On Women As People and How To Get Their Attention

[ryuutchi]

To be honest, I'm a little frustrated with the "what do women want" threads. Women are a varied and diverse group of people, same as men. I mean, not all of your male friends want the same thing out of a relationship, right? (Unless you live in a Judd Apatow movie and all you care about is getting laid regularly)

So why on earth do a significant number of men on the forum constantly act as though there is one Woman, who is mysterious, ever-changing, and weirder than an alien?

It's sort of like-- do you expect every gamer to want the same sort of game? Do you think that there is one platonic ideal of The Gamer and get annoyed that real gamers have a bunch of different opinions?

 

[Compatriot Block]

Would you prefer it if we thought that women were incredibly simple and easy to understand? I dunno, I just always figured that women would take it as a sort of compliment. Guess I was partly wrong.

 

[VitalSigns]

These kids are looking for an excuse for there issues with girls. Their introverted and creepily passive aggresive, but whatever its confident guys faults that girls aren't interested in them. Not theirs. Idiots. If girls don't like you it's no ones fault but your own.

 

[NeutralDrow]

Aww...I was hoping this was another one of those threads that I could open and laugh at.

So why on earth do a significant number of men on the forum constantly act as though there is one Woman, who is mysterious, ever-changing, and weirder than an alien?

I'd guess a combination of frustration and wishful thinking (in differing amounts, depending on the person) that overrides painfully obvious reality.

It's sort of like-- do you expect every gamer to want the same sort of game? Do you think that there is one platonic ideal of The Gamer and get annoyed that real gamers have a bunch of different opinions?

Actually, I'm pretty sure this describes the view of at least half of all gamers in existence. Or at least the loud ones.

 

[RyoyoBelmont]

I was actually reading through them (joined shortly after), and I found it really interesting how so many men can wonder about the conundrum of our existence.

 

[Legion]

I have also wondered the same thing, but then again, maybe it's another bandwagon everyone's jumping on, we are getting a lot of those lately.

 

[HaircareForMen]

EWWWWW!!! women everywhere!

 

[NoNameMcgee]

I find it funny how many excuses some guys will make as to why they have bad luck with women.

 

[Seldon2639]

The fundamental issue seems to be that many people (and many, many, men) aren't very good with nuances, and like simple (and reassuring) answers.

We like the answer that "oh, women love bad boys" because it means that when/if a girl rejects us, we're not responsible; we're right, and she's just looking for the wrong thing. As opposed to actually sitting down and saying "why might this girl not like me?" or even "I wonder if there's something lacking in my behavior, maybe I'm not as nice and awesome as I think". Similarly, when we see "jerks" get dates while we sit at home, we scoff and write scathing diatribes about how women claim to want nice guys, but only ever date jerks. Having written a few myself, I can understand that.

We don't want to admit the cold, hard, truths because it's much more pleasant to go with the fact that women just make bad choices. If women make bad choices, or jerks just get a leg up and "well, I can't act enough like an ass", we don't have to be personally responsible for rejection.

I agree that women have varied responses, and rationales, and desires, but a lot of the time that boils down to a rejection. It's nicer to say "bah, she just wanted a hot jerk, so who cares? Stupid women" than to have to examine why she might not like you. Some girls are looking for nice guys (most, in my experience). Some are looking for flings, and most of the reason the "jerks" are more successful is that they cast a much wider net.

It's simple mathematics. Even if a "nice" guy and a "bad boy" have the same chance of any given girl liking him (let's say 10%), it's just a matter of who asks more girls. A "nice" guy may obsess about a girl, convince himself she's the love of his life, and ask out maybe eight per year (that's what I topped out at when I really gave it my all). A "jerk" on the other hand doesn't need to obsess, he sees a girl he thinks he might like, he asks her, he moves on. He may ask out a few dozen (if not many more) each year. Who's more likely to find a girl who'll say yes?

But we don't like that answer. We don't want any explanation for our rejection that might cast doubt on our choices.

 

[Valiance]

So why on earth do a significant number of men on the forum constantly act as though there is one Woman, who is mysterious, ever-changing, and weirder than an alien?

It's sort of like-- do you expect every gamer to want the same sort of game? Do you think that there is one platonic ideal of The Gamer and get annoyed that real gamers have a bunch of different opinions?

I highly dislike relationship/love/girls/OMG R U GIRLS???/PREFERRED TIT SIZE topics and I would remove them from the forum with a fire extinguisher if I could.

However, since they're here, I try to logically explain why they are...But to answer your questions:

Many men want the same idealistic woman.
Many gamers want a different kind of idealistic woman, but they are still after a similar type of woman. :/

And yeah, while it's not metaphorically asking people to all want one perfect game, it's basically a metaphorical question of "Half-Life 2 or TF 2" as opposed to your assumed "Portal or E.T. (2600)."

Besides, most of us who are in relationships are with girls/'women' who are, at times, shallow, or occasionally do things based on how they feel at the time when it's not in their best interest long term. And because all of us gamers are stupid/idealistic/creative/dreaming, we find it very strange that our perfect angel could ever do anything (in a way that we perceive to be) wrong.

Anyway, I get the feeling that a lot of people here have been betrayed in a relationship in the past, or simply haven't been in one are still hopeless romantics.

And if they're in a relationship, they REALLY DON'T WANNA FUCK IT UP, so they ask people on the forum "Hey, you guys were probably in a similar situation; what did you do?"

 

[ryuutchi]

Would you prefer it if we thought that women were incredibly simple and easy to understand? I dunno, I just always figured that women would take it as a sort of compliment. Guess I was partly wrong.

Personally, I don't mind my friends thinking I'm a complex and interesting individual-- but that's the key word: individual.

Someone saying I'm confusing because girls are obviously all genetically programmed to be the damsel in distress and I go charging into situations like a bull in a china shop is entirely different than a good friend thinking I'm strange because (as a minor example) I'll make pizza dough from scratch and then say that putting oregano on the pizza is too much work.

 

[Valiance]

...And if they're in a relationship, they REALLY DON'T WANNA FUCK IT UP, so they ask people on the forum "Hey, you guys were probably in a similar situation; what did you do?"

Thats a lie - real men don't ask for help..EVER!

I don't think this forum is populated with much of what you seem to consider a "real man."

 

[ix_tab]

Eh. People of all genders like to generalise to help cover up their own insecurities. I don't let it worry me because eventually anyone who goes along applying bizarre stereotypes and generalisations to real life gets bitten in the ass, and they have to re think.

 

[ryuutchi]

More than likely the guys that are starting those threads are trying too hard, and don't have much experience interacting with women in a social context. Even the blokes that do get it wrong most of the time.

If they annoy you so much why read them? You're just setting yourself up for frustration.

Enh. Some people play Bejeweled when they're bored, I raise my blood pressure by reading threads I know will annoy me. And sometimes starting threads like this where people can be reasonable for at least the first ten or so comments before the sexism starts.

 

[Valiance]

Touche.

But I love the way this thread is essentially against those 'men' that seek relationship advice. LOL

Ironic, isn't it?

Enh. Some people play Bejeweled when they're bored, I raise my blood pressure by reading threads I know will annoy me. And sometimes starting threads like this where people can be reasonable for at least the first ten or so comments before the sexism starts.

I have this unfortunate habit as well.

 

[Good morning blues]

Your title refers to "women as people," but the problem with most of the introverted shut-ins on this forum is that to them, women are not people. They have no experience with women, so they are completely alien. "People" are what they've lived with their whole lives; they don't know the first thing about women, so they're separate in their heads. Through the social information that they collect, they have an idea of what a woman is supposed to be, but this idea is oversimplified, inaccurate, and to a normal person completely ridiculous. The woman that they do understand is just one of the guys; the women that they don't understand (and who they want) are mysterious, ever-changing, and weirder than an alien.

Furthermore, one of the biggest strengths of Judd Apatow's movies is that his characters are not as one-dimensional as you're implying.

 

[dalek sec]

I'll be the first to admit my understanding of girls is rather limited but I will also admit that it's my own damn fault due to lack of social skills, self-confidence, self-loathing, my insecurities in assuming that said girl hates my guts before I ask her out, being a massive loner/shut in these days and generally being a massive quiter when it comes to dating. By now I doubt I can change my ways so I've become somewhat snarky and bitter on the whole subject but have gotten use to being alone and now I rather enjoy it.