old man gaming rants

[gamer_parent]

You kids now a days don't know how good you have it.

Why back in my day, you know where we got our dosage of adrenaline pumping action? Streets of Rage 2! None of this 3D polygons with 15 million commands to remember, with branching storylines, and badass characters.

Oh no. We had a total of 4 characters to use. We got genero-blond-kungfu guy who I'm sure also did the American Ninja movies, some girl who has the unviable task of fighting in a mini-skirt, a WWE reject, and Gary Coleman on skates!

And you know, it was awesome, and we LIKED IT THAT WAY!

You know how many buttons we had to deal with back in those days? Three. Three f***ing buttons. Jump, attack, and special. That's it. Now a days, I look at an xbox controller, and I thought that to handle one of those things you need to get a fancy certification from Microsoft or something!

Oh sure, we fought a gang that seem to have maybe like 3 guns to go in between 150 gang members, with memberships that range from the rocketeer, ninjas, and every extra from the Mad Max set, but dammit, that was how gangs were back in the day! We didn't need no stinking guns to kill each other, we just beat the tar out of each other with our fists until our costumes got messed up!

bah, not to mention that just to PLAY the game, I had to get up 4 in the morning, hike 6 hours uphill both ways through the snow with no shoes, just so I can play 30 minutes on my friend's sega genesis!!

Now post YOUR old man gaming rants. (or old woman, as the case may be)

 

[Pegghead]

Lovely, and what discussion is there exactly?

 

[gamer_parent]

oh sorry. I forgot to add this crucial part: "post YOUR old man gaming rants"

 

[Rylot]

Damn kids! Get out of my Farmville orchard!

 

[Pegghead]

Oh okay. That might be a bit difficult for someone such as myself, what with being born in the nineties.

Uh...you darn kids with your...stuff. Okay, okay.

You darn kids and your want for complex characters and intricate plots, back in my day all we knew was that there was a ton of goombas, demons or even aliens between us and the prize, be it a woman, an exit or even a sister if you happened to be a bear named Banjo.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

You darn kids and your non-linearity. Why, in my day we were expected to go right and only right! Why? Because you read books left to right, correct? Why would you go any other way when right is obviously the direction a gamer is destined to move?

And don't even get me started on your 3D games... Get away from me you whippersnappers, I need a moment with my Atari.

[sub][sub][sub][sub]You darn kids and your grammar nazis! I thought we had won the war![/sub][/sub][/sub][/sub]

 

[Vie]

Gather round, foul crotchfruit, and learn of a time when gaming had a soul. When a character could be nothing more than around twenty illuminated dots and still have us pounding the controller/keyboard in rage as they died. Ah, remember when games were creative? When coping an idea from another game had to be hidden behind at least a different looking bunch of sprites?

Remember when you could write down a games code in a book, or a magazine, type it into your computer by hand and play it? Can't do that with your fancy, ultra realistic, shaders up the arse, physics engined behemoths!

Mind you, you also don't spend all day trying to find the SINGLE character you entered wrong four hours before...

 

[Fenring]

WHERE ARE ALL MY SIM GAMES. Back when my last computer could run everything at near max settings, we had sims for EVERYTHING. I want my space sims, FLIGHT SIMS, EVERYTHING. Now all I have is government sims, which could really be MUCH MORE simmy, ArmaII, and friggin... THAT OTHER SIM GAME. Gimme new sim stuff I'm interested in. And Civ V doesn't count, because it's soooo awesome.

 

[Chainsaws_of_War_2]

I remember back when we used to use these fan-dangled devices called controllers that we would hold in our HANDS.

You young-ins now just jump up and down wildly in front of the screen!

It sickens me! Now where'd my Wii-mote get too...

 

[Steppin Razor]

You darn kids and your non-linearity. Why, in my day we were expected to go right and only right! Why? Because you read books right to left, correct?

You darn kids, in my day we read books left to right!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

You darn kids and your non-linearity. Why, in my day we were expected to go right and only right! Why? Because you read books right to left, correct?

You darn kids, in my day we read books left to right!

You darn kids and your grammar and your correcting your elders and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (etc)

[sub][sub][sub][sub]That mistake has convinced me it is time to actually go to bed.[/sub][/sub][/sub][/sub]

 

[Flying-Emu]

Damn kids and their fancy AI Directors and weapon skills.

Why, back in MY day, if you wanted to use a weapon, you just took a damn feat. None of this "fly to Orgrimmar and pay 30g" bullshit.

 

[Steppin Razor]

You darn kids and your grammar and your correcting your elders and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (etc)

[sub][sub][sub][sub]That mistake has convinced me it is time to actually go to bed.[/sub][/sub][/sub][/sub]

You darn kids! Back in my day we pretended that we did it on purpose and punched out anyone that begged to differ!

 

[y1fella]

back in the day we had.... well. we had more stuff than you did. confouned young whipper snappers.

 

[RowdyRodimus]

Remember when games used to be finished when they sent them out? That's right kids, we didn't have to worry about getting a game and hoping there's a patch to finish it within a week of buying it. All we had to do was stick a cartridge in a slot and press the power button and we were playing.

Oh and I bet you think you're so much better than us because you can get extra levels and crap through DLC now. Well Mr. Smartguy, why do you need that extra content? Oh right because the games today are 1/4 of the length of games back in my day and cost 33% more.

Let me tell you one more thing; hey you, yeah you you little snot quit rolling your eyes at me, if that basketball ends up in my flower bed one more time, I'm keeping it. I don't care if you go tell your mom, I've got a few things about disipline I want to tell her anyway.

Damn kids with your Hula Hoops and music...

 

[similar.squirrel]

Back in the days when you'd get excited about your latest Gameboy Colour cart, having saved up for it for weeks.
And it didn't matter if the quality was sub-par, because you worked hard for it, and damned if you weren't going to have fun.

 

[similar.squirrel]

You darn kids and your non-linearity. Why, in my day we were expected to go right and only right! Why? Because you read books right to left, correct?

You darn kids, in my day we read books left to right!

You're ignoring Hebraic.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

You darn kids and your throwaway, re-livable characters! Back in my day, I'd cry as my lemmings went to their deaths!

 

[viranimus]

You kids with your antialiasing.. Why back in my day, we had to play as toons that looked like they were made out of microscopic legos.

And dont get me started on your motion controls.. You kids think you get so much exercise from flailing around like a bunch of idiots? Why back in my day, we ended up throwing controllers across the room because our controllers were so unresponsive it was next to impossible to perform a 180 degree thumb motion without screwing it up.

You spoiled kids. With your hard drives built in with all the Gee bees of memory.. why back in my day, we had to start from the absolute begining of the game once we turned it on, and when we did finally get a way to save a game, we had to save it on the cartridge, so if you went to your friends house to play their copy, you started off like the noob you were.

And whats with all these military shooters? Why back in my day If we wanted to snipe a bad guy we had to enlist in the military, and take the chance of getting shot at in return. We wouldnt play military shooters, you know why? because back in my day... we lived it.

And how is it you kids think its ok to do nothing BUT play your videya games? Why back in my day if you wanted to play you had to do so when no one else was watching tv, and you had to find a time to play between doing homework and chores, and before the old man got home and took the tv over. And every time we got close to beating that one boss we had tried to kill a hundred times before surely someone would kick us off the tv because of some war breaking out or other such garb.

You kids these days, you have no idea how good youve got it, because thats how it was back in my day, and we liked it.