On Women As People and How To Get Their Attention

[ryuutchi]

Touche.

But I love the way this thread is essentially against those 'men' that seek relationship advice. LOL

Ironic, isn't it?

I'd argue that the reason for the post has nothing to do with "men seeking relationship advice" and everything to do with those men (or those who respond to their threads) acting as though all women want the same thing and act the same way. This, unfortunately, has a reductive effect-- in essence treating all women as one Woman-- and ends in not only the unfortunately relationshipless OP not actually getting any good advice, but annoying the beJESUS out of most of the women who wander into the thread.

 

[ryuutchi]

By now I doubt I can change my ways so I've become somewhat snarky and bitter on the whole subject but have gotten use to being alone and now I rather enjoy it.

Hey, don't knock the snarky and bitter thing. Yahtzee has fangirls, dude.

 

[dalek sec]

By now I doubt I can change my ways so I've become somewhat snarky and bitter on the whole subject but have gotten use to being alone and now I rather enjoy it.

Hey, don't knock the snarky and bitter thing. Yahtzee has fangirls, dude.

True but Yahtzee's well known here, I'm just some random dude posting here. Not to mention he's rather good at the snarky and bitter thing as I just suck at it.

 

[Valiance]

I'd argue that the reason for the post has nothing to do with "men seeking relationship advice" and everything to do with those men (or those who respond to their threads) acting as though all women want the same thing and act the same way. This, unfortunately, has a reductive effect-- in essence treating all women as one Woman-- and ends in not only the unfortunately relationshipless OP not actually getting any good advice, but annoying the beJESUS out of most of the women who wander into the thread.

I never said the OP goes that way - the thread does.

But yeah, I agree with you, to a point. But most women have primal attractions to similar things, just like guys have primal attractions to certain features. While there are exceptions to every rule, I don't need to find scientific research to prove that many women -actually do- like flowers, and many people will find watching a sunset more interesting than staring at a gray wall.

On these forums (and much worse on the rest of the internet), women are stereotyped and pigeonholed into a certain role with certain feelings.

I'm not saying every guy wants the same thing, but if they're looking for a girlfriend and they go on these forums it's a safe bet to assume that the girl they find, like, and enjoy isn't a person who shuns video games because they cause murders, and instead they could play Super Mario World together.

Likewise, the girls that they're looking for probably would be more interested in, say, computer parts than a new dress, and might prefer a nice dinner together to a night out at a bar.

I think it boils down to introverted males looking for introverted females.

 

[BlazeTheVampire]

How do you know they're annoyed? I demand to see the results of that poll!

Also a lot of people, despite their uniqueness, act extremely closely to the stereotype you can apply to their behaviour, and therefore general advice in how to interact with those particular stereotypes is still useful, despite how disparaging it may be to a particular sex.

I have to agree... I have never been annoyed by the amount of help-seeking threads. In fact, I usually participate and try to figure out the problem.

I don't think it's disparaging to our gender, it just says something about the women our guys are attracted to. If threads about guys asking for help getting girls is disparaging to women, then men should boycott Cosmo, for it's disparaging to them.

 

[minarri]

I'm quite impressed at some of the great comments in this thread. It's fantastic to see that some people put serious thought into things.

As a woman, I don't think I can really explain what's going on in the minds of those people who post about what every woman wants. But I can point out the fact that the human mind is hardwired to stereotype, because the brain is an "energy miser" and would rather expend the least amount of energy possible to function (i.e. work on the minimal amount of information possible).

We all stereotype, even if we don't realize it. Still though I do wish that we can overcome simple stereotyping.

If threads about guys asking for help getting girls is disparaging to women, then men should boycott Cosmo, for it's disparaging to them.

Psh, everyone should boycott women's magazines. Look at one from the 1950's and you'll see that virtually nothing has changed since then: they're still vapid piles of dung.

 

[Labyrinth]

Fear me.. for I am female. Rawrrrr!

In some ways it's the sex gap which is inbuilt from an early age. In other ways it's seeking attention. Let me explain this a little more.

When we're children we're taught to create cliques according to the sexes. "Coodies" is a perfect example of this. In primary schools it's rare to see intermingling of the sexes to a degree which would really promote later ease of association. There's just too much stigma around it. Sex-segregated schools are worse really, as they have yet more of a mystery built up around the missing people.

The same gap comes from parents who have this weird aversion to letting their kids spend time with friends of the opposite sex. I'm talking 7 year olds here. They're not likely to get up to anything atrocious in terms of questionable activities and it will help the people later in life.

Highschool tends to continue this, and although not quite so stringent, the game shifts a little. Sexuality comes in to play alongside stereotype and gender roles. How often do you find a man who hangs around a lot of women labelled as gay, or the same in reverse labelled as a lesbian? Many people have aversions to this kind of thing due to that very label.

We need to stop separating ourselves. Men, women and those undecided aren't as different as stigma would have us believe.

.
.

What women want is a complex issue, even to us. I would say that most go for men who are interesting to them in one way or another. Or many ways. The women that I know go for the idea of "Can I talk to this person and not feel like they're a brick wall?" If so, shiny. If not, the relationship is unlikely to happen because they just don't fit with what is seen as interesting.

 

[mrstopadoodledoo]

Look, it's quite simple:

Men are from Mars, women don't have a penis

 

[Kiutu]

Though not everyone is the same, there do tend to be similarities with anything. Lets say, shooters. Not all are the same, but are often viewed similarly. While anything unique could be to a woman as a unique part of their personality. It is not so wrong to generalize women somewhat when trying to understand. Many stereotypes of women I fit and others I dont.
Its really just certain ones you dont want to do. As in, the really bad ones.

In short, stereotypes exist because they were seen as common. They were not just made up.

 

[darkorion69]

People follow archetypes. Stereotypes are merely simplified and broad archetypes easily accessible to the average person. The politically correct crowd has brain washed people into thinking stereotype is an evil word.

Just like they try to convince us we are all completely equal...which means we are the same. But they also say we are all unique. We cannot have it both ways, either we are the same or different, right?

Women want pretty predictable things. They want a rich man who will improve their quality of life and put her first emotionally. I get tired of hearing women deny it...but what woman is brave enough to come forward and say she looks for jobless, penniless, and dependent men because she doesn't care about money and going out and about?

 

[scotth266]

Fear me.. for I am female. Rawrrrr!

I fear you for entirely different reasons: your power over the artgoers of the Escapist in particular

As several have already stated: Women are individuals with their own sets of needs/wants/desires. The only issue I have with making female friends, or any friends in general is that I'm rather shy.

Yup, I'm shy. I realize it's a problem though, and try to be a bit more of a extrovert when I first meet people. I've gotten a lot better at it actually.

But what was I saying? Ah yes, women: to be honest, some of them can be rather intimidating. I don't really know if women feel the same way about meeting guys, it's just my experience that women scare the living daylights out of me when we meet, while guys only induce a creeping terror.

Also to Cheese Pavilion: Good points.

I love the way this thread started, and hope it stays along those lions. Because lines are too dull.

 

[Ultrajoe]

This explains, as well as being a good lesson on dating, the incongruence between the mentality of sexes.

I.E: I wanted to post it, and it's relevant here.

 

[Carnagath]

Men and women are the same when it comes to the most important thing they are looking for. That is a presentable physical appearance. If you disgust a woman physically, you have absolute zero chances with her, not even if you have 2 Nobel prizes and an IQ of 300. She might be very excited to hear what you have to say on certain things, but that's all. The end. Period. If you look horrible but you can improve it, try to. Consciously. If there's nothing you can do about it, you're basically screwed and need to realize it as soon as possible and look for other things in life that you find fulfilling and channel your energy elsewhere. Preferably on something creative or something you are talented at. Know that you will be sexually alone, but that doesn't mean that you can't have a bunch of great friends or that you are worthless. You are just a victim of the leftover of natural selection that favors the more virile looking, because back then people had to hunt, kill and eat stuff or die. But in the end, that can prove to be not such a bad thing, because the highest forms of art and creativity are fueled by the creator's own personal misery.

Sorry for the shot of reality.

 

[dontlooknow]

I think this common generalisation of women is probably less to do with the ?men? on these types of threads being misogynistic, and more a reflection on their desperate contemplation of the opposite sex as they attempt to dupe themselves out of their own inept reality.

 

[MechanicalCitrus]

Such things are a crude means to an end. As Labyrinth pointed out there are long standing divisions according to expectation. Of course asking forums, male-dominated ones at that, questions is a poor way to try and breach the gap but an alternative may not be obvious. The people here are (mostly) intelligent and open-minded enough to offer solid advice and a practical approach to issues. If rumours would be believed there are even some women around to give the first-hand angle.

A little bit of communication goes a long way.

 

[Dimbo_Sama]

Anyone else notice this has turned into a "what men AND women want" thread?

I probably would of gone down the "OMFG What do gurls wantz?" road if 73% of my friends weren't girls.

Low self esteem and a lack of experiance I attribute these to. They're too nervous to get "pally pally" with girls and so they view them as this mysterious everything that is the genetic imperitive.

as for me, I just view them as people... and in one or 2 cases, very sexy people who I'd like to touch in various differant places... like the beach or a bus or ontop of the Athens' Acropolos...

 

[JanatUrlich]

Just don't smell and be nice to us. We're similar to guys in many aspects, I don't get what the big deal is.