One liner jokes, anyone?

[TheRightToArmBears]

I used to be afraid of heights, but I rose above it.

My uncle was a hypnotist WHO HAS NEVER INAPPROPRIATELY TOUCHED ME.

 

[Nickisimo]

Man charged with destruction of a string of Rice Krispie factories, believed to be a cereal killer.

If firefighters fight fire and crimefighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?

Do I want a drink?! Does the Pope crap in the woods?

I wanted to eat the banana but I had to split.

Aren't all tires flat when you think about it?

The Cincinnati Reds were the first professional baseball team. Who did they play?

 

[Wintermoot]

I am not a complete idiot some parts are still missing

 

[Chris^^]

I tried to think of a joke about cheddar and edam, but it was two cheesey

 

[Eggsnham]

Two blind guys walk into a bar.

*Badumtish*

 

[MrCollins]

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

 

[katsabas]

If swimming makes you thinner, what are whales doing wrong?

 

[Mr.PlanetEater]

Did you hear about the kidnapping.. good thing he woke up OHOHOHOHOHOHO

 

[mythbuster343]

If whale oil comes from whales, where does baby oil come from?

 

[Taco of flames]

Why is there only one-liners? The second register is closed. (Terrible, but I made it up myself. Yay me.)

Acronyms Can Really Offer Nothing, You Moron.

Also, I'm surprised nobody has done the whole "blah blah blah... *sunglasses on* punchline" thing yet.

 

[Mercurio128]

I was standing in the park today thinking to myself: 'why does a frissbee appear larger the closer it gets? and then it hit me'

My wife and I have decided we don't want children, and if anybody does, we can drop them off tomorrow...

I quit my job in the helium gas factory....I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.


(Stewart Francis)

 

[ben---neb]

I was wondering why a baseball looks bigger as it gets closer. And then it hit me.

I literally facepalmed at that joke it was that awesome.

OP: What's brown and sticky? A stick.

 

[.Ricks.]

10 kinds of people in this world, ones who understand binary, and the ones who don't.

I see what you did there... I lol'd.

 

[Reava17]

I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary there!

I used to be a kleptomaniac, but I took something for it.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.

Some of my favourites... Liked the ones referring to the BP oil spill by the way.

 

[TheIr0nMike]

I don't know what freaked my roommate out more, that he caught me masturbating, or the fact that I caught him.

 

[p3t3r]

So a seal walks into a club...

Hah! Beat you all there.

lol i say that all the time except about a baby seal

 

[RamirezDoEverything]

So a seal walks into a club...

Hah! Beat you all there.

i literally lol'd at that.