[user]Kellogs Fried Chickn[/user] is a glorious example of wholeness, lacing both a body and individual thought.
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Personal Physical or Mental Frailties
- Thread starter chadachada123
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I'm ill a lot.
I just have a really weak immune system.
I'm just getting over tonsillitis, thankfully.
Though in the future I may have to have my tonsils removed, which as an adult apparently hurts like a *****.
As for mental stuff, depression is certainly around in my family, but the jury is still out on me. It hasn't gotten me yet though.
I just have a really weak immune system.
I'm just getting over tonsillitis, thankfully.
Though in the future I may have to have my tonsils removed, which as an adult apparently hurts like a *****.
As for mental stuff, depression is certainly around in my family, but the jury is still out on me. It hasn't gotten me yet though.
I have real bad issues with tooth ache, bad skin on my shoulders and upper arms, I have diarrhea almost all the time, scars on my left forearm from self harming (back when I was self obsessed and stupid, if anyone here self harms. I'm not trying to insult you but I don't belive in it anymore, haven't for over a decade now) and I have REALLY bad ankles/calf muscles. I suck at running basically, cycling not so bad but running anywhere just kills me.
Feels kinda good spilling this shit out, so to speak.
Probably come across whiny but I'm not IRL, not too much
Feels kinda good spilling this shit out, so to speak.
Probably come across whiny but I'm not IRL, not too much
Epilepsy. That's about it. I don't know how or why it happens, but it sucks. The day I have it I'm delirious for the rest of the day with massive headaches, and the next two days my muscles are shot so all I can really do is rest and watch TV.
I'm quite good at offering advice to others, as well as a shoulder to cry on. So I'll tell you this, always cling on to hope. But I won't follow my own advice, I can't do it!Jazoni89 said:
Mine's an odd one. See I enjoy my work and like the guys I work with. I'm also friends with some people that run the cafe down the end of the road, where I eat lunch every day.
But, as a 33 year old bloke who moved to this new part of the country 7 years ago, I find it impossible to start socialising with people that are already a close-knit group of friends....I feel like an outsider, intruding into their life.
So, as a consequence, I have no social life at all, absolutely nothing. I go to work for 8am, I leave for home at 5pm, and I don't talk to anyone until the next morning. Weekends are the worst as it's two full days where I sometimes don't utter a word.
Things have come to a head. I've been going slowly crazy over the last year. I ended up taking a razor blade to my upper arms a few times, just to shock another feeling other than misery and loneliness into myself. Didn't really work as I have a very high pain threshold, so all it did was make a proper mess.
The whole bullshit scenario has really started to mess me up mentally. I was already depressed, but now I have a significant amount of self-loathing and worthlessness to boot.
My ten-year plan to end it all is only seven years away. I'm fucked if I'm going past 40 feeling like this, it really isn't worth it
Do yourself a favor and find a way out, fast. I've been where you are and I never recovered. Where I live I cannot leave my home without being attacked because of my ethnicity (I am black and white). I've been a near complete shut-in for over 20 years, that's more than half my lifetime. You're never okay with the loneliness, the isolation, being out of touch with humanity. People think they know what being alone is, but until months have passed without notice, until you are a friendless, joyless, hopeless person with no place to turn at all, you haven't really felt alone and there is still hope for you.Jazoni89 said:Private Custard said:
I have been alone for many years now, three to be exact.
Living on your own, away from most of your family, miles from your hometown, struggling with AS and Depression, not having much to do and not working, not having many friends, and being totally powerless to change anything despite my best efforts.
Things are grim for me, but i just hope there's light at the end of the tunnel, there's got to be. That hope is the only thing that get's me up in the mornings.
I live this way, I will die this way, not a goddamn thing I can do about it now.
MDD, PTSD, ADHD, OCD, a few others, an eating disorder that had at one time left me skeletal and dying (before I was put on disability and started getting some kind of help). I go to a coffee shop and manage to not be called a n----r by the locals, I'm lucky if I can last ten minutes with the way the barista slam cupboards without going into shaking fits and having to leave fast before the screaming starts.
Find friends, don't become what I am now.
I have been trying to find my way out, that's the problem. I even put some extremely drastic measures in to place to chuck myself right into the deep end just so i could get out of this hole i've been in for years. I chucked myself into the deep end far too much, and i'm feeling the stress and the strain of trying, and not suceeding, thus getting depressed. The system, and the people have failed me, not myself. I keep going on at them to help me, but it feels my cries for help are falling on deaf ears.Icehearted said:Do yourself a favor and find a way out, fast. I've been where you are and I never recovered. Where I live I cannot leave my home without being attacked because of my ethnicity (I am black and white). I've been a near complete shut-in for over 20 years, that's more than half my lifetime. You're never okay with the loneliness, the isolation, being out of touch with humanity. People think they know what being alone is, but until months have passed without notice, until you are a friendless, joyless, hopeless person with no place to turn at all, you haven't really felt alone and there is still hope for you.Jazoni89 said:Private Custard said:
I have been alone for many years now, three to be exact.
Living on your own, away from most of your family, miles from your hometown, struggling with AS and Depression, not having much to do and not working, not having many friends, and being totally powerless to change anything despite my best efforts.
Things are grim for me, but i just hope there's light at the end of the tunnel, there's got to be. That hope is the only thing that get's me up in the mornings.
I live this way, I will die this way, not a goddamn thing I can do about it now.
MDD, PTSD, ADHD, OCD, a few others, an eating disorder that had at one time left me skeletal and dying (before I was put on disability and started getting some kind of help). I go to a coffee shop and manage to not be called a n----r by the locals, I'm lucky if I can last ten minutes with the way the barista slam cupboards without going into shaking fits and having to leave fast before the screaming starts.
Find friends, don't become what I am now.
The thing is I do have a few friends, it's just I can't really relate, or express how I feel towards them, and most of the time It just feels awkward, and not right at all.
What if I'm one of those people who finds it impossible to make friends, who doesn't believe anyone would want to be friends with the "real me"?Icehearted said:
I'm what, 22 now, reclusive except for going to university to get a degree which I'm supposed to care about.
I already am out of touch with humanity. Still, I feel that my problem is often the way I react to the world, I don't have a clue how to handle most social situations or people. The loosely-connected friends I do have? They've got their own problems and I'm not for one moment convinced that they give a monkey's arse about my own life - why should they, anyway... time for a good drink, I guess.
It's not that people don't care or don't want to be around you. In my years I've learned that people generally don't enjoy the suffering of others and will turn away from someone that is persistently suffering, regardless of who's to blame for that or why it's so. Worse than this, people hate feeling powerless. People hate having a friend in trouble they cannot help, and in your case they probably cannot help you any more than what's within their capacity. Not every friendship needs to run deep, and you may find that distractions with friends you barely know can be a great resource for building social skills, and eventually opening doors to people that you can be more deeply involve with.MammothBlade said:
Many time people care, many people can't express this , or we don't see it. To offer context, I've been told I'm an extremely good looking and intelligent man, but I never believe it because of my lack of personal success. A contradiction because I know success isn't about means but opportunity (which is what I actually do lack).
You may have more going for you than you realize, just try to be more open to the idea that things are going on around you that you are not aware of, and that people notice but may not be ready to delve into the hardship they see in your life.
it;s like I told Mammoth, you can't be deep with everyone, or even most of who you know, but that doesn't mean you can't still be friends, and can't let this open doors for you to find a way to those deeper connections you long to have (I know... god I know how that feels).Jazoni89 said:Icehearted said:Do yourself a favor and find a way out, fast. I've been where you are and I never recovered. Where I live I cannot leave my home without being attacked because of my ethnicity (I am black and white). I've been a near complete shut-in for over 20 years, that's more than half my lifetime. You're never okay with the loneliness, the isolation, being out of touch with humanity. People think they know what being alone is, but until months have passed without notice, until you are a friendless, joyless, hopeless person with no place to turn at all, you haven't really felt alone and there is still hope for you.Jazoni89 said:Private Custard said:
I have been alone for many years now, three to be exact.
Living on your own, away from most of your family, miles from your hometown, struggling with AS and Depression, not having much to do and not working, not having many friends, and being totally powerless to change anything despite my best efforts.
Things are grim for me, but i just hope there's light at the end of the tunnel, there's got to be. That hope is the only thing that get's me up in the mornings.
I live this way, I will die this way, not a goddamn thing I can do about it now.
MDD, PTSD, ADHD, OCD, a few others, an eating disorder that had at one time left me skeletal and dying (before I was put on disability and started getting some kind of help). I go to a coffee shop and manage to not be called a n----r by the locals, I'm lucky if I can last ten minutes with the way the barista slam cupboards without going into shaking fits and having to leave fast before the screaming starts.
Find friends, don't become what I am now.
I have been trying to find my way out, that's the problem. I even put some extremely drastic measures in to place to chuck myself right into the deep end just so i could get out of this hole i've been in for years. I chucked myself into the deep end far too much, and i'm feeling the stress and the strain of trying, and not suceeding, thus getting depressed. The system, and the people have failed me, not myself. I keep going on at them to help me, but it feels my cries for help are falling on deaf ears.
The thing is I do have a few friends, it's just I can't really relate, or express how I feel towards them, and most of the time It just feels awkward, and not right at all.
Just believe that there are people out there that get it, that understand what you're going through, perhaps even more than you do (which is to say they may know where it could take you). You may feel lonely, you may be isolated, but ultimately you are not alone. There are others willing to come in, but you have to do things in steps, you must pace yourself, and you mustn't give up. A friend of mine lost her son to suicide recently, it devastated her, but she got through it, just as I got through my pain of being abused and violated, just as you can get through yours. Not because we're strong or because we want to. We are survivors, like it or not, and we endure because we have to.
Just don't cash in this early. I know more than I can express how hard it is and how terrible it feels, but there really are people out there, I believe this even if I have yet to really find that connection for myself.
I'm sorry I cannot offer more right now. I have an appointment to keep. Stay strong.
No huge things thankfully given how many people headed towards thirty I know who seem to starting to be held together by duct tape at this point.
I have extreme light sensitivity which while awesome for the excellent night vision is not so great when non overcast days practically blind me without sunglasses and even with give me tension headaches.
That and a jacked up knee from hyperextending it when I was 14 and then never bothering to mention it to anyone or have it looked at so it healed kinda janky. I still haven't had it poked at and when I do I'm not sure I want to know what's been going on behind my knee cap for the last 15 years.
I have extreme light sensitivity which while awesome for the excellent night vision is not so great when non overcast days practically blind me without sunglasses and even with give me tension headaches.
That and a jacked up knee from hyperextending it when I was 14 and then never bothering to mention it to anyone or have it looked at so it healed kinda janky. I still haven't had it poked at and when I do I'm not sure I want to know what's been going on behind my knee cap for the last 15 years.
I have mild asthma (been off medicines for a couple years now, yay!), I am suffering from some reoccurring chest pains that hurt so bad I can't breathe from time to time and I got terrible eye sight. Nothing seriously wrong physically and thankfully I can deal with what I have.
Mentally I am OK I guess.
Mentally I am OK I guess.
hey fever,, hate summer, dam heat
had scoliosis,, well its something that i live with after the operations i have had to fix it as much as they can.
had scoliosis,, well its something that i live with after the operations i have had to fix it as much as they can.
I've had asthma for my whole life and I absolutely hate it.
Also, I was the lovechild of two families who both have long sordid histories of terrible eyesight. This leads to my inability to see anything further away than six inches[footnote]A bit of an exaggeration, but I still can't see good, yo[/footnote] from my face without my glasses.
Also, I was the lovechild of two families who both have long sordid histories of terrible eyesight. This leads to my inability to see anything further away than six inches[footnote]A bit of an exaggeration, but I still can't see good, yo[/footnote] from my face without my glasses.
Physical:
I have bad knees and a bad left ankle. If I stand or walk too much (which I'm forced to do thanks to my job) I start to feel an unbearable pain in both knees. I'm a trooper and deal with it but sometimes I have to excuse myself from work to go sit down and cry in the back room until the pain starts to even out. Also my lungs are damaged due to long term breathing of smoke, mold spores, dust, asbestos, fiberglass and decaying insect matter (I used to do construction work for family).
Mental: I am bad at math ( I struggle with basic arithmetic sometimes). I am extremely paranoid and untrusting of other people. I had a very rough childhood full of betrayals, muggings, jumpings, etc. and always carry a knife with me wherever I go (been doing so since I was 12). I also sleep with a knife under my bed and lock and barricade my door when I go to sleep. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder when I was 14 but was never medicated. But then a second doctor said that I wasn't bi-polar so I'm not sure where I stand on that. I sometimes suffer from severe depression and have a huge rage problem that can take hold of me no matter where I am, what I'm doing or what mood I was just in. And last but not least I have an odd compulsion to commit horrible acts of violence against others (I think that is a result of my paranoia and rage). I do not act on the urges unless assaulted by another but it still disturbs me.
On the upside though I like being nice to people and try my best to control and explain my moods and urges
I have bad knees and a bad left ankle. If I stand or walk too much (which I'm forced to do thanks to my job) I start to feel an unbearable pain in both knees. I'm a trooper and deal with it but sometimes I have to excuse myself from work to go sit down and cry in the back room until the pain starts to even out. Also my lungs are damaged due to long term breathing of smoke, mold spores, dust, asbestos, fiberglass and decaying insect matter (I used to do construction work for family).
Mental: I am bad at math ( I struggle with basic arithmetic sometimes). I am extremely paranoid and untrusting of other people. I had a very rough childhood full of betrayals, muggings, jumpings, etc. and always carry a knife with me wherever I go (been doing so since I was 12). I also sleep with a knife under my bed and lock and barricade my door when I go to sleep. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder when I was 14 but was never medicated. But then a second doctor said that I wasn't bi-polar so I'm not sure where I stand on that. I sometimes suffer from severe depression and have a huge rage problem that can take hold of me no matter where I am, what I'm doing or what mood I was just in. And last but not least I have an odd compulsion to commit horrible acts of violence against others (I think that is a result of my paranoia and rage). I do not act on the urges unless assaulted by another but it still disturbs me.
On the upside though I like being nice to people and try my best to control and explain my moods and urges
OP is not alone, I never knew my biological grandfather on my Mother's side because he died on a park bench from alcohol poisoning before I was born. Both sides have multiple, nay most members have an addiction or a combination of depression/anxiety/bi-polar. This background applies heavily to me, and my ability to post so frequently here is actually a major sign of my recent ability to combat it (though the journey is still long).
I see a very common thread of anxiety here. I don't know if a major percentage of people are afflicted with it overall, or if the community here has something in common that manifests it. If I had to guess, having an above average intelligence can be a curse almost equal to its advantages (yes, I believe most of us here have mental faculties that exceed most of those we interact with daily). There's a feeling of isolation and inability to relate that can be crushing after so long. This place is a kind of bastion, just being able to share thoughts in this way and have people respond and actually understand me.
I have a lengthy list of physical issues that aren't incredibly severe (except maybe a couple broken teeth that are acting real strange, as well as chronic back pain). Alas, I live in the US and I have been informed multiple times that I'm not eligible for Medicaid even at my relatively low salary unless, that is, I have a child. Yeah, not going to spawn so that I can fix myself.
I see a very common thread of anxiety here. I don't know if a major percentage of people are afflicted with it overall, or if the community here has something in common that manifests it. If I had to guess, having an above average intelligence can be a curse almost equal to its advantages (yes, I believe most of us here have mental faculties that exceed most of those we interact with daily). There's a feeling of isolation and inability to relate that can be crushing after so long. This place is a kind of bastion, just being able to share thoughts in this way and have people respond and actually understand me.
I have a lengthy list of physical issues that aren't incredibly severe (except maybe a couple broken teeth that are acting real strange, as well as chronic back pain). Alas, I live in the US and I have been informed multiple times that I'm not eligible for Medicaid even at my relatively low salary unless, that is, I have a child. Yeah, not going to spawn so that I can fix myself.