how to phrase this so it makes sense:
I'm a horrid human being who is angry at himself for not caring about and even enjoying the suffering of others yet at the same time not wishing to change it for fear of losing the me i have become on the thought that you are built on your core traits such as anger cruelty humility and so forth yet at the same time wish for this me to die (figuratively of course I'm not suicidal) and have a better me rise (again were talking only in a mental aspect)spending every waking thought picturing the deaths of those around me while disgusted by the fact that I'm doing so and secretly just wishing for it all to just shut the hell up and for me to cease to exist......i actually feel better and yes i know this was a lot more than a one line thing but i got caring away but to sum up
I'm a self loathing over thinking violent contradiction....also I'm atheist
I'm a horrid human being who is angry at himself for not caring about and even enjoying the suffering of others yet at the same time not wishing to change it for fear of losing the me i have become on the thought that you are built on your core traits such as anger cruelty humility and so forth yet at the same time wish for this me to die (figuratively of course I'm not suicidal) and have a better me rise (again were talking only in a mental aspect)spending every waking thought picturing the deaths of those around me while disgusted by the fact that I'm doing so and secretly just wishing for it all to just shut the hell up and for me to cease to exist......i actually feel better and yes i know this was a lot more than a one line thing but i got caring away but to sum up
I'm a self loathing over thinking violent contradiction....also I'm atheist