Pick a useless super power

[The]

The power to talk to penguins; there are no penguins in my area.

 

[WouldYouKindly]

Legs that bend both ways at the knee. Great for freaking people the fuck out, useless for pretty much anything else.

 

[waj9876]

Eternal youth. In such a way that I die neither from aging, or natural causes such as disease. Gives me no advantage over anyone else, except if we're in a "Who can live the longest." competition. All I get out of it is I have a LONG time to work to achieve things.

Technically useless under the boundaries of OP's post. And one I would like very much.

 

[Something Amyss]

Hey, I'm from Minn- *disappears*

Wait. I made you disappear. So my power is useful. But then, I can't have it, so you can't be gone. But then, my power is useless, so I can...

*universe implodes*

And on April Fool's Day, too.

 

[Roroshi14]

I always thought the best useless superpower was the ability to always know what song is next on the radio any station with %100 accuracy.

 

[lacktheknack]

the ability to remember every captcha i ever answered, do answer and will answer
captcha agrees and says: seems legit xD

Spoiler

Panic! Chaos! What is this?!

OT: The ability to not feel pain when thrown into the sun.

 

[regalphantom]

I have a list:

Immunity to flowers.
The ability to be shot without suffering any harm. Exactly once.
The ability to make any one body part instantly grow smaller. However you can only shrink one body part at a time.
The ability to eat food with your anus and poop out your mouth
The ability to eat any food without getting diarrhea, no matter how spicy it is.
The ability to grow older at any point you choose.
Boxapathy - The ability to control cardboard boxes
The ability to instantly detect which washing machines/dryers at any given laundromat are shit.
The ability to generate an infinite number of upvotes, likes, etc. instantly
The ability to permanently turn any part of your body into cheese.
The ability to survive without protection in the vacuum of space (so instead of quickly dying, you slowly die).
The ability to uncontrollably attract any individual you are not sexually attracted to.
The ability to make any computer sentient and automatically hate you and only you.
The ability to determine the exact RBY B/W mixture of any colour.
The ability to know exactly where the nearest bathroom for individuals of the opposite gender is at any moment in time.
The ability to know which TV shows have made a joke about whatever subject is being spoken about.
The ability to automatically loose any coin flip you make, regardless of what choice you make.
The ability to know exactly how many calories is is whatever you are consuming.
Catapathy - The ability to telekinetically communicate with cats.

 

[Professor Idle]

I choose the power that allows me to shoot slightly cold mist out of my fingertips when I waggle them in a certain way. "Begone evil doers! *pssssssssssssssssssssssss*

When... when have you ever seen a bucket of candy?

 

[ccggenius12]

To use a movie reference, the ability to turn invisible when nobody is looking.

But... Farting on command, or shoveling REALLY well...
OT: Determining a person's measurements at a glance. I'd know exactly what's needed for my own clothes to be tailored, as well as everyone else. I have no skill as a tailor. I could creep people out by telling them their exact Height and weight.

 

[SD-Fiend]

Spoiler

The power to induce vomiting in other people.

Useful for distraction : put your hands up this is a robber*blaaaargh*!

The power to instantly identify the ingredients of any given supermarket food.

Useful for dieting.

The ability to speak in an annoyingly high pitched voice.

I'd get a job as a voice actor.

The power to disentangle headphones instantly.

How is this not useful?

The ability to go into an uncontrollable laughing fit at will.

You'll be fun at parties

The power to recite the Yellow Pages

Good If you need to call someone.

The ability to summon cutlery at any given point.

A knife is still a knife.

Most powers aren't useless, just overly specified.

The power to gain 5+ pounds of muscle but just as many pounds in fat. And the muscle fades after a few days but the fat can only be lost naturally

 

[Unstoppable Wall]

Turn into a laptop. Once. Forever. With no autonomy.

 

[TheHatPerson]

The ability to spawn dust at will.

 

[Little Woodsman]

The ability to always lose a coin toss. Doesn't matter what you guess, that won't be it.

You know long ago L. Sprague DeCamp wrote a story about a man who was 'blessed' at birth so that he *always*
lost any bet he made. The guy figured his 'power' out when he was in college, and found some useful applications
for it...

 

[Ambitiousmould]

Either the ability to make that trick where you tap someone's far shoulder so they look the wrong way always work, or the ability to always have a cup of tea. or the ability to make my eyeballs go upside down.

 

[V da Mighty Taco]

The ability for everyone around me as well as myself to spontaneous bust into a musical number. I'm not gonna lie, I'd use it at least once at a convention - pony, video game, or otherwise.

 

[kgpspyguy]

Flying in slow motion, Doing the classic superMan pose while flying like 7 feet above the ground at like one mile an hour, that would be awesome.

 

[Saika Renegade]

I would like the ability to, at a whim, project an ambulatory, life-sized hologram of Doctor Weird (of Aqua Teen Hunger Force fame), complete with voice and tendency to do or say absurd, deranged things, not necessarily just quotes from the show.

I can't quite call it an advantage, but damned if it doesn't have every opportunity to liven up a room.

 

[neonsuperkill]

The ability to run at almost the speed of sound but only while actively turning a corner of 90 degrees or greater, as soon as I stop turning I return to my normal speed

 

[mokes310]

The ability to see five seconds into the future.

 

[Storm Dragon]

The ability to hear slightly higher frequencies of sound than normal humans.