On Attraction

[fulano]

I am a black woman and I am not attracted to black men, at all. Yet somehow this makes me a bad person. I don't hate black men. I don't intentionally avoid them. I just don't want to have sex with them or have one as a boyfriend. Despite me not being interested, I will be frequently told that I am racist or not open minded for not physically wanting a black man.

So tell me Escapist. Have you ever been scolded for not being attracted to people of your own ethnicity? Do you think that it's racist if someone is not? Or do you not care at all?

I am no way at all trying to make this thread about racism or stereotypes or anything, just sexuality and stigma.

You say black woman, but you don't really specify your age. Either way, if you are younger, you may later develop a taste for other things later on, as your notion of aesthetic changes; if instead you are a full grown woman then maybe you have made a subconscious choice to go against what is expected of you, or maybe it is just your genes telling you "thou shalt increase the diversity of thy offspring by mating with a different breed of man than that which belongs to yours," or something...

I don't think it is racist at all, but failing to appreciate beauty is kind of a waste in my humbble oppinion--which I am also somewhat guilty of, by the way, as I am not that attracted to certain asian types of looks for some reason (must be some odd social custom thing where I'm more used to fuller looking females). If you had me choose between a pretty asian girl and a pretty, well, anygirl [sic], I'd probably just go with the anygirl [sic], if only for the sake that I seem to veer that way.

I've seen cases where women are really, really attracted to certain types of men, make it latinos, slavics, generic european (whatever that means), etc.

I don't think you have a problem, but if you come from a culture that is not too big into mixing with others then I can see how you may run into a problem.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Saw a similar thread about this recently and feel the need to post this as food for thought:


OT: Personally I don't see complexion as a turn off in any sense and I've seen people of all kinds of skin colours that I've found attractive. Having said that, no I don't think it's racist that black men don't do anything for you, I mean it's not like you can help who you're attracted to.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Fecking double post.

 

[Genoman21]

Ive always gotten hit on by black girls, and im a white guy, kinda nerdy, and they cant ever figure out why im not interested. I dont have anything against them i just just wanna date them.

 

[Nieroshai]

Being half german and half nordic, I am as white as you can get. But I like asian girls. Hell, my fiancee is part mongolian, which is not far from chinese.

 

[Dags90]

maybe it is just your genes telling you "thou shalt increase the diversity of thy offspring by mating with a different breed of man than that which belongs to yours," or something...

Actually, there is more variation within the "races" than there is between them. Assuming the OP is an American descendant of slaves, who were of primarily West African descent, an East African may be more genetically diverse than a white person (especially considering how many black Americans have mixed ancestry). Also, there are more studies suggesting that we taste and smell a persons genetic diversity (in particular, the Major Histocompatability Complex).

I've been attracted to members of all racial groups, though I tend to lean toward lighter skinned black men.

 

[fulano]

maybe it is just your genes telling you "thou shalt increase the diversity of thy offspring by mating with a different breed of man than that which belongs to yours," or something...

Actually, there is more variation within the "races" than there is between them. Assuming the OP is an American descendant of slaves, who were of primarily West African descent, an East African may be more genetically diverse than a white person (especially considering how many black Americans have mixed ancestry). Also, there are more studies suggesting that we taste and smell a persons genetic diversity (in particular, the Major Histocompatability Complex).

I've been attracted to members of all racial groups, though I tend to lean toward lighter skinned black men.

Actually that's a fairly true point. It must be more of a sociological thing, then.

 

[Mallefunction]

I've dated a Mexican and a (only physically) Hitler poster child. Honestly, when it comes to race, it depends on the person. I really don't like Asian males and COMPLETELY pitch black men that much, but there have been a few that I've met that I've found attractive. So long as they are taller than me, have a nice jawline and are not some socially awkward freak, I'm pretty much good XD.

 

[anthony87]

Pfft.

People like who they like.

People like what they like.

You can't ponder this shit, we just can't help it as far as personal tastes go.

 

[Zyst]

I am often bashed on because I (White, male) don't date black girls. I just don't feel attracted to them, don't think I'm racist, since I do have black friends (including girls) But when I See a black girl there is nothing, nada, Zero.

 

[2HF]

Mexican guy here.

I am not the least bit attracted to Mexican women or black women. I don't know why I'm not attracted to Mexican women. Hair is a major factor in physical attraction for me which is why I'm not attracted to black women. That type of hair just does not work for me. I also have a thing for pale skin. I find it so much more appealing than any other color. I'd date a vampire if I could. I hear they have excellent hair.

Nobody ever gives me flack for exclusively dating white women and nobody asks why I don't date Mexican women. Weird.

 

[Dags90]

Actually that's a fairly true point. It must be more of a sociological thing, then.

It's actually more than "fairly" true, it's pretty much entirely true. In fact, scratch the "pretty much".

Also, OP: What about Marcus Patrick? I find him to be rather sexy, and he's black enough to be considered black in the U.S.

 

[Viral_Lola]

You like what you like and who you like and it's not racist if you prefer to date one race over another. It is racist when you lynch them.

 

[Sir Rammington Steel]

Personally I'm not very picky. I'd date anyone of any ethnicity if I liked them that way. Skin tone just doesn't factor in for me. That being said I don't find anything racist about not being attracted to someone of the same ethnicity as you. Or really not being attracted to any ethnicity in general. It's just the way your mind works. It's not like you bode these people any ill will. You simply just aren't attracted to them. I wouldn't call you a racist any more than I'd say a gay guy hates women.

 

[fulano]

Actually that's a fairly true point. It must be more of a sociological thing, then.

It's actually more than "fairly" true, it's pretty much entirely true. In fact, scratch the "pretty much".

Also, OP: What about Marcus Patrick? I find him to be rather sexy, and he's black enough to be considered black in the U.S.

Oooh, a semantycs battle? It's a fgure of speech, mein freund.

Here: you are right and I was wrong on the thing I wrote previously. Hopefully you won't find a problem with that, but these days who knows on the internets...

 

[Nargleblarg]

I am often bashed on because I (White, male) don't date black girls. I just don't feel attracted to them, don't think I'm racist, since I do have black friends (including girls) But when I See a black girl there is nothing, nada, Zero.

This is not racism so do not worry. Not being to attracted a race is not the same as hating that race. It is just your personal taste.

I enjoy vanilla ice cream over chocolate ice cream and some people like chocolate and that is ok because there isn't a problem chocolate ice cream or anyone who enjoys it. (Yes there is no hidden meaning to this, I am literally talking about ice cream)

Similar to this there were studies done in Texas with babies; they found babies reacted actively and more openly to others of their race. This was done with multiple races and the same results were found. Humans are just hardwired to better connect to those who look like them.


This was the study
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2009/09/04/see-baby-discriminate.html

 

[Astoria]

I...don't see how you can be racist against your own race. Anyway, I don't really think about it but I guess I'm only attracted white people but that's no saying much because I haven't been attracted to very many people.

 

[mechashiva77]

You say black woman, but you don't really specify your age. Either way, if you are younger, you may later develop a taste for other things later on, as your notion of aesthetic changes; if instead you are a full grown woman then maybe you have made a subconscious choice to go against what is expected of you, or maybe it is just your genes telling you "thou shalt increase the diversity of thy offspring by mating with a different breed of man than that which belongs to yours," or something...

I don't think it is racist at all, but failing to appreciate beauty is kind of a waste in my humbble oppinion--which I am also somewhat guilty of, by the way, as I am not that attracted to certain asian types of looks for some reason (must be some odd social custom thing where I'm more used to fuller looking females). If you had me choose between a pretty asian girl and a pretty, well, anygirl [sic], I'd probably just go with the anygirl [sic], if only for the sake that I seem to veer that way.

I've seen cases where women are really, really attracted to certain types of men, make it latinos, slavics, generic european (whatever that means), etc.

I don't think you have a problem, but if you come from a culture that is not too big into mixing with others then I can see how you may run into a problem.

I am about 18 years old, and I can understand your reasoning. Maybe I'll change when I reach 30 or something. Though I do realize when someone is attractive looking, I just won't be drawn to them. Also yes, I do come from a culture that's somewhat against it, though I experience the more "passive agressive" aspect of it.

 

[mechashiva77]

If your not attracted to someone, you just aren't. The next time someone calls you racist because of your failing attraction towards black man, ask them if they think that Homosexuals are sexist. (Of course, in a homophobic environment, that could backfire.)

It would backfire to the extreme.