Plan Your Own Funeral

[Jux]

I suppose this might be a bit macabre, but one of the topics that comes up sometimes in my group of friends is how they would like their own funerals to go down. So I ask ya'll, how do you want to be sent off? Feel free to add in how you'd like your remains to be taken care of.

For me, I think having a second line funeral[footnote]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jazz_funeral[/footnote] would be pretty awesome. I'd take most of my money and have it spent on food and booze for everyone in attendance. I'm not much interested in people mourning me, I would much rather them celebrate my life. Might be asking a bit much to dictate how they act at my funeral, but that would be optimal.

As an organ donor, I'm guessing my body would be too mangled for an open casket funeral, so my plans for being hydraulicly catapaulted from my casket mid funeral probably wouldn't be feasible, nor would being taxidermied and passed around like a weekend at bernie's movie prop. Barring that, I suppose cremation would be cool, except my skull needs to be saved and plated in gold, or some other expensive metal.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I am to be cremated after death. Afterwards, on a nice summer day when the family can all make it to the farm in northern Saskatchewan, my ashes can be spread where my grandma is being spread this coming weekend. The family farm is my personal happy place, where all my worries can melt away. I would like to have the family do the same ceremony for me.

Some words will be said, some tears will be shed. A plaque with my name, my birthdate-deathdate and some words of my choosing will be placed onto a rock. That rock will sit next to the two rocks already on the hill. When it is all said and done, everyone will return to the house. Then they will play cards, exchange stories and celebrate my life by being a family together that is not (at least for one evening) divided by hundreds of kilometers.

My sister has similar plans. We both agree that, besides being so emotionally right for us individually, this is a way to keep us from coming back as zombies. I love my family.

 

[ace_of_something]

*shrug* my funeral won't be for me, so I'll let my loved ones do what they want, I won't be around to care.

 

[Dangit2019]

Burn me up, take my urn to the top of a medium skyscraper, and toss me out to the poor sods below.

All while playing this on repeat:

 

[cori]

Depends on what age I die really. If I died tomorrow, I would want my funeral to be something lovely and dreamy. Beautiful. I want my body to be in a casket and I'd be in a pretty white dress, wearing a daisy chain on my head. The setting will be a sunny meadow. I will maybe have a little scrapbook of my life that can be shared on that day, just to show everyone the footprint I've left in the world. I want my coffin to be filled with letters and flowers from family and friends as they say their last goodbyes. I want mellow songs to be played on the day like Jason Mraz or something (and also Daughtry even though that's not really mellow is it), and I'll be lowered into the ground, peaceful. A seed shall be planted on my grave to mark the spot I lie with everyone putting a bit of soil over my grave as a symbol of letting me go and blessing me in whatever way they see fit. I then want the funeral to be an occasion for the bunch of people I was close with to bond over my departure and begin to move on. Obviously (and selfishly) I want them to have me at the back of their minds as they reminisce about the memories they shared with me, joking, laughing talking and finally talking about anything at all as the day passes but really, I want them to be happy and know in their hearts that everybody (including me) is going to be okay.

 

[Realitycrash]

I have no idea. I never think about my funeral. I spend a whole lot of time thinking about my death, though. Mostly in the form of one suicide or another, and what I would write on my suicide-note, or what the last song I would play would be, or what I would wear and how I would kill myself, etc.
Yes, I'm melodramatic and morbid. I'm also not suicidal. Just a tad..Melancholic.

 

[Bertylicious]

Ideally I suppose some municipal workers would come in the dead of night to roll what's left of me into a bag, van me over to a facility where an orderly with a moustache and a furrowed brow would check the state of the organs for their resale value. He would frown at his clipboard and make a series of crosses. After the body is sent to landfill a bill is sent to the surviving family along with a standardised note apologising for the inconvenience but threatening dire consequences in the eventuality of non-payment.

Attendance to the ceremony will be conducted via video conference and as a result any family member over the age of 50 will be excluded by the technology barrier. Those that do attend will use the opportunity to schedule an outing to a local jazz fusion event that only 3 people will turn up to. They will be the only audience members and the act will be heavily focussed on audience participation.

 

[Tom_green_day]

I'll write a poem to be read out called 'Swan Song' and everbody will cry, just because I'm dead.
The song playing will be 'Staying Alive' by the Beegees just so everyone can think of how ironic it is.

 

[Generalissimo]

first, i would want my heart, liver, kidneys etc donated to those who need them.

second, i would like a very dramatic crypt, inside which there is a vessel in which my body is suspended in cryogenic fluid, forever allowing those who see me to see what i looked like when i died. at the entrance to the tomb, a title reads "My soul lives elsewhere now. but my body rests here. find peace in the abode of my earthly vessel"

lavender will be planted around said tomb, and either side the cryo tank, there are two glass spheres. one striped red, black, yellow, mint green, purple, orange and blue. the other pure white. the symbolism behind this? they both represent my different sides. one my colourful side, the other more cold and logical.

lastly, there is a plate above the tank that reads "do not disturb him, all he wants is to rest now"

 

[lunavixen]

I'm a partial organ donor and then I want the rest to be cremated, nothing fancy for me, i'm not that kind of person. If my family want a big wake or whatever, thats up to them.

snip

Organ donation actually doesn't mangle the body that much except if your eyes and large sections of skin are taken, if only your internal organs are viable for donation, it looks no different to a large surgical scar, besides, the morticians can cover up quite a lot of things on the body.

 

[EscapeGoat_v1legacy]

I want the most metal funeral possible. So, my body will be placed in a viking longboat, set out just off the coast of Scotland and burned/exploderated to bits by firing the biggest fireworks money can buy out of a line of cannon. Then, what's left will be retrieved and interred in a giant crypt crafted out of obsidian, which should feature traps, rows upon rows of skulls and a creepy dude or dudette to look after it (a job which should be passed down that family for generations until the end of days). The crypt's exterior should have spikes, fire and be blaring Manowar 24/7 from 100-foot speakers. Oh, and it'll be located on top of a mountain in Norway.

Seriously though, I'll probably be cremated. I'd prefer it if it happened in a cool way, but it's all the same result in the end. The only things I want to stipulate for certain is that it takes place in Scotland where my family comes from, everyone should be wearing the family colours and everyone should get massively pissed in a huge-ass celebration. Then after a long day of drinking, folk music and heavy metal, at the stroke of midnight everyone downs a glass of whiskey. That'd be my perfect funeral.

 

[Galletea]

I'd merely suggest that they make it as cheap as possible, and spend their money doing something that makes them happy, and not wasting it on my uncaring corpse. I might donate myself to science or something.

 

[TheKwertyeweyoppe]

My body will be used as bait for a polar bear race. The winner gets to eat me, and then it is killed and carved up for dinner. The guests aren't told about that part until desert.

 

[KOMega]

For me, I think having a second line funeral[footnote]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jazz_funeral[/footnote]

Huh. Never heard of a jazz funeral, but ya.
I'd like something like that.

I don't need people mourning me, lets just hold a big party.
I'd rather not make too many people sad. If any. And I think a party would be more memorable and attended anyways.


Also I suppose I won't need my organs anymore, so someone else can have them.

I also think that once I'm dead I probably won't have much of a say anyways and my family will plan it instead, unfortunately. Which will be anywhere from throw me in a landfill or hold a normal boring funeral.

I hope they put a funny caption on my gravestone (or jar if I'm cremated).
Something like "Let me Rest In Peace. I'm Dead Tired." or if I'm in a jar "Powdered Human. Just Add Water!"

Captcha: i'm sorry
... what... should I plan my funeral now?

 

[krazykidd]

I don't want a funeral honestly . And don't really care what they do with my body . I tell those around me that but even if they do something else i won't be there to know anyways. So i'm completly indifferent either way.

 

[Muspelheim]

I don't really have anything planned. I doubt it'd be much point, other than make some civil servant somewhere smile, which might be worth it, though.

The most likely scenario:

A cloudy November morning, Sahlgrenska hospital morgue.

A clerk looks over the detail tag tied to the body bag.

-"Anyone come to claim him?"
-"None", said the assistant, taking a sip from his coffee.
-"Right. Any specifications in the documents?"
-"None. Just as well. He's skint, and the insurance don't cover funeral expenses."
-"Shame... How about the organs, anything useful?"
-"Well... Retinas, one tolerable kidney and a few bones. We could've tarred the roof with those lungs, though."
-"He's all set then? Right, send him to the crematorium."

The clerk jots a few notes down on his clipboard, and goes about his day.

I might get some tired, ugly flowers, at least.

I have no idea. I never think about my funeral. I spend a whole lot of time thinking about my death, though. Mostly in the form of one suicide or another, and what I would write on my suicide-note, or what the last song I would play would be, or what I would wear and how I would kill myself, etc.
Yes, I'm melodramatic and morbid. I'm also not suicidal. Just a tad..Melancholic.

I can relate, it's a fairly important point in your life, after all. I know I'd want to get it right and proper. Come to think of it... We're being slowly smothered in a tidal wave of wedding magazines, baby-having magazines, pension magazines, golfing magazines and shit, why isn't there a single suicide-themed rag out there? If there is room on this planet for half of the dodgy papers, there must be room for at least one of those.

 

[lRookiel]

I won't need a funeral.


Because everyone knows

 

[LauriJ]

I guess I'll have some pop music playing throughout the whole ceremony thing. Or something.

 

[mojoismydog77]

I want to out in a bang(literally). I want my body to be put in a coffin and than blown up in a hollywoodesc gasoline explosion and afterwards the people who came to have a party. I don't want my friends/family to morn me I just want to be remembered.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Just torch me and get it over with, I'll be too dead to care.