Phlakes' Theory of Dong Quantity

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Phlakes

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Mar 25, 2010
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Dongs. [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dong] Yes, dongs. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_Dong_Silver]

I will skip the introduction and propose a scientific theory.

If a piece of visual media (films, television, video games, magazines, etc.) contains a quantity of dongs greater than zero, the questioned media contains too many dongs.

Consider anything you've watched, read, or played recently. You may already find this true. But first, we must prove it scientifically. So, each side of the theory needs to be independently true to make the entire theory true. Let's look at a few examples.

Watchmen:

It must be true that Watchmen contains too many dongs. This is true, so we look at the first statement. Find the quantity of dongs in the film. 2 unique dongs with several appearances. Is this quantity greater than zero? Yes, so that works.

Let's look at the other side of the theory.

Dante's Inferno:

It must be true that the quantity of dongs is greater than zero. And this is true, thanks to a giant demon dong. So we look at the statement we are testing. Does Dante's Inferno contain too many dongs? Yes, it does. Perfect.

So, the Theory of Dong Quantity seems to hold true for now. Let's look at a few more to test the theory in its entirety. GTAIV: The Lost and the Damned. Is the quantity of dongs greater than zero? Yes, it is, so we can conclude that there are too many dongs. Testing this conclusion independently- are there too many dongs? Yes, so our previous conclusion is correct. What about A Room with a View? Is the quantity of dongs greater than zero? Yes, it amounts to three if I recall correctly. Again, we can conclude that there are too many dongs. Is this conclusion correct again? Well, are there too many dongs in the film? Yes, so yes again. How about Final Fantasy IX? Although dongs are indirectly implied, no dongs actually appear, so the quantity of dongs is equal to zero, so we come to the conclusion there are NOT too many dongs. Well done, Square. And for one final trial, Chatroulette. The quantity of dongs is slightly more complicated here. Every three out of four chats contains a dong. In a reasonable sample of 100 chats, around 75 dongs should be present. Is this value greater than zero? Yes, so Chatroulette contains too many dongs.

In this study, the Theory of Dong Quantity has proved effective, but it must be put into practice to ensure its validity as an official scientific theory.

So, think of any visual media. Consider how many dongs it contains. Remember, if that value is greater than zero, it contains too many dongs.

Also, for discussion, how many dongs are too many? Well, that's simple, and explained by the theory. And what are your views on media that fail the test of the Theory of Dong Quantity?

Also, if you happen to represent the Nobel Committee, I'll be expecting a call.
 

pppppppppppppppppp

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Jun 23, 2011
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Hm, this is an interesting concept, but it fails to explain why boobs and vaginas may greatly exceed the dong limit proposed in this theory.

Therefore, I created the "Unifying Theory of Insecure Man-children Who Demand Female Fanservice Yet Can't Stand A Nude Male"

Let me know what you think about my theory and send some scientific feedback.
 

Phasmal

Sailor Jupiter Woman
Jun 10, 2011
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Glass Joe the Champ said:
Hm, this is an interesting concept, but it fails to explain why boobs and vaginas may greatly exceed the dong limit proposed in this theory.

Therefore, I created the "Unifying Theory of Insecure Man-children Who Demand Female Fanservice Yet Can't Stand A Nude Male"

Let me know what you think about my theory and send some scientific feedback.
Oh snap
 

Phlakes

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Mar 25, 2010
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Glass Joe the Champ said:
Hm, this is an interesting concept, but it fails to explain why boobs and vaginas may greatly exceed the dong limit proposed in this theory.

Therefore, I created the "Unifying Theory of Insecure Man-children Who Demand Female Fanservice Yet Can't Stand A Nude Male"

Let me know what you think about my theory and send some scientific feedback.
I have some of my top people from the lab working on that. So far they've found that-

-Boobs and vaginas are not dongs
-Most internet users/gamers are male
-Boobs and vaginas are pleasing to most males

Through this, they concluded that dongs are not pleasing to most internet users/gamers.
 

Akimbo_Slice

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Jun 1, 2011
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Phlakes said:
Glass Joe the Champ said:
Hm, this is an interesting concept, but it fails to explain why boobs and vaginas may greatly exceed the dong limit proposed in this theory.

Therefore, I created the "Unifying Theory of Insecure Man-children Who Demand Female Fanservice Yet Can't Stand A Nude Male"

Let me know what you think about my theory and send some scientific feedback.
I have some of my top people from the lab working on that. So far they've found that-

-Boobs and vaginas are not dongs
-Most internet users/gamers are male
-Boobs and vaginas are pleasing to most males

Through this, they concluded that dongs are not pleasing to most internet users/gamers.
It must suck to look between your own legs and cringe everytime you see your dong. Man, if only you had a vagina, you would be so much more visually pleasing!!!
 

Phlakes

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Mar 25, 2010
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Akimbo_Slice said:
It must suck to look between your own legs and cringe everytime you see your dong. Man, if only you had a vagina, you would be so much more visually pleasing!!!
I know, I tried to get one surgically put in, but then the doctor got deported back to Mexico. Such a shame.
 

loc978

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Sep 18, 2010
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I would like to add to the opening post: most porn. Seriously, cameraman, what the hell?
 

ScoopMeister

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Mar 12, 2011
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Well, this is... odd.

I would, however, like to see some scientific evidence to back up this theory. Say, for instance, I was to decide that the maximum dong quantity should, in fact, be two, how would you counter it (without simply restating your theory)?
I think we should also have a survey in order prove conclusively that Phlakes' Theory of Dong Quantity is correct.
 

RanD00M

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Oct 26, 2008
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Your theory is opinion based, and last time I knew theories were all about the objective truth of one matter. Also there is no such thing as too many dongs if you aren't an immature prick that yells "PENIS!" every time he sees a dick in any form of media.
If you don't like seeing dicks then you don't have the right to see tits or pussy. Simple as that it is.
 

Not-here-anymore

In brightest day...
Nov 18, 2009
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I see... Is there a similar theory related to how many boobs are too few?
And following on from there, a boob-to-dong ratio of acceptability within any visual media?
For example, we can see that whilst Watchmen contains two (although I only recall seeing Dr. Manhattan's) penises (penii?), it also contains two boobs. Is this an acceptable ratio, or should there be a definite 2:1 system going on?
 

Phlakes

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Mar 25, 2010
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Do I really have to put a disclaimer at the top saying "this is a joke and shouldn't be taken seriously"? Because that would just be sad.
 

dyre

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Mar 30, 2011
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Wait, hold on a sec. Lots of porn includes dongs. One might even call it a near-necessity! Are you saying porn is bad?
 

TheLoneBeet

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Feb 15, 2011
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Glass Joe the Champ said:
Hm, this is an interesting concept, but it fails to explain why boobs and vaginas may greatly exceed the dong limit proposed in this theory.
My thoughts exactly.

Phlakes said:
Do I really have to put a disclaimer at the top saying "this is a joke and shouldn't be taken seriously"? Because that would just be sad.
No, just expand your theory a little to encompass more things.

Personally I think too many dongs ruins anything, but the same can be said about boobs and vaginas. If any of them appear too often they lose their value. It becomes "just another dong / boob / vagina" rather than standing out. For example; Queen's Blade.