Phrases That Indicate Something That Will Make You Mad.

[RJ 17]

That is to say, the start of a sentence that tells you "What this person is about to say is really going to annoy/frustrate/anger me.

For instance, any time your mother starts a sentence with "Well I was cleaning and..." you know whatever she has to say beyond that point is going to be something that annoys/frustrates/angers you. Could be "I was cleaning and I found your weed stash so I threw that away." Or "I was cleaning and I found your porn stash, so I got rid of it." Or "I was cleaning and all the things you had meticulously arranged and organized I moved around."

So, what are some of the phrases that start a sentence that - upon hearing it - you know you're not going to like what follows?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

"I'm not X but..." is a classic in this regard

I'm also not fond of "The Founding Fathers would have wanted..." because fuck that woulda coulda, pseudo-historical nonsense

 

[RJ 17]

I'm also not fond of "The Founding Fathers would have wanted..." because fuck that woulda coulda, pseudo-historical nonsense

Well the Founding Fathers would have wanted you to understand that their will was meant to be taken as gospel and certainly not want you to consider that times change and what was commonly accepted back then certainly isn't commonly accepted now.


I apologize for the quality...it's quite literally impossible to find good clips of this show on youtube.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Well the Founding Fathers would have wanted you to understand that their will was meant to be taken as gospel and certainly not want you to consider that times change and what was commonly accepted back then certainly isn't commonly accepted now.


I apologize for the quality...it's quite literally impossible to find good clips of this show on youtube.

Well I was cleaning and decided to place copyright strikes on all the good quality clips because "muh money"

Uh, I mean...

 

[tippy2k2]

"What you need to start doing is..."

Taco took the easy answer (Curse you you insufferable but....oddly alluring bastard!) so now I need to come up with a more complicated answer that will require a bit of explaining.

As people here may know (because I won't shut the hell up about it), I have made my own little goal of losing weight/getting in shape because I'm sick of looking like Jabba the Hutt after a pizza buffet. A lot of people have been incredibly helpful and I never would have made the progress I've made without the help of a lot of people.

With that said, anyone that has ever attempted to lose weight knows that there are THOSE people. You know...the "Well to lose weight you just have to eat 6 pounds of grape fruit each day!" and the "I take these raspberry keytones and they make you thin!" people (AKA the "There is one way to lose weight and if you don't do it exactly the way I'm telling you, you're going to be fat forever you fatty fatty fat fuck fatty!" as I like to call them).

While he has been relatively helpful, I have a coworker who has now become that guy. His solution? Basically the diet plan that The Rock [http://www.muscleandfitness.com/nutrition/meal-plans/smell-what-rock-cooking] or Michael Phelps [http://www.michaelphelps.net/michael-phelps-diet/] goes on (AKA the 10,000 calorie plan of super healthy foods). The part that he seems to forget is that I don't work out like The Rock of Michael Phelps and do you know what happens to all those calories and nice and healthy protein if you don't burn it off like they do? It turns to fat...

So TLDR; the "Fad Diet" advice giver who makes sure you know that the ONLY way to lose weight is to go on their fad diet.

 

[Queen Michael]

"You've got to read this book!" This phrase can indicate one of several things, none of them good:

1. The book in question is some inane self-help book that spouts stuff that's either wrong or embarrassingly obvious.

2. I'm talking to another person who's read Fifty Shades of Grey but hasn't ever read any other BDSM fiction.

3. The speaker is about to recommend me some new book, because the speaker never reads anything older than ten years.

4. Somebody is trying to make me read the sacred book of their religion and convert me.

People, there is a gigantic number of very good books out there. I'll most likely be able to find some book that's better than the one you're about to recommend.

 

[teqrevisited]

"I've been in your room..."

The last time those words were uttered I found a rare collector's item crumpled and ripped in the recycling bin outside.

I took out some heavy books to use as weight for flattening down another book with a bent corner. On top of the books was the item in question, enjoying a temporary home whilst I was making a suitable frame for it. I went out of the house for one whole hour and it had been completely destroyed because it had the audacity to get in the way of someone looking for something. They didn't even have a look at what it was. Just scrunched it up and threw it away.

So I made them pay for a replacement. The only replacement visible on all of the internet being more uncommon and much more expensive.

 

[TheVampwizimp_v1legacy]

"I am (blank). Ask me anything. No subject is taboo." Followed closely by "(Blank) and (blank) are drowning in a whirlpool. Which do you save?"

Okay, I'm being partly facetious, those phrases only mildly annoy/amuse me. What really does mash my spuds is when people start or continue a heated argument with "Clearly you didn't read my post because what I actually said was..." Invariably someone in that dispute is being infuriatingly defensive, or splitting the finest of hairs, of just out and out lying about what has actually been said. Jesus, does that get me going. The worst part is, I know I can't point out that anyone is wrong or being stupid because I am dealing with unreasonable people and would only be drawn into their house of mirrors and flawed logic. So I have to let them continue in ignorance.

Also, people WAY overuse the term "straw man" to insult someone else's point of view. It needs to stop.

 

[lechat]

"I had a really weird dream last night. In it...."

 

[solemnwar]

"I'm just keeping it real" is a phrase that makes me want to punch people in the face. It doesn't always come BEFORE the face-punching stuff but it's always brought out by people justifying shitty behaviour.

Or they're like, faux-edgy, and those people are just so annoying.

 

[White Lightning]

"Please don't hurt me, I have a _______"

I don't care, why are you telling me? I didn't ask about your life, geez.

 

[Bob_McMillan]

If they mention the Crusades, they are dead to me.

Unless its your job to know about what went down during the Crusades, you can shut the fuck up.

Oh, and anyone who uses "misogynistic pig" seriously. Just say misogynist please. Please?

 

[Sleepy Sol]

What ___ next will ___ you. And other typical clickbait articles that litter the internet and go viral for whatever reason. Luckily, I can kind of ignore that manner of crap pretty easily. But when I see those sorts of articles linked on FB by not-friend (acquaintance) friends I just have to roll my eyes.

 

[lechat]

What ___ next will ___ you. And other typical clickbait articles that litter the internet and go viral for whatever reason. Luckily, I can kind of ignore that manner of crap pretty easily. But when I see those sorts of articles linked on FB by not-friend (acquaintance) friends I just have to roll my eyes.

Having a hard time picturing the click bait you are referimg to and as a fellow hater of click bait bullshit that surprises me. couple of examples plix

 

[Twintix]

"I've been in your room..."

The last time those words were uttered I found a rare collector's item crumpled and ripped in the recycling bin outside.

But wh- But...Why? Why would-Why would anybody do that? My inner collector is weeping...

OT: "I'm just being honest" and variations of it.
Most of the time I've heard this, it's used to justify being an asshole. Seriously, this phrase, whether it's used before or after a statement, gets my blood boiling. It's up there with "It's just my opinion, and opinions can never be wrong."

Here's a pro-tip: You can be honest without being a dick. I know, it's crazy. Maybe you should try it sometime. (General "you", not meant to anyone specific)

 

[Major_Tom]

If someone mentions "cultural Marxism", I can safely disregard anything that person has to say.

 

[RJ 17]

Also, people WAY overuse the term "straw man" to insult someone else's point of view. It needs to stop.

I do find it rather odd that apparently everyone on the internet has their Speech and Debate 101 Handbook on nearby so they're prepared to list out all the fallacies in someone's post (whether they're actually there or not) just to make themselves look smarter/more credible when they're just as full of shit as everyone else.

 

[happyninja42]

"That's god working through you." This annoys the shit out of me, followed closely by "That was the devil working through me, it wasn't me."

I've heard both of these multiple times, and they piss me the fuck off. No, your imaginary sky daddy isn't working through me, the good things I did, I DID, not him/her/it. Stop co-opting the good deeds that humanity does to prop up your imaginary friend.

The devil one is equally frustrating in that it let's them bow out of responsibility for their actions. "Oh no, I'm not really a bigoted asshole who likes to mock people I find different than me, that was the devil making me do it!" No asshole, you are actually that much of a bigot, hate to break it to you. Own up to your own faults, or shut the fuck up.

Let's see, what else. Oh!

"Well that's just what I believe" As if this is an excuse to just accept whatever fucked up bit of nonsense you just spewed out of your mouth, without any evidence to actually support your claim. I don't care if you believe that ponies shoot out of your ass, and rocket around the room on rainbow farts, until you can prove it, it's not fact, and I don't have to validate your theory simply because it's what you believe to be true.

Eh, that's all I can think of at the moment, though I'm sure I can think of others later.

 

[HardkorSB]

"I'm offended" or "It's offensive".

So many great things have been ruined recently because of people being offended, including freedom of speech.