On Women As People and How To Get Their Attention

[VitalSigns]

Why because I don't sugar coat it, if you saw the other posts you would understand my growing frustration with the things these self hating people say.
I would love for the world to be all rainbows and good thoughts but these kids are stereotyping any guy with confidence as a woman abusing prick. I cant retaliate?

 

[Nmil-ek]

Why because I don't sugar coat it, if you saw the other posts you would understand my growing frustration with the things these self hating people say.
I would love for the world to be all rainbows and good thoughts but these kids are stereotyping any guy with confidence as a woman abusing prick. I cant retaliate?

Wow the irony of stating sterotypes and generalisition to justify a sterotype and generalisation, I have plenty of mates who are bad around women dosent mean they dont get women they just have trouble approaching them. I myself am bad around people its not a cripling weakness aslong as your willing to work at it, but going that step ahead of logic and proclaiming all these weak people self loathing and pointing the finger at other folks is rediculous and laughable frankly.

And yes if someone ofends you its perfectly fine to be pissed off to act on that and do the same thing in return however is just pointless be the bigger person and let it go in that instance. My personal motto on that matter is if your an arsehole Ill call you an arsehole dosent mean I hate you or wish anything bad on you, you're just an arsehole.

 

[VitalSigns]

Why because I don't sugar coat it, if you saw the other posts you would understand my growing frustration with the things these self hating people say.
I would love for the world to be all rainbows and good thoughts but these kids are stereotyping any guy with confidence as a woman abusing prick. I cant retaliate?

Wow the irony of stating sterotypes and generalisition to justify a sterotype and generalisation, I have plenty of mates who are bad around women dosent mean they dont get women they just have trouble approaching them. I myself am bad around people its not a cripling weakness aslong as your willing to work at it, but going that step ahead of logic and proclaiming all these weak people self loathing and pointing the finger at other folks is rediculous and laughable frankly.

And yes if someone ofends you its perfectly fine to be pissed off to act on that and do the same thing in return however is just pointless be the bigger person and let it go in that instance. My personal motto on that matter is if your an arsehole Ill call you an arsehole dosent mean I hate you or wish anything bad on you, you're just an arsehole.

My frustrated posts here are for the people in the other thread who retaliated when I (and Ryu) legitimately tried to help them. They were saying guys who get girls are cocky, manipulative alcoholics. I took offense to this and tried to shed some light on the situation, only to get a needless amount of retaliation. any generalizations on this thread are actually just me representing that group of guys in the other post telling me I'm dead wrong and that girls just like being treated like shit.

 

[Fox1789]

hey i love being mysterious to guys, not crazy and complicated.. but just a little bit of mystery.. for some reason the guys i dated in the past find that sexy.

 

[ryuutchi]

Women want pretty predictable things. They want a rich man who will improve their quality of life and put her first emotionally. I get tired of hearing women deny it...but what woman is brave enough to come forward and say she looks for jobless, penniless, and dependent men because she doesn't care about money and going out and about?

Just like men only want a beautiful woman who will stay silent, cook them their meals, clean up after them and have sex whenever they want.

What the hell year is this, 1954?

 

[ryuutchi]

Because no straight man will ever be able to understand the thought processes of women.

The physical differences in brain chemistry and structure just make them alien. Thus men will always be baffled by women.

I will repeat what I said in another thread: "If you think women are alien beings then you're not trying hard enough."

My brain chemistry operates only slightly differently from yours. If you think I'm some strange, inhuman being that doesn't have wants and desires that are, on the whole, relatively similar to any guy you know, then a)you probably don't know many women, and b)that sort of sexism is probably why you don't know many women.

 

[VitalSigns]

My frustrated posts here are for the people in the other thread who retaliated when I (and Ryu) legitimately tried to help them. They were saying guys who get girls are cocky, manipulative alcoholics. I took offense to this and tried to shed some light on the situation, only to get a needless amount of retaliation. any generalizations on this thread are actually just me representing that group of guys in the other post telling me I'm dead wrong and that girls just like being treated like shit.

These kids are looking for an excuse for there issues with girls. Their introverted and creepily passive aggresive, but whatever its confident guys faults that girls aren't interested in them. Not theirs. Idiots. If girls don't like you it's no ones fault but your own.

First off frustration understood. Second your first response to this thread will not be taken as trying to help them but more of an attack on the person who reads your post. Calling those who make excuses by calling them introverted and creepily passive aggresive is not helping. Also calling a person an idiot is not helpful and assigning blame is also not helpful. There was no substance or criticism in your first post as quoted above.

That is not to say you are 100% wrong and there have been other posters who have posted some real great material. Initial physical attractiveness does count and that first impression does count as well but the latter can be made up for later.

Cheese Pavilion's post was also really great letting people know that if a guy wants a girl they have to have their own life and let the woman inside his life to share. It is called having an independent relationship versus a dependent relationship. Women want a guy that passes the bar but also has the confidence and does something constructive with his time. Employment and playing video games however DO NOT COUNT. Those extracurricular activities is what counts and that is what a man has to promote and show that he not only has his life together alone but would like to involve the woman in the activities that she would like to get involved with and vise-versa. Give each other their own space but also have things to do together be it fishing, movies, video games or volunteering.

After twenty-four years I can say I'm still working on improving my life so I can be confident in who I am and I have improved. The only thing that I am not having problems with is time management and finding places to meet women. I work 10 hours a day, and in my spare time I exercise with my dog, work as a chapter president for the ECA and now I'm volunteering at the Ronald Reagan Library again on one of my days off. There really isn't much time left in my day to say go out to a club in an agricultural area and meet a woman to start a relationship with. Take it as an excuse but dammit some of us guys are actually making progress and are happy with the direction we are going.

EDIT: I'd love a woman or anyone to teach me how to cook for myself so I can get out of the slow death of fast food.

Also if you have any suggestions on where I can go to meet women I would be more than accepting of any advice on location where I can find and socialize with people without the distraction of business.

One last note, the reason I never actually went steady with any woman I knew through high school and college was because I actually wanted to show them I have a life that I could be proud of and with a failing economy and hard to get a career it is really difficult to say the least.

Well written and I back your view completely. I wish I didn't come off so harsh but A lot of these kids reminding of how I was when I was 16-17, generally unhappy, unfit and no confidence at all. I didn't necessarily have trouble with girls (Always had a charm I guess) but definetly attracting girls with the same personality troubles as my self. Through my rough demeanor what Im trying to say is its true that You have to love yourself before you can love someone else, bad self esteem will plague a relationship. You'll constantly make up reasons why She didnt call or where she was all day, assume she's cheating, get emotional when she gets hit on by another guy. Everyone in the world deserves to be happy and of course women are individuals who want different things. Dont assume a Hot girl won't talk to you cause you play video games or Post on internet forums. Self defeat is the worst defeat. I am extremely interested in many things a lot people dont care about (Quantum Mechanics, Psychology, Physics etc) its about how you let people into those passions (especially girls your interested in) and knowing when someone doesn't want to hear about it its better to just hold your tongue. And after that really reflect, if you can't share your passion with this girl maybe she's not for you as it is. When it comes to letting a girl cry on your shoulder about everything just realize that is NOT the way to a girls heart. enjoy your life, be an individual everyone has their time. The problem here is passing the buck and saying its the girls fault that their not attracted to you, thats ridiculous.

 

[Agayek]

I will repeat what I said in another thread: "If you think women are alien beings then you're not trying hard enough."

My brain chemistry operates only slightly differently from yours. If you think I'm some strange, inhuman being that doesn't have wants and desires that are, on the whole, relatively similar to any guy you know, then a)you probably don't know many women, and b)that sort of sexism is probably why you don't know many women.

I was kidding about the brain chemistry, but I think you misinterpreted what I was trying to get at.

The average male simply does not understand how the average female mind works. I'm not trying to imply anything beyond that. It's just a "fact" that most of the time, men do not understand how women think/feel, at least when it comes to emotions and the expression thereof. I've a good number of female friends, and I'm baffled by how they react to some things. That doesn't make them any better or worse, just different in their reactions.

I can say the same thing about a couple of my male friends, but it's much much less common with them.

 

[ryuutchi]

The average male simply does not understand how the average female mind works. I'm not trying to imply anything beyond that. It's just a "fact" that most of the time, men do not understand how women think/feel, at least when it comes to emotions and the expression thereof. I've a good number of female friends, and I'm baffled by how they react to some things. That doesn't make them any better or worse, just different in their reactions.

I can say the same thing about a couple of my male friends, but it's much much less common with them.

And what I was trying to get at is that usually when a man says that, it's because he's abdicating responsibility for actually trying to figure out "women" (which, again, is a reductive construct). When "the average male" says women are weird and confusing, it's not because he can't figure it out-- it's because he doesn't usually want to try. Or that he doesn't know how to treat women like human beings long enough to figure a few out.

And since you acknowledge that it does happen with your male friends, so it's not like this is some massive "all women are strange and alien". Which, sadly, seems to be the way quite a lot of men on these forums react.

 

[Agayek]

And what I was trying to get at is that usually when a man says that, it's because he's abdicating responsibility for actually trying to figure out "women" (which, again, is a reductive construct). When "the average male" says women are weird and confusing, it's not because he can't figure it out-- it's because he doesn't usually want to try. Or that he doesn't know how to treat women like human beings long enough to figure a few out.

And since you acknowledge that it does happen with your male friends, so it's not like this is some massive "all women are strange and alien". Which, sadly, seems to be the way quite a lot of men on these forums react.

Meh, people are people. The vast majority will never be able to understand anyone that doesn't fit with their preconceptions. That's why wars happen.

On a less serious note, why would I want to understand women anyway? As soon as I figure one part of it out, they suddenly mutate into new and even more alien creatures. It kinda reminds me of a Shoggoth at times.

 

[Tullio]

If girls don't like you it's no ones fault but your own

That, sir, is an absurd thing to say.

I have noticed, however, a trend in those - men and women - who don't have a problem with dating. If feeling slightly less egocentric than usual, they will tell out hypothetical awkward man (Ie - the one who does have trouble dating) that thanks to some vague mysterious fate, it will all work out just fine.

I suspect this has something to do with guilt. I don't think people as a whole like to admit that they've simply been lucky by accident of birth (You can see the same trend in those who look down on lower class people as a matter of principle) and that, in another leg of the Trousers of Time, they might be the ones in the bad postition simply because they had been born to someone else.

 

[Panzer_God]

I mean, not all of your male friends want the same thing out of a relationship, right? (Unless you live in a Judd Apatow movie and all you care about is getting laid regularly)

Well that's not just in movies, most guys I know want nothing other than to get laid. If you think about it probably 90% of men can be won over with the same tactics.

 

[Panzer_God]

The average male simply does not understand how the average female mind works. I'm not trying to imply anything beyond that. It's just a "fact" that most of the time, men do not understand how women think/feel, at least when it comes to emotions and the expression thereof. I've a good number of female friends, and I'm baffled by how they react to some things. That doesn't make them any better or worse, just different in their reactions.

I can say the same thing about a couple of my male friends, but it's much much less common with them.

And since you acknowledge that it does happen with your male friends, so it's not like this is some massive "all women are strange and alien". Which, sadly, seems to be the way quite a lot of men on these forums react.

Well duh, that's because this is a gaming forum filled with GAMERS. It might be different other places but most gamers around here don't get a lot of girls.

 

[slevin8989]

If girls don't like you it's no ones fault but your own

That, sir, is an absurd thing to say.

I have noticed, however, a trend in those - men and women - who don't have a problem with dating. If feeling slightly less egocentric than usual, they will tell out hypothetical awkward man (Ie - the one who does have trouble dating) that thanks to some vague mysterious fate, it will all work out just fine.

I suspect this has something to do with guilt. I don't think people as a whole like to admit that they've simply been lucky by accident of birth (You can see the same trend in those who look down on lower class people as a matter of principle) and that, in another leg of the Trousers of Time, they might be the ones in the bad postition simply because they had been born to someone else.

It dosen't work on fate you just have to work at it. It;s just like everything else it takes practice some people might be better at finding someone but everyone is better at something that someone else sucks at

 

[ryuutchi]

Well duh, that's because this is a gaming forum filled with GAMERS. It might be different other places but most gamers around here don't get a lot of girls.

Pretty much every woman I hang out with is a gamer. Gamer is not synonymous with "nerdy white guy who knows no women."

 

[beholdmycape]

I fucking love women.

 

[Tullio]

It dosen't work on fate you just have to work at it. It;s just like everything else it takes practice some people might be better at finding someone but everyone is better at something that someone else sucks at

It's got lots to do with luck. Being born generally more likable to most of society is a bloody good start, to be blunt. Whether you like it or not, there is a finite number of options open to you. Most people also have a finite number of times they can tolerate being shot down in flames. I'm not trying to perpetuate an idea of utter hopelessness for us nerdish gamery types, I'm just stating that this is the way things generally work in my experience. More so than that, I suppose I should admit, I'm also making the point that what works for one person simply won't for another no matter how many Escapists blather on about thier gawjus geeky girlfriends

 

[Iron Mal]

In my experience, the stereotype of women and men being attracted to one kind of guy and no-one else has turned out to be accurate (stereotypes are often based upon observation).

I have noticed that a large number of women do tend to overlook us 'mild mannered' fellows in favor the the chav-tastic captain of the football team (who drinks, is violent and has less charm than a cold sore), after all, this probably partially accounts for the high teenage pregnancy rates in the UK and US (along with the high number of single mother families).

Men, on the other hand, will sub-consciously gravitate towards the hot babe with the manic ass and nice rack (me and my friends all agree that, given the oppertunity, we would shag Michelle Marsh without a second thought).

We all have our individual differences in what we like in a partner but a large amount of attraction is programmed into us (we are predisposed to find certain features attractive).