Ok so about confidence

[CLEVERSLEAZOID]

Lucky you. Texting, and the expectation for me to be on facebook has sapped the fun out of dating for me. I refuse to be on facebook, and the last few girls I've dated have insisted on texting me at all times that we aren't in the same room... It's just too much, and then when I do see them there isn't much to talk about because we're in constant contact...

This. My girlfriend didn't turn up for our meet today because I hadn't texted her over the past TWO days. She didn't know it was set in stone. I also hate constant in contact, which is a shame cause she is an awesome girl ;-;

That's just ridiculous. Two days is nothing. Did she forget you existed during that time? Or does a lack of a follow up "are we still doing this at this time?" text session void the plans?

I realise text isn't the only means of contact. Honestly, if I phone my friends rather than text...they get annoyed.

lol yeah I hate using my mobile phone to talk to people, I prefer texting myself. Just not every couple of minutes And this is what I asked her. She said she honestly thought they weren't concrete because I didn't confirm it via text. Because when you say you want to see your parter on a set day you don't really mean it

 

[ExileNZ]

Bluemistake your avatar creeps me the fuck out. I watched IT when I was 8 and it kinda stuck.

Now with that off my chest, girls. Not sure I really have any useful advice if you're only nervous about starting a conversation with that particular person. Any past experience I can think of in that regard kinda ended badly.

I suppose one piece of advice would be to keep on waiting until she goes out with some total jerkwad, then go talk to someone you actually get along with and wind up with her instead.

All my past relationships, without exception, were with girls I talked to easily from the beginning (probably because I wasn't initially interested in them in that kind of way).

I guess my only real advice then is "Don't put her on a podium". It's the fast-track to fail.

 

[ExileNZ]

Lucky you. Texting, and the expectation for me to be on facebook has sapped the fun out of dating for me. I refuse to be on facebook, and the last few girls I've dated have insisted on texting me at all times that we aren't in the same room... It's just too much, and then when I do see them there isn't much to talk about because we're in constant contact...

This. My girlfriend didn't turn up for our meet today because I hadn't texted her over the past TWO days. She didn't know it was set in stone. I also hate constant in contact, which is a shame cause she is an awesome girl ;-;

That's just ridiculous. Two days is nothing. Did she forget you existed during that time? Or does a lack of a follow up "are we still doing this at this time?" text session void the plans?

I realise text isn't the only means of contact. Honestly, if I phone my friends rather than text...they get annoyed.

lol yeah I hate using my mobile phone to talk to people, I prefer texting myself. Just not every couple of minutes And this is what I asked her. She said she honestly thought they weren't concrete because I didn't confirm it via text. Because when you say you want to see your parter on a set day you don't really mean it

That's a pretty epic piece of fail there. Mine contacts me less than she used to, which isn't really a bad thing - we live pretty far apart so while her solution used to be constant texts and calls, it only reminded me of how much I missed her - at least if we didn't talk for a week I could forget I had a girlfriend to miss.

But I'll tell you one thing - she's far too well-organised to miss a date

 

[Kagim]

Simply put like most of the advice you have already received just say hello and introduce yourself. Its not as monumental then it seems. The key thing here is don't interrupt her while shes talking to someone else. Don't be aggressive, keep a good distance between the two of you crowding is creepy and just be calm and be yourself.

When you say bad reputation what do you mean? Is it that your a geek, a nerd, a techie, an asshole? It can have a pretty high impact. In highschool i was fairly disliked by people i never met for reasons that weren't exactly true. If people know you as something your not its best to act in a manner that would be contrary to the opinion so that doesn't cloud her judgment.

With unattractive do you mean your got acne? Your fat? Buck toothed? Give me something to work with here! I'm pretty big myself but i find i can wear it well if i take the right attitude. Its all in how you wear it. If your fat just stand straight, work on losing the weight(seriously, its harder once you get older) and smile. Bring the attention to your face.

Next, shut off your self defense mechanisms. I have no idea if this applies to you but if you lack general self confidence and have built up reactionary defenses for yourself turn them off. Even if the rejection might hurt you at least you will know. You need to go into this with a clear mind.

About finding things out about her its best to find out about those through honest conversation. This is me though, i still find it a bit skeezy to use things like facebook, myspace, or there friends to get info about people.

Finally, don't be "friends" to date her. I know it seems like the logical progression but from my knowledge most girls take offense to that. Make your intentions clear without being to blunt about it.

I know you lack a bit of confidence but the honest truth is whats the worst that can happen. She says no? Your in highschool man. I know it seems huge now but don't sweat it. Its a fraction of your life that it sounds like your going to look back on and cuss at anyways. Might as well go for it.

You'll have to ask someone else about starting a conversation via facebook, I'm afraid. It wasn't something I had to deal with when I was on the dating scene.

Lucky you. Texting, and the expectation for me to be on facebook has sapped the fun out of dating for me. I refuse to be on facebook, and the last few girls I've dated have insisted on texting me at all times that we aren't in the same room... It's just too much, and then when I do see them there isn't much to talk about because we're in constant contact...

Getting married is an excellent method to counter this 'constant in contact'-effect.

It seems that way. I'm quite envious of the married people I know for this reason, my brothers wife lets him have his alone time, and my parents don't seem to contact eachother when they're not home.

I'd like to get married. I mean...I don't much care for romance right now...and I'm not looking to settle down... But if it means that people will stop texting me small talk, and asking me to go to trendy clubs... Where do I sign?

Get a girlfriend who isn't high maintenance and doesn't have trust or emotional issues. People who are married don't need constant communication because they are married. They are married because they trust each other to not need constant communication. Your just looking at the wrong group of girls. You'll find the "pretty" ones are usually the low self-confidence fawn over me ones. Go for substance AND beauty. You can have both its true! They are just quiet and don't stand out as much.

 

[bluemistake2]

Alright just one more thing? what if i dont exactly get the most chances to open a conversation, then again would helping self confidence help by not really caring what people think? i'm going to have to move to melbourne in 3 years anyway for uni.

 

[Queen Michael]

My advice? Talk to her. I know what you said, but seriously. Talk to her.

 

[Me55enger]

Just remember that the worst that could happen is a ***** slap round the face and a sneer.

Judging from your humorously comma-lacking monologue found further up this page, you've got nothing to lose and something to gain.

 

[armaina]

Strike up a conversation is the first step. Everyone is different so there is no 'right way' to start things off, well, other than being polite and respectful. Get to know her, ask her out, if you happen to have a mutual interest it can help out in finding out activities to do.

Confidence is something you gain over time. I'm far more confidant now than I ever was in high school, it was a long hard process that I had to learn. Part of it was just getting involved in social situations and also a lot of self reflection and being sure to acknowledge the skills I had. See the 'good in me' as cheesy as that sounds.

 

[Bellvedere]

Don't treat it like talking to a girl?

If you want to be in a relationship, and I do mean a relationship if you're just looking to hook up then that's a different story, but in a relationship then it's going to be with someone you want to talk to and be around. I'm assuming that you've made friends before. It's similar to that, except for at the end of the conversation you ask them if they want to do something. Don't go straight away do you want to be my girlfriend. You don't know whether you want to be someones girlfriend based on one conversation. You do know whether you'd like to see them again. That being said don't fall into the friends zone make sure it's pretty obvious that whatever you're doing is supposed to be a date.

Don't act nervous either. Or too flattering. Don't make it seem like she's doing you a huge favour by going out with you. You may feel like that but if you make her feel like that then she's going to assume she's going to get nothing out of it. You have to think you're worth it if you want other people to think you're worth it. It's a good idea to have a reason to talk to her too. Don't just say hi and assume a conversation is going to start. Have something to say. There's got to be a reason you like her, something you have in common?

Also if there's a more informal way you can talk to her that's a fine idea. A casual text conversation over facebook or anything. Obviously don't ask her out over the internet but you can build on the conversation in person and then ask her out.

 

[Vampire cat]

it does
you might not want to overdo it though,
all my friends say i'm really arrogant now ^^
I don't care, because i know i'm way too awesome to be judged by them

huh, doesn't work for me. No matter how hard I try the first things I always see is my unclean skin, my messed up hair and my flat chest. I just can't see beond that =p.