considered too dangerous to be cared for privately and will transfer to the public option.

Zombies held privately will be screened medically every two months, at charge to the government, and those living with a zombie will have mandatory zombie tests every two months, at charge to the government.

If a cure is found the ex-zombie will continue to be under the custody of his or her gaurdian for the following eight months, during which he will be required to find employment. A zombie will not be allowed to own or operate fire-arms during this eight month period and he will continue to be exempt from taxes. After this period has ended his guardian must present him with a reasobale portion of his estate but the gaurdian is allowed to keep a reasonable portion as compensation for having cared for him. An ex-zombie may sue his former guardian on the grounds that he did not recieve a reasonable portion of his estate back or that his estate was managed frivilously during his absence.

[HEADING=2]The Public Option[/HEADING]

Think "Zombie Orphanage". Zombie's will be required to wear a muzzle at all times and trained zombie care-takers will manage their affairs. A zombie's former estate will be distributed in accordance with it's will. If no will is found it will transer equally to any next of kin. While held in Zombie Orphanage, medical agents will have free access to experiment humanely on the zombies in the hopes of finding a cure.

All zombies held in zombie orphanage exluding repeat offenders and those deemed by medical agents on site to be vital to the discovery of a cure, will be available for adoption by a foster family. If a zombie is adopted it is considered to be under the laws of the private plan. Zombie orphanages may charge a reasonable fee for overseeing the adoption.

If a zombie is found to be in violation of any crime while held in Zombie Orphanage, the state government will be considered responsible and will pay the debt.

If a cure is found a zombie will continue to be under the care of the government for the following two months, during which he will be required to find employment. The ex-zombies will continue to live in the orphanage and attend medical screenings to ensure no perminent damage has been done to his health. He will not be allowed to own or operate fire-arms during this period and he will continue to be exempt from taxes. After the two month period the government will provide accomodations for them at government operated apartments and provide them jobs in public industries such as the postal service if former zombies were unable to acquire jobs in the private sector before the two month period had ended. The government will provide this service for six months, after which the zombies will be left to fend for themselves. If a former zombie has already acquired a place of residence seperate from the government apartments, he may live there.

[HEADING=2]Issues of Law:[/HEADING]

A zombie will be considered unable to drive whether he has a driver's license or not. Zombies will not be eligible to vote until a cure has been found. A zombie will be considered unable to hold custody of minors. Children under the care of a zombie will be transfered to the custody of the spouse if applicable and if not the children will be moved to the nearest relative. Crimes committed by a person before he became a zombie will carry over (a zombie can still be sued for robbing a bank even if he wasn't a zombie at the time). The families of zombies who have been rendered without income or with severally lowered income will be eligible for government welfare. A zombie's former employer may decide whether he wishes to fire the zombie or continue to employ him/her despite thier inability to work. A non-zombie hired to occupy a position rendered open because it's former occupant was zombied may not be fired on the grounds that the former employee has been un-zombied. A muzzled zombie may not be barred access to public property or denied service at any public institution. Those who assault muzzled zombies will be considered as have committed a hate crime.

[HEADING=2]The End:[/HEADING]

I think thats about it. Thats the best plan I could come up with anyway. And besides, I like the concept of zombie orphanages and zombie foster homes. Its like a b-rate horror movie concept except more bureaucratic.

 

[Labyrinth]

I think thats about it. Thats the best plan I could come up with anyway. And besides, I like the concept of zombie orphanages and zombie foster homes. Its like a b-rate horror movie concept except more bureaucratic.

It would make a fan-fucking-tastic horror movie. I can see it happening too. Hmm.

 

[Khedive Rex]

I think thats about it. Thats the best plan I could come up with anyway. And besides, I like the concept of zombie orphanages and zombie foster homes. Its like a b-rate horror movie concept except more bureaucratic.

It would make a fan-fucking-tastic horror movie. I can see it happening too. Hmm.

I know right? It mixes the three scariest things known to man. Zombies, The Government and Orphans. Where could it go wrong?

 

[Labyrinth]

I know right? It mixes the three scariest things known to man. Zombies, The Government and Orphans. Where could it go wrong?

If you had a piss-poor director perhaps. To top off the Awesome quotient the zombie curse would be caused by an alien virus!

 

[Khedive Rex]

I know right? It mixes the three scariest things known to man. Zombies, The Government and Orphans. Where could it go wrong?

If you had a piss-poor director perhaps. To top off the Awesome quotient the zombie curse would be caused by an alien virus!

Gold! Someone needs to whip up a script. This could be the smash hit of the ... damn it. We're out of the summer aren't we? Well, this could be the smash hit of the autumn!

 

[Spacelord]

I am awestruck.

This is a grave isssue that needs further deliberation. I thank you for bringing this to our attention.

 

[Sgt. Dante]

The problem is that they would be basically exempt from the law, The samw way a dog, or a horse is. THey can't be held acountable for their actions as they are creastures of instinct.

That is assuming of course they are essentially harmless. Were they any threat to a country they would have to be delt with as swiftly as possible. even 4% of a population is 280,000,000 zombies worldwide. or a small coutnrys worth. As such even a "small" percentage like 4% could probably not be treated in a manner as discussed.

This of course pertains to the fact taht this number is NOT fixed. As you state many find themselves dead (or more so than usual) through completely arbitrary means, but for the population to remain "fixed" they have to have some way to spread the infection. And any virus that turns 280 million people into what is best described as a brain-dead sub-human is not going to be treated lightly.

As for the laws of property, as stated with your talk on crimes Zombies are not accountable for their actions as tehy cannot be premeditated and cannot even enjoy the results of their actions. A zombie would have no need for a house, and would be essentially dead. Whatever means teh family wished to take to keep their daddy dearest nearby (or far away dependant on cicumstance and preferecnce) the zombie would not have any concept of home, and certainly no intent to sell or continue payments on said home. If you cannot expect a creature to pay for an item it should not be obligated to recive it. (not applicable to pets as they are considered an expense, dogs don't buy dog food)

Any property, assets or debts would be treated as though the individual had passed on, because they basically have. the law would stand as it is, perhaps with a clause for the (heavily unlikely) eventuallity that a cure is discovered (if zombie lore is in any way accurate then they are dead and cannot be cured).

Otherwise they would have to be treated as animals, presuming they are completely harmless and the infection can only be spread in specific ways the family might be permitted to contain the zombie on thier own premises, but otherwise they would have to be contained or culled. And containment is only an option in the cases where there is a viable reason to keep them alive, be it the wisehes of the family or for scienctific pursuits.

Depending on how easily they can spread their infection erradication of the "species" would be the only viable option.



IN BREIF: Zombies are non-living entities, and thusly would be treated as dead, what happened to the "corpses" depends on the situation, If they are safe they could be kept as "pets", if they are in any way dangerous then they would have to be killed... again.

 

[traceur_]

Here's how that would have gone if a friend and I discussed it:

friend: What should we do if people start turning into zombies?

me: Kill 'em.

I reckon you're thinking about this waaaaaaaaay too much.

 

[Labyrinth]

Here's how that would have gone if a friend and I discussed it:

friend: What should we do if people start turning into zombies?

me: Kill 'em.

I reckon you're thinking about this waaaaaaaaay too much.

That's the point. It is over thinking the situation from the standard perspective. Because it's an intellectual exercise.

 

[Khedive Rex]

I played House of the Dead 4 today and, while it does not change my Zombie Co-existence plan, it certainly does make me slightly more nervous.

The boss with the huge tounge, it wouldn't matter if you put it in a muzzle, it could still crush you it's pinky finger.

 

[Labyrinth]

I played House of the Dead 4 today and, while it does not change my Zombie Co-existence plan, it certainly does make me slightly more nervous.

The boss with the huge tounge, it wouldn't matter if you put it in a muzzle, it could still crush you it's pinky finger.

Wouldn't you just treat it like a giant? So, bigger enclosure, that kind of thing? We have the materials to restrain those creatures. I wonder how much damage would be done to the body in the event of a cure being found..