Partner Issues

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Starik20X6

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Oct 28, 2009
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Well she seems like a sane, well-balanced individual.


[sub]Meanwhile, in Springfield[/sub]​

I know how easy it is to forgive someone's major flaws when you like them, but sometimes it's just too much.

Captcha: GO BERSERK

I think she already did Captcha...
 

LordofSquirrels

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Aug 21, 2012
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I know I'm mostly parroting what everyone else has already said, but hey, I crave attention. D:

1) She doesn't seem to really be interested in improving, at least not to the extent where the changes will ever stick around without constant reminder. Breaking up would probably be the better option.

2) The roleplaying itself is a bit of a fuzzy subject, as many couples do have little online on-the-sides, usually to just blow off steam or satisfy that Stranger-itch without full-on infidelity. The fact that she didn't come out and tell you about it, however, indeed the fact that she pretty much tried to cover it up, pushes it into the realm of cheating, yes.
 

NLS

Norwegian Llama Stylist
Jan 7, 2010
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You know how parents will go all "No Candy/dessert fro you until you finish off your vegetables"? Yeah, no kiss for her until she brushes her teeth either.

And yeah I'd dump that.
 

dvd_72

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Jun 7, 2010
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1) If you're not happy in the relationship then you shouldn't stay in it. It might not be easy but it will be better for you in the long run.

2) while not cheating in and of itself the fact that you vocalised your discomfort with it should have made her at least consider not doing it any longer. Isn't that the kind of respect you show for your partner in a relationship after all? What's more is the fact that she felt she had to hide it from you. That shows me that she knows its wrong in a way too, but she insists on doing it.

Whatever you're going to do I wish you luck. Choices like this aren't easy and there's no simple answer. Still, you seem like a resourceful person so I'm sure you'll figure things out in the end!
 

Daveman

has tits and is on fire
Jan 8, 2009
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Christ... I can't believe you actually kissed her. That's disgusting. My advice? Just run.

Not brushing your teeth is just disgusting and regardless of how much you might like her, nobody should date somebody like that.
 

Artemis923

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Dec 25, 2008
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I would've seen her teeth, and told her to get a fucking tooth brush and get back to me.
Then, on her return, I would've said "Great, tell the next guy I said yer welcome."
Leave the broad, you'll find somebody better. Don't let familiarity and "it's what I'm used to" hold you down. Let someone else deal with that shit.
 

Bvenged

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Sep 4, 2009
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Fappy said:
1. Probably, I would.
2. It's not "cheating" per se, but I wouldn't say it's entirely faithful either.

Sounds like a basket case D:
Cheers Fappy, took the words right outta' my mouth.

I think you need to stop calling A the good personality and B the bad personality, as the opposite would be more appropriate. She seems like a lazy, arrogant, "world-revolves-around-her" type of person and a disrespectful bum who, occasionally, acts her age. I managed to read all of your post, Rotukai, and while I can only go on what you've said, she does not sound pleasant to be around at all.

If you're questioning her progressively, then surely it's not right?

She seems to be dragging you down, put it that way. If I were you, going on what you've said, I'd cut this dead weight loose before you lose any more of your life to this black-hole of a person. Surely there's better people than her to get with? Hell, I don't even recall you saying something positive about her.
 

chozo_hybrid

What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets.
Jul 15, 2009
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solemnwar said:
Don't see how roleplaying is cheating... :/ It's not REAL. It's using FICTIONAL CHARACTERS that ARE NOT YOU. Aaargh.

But yes you sound miserable, you should probably dump her ass.
I get what you mean, my girlfriend role plays on dream-width with people and has asked me if I was okay with that. I said to her, you can type, but you can't touch, she laughed and then I said it was fine. She's allowed to have fun, and it's fictional.

But dude, it's up to you. If you're not happy with her, then it's not worth it.
 

Elementary - Dear Watson

RIP Eleuthera, I will miss you
Nov 9, 2010
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Fappy said:
BloatedGuppy said:
The teeth thing ALONE, man. Hygiene is not supposed to be OPTIONAL when you're dating.
Totally fucking agreed. I can't even date smokers, their mouths taste awful >.>
I smoke a pipe... if I use flavoured tobacco it makes my mouth taste interesting! :p

OT: 1) Unfortunately mate, and this is coming from someone who power plays the 'give love a chance' card normally, but I would agree with people on here, and say it is probably your time to pull the yellow and black chord of freedom[footnote] Sorry, aircraft eject handle reference there[/footnote] and get out of there... You have given her chances, but she is continually ignoring them, which means that your compatability isn't all there... and you can find better! She is still at home, so she still has support if you leave her, so morally it's ok too, but it sounds like you really need to think about yourself, and only yourself for a while here!

2) No, it is not cheating... but in no way is it fair either! If she cared about you more she would get you involved more, or want to do it with you more. That would be the deal breaker for me... Walk out now, and stop delaying the inevitable!
 

Galletea

Inexplicably Awesome
Sep 27, 2008
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Yeah, running away from a relationship after three years is dead easy.

I hadn't realised you'd posted your issue here too, or I'd have jumped into the more popular one. Either way my advice is here, if you're interested.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.385789-Partner-Issues#15356728

Also, the whole roleplaying thing is an odd one. She knows it would upset you or she wouldn't hide it. So she's going behind your back, which isn't cheating per se, but isn't far off it.
 

Jake Martinez

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Apr 2, 2010
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Look man, if the deciding factor in staying in this relationship is predicated on if your girlfriend has committed e-adultery on you, then you need some mental help.

This girl is a fucking mess and will never get any better. You know this, so stop being a wimp and do something about it. At 24 there is no way you're naive enough to believe that you, who can probably barely manage your own life, is capable of not only managing hers, but reforming her as well.
 

Hagi

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Apr 10, 2011
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BloatedGuppy said:
YES. Jesus holy mary of hell yes. Even taking into account this is probably tainted by editorial bias, she sounds like a complete train wreck. The teeth thing ALONE, man. Hygiene is not supposed to be OPTIONAL when you're dating.
Wait what? Only when you're dating?

Aw man... All these hours wasted showering, brushing my teeth, combing my hair etc.

OT:

1. That's a choice only you can make. I would consider spending some time apart and seeing how much you miss her or if it turns out to be a huge relief to get away from her. Be sure to make this decision rationally though, decisions made when high on emotion rarely turn out good in my experience.

2. I wouldn't say it's cheating. I don't even think it's a grey area. As far as I'm concerned it's not that much different from reading erotica or watching porn. That being said, it's definitely not okay to keep something like this secret from a partner. And if one partner has an issue with it, like you seem to have, then a solution both are content with should be found. So while this isn't cheating it still definitely is a bad thing.
 

JeffBergGold

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Aug 3, 2012
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I would've ended the relationship as soon as I found out she didn't brush her teeth. Leave her there are plenty of better women out there. Why stick around a girl who doesn't bathe, has a bad attitude, and roleplays?

Run as far as you can as fast as you can and never look back.
 

Navvan

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Feb 3, 2011
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1. From the read it doesn't sound like you are very happy in the relationship, and you are really only sticking around because you can't afford another place to live (and perhaps don't want to go back to the single life after investing so much time and effort into this relationship). You gave a pretty one sided portrayal of your GF. Besides the initial "Hey we share a bunch of interests and thats cool" it was all pretty much downhill. That tells me that you're probably not all that into her.

2. I wouldn't say it was cheating. It was a betrayal of trust certainly, and she should have been honest from the get go. That alone is reason enough to reconsider having a relationship with her particularly if she keeps doing it after you stated it makes you uncomfortable. Personally I wouldn't care if my GF did it if she just went "Yea I'm roleplaying via text some fanfiction sex scenes with my friends you okay with that?".

Before completely abandoning ship though I would consider setting up a bit of an intervention with her parents. Looks like she needs a kick to get her life on track. Even if you still don't want to be with her I am assuming you care for her well being on some level.
 

DoomyMcDoom

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Jul 4, 2008
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First point I must make, after seeing that update that you are going to try to arrange an escape from this unhealthy arrangement, I would say go, don't look back, talk to her first, and point out a couple things; 1: You intend to end this to save what little self respect you have as a man, because an unclean woman who emotionally cheats on you is already 2 steps farther than any self respecting man should ever go down the hill of no standards, and trust me when I say that hill is STEEP. 2: To expect a relationship to work without a propper degree of honesty, is pure folly and the biggest part of the pattern we see in our horribly divorce ridden society, face it, it was over before you even decided to leave, it just would've taken time to rot all the way through leaving you emotionally clusterfucked and in no position to carry on a healthy life afterwards, because if you don't cut it off now the only thing you would have left is a life lived in denial and dissillusionment.

I know a lot of people might say having a partner for sex is worth a lot, but those people are almost 100% virgins who idolize sex in a way only the ill informed, or inexperienced can, sure sex can be great, but the sex you get when you don't respect yourself is a form of emotional torture that you can never fully enjoy, also women respect men who respect themselves and others, not men who say well whatever I'll fuck anything with a hole.

I have a decently active sex life, and have my fun, but I follow a set of rules that keep me from straying into the land of the "lost" as it were.

1: I will not under any circumstance, let anyone else shit on my life in a relationship, if a relationship is unhealthy for one, it only ever serves to reinforce unhealthy behaviour in the other, vise versa.

2: I will not change who I am, who I hang out with, or change any pre-existant plans for anyone, this is standard in life, as more romantic relationships fall apart on a yearly basis than solid friendships, and your bros. are who help you get your shit together again quick and reinforce you emotionally when a relationship breaks down, I may use social discression on who I ask to hang out with me and my girl as some of my guy buddies are... to put it mildly, afraid of women, and take out that fear through a mix of agressive speech patterns and unhealthy emotional agression bleedoff, but this is common sense.

3: I never give without a reciprocating return, if I cook one night she cooks the next, or orders pizza or something, food is food, that kind of thing, unless it is on birthdays, or if she's really struggling for food or something of that sort. If I buy her a B-Day present, it will not be something expensive, but it will be practical and thoughtful, and if she doesn't bother to return the favor or gets me a gift card for walmart or something retarded like that, I will be sure to remind her, that that is not how we do things, and that I do give hints when asked, if you have a hard time picking something out, just ask what kind of thing I might want, I will gladly give you hints that allow for room for suprises and I never buy anything I don't absolutely need within a couple weeks of my B-day.

4: I don't mind kidding around and playfully thrown taunts, but if a woman straight up insults my intelligence, or acts in such a way as to assure me that I'm a charity case or some shit, it's over, period, there are no second chances in this field, as there are MANY other women out there who aren't total assholes.

5: Cheating is an instant permaban from my life, no exceptions, if you cheat on me, I will sit you down for the last talk you will ever have with me, and tell you straight up, that it's over, I will not be returning calls, emails or text messages in any form, I will ignore your very existence, unless you buy something from a place where I work in which case I will serve you as a customer, and I will treat you with the kindness of a man who has no knowledge of who you are, you are dead to me.

6: I will never cheat on anyone ever for any reason, cheating is a sad weak man's approach to relational escapism, that said, I have unintentionally been the other man a couple times, and felt terrible for it. If I were ever in a position where feel that the relationship is worth putting at risk in such a manner, I have probably ended it months ago, in other words I don't cheat, I end relationships in a polite and direct fassion, and move the fuck on.

7: Last(that I can think of at the moment, as I live my life by a strict set of rules which are many) but certainly not least I avoid people who are too needy or clingy, I want a woman who wants me for me, needy women as with needy men are usually that way because they are in love with the concept of relational security, not the man/woman in question. I want someone who can be happy because they are happy, and want to share that with me, vise versa, I can be happy on my own or with friends, but with some people a connection develops where that happiness is indeed increased exponentially through a shared deepening of relationship, this is where love lies, it is not to be confused with lust or desperation, those are predominant in our society especially due to the way the ever present media influence pushes us to see life.

Cheers friend, may you be strong and love yourself, for you, and seek the happiness that is not tied down by the chains of expectation.
 

squidface

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Jun 3, 2012
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1. I would, although it sounds like she may be depressed. But if she's not willing to let you help, take your advice, or do anything about it off her own back, just leave her. Even if she is depressed, if she doesn't WANT to get better, there's no way to make her. It's something she has to do by herself.
2. Yes, because I wouldn't roleplay a sexual scene with someone if I had a significant other... it's emotional cheating and that, to me, is as bad as physical cheating. It makes your partner feel just as bad tbh because the reasons for doing it are usually the same as physical cheating so yeah.