OH MY GOD!!! Why did I say that?

[SturmDolch]

One night I got drunk. I ended up asking a lot of girls I don't know what their opinions on Lady Gaga is, putting it to a poll, telling everyone I should have brought my Indiana Jones whip and hat to the club (it was Egyptian themed), telling a friend that I thought the two gay guys on Ugly Betty were really cute, and other things I don't even remember. I do remember one girl telling me to shut the hell up.

I haven't been that drunk since because of that and a fractured knee from the same night.

 

[BlindMessiah94]

I was really drunk at work once (long story) and I told a really tall girl I was gonna lower her and put rims on her. Then I called another girl "ANAL-lise" though it is pronounced "Anna-lise". I also emphasized the "ANAL" really loudly...yeah...not my proudest moment.

 

[Safaia]

I was discussing the health reform bill with my mother and she said 'people feel like it's being shoved down their throats.'

Me: 'well maybe they should suppress the gag reflex.'

Holy shit was that awkward.

 

[Nouw]

I typed something that made someone think I looked at porn. Damn thread about Google, I did no wrong!

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

Not so much what I said, but what I typed, I blacked out after taking what I thought was a headache pill, and came to only to discover that I had sent a very, very terror-inducing e-mail to a former friend that I had been planning to reconcile with for a while, such a shame too, as I really liked her.

You should turn off your computer before you take medication, methinks.

My computer was off when I took that pill, so yeah.

Wow, your sub-conscious is really organised.

 

[Koroviev]

When I was a Sophomore in high school, my English teacher had my class spend a lot of time plumbing the depths of Lord of the Flies. During this time, we read any number of professionals essays which offered various perspectives on the tale. One such paper was entitled "Men of a Smaller Growth." Now, my teacher was a by-the-books type who would always write out her lesson plan on the board. On that day, the plan included the title of the essay we were to read. Entering the classroom, there were any number of people snickering at the title. One of them was an Asian guy who sat next to me in class. He laughed, "Men of a Smaller Growth, eh?", to which I unthinkingly replied "You would know."

 

[DkLnBr]

Context first. Me and a friend went to see the newest Star Trek Movie when it was out in theaters. I didnt know much about Star Trek, but i did know that the guy in the read shirt always dies (sorry for the spoilers). Anyways, since that was one of the few things i knew i was looking forward to seeing it, and what did you know? it happened!
Now that thats out of the way... After the movie me and my friend went to get pizza, and the whole walk we were talking about the movie. But as soon as we get in the door, i said and i quote "Im glad the red guy died". As soon as the words left my mouth I noticed a Native American guy standing in the corner. He obviously heard me because he gave me the dirtiest look before walking out...

 

[ApeShapeDeity]

Firstly, let me say... I'm REALLY glad that it's not just me, but I still need more convincing that I'm not just a thoughtless aresehole.

Example 1 of 5987:
One of my friends is 1/2 jewish. Rare in Australia, for whatever reason we get more African immigrants than we do jewish. (sincerly not racist)

But... ((G)od, that makes me sound racist). Anyway, he's a liability in our poker games. One night we all got pretty/VERY drunk while playing cards... he was being his usual self, meaning he laid loads of shit on everyone...

I was getting pissed, and annoyed, he was taking his time (AGAIN) so I asked him,...

"Dear God man! How the fuck DID the Egyptians whip your lazy arse people into building pyramids, anyway?"

His dad was a nazi hunter. I'm not living that down in a hurry.

 

[smithy_2045]

After someone said something about 16 year old sluts, I may have accidentally blurted out "the best kind!" or something like that. Not my finest moment, to say the least.

 

[lolelemental]

One time in English class, my poor teacher was having a bad day, and he was quite angry.
He was having a bit of vent by telling the class he was in a foul mood when I MENT to whisper quietly to my friend next to me "uh oh" but ended up saying it in a sarcastic and quite loud voice, causing the teacher and the entire class to turn at look at me.

Most embarrassing event of my life. But all I got for it was 5 mins outside of class, then he brought me back in and nothing was said.

 

[jaketaz]

I was in an English class in college that focused mostly on racism, and was taught by a famous black lesbian author. She was talking about the stereotype that black people don't bleed as easily as white people and can therefore take (and deserve) more punishment, and I had never heard that stereotype before. I wanted to know what the basis of that stereotype was, but all that came out was "Is that true?" She looked at me in disgust and said "that's very rude" and it took me like 45 mins to recover. Oof, I felt like such an ass.

 

[iamthelizardqueen88]

to quote myself "You have 5 seconds to pick up that jolly rancher with your butt and drop it in my mouth" even in context it wasnt any less WTF =/

 

[Ldude893]

"See through?!?"

I was in 5th grade on a beach. Use your imagination.

 

[Wade-DeadPool]

I don't know if it is funny or so, but whene i get angry at my pc (when it is messing with me) I just start to hate EVERYTING. If my tv is on, and some commercial is saying something like "Buy this new shampoo, it is awesome", i will yell/speak to it with such a pissed off tone "F*** you! It is made of dead baby seals and your mother is a [blank]"... Silly as all hell..

 

[Biffin Bridge]

I once, drunkenly, called my sister's boss a fat, hairy, lesbian. All of which are true but whenever I think about it it makes me cringe.

 

[HentMas]

"its not my fault you are a murdering ***** that wants to kill my son"

yeah... three years ago, my ex and i got pregnant, she wanted an abortion, i didnt, we fought, reconciled, fought so on so forth.

she agreed to have the kid in the end

but every single time i wanted to do something or she didnt got what she wanted, she would go and say "I DIDNT WANTED THIS KID IN THE FIRST PLACE" every single time, i just shut up and left it at that, but it got really in my nerves

so one day she said that and i exploded with the sentence above...

guess what! she never said that again... heh...

but yeah, i felt horrible after i said that, i dont even know how that popped in my head.

 

[Jedamethis]

I can't think of a single instance.
I'm so proud!

 

[RatRace123]

Way too many times to count, most have just been embarassing, a few may have made me miss a chance to uh better understand a girl.

 

[pejhmon]

a few years ago in physics when we had a sub and had our class in a different room i ended up sitting next to the prick of the class and got really really pissed off by him. long story short, me and another guy on the table (physics rooms in our school had big tiled concrete tables rather than desks since they are better for experiments) started arguing and due to my rage at the prick i managed to basically say "imma screw your grandmother" to which "she's dead" was the reply and "even better" was the response ..... bad times

 

[Hazard12]

i managed to basically say "imma screw your grandmother" to which "she's dead" was the reply and "even better" was the response ..... bad times

Maybe directed at the wrong person, but I still like that response.

I was getting dressed down by a teacher when I was at school for sitting on top of the lockers (I know, stupid rule then and still stupid), and he happened to be a PE teacher. He didn't just tell me to get off though, he went on a long, patronising speech about why I shouldn't do it, as if it was some moral offence. So after a few sarcastic replies, I ended up saying "yeah, I could have fallen off, hit my head and suffered brain damage. Then I'd have to be a PE teacher or some...". The ellipsis there represents my actual trail off as I realised a shit storm was about to come my way. And it did. In hindsight completely worth it, at the time I wished I'd just held my tongue.