Ok so about confidence
- Thread starter bluemistake2
- Start date
Recommended Videos
I know how it is to feel like a ghoul, but you'll just have to suck it up. Thats what its all about, diving into it and hope it turns out well. I've been in two relationships before and I can tell you "first contact" is always equally awkward (yes, for the girl too...). Good luck with the love! ^^ (and if you need to talk with a girl you could always talk to me? XD)
I wish that worked!Serris said:
The confidence thing is probably best dealt with by practicing. Start by smiling at and greeting random people (both men and women) in the street. Then maybe try saying things that could possibly start a short conversation (how are you doing? nice weather, don't you think? don't you hate standing in lines? do you know where I can find X product/Y street/Z store?). Just ease into it. Hopefully you'll have less anxiety with people you'll never see again and nobody will judge you for saying "hi" anyway.
As for the specific girl. I think that unless you learn to be a smooth talker (possibly by doing the above) and you often don't know things to talk about, it might be hard to just have a conversation. Of course when you don't know, you can just ask her stuff that you're interested in, but be careful not to turn it into an interrogation. I think it would be ideal if your mutual friend could maybe organize some activity with a couple of people (including her and you). Then you can get to know each other without having an awkward conversation.
As for the specific girl. I think that unless you learn to be a smooth talker (possibly by doing the above) and you often don't know things to talk about, it might be hard to just have a conversation. Of course when you don't know, you can just ask her stuff that you're interested in, but be careful not to turn it into an interrogation. I think it would be ideal if your mutual friend could maybe organize some activity with a couple of people (including her and you). Then you can get to know each other without having an awkward conversation.
Whilst I can't comment on the confidence issue, having as much self esteem and confidence myself as a wet paper bag, I have to comment on your Avatar. That scene has haunted me since I was 5 years old, god damn IT, evil clowns in general, bah!bluemistake2 said:
Scientifically proven lines that never work...
"Hi, does this penis feel weird to you?"
My suggestion is to nut up or shut up. I always find breaking the ice with a joke is a good way to start, however if she doesn't laugh you need a really good fall back plan. Just be honest about who you are and for fuck sake - you're not in a movie! Don't try to be dramatic or theatrical. Most relationships begin in mundane, boring, uneventful ways. Don't try to be Romeo. Just be natural otherwise I guarantee you'll be friend zoned quicker than you can say 'but I want more than that...'
Be natural, be happy and don't be a fuck wit. Easy?
"Hi, does this penis feel weird to you?"
My suggestion is to nut up or shut up. I always find breaking the ice with a joke is a good way to start, however if she doesn't laugh you need a really good fall back plan. Just be honest about who you are and for fuck sake - you're not in a movie! Don't try to be dramatic or theatrical. Most relationships begin in mundane, boring, uneventful ways. Don't try to be Romeo. Just be natural otherwise I guarantee you'll be friend zoned quicker than you can say 'but I want more than that...'
Be natural, be happy and don't be a fuck wit. Easy?
I hate to say it, but just go talk to her.. after high school was completed I wound up bumping into old friends all the time, and I'd say about 7 of my guy friends all told me "dude, I used to have such a crush on you!" and would say "o rly? lol i would have said yes if you had just asked me out" (and some of them had confidence issues when we were in high school too.. you could be cuter than you think 
..and even if you feel like you're definitely not, if you have a fun personality that makes you better looking.. seriously..a guy can be the hottest thing on the planet, but if he's a jerk he's not attractive.
..if you meet a girl and you think "why is this chick single?? she's awesome!" chances are the guys she would consider dating never asked her out so she stayed single.
also we dig a guy who can make us laugh.. break the ice with some amusing conversation.
good luck
..and even if you feel like you're definitely not, if you have a fun personality that makes you better looking.. seriously..a guy can be the hottest thing on the planet, but if he's a jerk he's not attractive...if you meet a girl and you think "why is this chick single?? she's awesome!" chances are the guys she would consider dating never asked her out so she stayed single.
also we dig a guy who can make us laugh.. break the ice with some amusing conversation.
good luck
Just say hi...?
I can attest as to how well it (typically) works, being a woman and all... If you have something mutual in common, start off by talking about that. Just be relaxed and have a topic in mind before you go up to her.
Do not, I repeat, do NOT just "add" her on a social networking site--not only will she wonder "wtf is THIS guy adding me?" (even if she knows who youa re), it's about 2 steps away from stalking. You have to ease into connecting on sites like Facebook and MySpace just as much as you have to when you want a phone number.
I can attest as to how well it (typically) works, being a woman and all... If you have something mutual in common, start off by talking about that. Just be relaxed and have a topic in mind before you go up to her.
Do not, I repeat, do NOT just "add" her on a social networking site--not only will she wonder "wtf is THIS guy adding me?" (even if she knows who youa re), it's about 2 steps away from stalking. You have to ease into connecting on sites like Facebook and MySpace just as much as you have to when you want a phone number.
Lucky you. Texting, and the expectation for me to be on facebook has sapped the fun out of dating for me. I refuse to be on facebook, and the last few girls I've dated have insisted on texting me at all times that we aren't in the same room... It's just too much, and then when I do see them there isn't much to talk about because we're in constant contact...Crosshead said:
Getting married is an excellent method to counter this 'constant in contact'-effect.Sexual Harassment Panda said:
Well, BM...it's like this. Yeah, screwing up your courage is hard at times, but I tend to think that the approach here is that you need to get your words across without flubbing it up too badly. So, I believe what you actually need to do is this... Rather than being in the mindset of "Holy shit, this girl is everything to me and I CAN'T SCREW THIS UP!", you have to treat this as a fairly-normal conversation. Confidence is dealing with a tense situation like it was normal. So, pretending this is an everyday thing will get the words out, at least. Try to play up some humor while you're at it. A good laugh destroys a build-up of nervous tension. Because, the point of this is...if you never get the words out, you hate yourself for it, more-so than rejection. So, speak out and take the consequences, be they good or bad.
This. My girlfriend didn't turn up for our meet today because I hadn't texted her over the past TWO days. She didn't know it was set in stone. I also hate constant in contact, which is a shame cause she is an awesome girl ;-;Sexual Harassment Panda said:
I was pretty unconfident a few years ago! I just started making myself do things, I got a job, I started going to the gym and i dressed up for halloween, which i something i would never have done, its random..but it somehow helped!
Allso, spend some time with people that love you! The make you feel good about yourself.
Allso, spend some time with people that love you! The make you feel good about yourself.
It seems that way. I'm quite envious of the married people I know for this reason, my brothers wife lets him have his alone time, and my parents don't seem to contact eachother when they're not home.Sanquinius96 said:
I'd like to get married. I mean...I don't much care for romance right now...and I'm not looking to settle down... But if it means that people will stop texting me small talk, and asking me to go to trendy clubs... Where do I sign?
That's just ridiculous. Two days is nothing. Did she forget you existed during that time? Or does a lack of a follow up "are we still doing this at this time?" text session void the plans?CLEVERSLEAZOID said:
I realise text isn't the only means of contact. Honestly, if I phone my friends rather than text...they get annoyed.
Practive by talking to complete strangers you encounter. Seriously, it sounds weird but it will work. Then once you get used to the fact of talking to random strangers, start talking to random girls you see. It will be tough at first, and you might want to puke from nervousness, but it will get easier with time.bluemistake2 said:
And about this girl you speak of, well I would work on your confidence first and then persue her later. Building confidence, especially when it comes to wooing the ladies, takes time and there is no one method that will work and you probably won't be able to build up tour confidence and skills overnight.
The best way to strike up and maintain a conversation is to ask someone about themselves. Not in a creepy "I'm stalking you" way, mind. Then - and this is the part most people screw up - actually pay attention to the answers. People enjoy talking about themselves, and when you show genuine interest, they feel special. Here are some other basic tips:
1. Don't complain. -- Sure, everyone has gripes, but nobody wants to listen to a font of negativity.
2. Don't put yourself down. -- A touch of self-deprecating humor can be quite amusing, but if you're constantly going on about how ugly/lame/stupid/whatever you are, she's going to start believing you.
3. Don't swear. -- Sounds like a minor thing, but you'd be surprised the impact it can have on conversation.
4. Be aware of your body language. -- Make eye contact. Smile. Be comfortable in your own skin. If she feels like she's making you feel awkward, she's going to try to end the conversation as quickly as possible.
1. Don't complain. -- Sure, everyone has gripes, but nobody wants to listen to a font of negativity.
2. Don't put yourself down. -- A touch of self-deprecating humor can be quite amusing, but if you're constantly going on about how ugly/lame/stupid/whatever you are, she's going to start believing you.
3. Don't swear. -- Sounds like a minor thing, but you'd be surprised the impact it can have on conversation.
4. Be aware of your body language. -- Make eye contact. Smile. Be comfortable in your own skin. If she feels like she's making you feel awkward, she's going to try to end the conversation as quickly as possible.